08/30/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/30/2013

Ryan asked me last night how to delete a Facebook picture. This was a very odd question coming from a man who has never posted anything ever to FB. Then he proceeds to tell me that our sister in law sent over one of our dumb wedding photos and this is what he posted.

Toni gave me a message today in pink pen with a flower and squiggly things on it.

Roger said "Poor Ryan, he has to put up with this nitpicker." Poor Ryan nothing he should be thrilled to put up with me:)

"Don't call me because I'll be drunk." Mary to Tim

"That's Toni, he's our estimator and someday he's going to make beautiful babies with my daughter." Mary to one of her customers

Everybody abandoned me today but then Mary came back.

I tried miming to my cats last night that Riley and her kennel were going to be here this weekend just to give them advance notice but they just ignored me.

Ding butt Crystal argued with me that I didn't give her the check today as she was ready to leave, when it was the first thing I gave her in hopes that I would get rid of her.

Roger told me that if I typed something that he said today that our friendship would be over. I should probably type it...

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/29/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/29/2013

Toni doesn't believe that I lost my license because I was out whoring because he doesn't think I'm up on their lingo, I told him that I'm a newbie.

Steve was super excited to hear that he gets a day off for Labor Day. He almost recited the Toni dance.

Riley gets to be our mascot again next week:)

Cody does a good job of dressing the part for warehouse guy, he's wearing his trucker hat today.

Roger thinks you can buy a home for $600 or at least the one he was in today.

Roger thinks he's a nice and polite guy, his wrap sheet doesn't agree... I'm thinking about having this enlarged and put onto a banner for Roger's birthday.

Of course there's a page two.....

·  Public Intoxication

·  Pyramid Schemes

·  Racketeering / RICO

·  Rape

·  Robbery

·  Securities Fraud

·  Sexual Assault

·  Shoplifting

·  Solicitation

·  Stalking

·  Statutory Rape

·  Tax Evasion / Fraud

·  Telemarketing Fraud

·  Vandalism

·  White Collar Crimes

·  Wire Fraud

I think the guys convinced Toni not to move illegally to North Korea after he heard about the psycho midget having a machine gun firing squad kill his ex-girlfriend and eleven others for violating their "porn laws" aka political beliefs.

Things are getting weird, Mary asked Roger to ask his butt a question.

Where the heck is Tim at? I need to smack him upside the head for something RFMS related.

Roger left before I found his mistake and now I want to smack him too. It's not a good sign when it's not Friday yet.

Roger says his two appointments today were with two women on totally opposite ends of the hotness scale.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/28/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/28/2013

Roger, Bill and Steve were greeted with an award ceremony at some job site yesterday. What the crap?

"Getting in trouble is fun." Mary to Howard

Rick wants to hear Mary purr.

There's been a lot of screwing going on: first Bill screwed Tim then Roxanne screwed a dumpster, that one sounds painful. 

I was shocked I was flipping through T.V. channels last night and found a new series of "Whose Line is it Anyways" and Ross's ex-girlfriend is the new host.

Rick says he has finally wore out his wife and is now shopping for hookers on Craigslist.

A certain somebody who was talking about her breast milk with Roger the other day emailed me to write her a letter of recommendation so that she could apply for a part time job somewhere. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I feel unimportant now, I just heard that Roger and Tim received the same request from her.

"Is it stuck all of the way in the zipper?" Bill to Toni


 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/27/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/27/2013

Bill found a video that he thought looked like Toni after a win.

Toni has good news, he was able to get out of his lease early. His landlords probably wanted him to leave and just didn't want any altercations. I'm sure they've had multiple complaints about him going around the neighborhood trying to be all sorts of Superhero's.

It sounds like Vance had quite the night last night and it was all job related so that's never fun.

Roger implied to me today that I was still invited to his Birthday, I wonder how long this is going to last.

Mary's been out of control lately, it's a good thing she's going on vacation next week.

An indictment is not a conviction according to Mr. U'nnells and his messed up family.

Tim's going to be jealous, I finished a big stack of Rick's job costing today.

I can't wait to find out what new foul words Tim heard from his customer when he went over their revised billing today. 


I hate to give attention to Miley Cyrus but I thought some of these were funny. There was a list of 22 things she looked like at the VMA Awards and of course the Jim Carey picture that I had yesterday was on there.

