12/29/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/29/2017

I think Toni hates me today, I made him work and he got nothing done for himself.

"He's not one of the reps at the top of my list who should lick my balls." Toni

Ashley coped pretty well today considering that the Cougar's lost pretty bad last night.

Have a happy new year's everyone.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/28/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/28/2017

Tonight is the Cougars Holiday Bowl. No matter what the game score is tonight  please don't disturb Ashley tomorrow because she will be hung over.

Toni tried explaining to Ashley why he doesn't wear yoga pants and apparently Ashley turned the conversation on him and now Toni really doesn't know if she's a dude or a lady.

Apparently if you buy your makeup at Claire's it may have Asbestos in it. I'm pretty sure I saw Michael toting around his rainbow glitter heart shaped makeup set the other day and that is apparently one of the products that they pulled from their shelves.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/27/2017

Ashley has never been to Canada, I think there's something wrong with her.

Leave it to a suspicious looking fruitcake to shut down Seattle's busiest ferry dock because it looked like a bomb.  Aren't all fruitcakes suspicious looking?

Poor Toni has been around a workplace full of women all week and now he's going crazy and hearing imaginary door chimes.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/26/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/26/2017

Bill and Roxanne had baby William on Christmas Day and of course Mary's already held him.

Bill picked out a urologist by the name of Dr. Dong...

It sounds like Jenny is relieved that Christmas is over and that Steve bought her an apple watch instead of the affair that she thought he had all because of the way he wouldn't answer her questions about some missing money.

I think my husband is mad at me, he didn't get his giant popcorn maker that won't fit in our house for Christmas.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/22/2017

Ashley thought that Mary had been hitting her little bottle of fireball because she heard Mary call one of her customers a bitch to her face.

Riley is the smartest dog ever that's all I have to say.

Ashley got to see the Beverly Goldberg in Mary today. Mary was saying how upset and hurt she was because none of her kids would be with her on Christmas day and how she gets punished for staying married to her husband.

Merry Christmas everyone!

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/21/2017

Typhinee called me a loser first thing this morning.

My husband rarely posts on FB and yesterday I saw him comment on a post of some of our relatives in Paris and he was telling them places to go. I did a double take and then I decided this has got to be another Ryan with the same last name and then I looked and realized it was my husband. Then my next thought was someone took over his FB account or otherwise he's been holding out on me that he's a Paris travel expert. Turns out someone at his work took over his phone.

Apparently if you need a free ride in the middle of the night from Mt Baker, Toni is the best friend to have on speed dial for that.

Crazy after doing coke Sarah has no idea who anyone is on the phone. Michael was apparently with Sarah because he called after she did and he was just as confused as she was.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/20/2017

Bill let someone else rake his garden today....

Apparently nobody told Tim that we hired someone new. He came to the front desk this morning and asked "who the he$$ are you?"

We're pretty sure that Tim thinks that Ashley was hammered and doing coke in front of Sarah's son at the Christmas Party and that Sarah was fine with it. What he doesn't realize is that Ashley was teaching Sarah's son how to do coke and of course Sarah was fine with it at the time but now she's mad at her because she realized

Michael thinks that the men around here are going to become more in touch with their feelings now that there are so many women running around here. It's already happened for Roger, he cries every time he sees me.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

12/19/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/19/2017

Steve says Bill is the Fun Nazi.

Steve's an a$$hole according to Typhinee. He stuck a beeping device in her office that drove her to believe that the batteries on someone's spying device was getting low.

I think we're going to have to get rid of Ashley. She said the mother on "The Goldbergs" drives her nuts and she can't watch the show. When she told me this I was just heartbroken because little does she know that Mary could actually be the real Beverly Goldberg but just not Jewish.

I feel old I was watching "9JKL" last night the show with Elliott Gould and the mother from "Friends" was also on that episode and she had white hair and I didn't recognize her but I recognized her voice.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/18/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/18/2017

"We would be worthless bastards if we didn't have wives." Tim about himself and Michael

Kellen told us that he likes movies about drugs not because he likes drugs but because drug dealers are great entrepreneurs.

All I have to say is that if Toni thinks that you're gayer than he is then you must be.

Nikki put a Super Moist desktop picture on Toni's computer. She obviously wants coal for Christmas.

Poor Nathaniel is probably pretty blue today some K-Pop boy band leader died.

Another party down and I still haven't met Michael's wife.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/15/2017

Poor Roger thinks that Dot's office isn't inviting spouses to her Christmas Party. He just doesn't realize that he is the reason why spouses weren't invited.

