12/31/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/31/2018

I'm starting to think that Michael holds onto grudges longer than Roger.

Do people think that I'm an alcoholic and that's why nobody has given me booze this year? Ashley got a keg of fireball from Michael today.

I know most of you probably got an extra friend request from (the imposter) me yesterday on FB and if I asked you for money and told you the sob story that I'm an alcoholic and that my husband beats me, it's all true and I'll take whatever money you want to throw at me.

Everyone have a safe and wonderful New Years.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/28/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/28/2018

Stephanie is in labor today, very exciting but we will never see Mary again after this baby is born. 

Typhinee insulted me and called me out as to why I don't have any exciting stories.

We're not going to know how to act next week when we get Faith and Roger back from vacation.

Don't ask Toni what a pimiento is because he thinks it has something to do with the birthing process when in actuality it is a pepper.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/27/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/27/2018

Yoda definitely is a mysterious being, I was taking down Bill's Yoda lights and they started working again. The Yoda made Bill's printer print some weird hieroglyphics also.

Toni is responsible for getting everyone in the office high today.

Facebook is very intrusive, it emailed me this morning and pretty much called me an idiot and said that I had to add Sarah as a FB friend or is was going to post all of our private conversations about our boring lives.

Sarah thinks that Roger's in Egypt and not in Australia because of what her phone told her. I think maybe I have to be nice to him,what if he's some sort of Egyptian prince and he's too embarrassed to tell us or flash his money in front of us.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/26/2018

I couldn't believe that Mary came in today, I figured that she would be over at Stephanie's trying to push that baby out of her. It's possible that Stephanie already has a restraining order against her mother.

Typhinee wasn't very impressed with her Christmas gift, she got a pink purse which isn't her favorite color but it is Kellen's so maybe she can trade him for something.

Monday at the office was very quiet, turned out to be just Kellen and me so I raided everyone's desks and Sarah won for the best candy, Toni won for the most dick drawings and Michael won for the most blackmail pictures, sheesh (I have a feeling that he's going to extort some money or maybe somebody's new office pretty soon).

Man I feel old, a headline just said that Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You was released 24 years ago, that's almost a Toni or an Ashley lifetime ago.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/21/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/21/2018

I guess things went well on Michael and Ashley's date last night. Michael asked Ashley this morning if she returned her room key.

Today's going to be a good day, I've been upgraded from grim reaper to witch by Michael.

"The only thing worse than Tim shenanigan's are when he and I do them together." Bill

Seriously, Bud and Steve get Tequila as a gift from an installer and that same installer gives the office people a mug, what gives. The rest of us need booze too especially since we have to put up with Steve.

I think my co-workers are about to send me to counseling for my Kellen obsession.

I think Mary heard about Michael and Ashley because she said she was sick to her stomach.

Michael said that we need Kellen back.

I think all of the women in the office left Matt scratching his head about Steve today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/20/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/20/2018

Michael and Ashley have their date in Bellevue tonight. Tim and Toni were telling Ashley this morning that if she really wants to be wowed Michael should take her to the gym....Does Michael have a six pack or something? What exactly am I missing out on?

Tim is out until the beginning of the year unless someone has cash for him then I'm pretty sure he would show up.

Roger's going to be in trouble if he doesn't bring Sarah back a kangaroo.

Kellen called Steve today and Toni claims that he didn't call him an a$$hole but wished him a Merry Christmas.

I think all of the men around here think that I'm a prima donna. Marty was trying to be nice and called me the queen (instead of biatch) last week and now Michael thinks that I only ride expensive brooms.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/19/2018

I thought my husband screwed up and ordered two Instapots, the boxes were identical,  luckily one of them was Mary's.

Typhinee yelled at me for not telling her that our waitress yelled at Ryan at the Christmas party all because of Heather.

Tim is pretty much taking all next year off, he sent me his list of dates and he's going to miss my birthday and his own birthday and pretty much everyone else's birthday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/18/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/18/2018

Tim's very disoriented today he left his phone at home.

I'm pretty sure Typhinee almost beat me up this morning for making fun of her in the chatter yesterday. Also if a skanky blonde woman comes in looking for her just give her Typhinee's phone number.

Steve and I are pretty sure that we have to be trust fund babies too so I think we're going to quit.

Mary said she was going to the mall to earn a little extra cash, ho ho ho'ing today.

Bill's bummed that there aren't going to be any "Laverne and Shirley" reunions because Penny Marshall died.

Port Orchard had a tornado today that blew roofs off of several homes. On average Washington has 2.5 tornadoes per year where as Rhode Island only has 0.2 of them per year. If you really want some excitement move to Texas where they average 146.7 a year.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/17/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/17/2018

Typh and I were fighting over Kellen this morning. I told him that she couldn't have him because he was still a work in progress.