The Mayor of Whoville

The Scary Toy from Toy Story

Jar Jar Binks

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/26/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/26/2013

Happy Birthday Jenny! Bill wished he would have known sooner so that he could have brought cake in today to celebrate. 

"You survived my b*llsh*t." Tim to Roger

I think Tim may be suffering from jet lag still, he first thought my dress looked Egyptian and then he thought it looked fleecy. 

Ryan and I went to Mount Rainier yesterday so if I'm walking funny it's from that and not from CSF. I was pretty pleased we found a family of cute little marmot's yesterday.

 

Roger actually invited me to his Birthday Party. It sounds like there's going to be a lot of testosterone and balls flying everywhere, should be interesting. I may need to buy a special outfit....

"I'm a bad girl." Mary

I think Matt may have stolen a nice looking SUV over the weekend.

"As soon as Roger finishes "Inception" he'll start it."  Bill

"Your so good with bullsh*t" Mary to Bill

Ryan and I went to the theater over the weekend and saw the movie "The Heat" and afterwards a group of people came out and said that was the best movie they have ever seen in the theater. It was a funny movie but definitely not the best movie I've seen in the theater. 

I brought in Ryan's banana bread today and then Jessica tried to outdo me by bringing in her blueberry bran muffins.  

Mary showed Toni a picture of a darling baby this morning and told him that this is what he had to compete with. Toni being the cocky guy that he is told her that he could do better than that.  

"I did some really sh*tty things this morning." Tim

Tim freaking called me a liar for no good reason today and then wouldn't apologize after he found the item I told him was on his desk. 

I'm in desperate need for some new clothes, I feel like I'm so out of touch with the fashion world after seeing these awesome outfits. Poor Miley, it looks like she was sick and wanted to barf most of the night at the VMA's.

Bill made an interesting point that he heard somewhere else so I can't give him the credit but Miley kind of looks like Jim Carey from his "In Living Color" days except that he's not sticking his tongue out.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/23/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/23/2013

Matt was super excited for CSF and that he gets to spend his day with Cher. Cher really seems to be in demand lately from all of the guys around here.

Roger told a great white lie today to save on a restock fee and it worked very well for him and the company.

I'm not sure why Whizz Air made the list of the World's Worst Airline Names.

Mary was shocked this morning that Roger was telling a story.

"Have you seen Bill's monkey shoes?" Mary in her degrading voice

According to Mary it's ok to call her Kathy, everyone else seems to do it.

"I wasn't born to be perfect, I was born to be awesome." Mr. U'nnells

Tim comes back from vacation tomorrow and he owes all of us all big time....He can start in on all of my work, I expect my desk to be clean by Monday morning.

I asked Toni where his pink hard hat was yesterday and he told me it was at his boyfriends house.

Bill acted like he had a hot date tonight when he left. 

"Let's just rape them." Mary    I blame her comment on the booze that she was drinking in her coffee this afternoon...

Steve seems to think that I had my license suspended because of hooking. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/22/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/22/2013

Tim was hurt to find out that he wasn't Bill's main man. He commented yesterday to the Chatter that Bill never called him. He's really going to be upset to find out it was the RFMS dude that Bill was referring to.

Tim has been the biggest baby, complaining that we don't have a working scanner. Turns out the one on his desk works great.

"I always hit on Cher." Roger

I have proof  that Roger was flirting with Cher this morning. Just look at his body language it says it all. 

I was surprised to find out that Marty is fourteen years older than I am.

"I'm English and I'm polite as F*ck." Bill

Rick got a shot in his middle finger today so now he's going around flipping everyone off.

Steve picked the wrong S on the calendar. I bet his can probably read a calendar better than he can:)

Mary wanted to know if I used tongue on Marty this morning for this Birthday kiss.

Mary thinks that Rick likes cougars. 

I have a feeling that Roger is never going to eat Chinese with the guys and Roxanne again.

Toni thinks that he and I are useless because we didn't have our needle nose pliers on us today when Bill needed them.

"I think it would be kind of weird to sit on a whales penis." Mr. U'nnells

Roger says he knows things about Crystal that only her husband should know: something about butt and boob sizes, excessive breast milk but we found out that the excess makes for great cottage cheese.

I thought Toni was going to either pass out or go into anaphylactic shock because of Roger's cottage cheese comment.