Tim screwed me royally today and he's not even here today to yell at. The other day he tripped over the wire for the check scanner and it went flying onto the floor. Needless to say when I put a check into scan today it wouldn't go. Luckily Bill felt sorry for me and fixed it and saved my day.

Joe apparently also saved the day, Kellen put the red wine in the fridge and Joe pulled it out.

I think Bill thought that I was just being bitchy again until he stepped into that someone's cloud of perfume that I was complaining about.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/14/2017

Kellen came up with a new name for one of our subs today. He comes into my office and says something like Vladimir is looking for his work order and the guys name is Dimitri. I have a feeling that we're going to have to pay him extra to want to work with us now.

Why is Roger punishing me? He brought two screaming kids into the showroom with some weird parents.

FYI don't be surprised if Sarah starts to drink a little too much tomorrow night and wants all of the guys to console her because her husband is too busy to join her and her son thinks she's a nag and has been leaving notes for her on the computer.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/13/2017

I don't think my husband is going to forgive me when he finds out that I didn't share two half pound Reese's with him.

"I wouldn't be a good boss if I didn't make everything about myself." Bill

I told Toni that Kellen just ruined my Christmas. I had high hopes of meeting his girlfriend and asking a bunch of questions but apparently he doesn't think that our party will be good enough for her. He said he was concerned about what the invitations said about crazy talk with his co-workers.

Toni asked Kellen in a separate conversation if he was coming to the Christmas party and he mentioned he couldn't bring his girl because of the way that Steve and Bill talk. Toni was disappointed that he didn't say his (Toni's) name also. So technically Steve and Bill ruined my Christmas.

Mary made it very clear to Ashley today that if she had an office romance with anyone in the warehouse that she would want to know about it so that we all could judge her later.

Roger dropped a bomb on me today, he said that Dot wasn't going to make our party. Has she been talking to Kellen?

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/12/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/12/2017

Toni grossed me out first thing this morning. He told me that he found a spider in his beard after showering this morning (it came off his towel).

Any day now Mary and her friends should be receiving an invoice from the Sorrento Hotel for rearranging their furniture to their liking.

Steve tried telling his wife yesterday that he was noble and stepped in to defend a woman in a fight in downtown Seattle and that was the reason for the gash on his head. Turns out he somehow smacked himself with a board at the shop.

Tim doesn't understand why I have a bunch of leg lamp lights hanging from my desk for Christmas. Obviously he hasn't seen "A Christmas Story".

Toni flipped out and almost started crying because Bill offered to give him some old racing stickers today.

How sweet Ashley claims that she's going to miss Bill and me in her new office. I'm sure next week she'll forget that we even exist.

Steve complained today that he felt left out because nobody decorated his desk with Christmas stuff. Bill was kind enough to go back and tp his desk while he was gone so that he wouldn't feel left out.

Since Tim is the only one who looks amazing in a bunny outfit I really wish he would come to our Christmas Party wearing this one. Seeing Tim in this would surely make Roxanne go into labor.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/11/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/11/2017

Bill thinks that he's going to be inconvenienced again by when the baby decides it wants to come out. He said the last time he was in the middle of watching "Seinfeld". This time he's pretty sure it will be in the middle of our company Christmas Party.

I really expected Mary to be the one to call in sick today with a hangover but it was Sarah.

Ryan and I finally picked out our next vacation over the weekend and none of you are going to believe it, we're going on another Caribbean Cruise. This will make #11.

Toni needs to quit pushing Nikki down the stairs, that poor girl.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/08/2017

Why is it that Steve always has the best stories? He went to a tree farm last night and came back with a typical National Lampoons Christmas Vacation story.

Bill said that Mary called in today and insisted on having a stripper pole installed in her office in time for our holiday party. I can't wait to see her sweet skills.

Roger went to California last weekend without telling me. He told me he came back sick because he went to a strip club the night before he left for California and then he almost lost his bag. Some guy took his bag but was luckily still at the airport having a beer with a friend.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/07/2017

This is too funny not to share, Sarah's kid requested gas masks for Christmas. She thinks it has something to do with him seeing them in a video game and not him thinking that this is the end of the world.

I told Ashley not to pick up the phone if Mary calls this afternoon because she's out with her girlfriends today and tomorrow and more than likely she'll be inebriated. You know those ladies all have purses full of little bottles of booze.

Today was a big day, Kellen broke his silence and talked to me again. There weren't any witnesses so I'm pretty sure he'll deny it.

Roger claims that he's 100% normal and that we can make fun of him, done deal.