Sarah and I decided that we lead boring lives compared to everyone else at the Christmas party especially since we left at 7:30 PM and we didn't know anyone at the bar who we almost beat up (and then hugged).

Tim mentioned that he talked to Kellen an hour before seeing our paper version of him at the Christmas Party.

If I would have known that Michael wasn't going to our Christmas party we most definitely would have had a cardboard cut out of him too.

There's something wrong with Roxanne, she won big money on pull tabs and then just handed the money over to Bill.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/14/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/14/2018

I think there's something wrong in the universe, Typhinee is wearing sexy heels today.

Toni's pretty sure that Steve screwed him and that he's pregnant, he went in for an ultrasound today.

I never thought that I would say that I was dressing or accessorizing Kellen but today it happened. I think Roger's going to be jealous that I didn't do the same thing for him.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/13/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/13/2018

Michael is now giving tours of Typhinee's new office. He has an official sign up sheet posted on her door beam.

Official report of interviewee's
Contestant #1 had acid washed jeans so Typhinee dismissed him immediately. He also weighed less than Toni and that probably contributed to why he had two DUI's.
End of Official report (the other ten guys didn't show up)
Who told these guys that the ladies in the office were going to judge them and that Toni would be in charge of tasting them?

Mary can now move walls magically, just ask her customer.

Steve, Toni and I may have the black lung. We drank the moldy water from the water cooler.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/12/2018

Bill's convinced that my husband was a drug smuggler in Florida since he had his private pilot license. This should make for an interesting conversation at the Christmas Party.

Roxanne, please ignore your husband and wear whatever you want to our Christmas Party because you know that you'll probably go home with a different man anyways.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/11/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/11/2018

Steve is my favorite person today, he offered me Tequila.

Don't ever ask Bill if he has a mandolin, you'll only get smart a$$ answers. Roxanne made that mistake this morning.

I made Tim throw up this morning, I guess I have that affect on men nowadays.

Roger and Dot leave tomorrow for Australia. I hope they have a nice time even though Roger will be afraid of everything that moves there.

I mentioned Heather to Toni today and he asked me who that was, he said that he's been calling her Michelle.

Ladies, Steve gave me exciting news, Thursday will be a man free for all in here. He has several guys coming in to interview for the warehouse helper position. I will need to make up some score cards with important information like on a scale of 1-5 will this guy be an improvement to our Installer Calendar that we so desperately want to have. Actually I think this pre-made wine score card will work pretty well.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/10/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/10/2018

I can tell already that Sarah's going to go over her two drink limit this Friday night. In her defense she was in the back seat while her baby boy was driving this weekend.

Typhinee thinks that I'm going on vacation because she can see blank spots on my desk. Unfortunately, I'm not going on vacation this week but Roger is.

If anyone wants a disgusting gift to get someone this year, Tim saw this Pimple Popping Toy on Shark tank and it's now available on Amazon.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/07/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/07/2018

I asked Roxanne about her affair today and she wasn't sure which one I was talking about.

Sarah became Katherine's best friend today when she gave her the whole bowl of candy.

Michael's not the only one around here to make Katherine cry at first sight, Typhinee did the same thing to her today.

Roxanne thinks we're dumb a$$es because she came in and plugged in the Yoda lights and they worked. As Bill says Yoda is a mysterious being because the lights don't work again (and they had been plugged in originally in my defense).

Our road trip to Eatonville in Tim's stripper mobile has been cancelled, Shira didn't buy the bar.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/06/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/06/2018

Mary's off to her Slutty Girls Christmas Weekend. Is this why Tim left early too and mentioned he wouldn't be back until Monday?

I wrote Toni's name on some receipts and he asked me if I put an i on his name. How else was he expecting me to spell his name?

We went home last night and found snow half way up our hill in only four yards, it was very strange.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/05/2018

Sarah was absolutely right men can't do a thing right without women. Bill couldn't manage to put the coffee pot back in the maker when he made coffee this morning and it overflowed and spilled coffee everywhere. You can thank him every time that you walk into the break room and it smells like coffee.

Tim says that he wants Christmas lights, he feels left out. He can't have lights until he watches "A Christmas Story" and understands the lights on my desk. Besides since he shares an office with Michael we would have to do Grumpy Cat or The Grinch lights.

Toni just realized that he's going to be screwed when he has a baby because Tim is leaving during that time too. I informed Toni that he should have waited until 2020 to have a baby because then his paternity leave would have been covered by the WA state's paid family and medical leave insurance, that everyone gets to start paying for on January 1st.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/04/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/04/2018

We informed Heather today about Ashley and Sarah's coke habit and told her that she has that to look forward to at the Christmas dinner.