Bill told Toni if he wants to play, he needs to play with the big boys.

Toni finally knows who Bob Loblaw is. I just read that the show is thinking of doing another season with Netflix.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

08/21/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/21/2013

Rick says he has to eat in order to keep his physique looking so manly.

Rick has a client that he doesn't want to share with anyone. He keeps telling us how awful this lady is but we all know he's lying because he keeps doing all of her little tasks.

Toni was being queer with Rick this morning so Rick flipped him off.

"If it was anyone elses job other than Tim's I would have bailed out on those F*ckers a long time ago." Roger showing his true colors

Rick is becoming such a perv; he was talking about wanting to chase Jessica around some job site.

Ryan has a customer whose last name is Anlicker. This guy really should take his wife's last name.

Bill' s not ashamed that he knows what Auto Erotic Asphyxiation is. 

"It's probably that male stripper that I ordered." Toni

Roger wants to know how many days he has to leave his car in our parking lot before a tweeker will steal it.

Tim told me this morning that he thinks Mary's going to fire him. 

Mary's getting weird, she's now taking pictures of toilets.

Toni informed Bill that his friend may be Bill's son.

Bill's starting to sound like Toni, he told me today that he was going to call his main man because he loves hearing from him.

This is Tim begging for a favor today. "Dearest, kindest, most amazing person ever, April." Where as Ryan knows he has to call me this everyday. 

"Nikki didn't like my chicken last night." Toni giving way too much information

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/20/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/20/2013

Tim loves that his phone rings at all hours of the night with issues from his jobs while he's on vacation. Maybe we should tell Tim the good news; Mary has stolen most of his clients while he's been out of town, what can I say she just seems to have that magic touch.


"Why the F*ck am I calling Serge?" Mr. U'nnells

 Another wonderful Google Voicemail Transcript from today says "Hey bro" instead of April.

Some days I wonder if the installers use their time cards as t.p. and then turn them in. I think I should Lysol most of them.

I think Toni sent his icork honey a package in the mail today because she was out there just admiring the box for the longest time.

Tim should be ticked that James DiMaggio didn't leave him or Donna any of the $112,000 life insurance money but I guess if he did we wouldn't see Tim for another few months because he would be out on his new boat.

I don't know how Jenny puts up with Steve, this morning I was able to follow the trail of food that Steve was eating to know that he was in Bill's office.

Thanks to Tim, Val has been grumpy all day.

There were some very foul words coming out of Toni today when Steve pulled out his phone to show Mary baby pictures.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/19/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/19/2013

I had a dream that Tim came back early from his vacation with a new boat.

Rick must of had some Anniversary party this weekend, both he and warehouse Bill (aka Fire Marshall Bill) are sick.

"I don't want to be fair." Bill

From now on Bill wants to avoid paying the guys per diem and instead buy them Costco size containers of Lunchables to take on their out of town trips. 

Matt is thinking about get rid of his pedophile mobile and getting something actually nice. Bill and I have already questioned him on that. To be fair when I looked up pedophile mobile on the internet (yes I may be arrested for that) the first picture showed a van that looked like the one that Roger's driving. All Roger needs is some ice cream stickers and balloons and he's set.

Toni got scared because there was a baby in our showroom today.

In world breaking news Lindsay Lohan "feels whole again." I'm assuming that her interview with Oprah was just about how she reapplied her fingernail.

On Saturday night Ryan and I sat down to view an episode of "Mad Men" and realized we were out of episodes and Season 6 doesn't come out until November, I think the world has come to the end again.

Nikki compared her family to the Bluth's of all people and she thinks she's Buster while of course Mary is the drunk mom. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/16/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/16/2013

Roger picked a heck of a weekend to go out of town, he's going to miss hemp fest and the Seattle Police are giving away free bags of Doritos this weekend with the Marijuana law on the back of the bag.

I freaking had to drive myself to work this morning. Ryan claims he had to be to work by 5am.

Ryan and I were at Southcenter last night and a mob of young girls started screaming and carrying on and I was pretty sure it was all for my husband, it was crazy. He thought it sounded like girls screaming for The Beatles. Turns out it was some singer (the middle one) from Fifth Harmony who walked by us, who had just performed in front of the Disney store.

Toni's been calling several women and men today and calling them Hot Mama's. He's obviously trying to line up several dates for this weekend.