From the text that we received yesterday, I'm pretty sure Tim is staying in Moses Lake because he found another company to work for, Apex Cannabis.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/06/2017

I apologized to Ashley this morning for starting a rumor about her "being" with a certain someone out in the warehouse yesterday. She was missing from her desk what else was I supposed to think? I apparently shouldn't have said anything because now she's mad at me for not giving her enough credit.

Roger told Bill this morning that Mary's desk would never look like his. Bill just blamed everything on Ashley.

Now my office reminds Typhinee of high school because she smoked clove cigarettes.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm naïve and there really is something going on with Ashley and a certain someone because he gave her a handful of starburst candies and then Roger told them that they would make a cute couple.

Toni owes Ashley big time...She had to help his customer today.

"If anyone is having relations around here it's those two." Ashley about Toni and Steve

I felt like Jim Carey this morning in "Dumb and Dumber" when Michael told me that there's a chance his wife will be able to make our Christmas Party (I know not the same situation but I still had to laugh).

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/05/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/05/2017

Bill mentioned that Toni's been complaining about his car not being fuel efficient enough and that he wants to buy a more economical one (of course this is why he's thinking about getting an old Trans Am). Yesterday Toni shows up driving his pickup that Bill claims would be more environmentally friendly if it used sliced dolphins. Yes, Bill's a horrible person for even thinking of such a thing but he's right.

I threatened Roger today and in return he paid me a compliment, that poor screwed up delusional man.

I'm concerned Bill was repeating "Wassup" to himself alone in his office today.

One of our reps brought in flavored popcorn today and one of the flavors was truffle. I told Toni that it made me want to go back to Italy.

Steve mentioned that Kellen must have bought green board for Ashley's office because he was afraid that he (Steve) would use it as a bathroom.

Toni is  now calling Bill his jellybean.

The big question of the day is am I ever going to meet Michael's wife? He has another opportunity on the 15th with our Office Christmas Shindig.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/04/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/04/2017

Very disappointing, none of us were invited to Toni and Nikki's Friendsgiving on Saturday. Not saying I could have made it anyways because I was at Roxanne's lovely baby shower where Bill's mother was hitting on my husband.

I'm a little disappointed that Tim's not going to be able to make our Christmas Party this year because I really need someone to dress up as a reindeer.

Poor Randy fell off a ladder in our showroom with spackle in his hand this last weekend or at least that's his excuse as to why there's spackle everywhere. Steve for some reason thinks that Randy and his brother were having spackle wars and throwing it from across the room. My guess is they were playing fireball and they were in a rush to fill in all of the holes so they started covering the ball with spackle to save time.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/01/2017

My work email sent one of Michael's work emails to my junk mailbox and it had the message "the sender failed our fraud detection check and may not be who they appear to be". I've always been suspicious of Michael and this just proves he's not who he appears to be.

"We installed it in the bathroom." Bill  "Would that be Steve's office or the other one?" Howard (obviously he can't tell Steve's office apart from the warehouse bathroom)

Did Ashley insist on getting her own office because I talk to myself too much?

Mary left very grumpy today because Ashley and Typhinee were both wearing Cougar attire.

Ferguson stopped by with our rent-a-plant poinsettia for Christmas but he wanted me to tell Bill that he was going to bill us for it this year since we didn't return our plant last year.

I think I'm stuck in the middle of a grade school drama tv series. I just hope Kevin Spacey isn't one of my costars.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/30/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/30/2017

Michael and Tim thought I was the grim reaper today because I visited their office. I'm really not sure why Tim thought he was in trouble (Michael definitely knew why), it does make me curious to what he thinks he did though....

Tim has friends named Ducky Dave....and Tim's going duck hunting all next week.

Toni wants a giant poster of a man on his back wall, he told me so today.

I have a feeling any packages that I receive at the back door are going to get drop kicked to my desk.

No lie, Toni has someone in his phone that he named Big Daddy Yum Yum.

I've scared Mary away from ever wanting to come into my office. She thinks the clove oil reminds her of having a root canal. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/29/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/29/2017

Sarah seems to lure all of the men to her desk with special little treats that she sets out. I bet she even sent out little cards to all of the guys to tell them that she had things for them.

I think I made Bill cry with my cinnamon and clove essential oils today which is fair since he made someone cry yesterday.

Mary is now threatening to come to Roxanne's baby shower. Bill thinks she's going just to drink all of the wine.

Imagine this, TJ doesn't think the company he's working for tells him the second that they receive our check in the mail so now he wants me to send him a dummy envelope in the mail to his home on the same day that I send out his check so that he can confirm how long the mail takes. I think he's old enough to understand how long the mail takes and I really don't care if he ever gets paid.