Roxanne, I'm going to need you to come and fix Bill's Christmas Yoda lights, I've already fixed them once today and Bill thinks that you could probably fix them better than I did.

Bill's pretty sure that he's going to name Toni's kid, this is going to be an awkward conversation at the Christmas party, at least for Toni.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/03/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/03/2018

Toni found out today that he's having a baby boy.

They took down the chain in the back and are now going to put in a speed bump. I definitely feel like Bill won his battle with the landlord, if I knew the truth, they probably took the chain down because people kept driving through it, cutting it or set fire to sacrifices in front of it.

Toni came into work on Saturday and Bud was right he looked like a redneck Waldo. The poor guy had on mismatched socks, shorts, a racing shirt, a flannel shirt and a waldo hat. I told him not to get raped when he left.

"You're just an a$$ because you have teenage daughters." Bill to Steve

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/30/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/30/2018

Sarah is going on her annual trip to Leavenworth to see the Christmas tree lighting tomorrow. I'm pretty sure Kellen's going with her but she does have a good excuse, she claims that her husband won't go with her, that's always a good excuse to cheat just ask Roxanne.

Typhinee told us about her doctors visit today and man it sounded pretty hot and steamy. Her descriptions of all of their positions sounded like it came out of a smutty Kama Sutra book. I'm pretty sure all of the ladies in the office are now going to to make appointments to see him and complain of "leg pains" just to get the same thrill that Typh had. It was apparently so exhausting for her that she came into work and laid on the floor.

Bill and Roxanne's daughter figured out an awesome trick, she took some rope from a toy that she has and tied her brother by his neck to the baby gate.

Michael told me that he was going home to wrap my Christmas gifts. How many lumps of coal should I expect?

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/29/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/29/2018

I felt like I was living in "Little House on the Prairie" times last night. I had to heat water on the stove for a bath last night and run it up and down the stairs. Luckily Ryan did finally get the hot water working last night around ten after having a series of unfortunate events.

U-Line sent us four catalogs yesterday and the funniest address was to Bill and they labeled him as a Volunteer for his official title.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/28/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/28/2018

For those of you who haven't heard we had a hot water heater leak at our home on Sunday. It wasn't a horrible leak, thank goodness but we made our Lowe's trip only to find out that hot water heaters are terribly expensive nowadays so we opted to buy a tankless hot water heater online and wait a few days. That showed up yesterday so Ryan went to work on it and a few things fell apart so we were without and still without water of any sort at home. Then today he tried to install it and couldn't get it to work so hopefully the one that he picked up from Home Depot will work. Bill offered to rent me his Enumclaw home and the selling point was that it has two hot water heaters, it's very tempting.

According to Toni Elf on the Shelf is like having a child rapist in your home.

I blamed Ashley today because now Bill thinks I sound like a broken record when I complain. I'm sure this is somehow Roxanne's fault too.

Bill thinks that I'm stealing water from the office just to take home with me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/27/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/27/2018

"I have a hot date with Mitch." Toni

Bill's pretty sure that his wife is having an affair, she came home late last night and he's afraid that her cousins horrible friskidity with strangers rubbed off on her.

Michael wanted everyone to know how helpful and wonderful he was today. He claims that he was helping Tim out big time and he would appreciate presents tomorrow.

Tim thinks that Bill and I are going to put his Safeway out of business with the way we buy everything online. That's remarkable because Tim's Safeway isn't anywhere near where Bill and I would be.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/26/2018

Toni just discovered the barrier at the side street exit that all of us were talking about last week.

Sarah found out that Kellen got stuck on a crappy route, the mall, so obviously Kellen already irritated his new employer.

Roger told me something remarkable the other day but I'm not supposed to know or tell anyone. He told me that Sarah and her husband both work for the CIA.

Mary is finally questioning her son in law. She mentioned today that he's the only one who doesn't love the coffee that she made as mementos that she gave out at her mothers funeral.

Bill and Steve were talking about the best places to pick up hookers for the Christmas Party (just in case anyone wants to follow their lead). Roxanne and Jen apparently you two can go together unless you have dates. (Roxanne, I'm just assuming that your cousin will set you up with someone for free).

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/21/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/21/2018

Faith told Typhinee that she looked like a little kid...Faith's one to talk, she like four foot something and probably has to shop in the children's department for her clothes. 

A customer called Mary immoral because she wanted him to pay the rest of his bill. Toni on the other hand called me a whole list of names because I was being mean to him and wanted him to turn in his billings. 