Roger claims he stopped following music when Elvis died.

Toni told Jessica "I won a math debate."

Toni's says he's a certified bad a$$.

Toni saw the movie "The Blob" at a restaurant (of all places) earlier this week and thinks that Steve McQueen probably still looks good even though he's dead.

I was a little concerned that Toni may have been sleeping with Tim's wife. He got off the phone today and said that Donna was a b*tch. Luckily for Tim's sake it's not his wife that Toni was referring to, it's some other Donna that Toni's sleeping with. It's possible that he said Don and I misunderstood him.

I heard it direct out of Steve's mouth that he's willing to work 100 hours a week. 

Toni called Hardwood Jeff a rock star today. I think he also has a date with him this weekend.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/15/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/15/2013

Bill asked me how long my license was suspended for, since Ryan's been driving me to work.

Bill says he doesn't want to hear what anyone says about him behind his back because he can't handle the truth.

Rick on the other hand wants to know what we all say behind his back. When I told him we don't talk about him, he was offended.

I think Mary pulled a Shuryl, I found her calculator on the floor next to her garbage can this morning. It's a good thing she has a bad aim. Yet she had two other calculators sitting on her desk. I wonder if those will make it to her garbage can by morning?

Roxanne told me that she doesn't like to watch she likes to play. Which is exactly what Mary tried doing last night while Marty was "re-stretching her carpet". 

Bill asked if Rick's wife was going to show up for their Anniversary Celebration of 25 years and Rick said it was going to be more like a bachelor party. 

I've been informed that nobody wants to show up to work tomorrow besides me. OK a few people decided to say that they would come in....

I'm thinking that  Mary's probably going to have a pregnancy test for Jessica on Monday. Don't worry Jessica this is normal behavior for Mary she invades everyone's privacy all of the time. Just a warning she may even walk in on you while your taking the test but don't be alarmed she does this with all of our employees especially the young ones.

Toni is such a liar, he told me that he Googled Taylor 2027 coverage rate and that a Justin Bieber video pulled up. Well I had to try it for myself and I have to say that no Justin Bieber video's pulled up. Obviously somebody caught him listening to the Biebs and he wanted to clear his name but that just isn't going to happen today....nice try Toni. 

Roger wanted me to add a Y to Toni's name today but then I reminded him about the bow around the sample incident last night and Roger agreed Toni's not ready for a Y on his name yet. 

Warehouse Bill is a hero, he put out a fire at our bank. By tomorrow we will be telling everyone how many women, children and puppies he pulled out of the bank even though it was an outside fire. 

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/14/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/14/2013

Roger seems to think that I just lost my vehicle to Ryan. I informed Roger that I was still in charge.

Apparently our old Beaulieu rep moved to Europe instead of New York. The new rep said that he lives an hour away from the Austrian Alps.

Some customer of Toni's wants to rape him. How else can you explain why this guy wrote Rapedset three times instead of Rapidset.

Bill thinks Zucchini bread is Bikini bread. Speaking of which Rick's wife was nice enough to send some into work with Rick today and  Rick was nice enough to actually share it with us.

According to Roger between the both of us we have a brain and a half. I'm not sure what happened to the other half of his brain.

Roger tried sucking up to Mary today for some reason but then afterwards told me that his real boss is Dot.

Bill's a dork and Mary is a tattle tale as per Toni's conversation between them today.

This should make Toni's day, Mary found a JC Penney tea kettle that looks like Hilter. Since Toni likes telling everyone they're just like Hilter, he obviously needs to buy this.

Jessica was telling us about a guy that she used to work with that referred to himself as Gay Toni but Mary told us that we couldn't call her someday son in law that. After Toni wanted to tie a bow around a sample that he was going to give to a customer tonight, Mary started to change her mind about his name.

As if RFMS isn't hard enough to deal with, Rick likes to duplicate his orders just to give me more to do. He's blaming the temp already for his mistake though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/13/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/13/2013

Toni told me that I was absolutely fantastic yesterday, I'm really not sure what I did...

Rick thinks that Ryan grounded me from my car.

Steve says we're going to have to find a new boss since Bill doesn't like coming into work anymore.

Some guy hit on Toni last night and Toni said he was a prick about it.

Roger had the nerve to call me when I was looking at the cute baby tigers on Saturday at the zoo to discuss work related crap of all things.