Toni went to the doctors office today and then brought us in doughnuts. Seriously he and his mother are the devil but I'll take their goodies.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/28/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/28/2017

Jared came in today and mentioned that he just took custody of his four nieces and nephews (his Sisters kids). Bill, Roger and I have decided that we will volunteer Ashely to go to a holiday meal over there and see if the bathroom door still has a hole in it and report back on the other home conditions. Besides she hasn't met Crystal yet. I'm betting a sober Crystal isn't as much fun to be with though (we all remember what a drag Fun Bobby was on "Friends".)

"I'm beating my nuts with a bolt." Bill (Freaking out about having kids again, I'm assuming.)

Roger told me yesterday that Dot isn't going to Roxanne's shower even though she said she was going. I think Roger was trying to say that she's a liar.

Bill made the mistake of telling Ashley that she's getting an office. This whole afternoon I could hear Ashley mumbling something about "I'm going to be able to close my door very soon and get away from all of these crazy people". I totally understand her not wanting to hear about Toni's herpes but it's just part of life, he inconveniences us all day long with this type of information.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/27/2017

Riley doesn't like Ricky (Jared's installer), she barked profusely at him.

Toni went duck hunting over the weekend and shot fish instead (it's a very confusing sport).

Tim's quite the suck up "it must be the brown shirt, you're looking quite dignified" to Bill.

Ashley wanted to mourn in peace over the apple cup today and nobody let her. She's probably at home drinking right now.

Toni got another freaking tattoo and this time he put some strange Spanish woman on his arm. I don't know how Nikki's going to sleep at night with that woman starring right at her.

I told Mary that it was all Roger's fault that Riley lost her green ball.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/22/2017

The only reason people become a podiatrist is because they have a foot fetish according to Roger.

Toni said that Gary Busey made an appearance in our warehouse today.

Toni thought he was sick this morning because he was sweating his a$$ off but it was flipping hot outside that he may have been mistaken.

Mary and Randy are going to L.A. to see Michael for Thanksgiving and apparently it was 97 degrees there today.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/21/2017

Tim said he was going to go home and cozy up to a bottle of Nyquil. Apparently Donna must not want him around her when he's sick which I completely understand because men are the biggest babies when they're sick.

Imagine finding this camel wandering around the town of Sisters, Oregon. It got loose and went on a walkabout.

Steve, Tim and Toni all complained about how horrible traffic was today. I'm not sure how they would even know how horrible traffic was considering that I ran into all of them at the bar when I took my five hour break today.

I'm pretty sure Bill is on holiday leave through the end of the year and then he'll be on paternity leave after that. That man had an excuse for every day this week not to be here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/20/2017

Kellen asked me if I was doing end of the year taxes (because he wanted his w-4 for the year) when he saw me down here on Saturday.....

Roger's favorite pen pal, Charles Manson, died.

One of Toni's neighbors was talking to him and then mentioned "I caught my son watching porn the other day" I would say that was the end of their conversation. I think I'll try that line when I don't want to talk to someone.

Roger said that the last time he went to a movie theater it was to watch "Brokeback Mountain" by himself five times in a row.

Toni said that he found a cowboy hat on his floor in his office (that wasn't his) so he decided to wear it today. Hopefully all of the bugs that were in it have died.

I saw this picture from the American Music Awards and it reminded me of the "Seinfeld" episode where Eileen buys the O'Henry heiress a bra and the lady starts wearing it as a top.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/17/2017

If we could give out Dundies this year at our Christmas party, Toni needs to get one for triple billing.

Toni's favorite hack union subcontractor came in today and I think Bill promised him one of Toni's next jobs.

"I didn't bid this job for our guys to be fully dressed." Bill to a project manager

The Indian title Chief of A$$holes has officially been taken by Mary's brother but I'm pretty sure there aren't any Indian tribes who are willing to take him so he may have to form his own.

This is obviously one of Toni's friends who did this.

Michael's in for quite a weekend, his wife forwarded him an email labeled "Valuable Information for Men" with some reminders which all of you men need to remember.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/16/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/16/2017

Mary had the funniest observation yesterday after she read The Daily Chatter, she mentioned that on Bill's bio for the website he mentions that he lives in Seattle (technically he lives in Renton) and yet he wanted to laugh at Toni for doing the same thing. 

Tim asked me today if I felt sexually harassed here which is funny because I just watched "The Office" episode on sexual harassment so I'll be saying a lot of "that's what she said".