Apparently it must not have been a very good night at the strip club because Michael said he had a bunch of dollar bills left over. 

Mystery solved, it was Bud's money that I found on the floor right next to the womens restroom this morning which isn't pervy or anything. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/20/2018

11/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/19/2018

"It's getting harder to do arts and crafts around here." Bill because he couldn't find a glue stick

Faith called Tim a wise guy and he didn't like it. I don't think he wants to be known as The Godfather around here.

Tacoma apparently wasn't good enough for Ashley to see Fleetwood Mac at on Saturday night so she decided to drive to Portland to see their concert tonight. This is why she'll be a walking zombie tomorrow.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/16/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/16/2018

Bill was very offended that someone messed with his coffee this morning, he said it smelled like nuts and not the kind that are in Toni's coloring book.

Jared was telling me this morning that his son was heartbroken last year when he refused to buy him a Roomba just for the cat to sit and ride on.

I wrote on our Christmas Party invite that escorts needed to be over 21. Heather informed me that at her last job the guys had three hookers at their Christmas Party one year, sounds like they knew how to party.

Tim told me that I have the best fingernails just in case anyone is in competition with me.

Faith told me the other day that I had that April look when I was telling her something. The weird part was I wasn't even thinking of something devious. I wasn't planning on doing anything to Michael at that time so I'm not sure what's she's talking about.

I have to say that most men look great in uniforms and especially in Toni's coloring book. Unfortunately Kellen didn't have that effect on me today when I saw him in his UPS uniform, he looked more like a brown Christmas Elf.

Roger, Faith and Typhinee are all flaking on our Christmas Party. Two of them will be overseas and one claims that her daughters birthday is that day.

The funniest thing is Kellen works at the same location as Sarah's husband.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/15/2018

Tim apparently loves us this week and is willing to work this Friday.

Toni can't remember all of the horrible things that he's already said in front of the new girl.

Toni came into my office smelling like cologne this afternoon. Normally Toni doesn't wear cologne so it makes me think that he was rubbing up against another man wearing cologne or either he got wild with all of the cologne samples that they give away at Master Wholesale (which I've never heard of them doing). 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/14/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/14/2018

Ashley got the rest of her drain tubes taken out today and now she is constantly flashing all of us. If Roxanne really wanted to see some T&A yesterday she should have just come here.

Crystals apparently make Mary very happy.

Toni brought his wife into work today and paraded her around trying to make all of us believe that he's really the father of her baby.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/13/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/13/2018

First thing I heard Bill say while he was on the phone this morning was "She was buck naked?" so automatically I thought wow Roger had a good measure this morning. Apparently Roxanne decided to go to a non-bikini (no bikini, no nothing) barista for coffee this morning. On top of it she paid nine something for a mocha and then gave the woman a five dollar tip (so that she could afford clothes). Bill is now questioning his wife's sanity and he informed her that porn is free.

Bill and I are kind of feeling left out, we feel like we are the only ones who haven't been to one of these coffee ladies because even my own mother has a story about going to one.

Toni was mentioning to us that he went to a naked woman coffee stand this week and he thought it was fine because a contractor recommended the place. He said he had a five dollar bill out and the woman said it was nine dollars for coffee.

Bill asked where Ashley was this morning and I said she was out in the warehouse showing the installers her new boobs. He was very quick to get out of his chair and go out there.

Leave it to Tim to do a $5.00 dare that Bill offered. He jumped face first into a humongous pile of leaves today.

The doctor claims that Bill is cured of sarcoidosis but I never really thought it was a real disease anyways.

Toni got to hear his baby's heartbeat today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/12/2018

Leave it to Tim to ask who's pumpkin (the new girls car) was in the parking lot this morning in his loudest voice.

"Steve not being here is really f@#$ing everybody." Toni

Bill was telling somebody that he wasn't in the flooring business for the money but to help humanity or some BS that Roger would say.

"I'm in a bad area." Bill about being at work

Toni and Nikki are pregnant with triplets and they have their first ultrasound tomorrow. Apparently when they announced their news Mary didn't even respond to them because she thought it was a bad joke but she eventually came around.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/09/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/09/2018

Bill was showing me a video of his son dancing. He's pretty sure he's already taking after Toni. 

Roger asked me if I was an alcoholic today over the phone. He should of had the common decency to ask me in person like the rest of my co-workers. 

Mary was gone today and her trunk club box was delivered and Sarah couldn't stand not knowing what was in it. Sarah decided that Mary wouldn't notice if she switched out her cute items with the articles of clothing that she found laying on Toni's office floor. 

The new chick starts on Monday when Ashley will hopefully be back talking about her tattas all day. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/08/2018

Poor Toni, all of the guys were making fun of him in the warehouse this morning.