Tim made the mistake of telling Roxanne today that Bill said that she was getting fat and sassy. Now Bill's going to be grumpy because he's going to be spending the next month on the couch. Tim, you were supposed to use one of the lines from his handbook on "What You Can Say to My Pregnant Wife" because that sure wasn't one of them. 

One of Toni's friends asked him for places to go on a first date and Toni mentioned a couple bars with "circusy games". Sounds like the episode of "I.T, Crowd" when Moss recommends Messijo's and it turns out to be Messy Joe's restaurant for families with kids. 

Tim's taking an extra long weekend again so we won't see him until Monday. 

Maci wanted to know why Steve was taking so long getting ready for bed last night, she asked him if he was taking off his makeup. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/15/2017

Bill told us this morning that Tim's been holding out on us ladies and Toni. Tim calls on a building with all gorgeous & dressed up men and hasn't mentioned a thing about it. I asked if they were all ex-firemen and Bill seemed to think so.

My husband apparently didn't want to drop me off at work today and on Saturday he didn't want to pick me up. I'm starting to think that he thinks I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

Kellen now thinks that Toni has herpes because Toni thought Steve was outside the bathroom door and made a funny comment and instead it was a shocked Kellen.

What a horrible day, first my husband ignores me and drives by where he needed to drop me off then Bill says I didn't make the cut on his youmail voicemail.

Toni, you can't stop using J&J because the rep brings us in cookies.

Toni's been wanting to buy another car, I think he should wait till the Pope's latest ride goes to auction.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/14/2017

Toni's sister is going to have a boy unless of course it turns out to be a girl like Roger's grand daughter.

Roger brought in three pizzas today but he figured he wasn't in trouble three pizzas worth so he thinks he still has a little grace period left before he needs to apologize with food again.

Steve and Bill are both a$$holes today. Bill told Kellen he was going to need a wall moved 1/4" and Steve fake fired someone.

I'm pretty sure Ashley is trying to take over my job and get my office. She almost beat me into work this morning.

Apparently Toni needed to warn Bill that he was going to lie to a customer about where he bought a house. He told someone he bought a home in Normandy Park because he just couldn't say the word Burien. Bill said he had to walk away before he started laughing. When Steve heard this he said Toni was closer to living in South Park than Normandy Park, poor Toni just can't catch any breaks around here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/13/2017

Toni discovered that his friends consider him to be one the most sought out gay guys in their group.

Steve took another day off so that he could have an extra long weekend. I wonder what his excuse will be tomorrow when he's not at work?

I'm very disappointed, I had no idea that we were auditioning for "Shark Tank" today at the office otherwise I would have worn my prom dress or something.

Toni was talking dirty to Bill and Tim this afternoon and this was after he wanted to know how to spell "protruding". That poor guy probably needs to go to rehab with Weinstein.

I mentioned to Roger that Ryan didn't want to come and pick me up on Saturday from work because he was too busy making bread so Bill just assumed that I had been sitting at my desk since Saturday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/10/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/10/2017

According to Ashley you would be crazy not to sleep with Paul Walker if you had the chance and Toni seconded that.

"My friends and I were talking about horse cocks like we usually do." Toni

"Toni was no help, he looked at the issue and then started singing and left." Bill

"I don't like your pretentious sparkling water." Ashley to Toni

All I know is that Katherine came in and grabbed Bill's hand and led him out the door and he left. I'm going to hire some kid to do that for me just so that I can leave early too.

Steve claims he was up with puking kids all night but he seems to give us that same story every Monday and Friday. I'm starting to think that his kids are perfectly healthy and that he might be on another hunting trip.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/09/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/09/2017

My husband has been holding out on me, Sirius XM already has Christmas music and he wasn't going to say a word about it. I feel so betrayed, he might as well have slept with another woman.

Bill sent us over an email with the subject line "resignation announcement" and I just figured it was his so I didn't bother to open it. Just let me know when the party is.

Somebody asked Toni to change a job schedule because some resident psychic needed to have a meeting that day. Toni's response "she or he should have seen this coming."

Leave it to Toni's friends to send him a video of them naked and Indian leg wrestling. Maybe Toni's not so weird after all...

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/08/2017

"He told me about it but I tend to ignore him when he talks to me." Bill about Roger

Bill thinks that I ruin his day no matter what I say.

Toni says that his wife was disturbed because he passed out yesterday. I'm disturbed too and I'm not even his wife.

Tim is out until Monday.

Speaking of Tim, I saw an article yesterday where some pervert sent strippers multiple times to his neighbors house and told them to dance on his front porch, then he got to watch and the strippers expected the money from the homeowner and yes strippers remind me of Tim because of what Donna did for him on his birthday one year.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/07/2017

Toni thinks he's getting fat because a button fell off his new pants yesterday. I hate to think how he envies the rest of us for being so slender.

Tim was about to divorce wife #1 last night because she sent in someone yesterday to look at residential vinyl.

Some old guy called in to tell me that he hadn't received his estimate yet (probably because he doesn't have an email address) and he happened to see Roger's van at the same time as our phone conversation so he waved Roger down.

"The little dude didn't pass through here." Tim about Toni

I think Roger wanted to throw paint on me today even though I was technically only wearing faux fur.

Tim for some weird reason thinks that I let him go around with his fly unzipped for part of the day. I would have embarrassed the crap out of him if I would have know but he's welcome to blame Michael if he wants to.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/06/2017

"I got some nut in my sand." Bill

Apparently everyone went to the Garth Brooks concert except for me on Friday night. I guess Typhinee was probably the only one from our office but seriously everyone on FB went.

I have a feeling that Bill's going to buy red paint after he asked me if I was wearing real fur today.

"I'm a dumb a$$." Tim to Bill

Tim's not really a dumb a$$ compared to Sean John Combs who was going by Sean P Diddy Combs whose former name was Puff Daddy and now he wants to change it to LOVE and will also answer to Brother LOVE. At least Tim has kept his same name all of his life (that I know of).

Toni doesn't know what Unagi is.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/03/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/03/2017

Happy Birthday Toni!

I had dinosaur related items along with Ross from Friends as décor in Toni's office. Toni couldn't remember that Ross was a paleontologist so the dinosaur thing was a little confusing to him.

These men's holiday rompers have Toni's name all over them. I'm pretty sure he was the model in these pictures too (just look at the hairy legs).

Mary is freaking incredible, she can hear the sound of cake cutting in the breakroom.

Even though Kellen is sick he's up for making out with any of the women in the office in case anyone is interested.

This weekend is daylight Savings time which ultimately means that you have an extra hour to spend at the bar on Saturday night.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/02/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/02/2017

I had a dream the other night that I had Toni in my office trying to kill a spider and instead of killing it he started making phone calls to subcontractors about how much he would pay them to come in and kill this spider.

Man Toni is nosy. First he wants to know who's cooler is in the warehouse then he wants to know what kind of birthday décor I have for him.

For some reason I think Roger is single handedly responsible for the sewage spill on the shores of  San Diego that keep coming from Tijuana.

I haven't seen any new sexual misconducts shaming Tweets today about any other celebs. Although Alec Baldwin did oust himself and admitted to bullying women but everyone already knows he's a prick in real life.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

11/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/01/2017

Roger thinks because he got a new iPhone that it only uploaded his contacts for his favorite porn stars and the rest of us didn't make the cut.

Toni's neighbor asked him and Nikki why they weren't out trick or treating with their kids. When they mentioned that he didn't have kids the guy asked didn't you just have a baby a few months ago. The old owners of his house had a baby but obviously this guy couldn't tell the difference between them and his old neighbors.

"Who wants to be a good human being?" Mr. U'nnells

According to Toni apostrophes and commas matter in texts. Example: I'm in, Randy (meaning count me in Randy) verses im in randy.

The guys found women's magazines behind the mirror in the men's room, Allure and New Woman. Bill was disappointed that it wasn't porn. He obviously doesn't know our installers well enough to know that they wouldn't share that.

Bill just hopes that Tom Hanks isn't on the Hollywood pedophile or sexual misconduct list otherwise it's going to be a rough day for him.

Ashley and I want to meet Toni's friend and find out if he really does look like the "Top Gun" Tom Cruise that Toni keeps bragging about.

Imagine this Toni had a long conversation with a customer today about how gay porn was more profitable than regular porn.

I'm taking bets of which pervy actor will be called out tomorrow on Twitter.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/31/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2017

Kellen went to Northgate today to get this hair cut because he doesn't trust anybody else. 

I read today that Andy Dick was let go from a movie over sexual allegations and misconduct. Seriously because Andy Dick has been a Dick for years and I was pretty sure everyone knew that. 

Steve's going hunting for the rest of the week. I told him to take pictures of him with all of the guys cuddling because it's supposed to be cold. 

I heard on the news today that two women were rescued by the US Navy after they were lost at sea for five months. They apparently wanted to go from Honolulu to Tahiti and ended up 900 miles southeast of Japan and had lost their engine in bad weather and thought they could still reach Tahiti with their sails. Honolulu to Tahiti is about a 3,000 mile trip out in the middle of nowhere. I want to know how many people are stupid enough to make that trip on a sail boat? Luckily for them they had enough food to survive. 