My husband thinks I demand his attention. I was watching "Frasier" last night and the character Niles was sneezing non stop on the show from an allergy to parchment mites. Low and behold I started sneezing and couldn't stop.

The new girl drives an orange car, that doesn't really fit into our color scheme in the parking lot around here.

Tim gives pathetic answers when he wants to leave town and not work.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/07/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/07/2018

Bill bumped his shoulder on the underside of his desk today and he had a flu shot yesterday so he thinks he should be at home in bed resting just like Ashley.

Toni thinks that he's a handy mother f#$%er, I couldn't tell if Bill agreed or if he was contemplating why he hired Toni.

Tim put the stripper mobile on Craigslist. He's trying everything to get out of taking all of us to the Christmas Party.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/06/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/06/2018

Ashley's in trouble with Bill, she didn't come in after her surgery today.

Bill had a dream last night that I was a b*$ch. I'm pretty sure that's what many people call me on a daily basis.

I think Bill will be writing a letter to whomever decided that the show "$#*! My Dad Says" made the 50 worst TV shows in modern history list and apparently I'll be writing one over "Dr Ken" making that list also.

Bill was harassing Toni and me about whether or not we got our flu shots yet and I told him that we were fine because we both swapped spit with Sarah who had the flu recently.

It sounds like Roxanne is volunteering to be the designated driver at our Christmas Party this year as long as she's not passed out from all of the alcohol that she intends on drinking....

Toni thinks that he was more responsible at sixteen than he is now.

Amazon is now suggesting some interesting things for me now that I bought Toni a men in uniforms coloring book.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/05/2018

Happy Birthday Toni! I was glad to hear that he loved his men in uniforms coloring book because I really like it too.

I thought for sure that Tim was going to offer the hunting/stripper mobile to give us all rides in to and from our Christmas Party. He didn't offer and it can't be because he doesn't want to get stuck driving all of his inebriated co-workers home...

My husband always feels bad for Toni on his birthday and the he$$ that I put that poor kid through.

Ashley is going in her for surgery tomorrow and Bill expects her to be back to work tomorrow afternoon (since her surgery is early in the morning).

I found out that another one of our sales people (besides Tim) prefers wearing a onesie.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/02/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/02/2018

Michael told Toni that he needs to become a stay at home dad. Apparently Michael thinks that Toni's dog Larry has been neglected and I think that Michael's ready to get his own office...

I think John is trying to outdo Roger on crazy measure stories. He went to an Airbnb house that a dead body had previously bled out onto the floor at but everything had been cleaned up. I guess if this had been Roger's measure the body would have still been on the floor and the customer probably would have asked him if he could dump it somewhere.

I think I'm close to having something to send out on the invitations for our Christmas Party. Since this is what Tim thinks Ashley and Sarah do all day, I thought this was very fitting:

Come do lines of coke with the women from your office for your company Christmas Party at the very classy Spot Tavern. 

HGTV apparently bought the old Brady Bunch home to remodel.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/01/2018

The Daily Chatter*

11/01/2018

I think everyone was jealous of my fur cape today, Mary thought that I was wearing my cat and Tim just wanted to pet me.

Roger thinks that I need to see my therapist more often. That's easier said than done since my therapist was Kellen and thanks to Steve and Bill (who didn't give him a second chance) I can't see him anymore.

Bill decided to buy a microwave too big for our break room space so that he could have exclusive use of it in his office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/31/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2018

Another Halloween and the only one to dress up today was Toni. He looked just like the construction worker from The Village People. I think Michael's the reason why Tim doesn't dress up in a onesie anymore. 

Tim for some reason was very uncomfortable with Michael and Ashley talking about boobs in his office today. Normally guys love talking about that sort of thing, just ask anyone of our installers.

Bill asked Toni why his construction vest was so dirty and mentioned it's not like he does any work in the field. Does Bill not know why Toni likes to go to his job sites and roll around in dirty places? Hopefully these visuals will help him.

Sorry Roger this meme is probably offensive to your beliefs but oh well...

*not to be construed as Gossip 

10/30/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2018

"Your people would say cinco but my people would say five." Roger to me, I was flattered that he thought I had a nice white girl tan but that wasn't the case at all.

Toni went to Bill and asked him what to get Nikki for her birthday. I don't think Toni will be going back because Bill told him to give her a baby.

It's not even Christmas and the daughter from the Jenner's surprised her mother with a new Ferrari. I think I need to get some richer and more generous friends.

Only Toni would tell me a story where he told some guys not to break into his car because they were out roaming the streets at 4 am.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/29/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/29/2018

Ashley made her appearance today at the office but Bill demanded that everyone give him attention instead of her. 