I was pretty sure Ashley quit today because she was late but then she came up with some dumb excuse about a train. 

Since nobody dressed up today we'll have to take a stroll down memory lane.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/30/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2017

Roger announced yesterday that he was going to have a new grandson soon but turns out it was a granddaughter. He's been lying this whole time, he wanted to be just like me with two grandsons.

Tim thinks he's going to be gone most of February. I'm not sure why he's concerned he was gone most of September and October too.

I'm beginning to think that Sarah's the devil, she tried sweet talking her boy toy into doing something for her.

Bill thinks somebody screwed up his sandbox again. I think he has a cat living in his office.

"House of Cards" is to end now that Kevin Spacey came out as gay, it has nothing to do with the fact that he allegedly raped some kid thirty years ago.

It's a good thing that Roger wasn't at the same Halloween party that Ashley was at the other night because her boyfriend dressed up as "It" and I'm not sure if Roger would have wanted to do clown porn with him or just run and hide.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/27/2017

It sounds like Ashley was the hit of the party last night.

Typhinee made the call that Michael is only a hero until today and he's on vacation today too.

It sounds like Toni's financial advisor is really trying to win over Typhinee to be a potential client. Things were getting pretty intimate last night.

It was a good day, Steve tried quitting before he got to work this morning.

"Bill loves the lesbians." Howard

I totally forgot to bore all of you with my hike from two Sunday's ago. We had set out for a hike with some autumn color and knew there was some snow at Paradise. I had a last minute thought and I thought it would be overkill but I brought my snow boots. Turns out I needed my snow boots and we could have used our snowshoes too but we clearly weren't smart enough to bring those. We headed up for our trail only to find out that nobody had been there for days and there was no path so we ended up going to Panorama Point which was also beautiful.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/26/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/26/2017

Typhinee finally figured out who Toni's financial advisor is because he started drawing crap on a piece of paper for her last night. I think she's now on board too. I can't wait till the rest of us have the opportunity.

So much for having a sink, it leaked first thing this morning, dang that Erik.

There's something wrong with Ashley, she's going to do hot yoga again.

"That Toni just can't keep his hands to himself." Steve

Toni told me that he didn't like Boy Scouts when he was growing up. It's probably because they all thought it was weird that he wanted to dress up as a Girl Scout and sell their cookies.

Ashley thinks that she's going to a sailor bar with the way that Tim and Toni have talked about the PSHEA meetings. I bet she tells Tim tomorrow that he has to go the next time because they're all really old sailors.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/25/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/25/2017

I'm hoping the guy who was installing our shelving lost a bet because he had a tiara tattooed on his head.

Michael might have been a hero Monday and Tuesday but Ashley said he was an a$$hole today. 

Typhinee either told Roger or Sarah not to come into the office today because of some noise issue. Man she's mean, I didn't hear a thing.

We finally have a kitchen sink again.

I'm thinking about taking a course from Toni's financial advisor because I'm just not getting it and I feel like I'm really missing out on something special.

I know what I'm buying Bill for Christmas, he was complaining that some of his pistachio's weren't open and he refused being defeated.

Ashley is going to try hot yoga tonight. I can't wait to hear her stories.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2017

All I have to say is that if I ever have a serious life issue I hope Michael is there, he was a freaking hero yesterday. By the way Michael would like us to do a documentary about him. He said something about a video showing his clients how he goes above and beyond the call of duty.

Bill wanted to know who dug around in his sand box while he was gone today, what a paranoid man. I was happy to throw Steve's name out there but I have no idea who it was.

Tim has conned Ashley into going to the PSHEA meeting.

Toni has a new financial advisor and it's really practical that the guy works in our building.

The Roomba wanted to spy on Typhinee today, it hid under her desk.

Seriously who sits around high and comes up with new food for Taco Bell, they now have a Kit Kat Chocoladilla. Sorry Roxanne this probably only sounds good to you right now.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2017

Steve thinks Toni goes to his closet every morning and asks himself "What is the gayest shirt I own?" and then picks it.

Michael found an installer that he wants his daughter to date.

Mary's upset that her husband took first place in a yodeling contest and she won second place and he didn't give her his prize.

Roger's first appointment of the day on Saturday didn't want to get out of bed for him. I think she knew that his wife was out of town so he had all day to play.

Michael set a new record, he had an installer for a day and the guy wanted to commit suicide. We're pretty sure that Michael told him to finish the job first before he offed himself.

Toni made a big deal that he will be upset if he finds a dead body in his office. 

Tim for some reason thinks that we have competent people to manage his jobsites. I'm pretty sure if they ask for someone competent that we'll have to send Mary.

Tim freaking doubted me today, I showed him....

It's been a day of subcontractor installer firsts and Michael in the end took the guy to the hospital. I think this was so the guy could clean up before meeting his daughter.

Ashley would like to start using Patina Old World Flooring exclusively because of their website picture.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/20/2017

Bill had to tell Toni not to make something gay this morning.

Toni thought Sarah was offering him panties in a bowl the other day then he told Steve about it and  Steve obviously wanted panties in a bowl too but Sarah only offered him the candy PayDay, obviously she wants to find out if all of the rumors about Toni are true.

Apparently with a new child on the way Bill thinks he can demand Katherine to be tidy. He told me that the deal was that she can't make messes or she goes to the orphanage.

The other day the Roomba tried telling my phone app that it was on the edge of a cliff (suicidal apparently). It was under Roger's desk wrapped in cords.

Steve thinks that his beard is attracting all of the dudes to want to kiss him. Yesterday Bill wanted to and today it was Toni.

Roger told me that Ashley is still nice to him on the phone when he calls in. He realized that all of us haven't quite filled her in on him yet and he requested that we refrain just a little longer just so that she'll be nice to him a little longer.

For the last part of our trip we took a day trip from Zurich to Lucerne on the train. While at Lucerne we took a yacht around Lake Lucerne for the spectacular views of the amazing scenery. This is where we saw the incredible green hillsides and mountain views.

10/19/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/19/2017

Steve laughed his a$$ off after he found out who Mary hired.

Roger told me to quit hassling him today after I asked him how he was doing. I'm pretty sure there will be a letter from his lawyer on my desk tomorrow.

I heard Typhinee talking on her phone today and somebody was accusing her of dating a black guy. Now I have to know who the heck she's dating, I have a few guesses: Shira's boyfriend, Magic Johnson, Dennis Rodman, RuPaul, Eddie Murphy or possibly the whole Seattle Seahawks team.

I'm almost done talking about our amazing vacation but I still have a little more. From Venice we flew to Zurich and it was clear enough that we were actually able to see some of the mountains this time. Flying into Zurich, Switzerland was beautiful, flying over I could see patches of trees with trails, I saw numerous people riding horses and then surrounding these forests was the brightest green grass on the face of the earth. We got into Zurich about dinner time and found a restaurant nearby that had traditional fondue. I have to say that the sound of the German language was nails on a chalk board compared to the Italian that we were used to but the trade off was that Zurich didn't have the amount of people that Italy had and the strange thing was the Zurich film festival was going on when we were there. We unfortunately didn't make the time to swim in the river like Toni, Nikki and Randy did but it was quite beautiful.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/18/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/18/2017

I appreciate that Michael didn't introduce me to someone who he thought I would kick the nuts off of.

It's a good thing that I recently saw the "Seinfeld" episode with the big salad because Bill totally pulled a George today. Toni brought me in a salad from Amante's but since Bill insisted that he paid for it I should tell him how wrong it was. They forgot the two kind of meats, the sunflower seeds,  mushrooms and artichoke hearts and I'm sure some other crap.

For our last day in Venice we took the vaparetto over to a bunch of churches (I know not any different than any other day) and also got to view their former shipyard. This area was responsible for most of the Venetian republic's naval power during the time between 1100 and 1797. As for the rest of our day we wandered to the end of the island where there is a large park area and a sign graffitied on the outside bathroom walls with "Visitors Not Welcome" and sat in the sun on a bench looking out over the water.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2017

Sounds like Steve and Toni were "napping" together this morning because both of them said that they didn't hear their alarm.

"Steve busted my balls." Toni talking to Bill (obviously about last night).

I may go to jail, I signed Typhinee's name to her Jimmy John's receipt today.

Roger's BFF is starting to look a little old. I saw him on his new show "9JKL" and of course Roger hasn't aged at all.

One thing about Italy is that we kept finding ourselves asking was "How old is this place?". We had ventured over to a Franciscan church that was granted land in 1250 in Venice and they started building shortly after that. I kept finding art work and things that were original to the church and dated back to the 1300 and 1400's.  We also visited an old art school that was decorated floor to ceiling with incredible works. Again this was a great part of town that was away from the hustle and bustle of St Marks Square. We found a restaurant with a outdoor courtyard area under some large trees to eat lunch at and it was absolutely wonderful.

*not to be construed as Gossip