Bill told me that he finished "Downton Abbey" over the weekend. I told him that he has to watch "Poldark" in the near future because his wife will appreciate the eye candy. 

I think Ashley and Howard have a thing going on because Howard wanted to know how she was doing and people just aren't that nice. 

It's a good thing that Kellen left because as of right now I'm Sarah's favorite person at work, it's been quite a Monday for me. I feel like I should have prepared a speech. 

Toni dressed up as Tom Selleck in Magnum PI over the weekend because that's what he does. Then we started discussing the characters in the new series and I said I couldn't ever watch it because the new guy doesn't even have the Tom Selleck mustache. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/26/2018

Sarah taught Katherine how to play with guns today and to shoot things on her daddy's desk.

Poor Tim he's so helpless trying to find things. He whined to me that he needed his wife.

Steve and Michael are both gone until next week. I'm starting to think that Michael likes to tag along with everybody else on their outings.

Toni talked to Ashley and I'm pretty sure he just guilted her into thinking that Bill was going to kill himself because of his work load.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/25/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/25/2018

I stewed all night over the fact that Sarah told Shira that she was one of the most selfless people that she knew because I swear that she had just told me the same thing. Finally I realized no she told me that I was one of the most selfish people she knew but at least she kept it original, that's all I cared about.

The guys got way too happy just saying the word Doodle Bug in Bill's office after lunch. I'm starting to wonder if somebody gave all of them a liquid lunch.

I think Toni's trying hard to get Bud to owe him one, if you know what I mean...

Bill did an excellent job of trying to trick Roger into thinking that it was Wednesday again. The problem was that Roger almost did something drastic because he started to panic and we don't need two employees in the hospital. Bill's already miserable enough with Ashley in the hospital. Instead of sending her flowers he expects that we send him flowers and pork rinds because he's had a rough week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2018

Hell may have just frozen over because Bill claims that he's coming into work tomorrow. I guess I'm going to need to cancel our Thursday festivities.

I finally accused Bud of being the last person to talk to Ashley 2.0 before she quit us. If Bud doesn't come into work tomorrow you'll definitely understand why.

Kellen texted Bud this morning and said he was offered a high paying job somewhere, I didn't get the details but I'm sure it has something to do with him becoming an outer space lawyer and training monkeys while playing laser tag. I'm sure that Sarah can fill us in on the details of his top secret mission later.

British police released a photo of a robbery suspect who has an uncanny resemblance to Ross.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2018

Bill mentioned that the most frustrating thing about watching "Downton Abbey" for Roxanne is that she can't wear a tiara anytime she wants to unlike the characters in the show. Well I think she can if she wants to....

Mary's so called trouble friends were at Stephanie's baby shower the other day and they weren't drinking, snorting coke or doing anything scandalous the other day. They mentioned that Mary is the mischief maker and they constantly have to keep their eyes on her.

"You and Mary have different approaches to letting employees go." Toni to Bill   (Toni heard Shira and Mary laughing)

Toni was complaining about his bum again today....

I bribed Michael that if he gave me juicy gossip that his stuff would get pushed to the top of the list. He had the nerve to tell me that he doesn't like to spread rumors. Why is he acting so holy at the moment?

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/22/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/22/2018

I was telling Bill about Stephanie's baby shower that I went to yesterday and mentioning how Marty told Stephanie that he wouldn't accept any money for a little side job that he did for her. Bill's ticked because Marty takes money from him all the time and doesn't give him anything for free. I did explain to Stephanie that she owes him something now but I'm just not sure what Marty has in mind....

Roxanne is concerned that The Daily Chatter is going to suffer now that Kellen is gone from the company.

Ashley 1.0 said that her anesthesiologist called and asked her if she has a will. Now she doesn't want to go to her surgery tomorrow.

Toni says his bum hurts....

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/19/2018

Tim mentioned that he ordered stickers for his bus but he wouldn't tell me what they were of. It also sounds like he also needs to order some stripper poles for the thing and then he'll bring it in.

When I jokingly said next to your other ten boats in the garage Tim corrected me and said he only had seven of them.

Bud blames Ashley 1.0 for getting him sick. She denies that she's been sick otherwise they won't let her go ahead with her surgery next week so apparently Bud needs to blame somebody else.

Apparently Toni is flinging $20's around like they were a quarters. I guess we'll have to confront him someday that he didn't win that lottery.

I got a good laugh out of this one and it will only make sense if you know the guy. Cronin sent an email over telling everyone that they have a new branch manager and his name is Jason Jensen.

Steve mentioned yesterday that Toni's the most feminine person in the office. Which explains why he was shopping at Bryn Walker so early this morning. Speaking of which they have some really odd clothing that I don't understand but apparently Toni digs his new Aladdin suit.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/18/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/18/2018

I personally think that Ashley 2.0 didn't come in today because she was out goofing off with Tim somewhere.

I talked to Roger today way more than any person ought to.

I think my Thai hot food order from Grubhub today was faster than Jimmy John's on most days, it took them less than 20 minutes, I couldn't believe it.

I know that Sarah just brought in bags of Candy this week but everyone's been a little stressed today so I think we're going to need at least a pallet more.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/17/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2018

Toni came into work today he obviously he didn't win his millions and hopefully he reconsiders leaving.

Bill wanted to quit "Downton Abbey" because Matthew died. I told him we've all been there, we've all debated whether or not to continue and I told him that it's worth it to keep going. If any of you disagree with me then keep your mouth shut.

Toni and Marty seem to be having a lovers spat today. It was probably because Steve and Toni were fondling each other earlier.

Roger found out today that the months of the year finally got changed around. He had a customer tell him that she met with him in September, we went through February and now we're into October. I'm glad that somebody finally informed him of the change.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/16/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/16/2018

Bill's been complaining that he needs more Zen in his life and Zen tea will work for the moment but I think he desperately misses his Zen Garden (hint hint Roxanne, Christmas is right around the corner).

NYC had its first shooting free weekend in twenty-five years, that's quite amazing.

According to Michael he only has a little thing for me when I clean the office and he's very specific about my clothing and what I have to be wearing. He's starting to sound like Marty....

Toni thinks he's going to win $25 million with his friends on the lottery and he's trying to decide on his quitting date here. I think it's been stressing him out all day, that's why he ended up with a horrible headache. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that his brother in law and sister in law are staying with him for the week.

Bill and Toni (luckily in Bill's office) "What can we grow three inches with?" I would hate to see all of the misleading products that they were shopping for. It was super embarrassing because they were calling sales reps to get technical information on the products.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/15/2018

Bill's a little upset, Typhinee called him Kellen today.

Sarah seems to be out of the woods and recovering from the flu which is great because she probably called 200 plus times last week telling us that she probably wasn't going to make it and what we needed to write in her obituary and what we needed to do in order to take care of her family and what Christmas gifts to get them and Kellen. The poor girl was a mess.

Toni and Tim wiped out the entire Washington state duck population over the weekend.

Toni thinks that he can steal a plane now that he has an airport badge. Apparently that is true at Seatac.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/12/2018

"What's the point in being married if you can't blame your spouse for everything." Bill

Bill thinks that we got a new water cooler cover. I had to remind him that it's the same one that he bought years ago (Roxanne he's losing it big time....).

The world's longest non-stop flight was completed today, Singapore to Newark which was 18 hours. Our trip from Los Angeles to Vienna was 12 hours and at one point I woke up on the flight and decided that planes shouldn't be in the air that long.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/11/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/11/2018

I came in today to a petition to boycott my day off yesterday posted on my door. For those of you who signed Bill's piece of crap paper you may not receive a check next week and I already informed Howard that we won't be selling his flooring or prep anymore. 

Larry looks bigger but he doesn't feel any heavier. I think his Afro is just getting bigger.

"It looked like I was getting a blow job from Prince." Toni about one of his pictures that he took

I think Typhinee thought that I was being rude because I stole Larry from Toni. This is a given if you bring a dog, cake or a child to work I think I have the right to take it or them.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/09/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/09/2018

Sarah refilled her candy dish and now she thinks she's inadvertently killing Toni with chocolate.

Toni has a class for Larry tonight. He mentioned that he thinks there are some weird people there. He said one lady mentioned that her other dogs name is Cockinator and for some reason Toni doesn't think that name is appropriate but drawing male genitalia while doodling is.

Ashley 1.0 lost it today, she asked me if I had seen her Magic Bullet that was on the counter. She later discovered that it's still on the counter.

I saw a headline that someone called the cops on some whales because they were going underneath their boat. Is that what Toni would do too?

I will be gone tomorrow at a funeral, don't tell Tim otherwise he won't come in.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/08/2018

Bill claims that his wife gave him cash and she also wouldn't tell him why because she claims that she would just be repeating herself by telling him again.

Bill finally taught his daughter to swear over the weekend. We all knew that day was coming with two potty mouths for parents.

It's always Steve's fault according to Bill and Ashley 1.0.

I'm finally to the end of our trip. We went to Milan during Milan fashion week and it was so freaking hot that we couldn't wear our pimping fur coats so that was a huge disappointment :). One of the funniest things that happened to us was when we returned our rental car in Milan before staying in the city. We dropped it off at some weird little office that two guys were working at. After they checked us in they asked us where we were staying and they both argued over who should give us the directions. Basically they both ended up giving us their recommendations but I definitely wasn't expecting this kind of personal attention in a big city.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/05/2018

Sarah has exciting news, she booked a spring trip to Ireland to see her family and she promised to take all of us.

I accused Ashley 1.0 of calling her mommy to get her out of an awkward situation. 

We took a day trip from Lake Como into Bellizona, Switzerland one day to visit three castles because it was supposed to rain. Knowing that it was supposed to rain, I dressed in layers but it ended up being so freaking hot that the little bit of rain that fell on me felt good on my skin. There were a few times on this trip where we felt like we were in the Caribbean because it was so hot and muggy and this was definitely one of those days and I'm not complaining I love the heat compared to the dreary rain that we're having now.

10/04/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/04/2018

Remember the last time that Sarah tried being sober for a month and how we banned her from the office. Well get ready for that again because it's sober October for her, I think it was mandated by her parole officer.

Lake Como was beautiful, we stayed in the town of Menaggio which translates to where all of the super old British people stay. One night we ate at our hotels dining room and I was by far the youngest person in the room and Ryan we think came in second place. When we arrived at the hotel they mentioned to us how they upgraded our room which had a bedroom loft and a balcony. After we saw the hotel crowds age we realized that we were the safest bet for having to walk up a set of stairs so we joked that our age is how we got the room. Our hotel was right next to the ferry dock which was super convenient for us. One night we took the ferry to Bellagio for dinner and shopping. Across from our town was the city of Varenna which we also spent some time in touring a villa and an old castle. The night before we left for Milan we noticed that they were setting up a movie set in the middle of a town square, we never did figure out what movie or show it was for.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/03/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/03/2018

Happy Birthday Dot!

Toni is off to Nashville tomorrow.

Everyone knows that Tim has a big mouth, in fact I'm pretty sure it's on our doormat. Toni had to tell Bill and me a story proving again why you can't tell Tim any secrets. 

The drive from the mountains to Lake Garda was beautiful, the hillsides of monstrous rock formations were incredible. The only unfortunate thing was that all of the Italians were visiting Lake Garda the Sunday that we arrived, earlier in the day there had been a triathlon so the city that we stayed in was packed. We ended up taking a ferry boat to a 13th century castle on a peninsula and walked to some nearby Roman Ruins.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/02/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/02/2018

Toni had his drivers license updated with his new address and he thought they screwed up his drivers license #. Apparently in July they started giving out new drivers license numbers.

The cold weather is definitely here, Ashley 1.0 had her door closed trying to keep the heat in and I was dreaming of wearing fur capes and insulated boots.

According to Ashley 1.0, Michael needs to go back to driving like Bill from Iowa who he pretended to be while on vacation.

From Salzburg we rode the train to Bolzano, Italy and then rented a car to go to the mountains. We lucked out on our room somehow they ended up giving us a room with a balcony that had spectacular views of the Dolomite mountains. I discovered one of the greatest things in life at this hotel, on their morning buffet they had freshly made cream filled croissants (which were delicious) warmed in a portable croissant case which made the croissants absolutely perfect. I'll be putting the croissant case on my Christmas wish list just in case anyone wants to buy me one. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/01/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/01/2018

Bill and Roxanne had baby food stolen from their front porch over the weekend and of course they have a Ring camera installed and have footage of the young girl stealing the box. Obviously this young thing is on the same road of life as Sarah.....

Bill ended up with a cold and Mary, Typhinee and Ashley 1.0 were teasing him that he actually sounds like a man now. Bill thought they should have done the right thing and talked about him behind his back.

I can't believe that Dot trusted Roger to keep their dog alive while she was gone. Roger couldn't even manage to remember to come into the office today for his birthday cake.

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on Roger because Ashley 1.0 managed to lock her dog in a hotel bathroom within five minutes of arriving.

We rented a car and drove from Salzburg to Hallstatt on a rainy day. Luckily for us we knew we would be protected from the rain once we were inside some ice caves. We took our gondola ride up the mountain in the fog and got off and they gave us directions where to go for the ice cave tour. The website failed to mention that you won't need your warm clothes once inside the ice caves because they make you walk 15 minutes straight up a freaking steep hill. My husband never did put on his jacket (but he does think he's a Viking), this was about an hour tour with 550 steps to climb. In one area of the ice caves they actually do some sort of piano concerts in August. I'm still perplexed as to how they get the piano in and out of the cave.

 *not to be construed as Gossip