Toni was comparing people to Hitler today.

Tim has some great gestures if you ask him what's on his mind. It's a good thing we don't have any ladies in our office.

Ryan and I are on Season 5 of "Mad Men" and the first character died which isn't terrible considering how much they smoke and drink. Ok, there was a receptionist who died too awhile back but she was of croaking age.

"You guys are going to think that I'm a hero." Tim

"If I'm going to steal your sh*t, I'll tell you about it first." Tim

Roger's such a liar he left the room with my T&A book after he straight up said he wouldn't.

"That's not the first time that a guy has lied to you, is it?" Roger    Now he's trying to justify his situation by just stating that he's a man.

"That's Memorial Weekend or some D*mn weekend." Tim

I hope that Tim knows that he's going to miss us and that he's going to want to come back early from vacation.

Bill thinks he was a good wholesome boy when he started here but he says we all F*cked him up. I blame all of that on Roger.

I beg to differ with Bill's last comment, he was the one telling us that some guy who really likes him wanted to ram something down his throat.

Toni thinks a certain superintendent wants to stalk and kill him so he's been a little jumpier than normal. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/12/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/12/2013

Bill thinks Toni has issues because he took down the picture of Roxanne. Toni felt like she was starring right through the back of his head last week making sure that he was working.

Roger asked how Bill's wife and kids were doing. Has it been that long since we've seen Bill?

Toni mentioned today that there were some rumors going around the office. I wonder which one's he's referring to? There's this crazy one about Tim going on vacation for pretty much the rest of the month. Or there's the one about Bill spending way too much time in the hot tub while on vacation...TMI, no that one is actually true. Or there's the one about Roger singing at the Karaoke bar on Saturday night with Boy George while he was dressed as George Michael but that one's true too because I have pictures. I'm not sure what Toni was referring to.

Rick wants a line item on his jobs for A$$ Kissing. 

Tim is seriously related to everyone through his marriage. He just found out that the guy who took the 16 year old girl (with all of the Amber Alerts last week) was related to Donna as a half nephew.

Tim thinks Mary's going to fire him because he was the one who opened his big mouth and was spewing obscenities while he walked into the showroom when Mary and Bill were amidst a meeting today.

Jason decided that he's not living the dream because he doesn't have a wife and kids to do laundry for him. 

Toni thinks that Steve and Bill are probably having sex because the office door is closed.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/09/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/09/2013

Roger wants to tell his customer that she's on crack.

Rick thinks he got food poisoning at the Italian restaurant with Roger. Maybe Toni was onto something yesterday when he mentioned that Roger was poisoning people.

"I'm not kidding #$##, you take me seriously when I'm taking to you."  Roger to Mary

"I'll be working for your stupid son in law."  Roger to Mary

I'm afraid that if Toni had a yacht this is what it would look like.

Bill has crabs! Roxanne also claims that was a boat he made but it sure looks like something else to me...

Roger told me that I could visit the man cave any time now. He says the no girl rule has changed. I think he was just in a good mood this afternoon.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2013

I mentioned this morning that Roger was killing me and Toni asked if Roger had poisoned me. I have to apologize to Roger, I had a GB moment and blew up before having all the answers,  I found the PO so I guess he wasn't trying to kill me after all.

Mary and Tim, thanks to the both of you I had a parenting envelope filled with coupons in my mailbox last night. Who the heck have you been talking to and what have I been buying that everyone thinks that I'm pregnant.

"That's what you get for being dumb." Toni

Tim thought he was being sneaky, he forwarded Jessica The Chatter link so then I had to forward her the other link for the blog that I have all about Tim.

Toni wants to know why we don't do cocaine here on a regular basis.

FYI, Toni and I will not be in tomorrow because it already feels like Friday to us.

Mary's been obnoxiously happy today, she and Randy get to go on an almost all expenses paid Alaska cruise at the end of the month and her son Ryan comes home to visit tonight.

Vance thinks that Mary was giving out back handed compliments today.

Toni was going to quit his job today to go and work for one of Jessica's old employers (who is apparently way cooler than we are) until he found out the guy doesn't work there anymore.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

 

08/07/2013

The Daily Chatter*

08/07/2013

Roger was sure thankful that we dumped the temp. He said he sneezed once in front of her and instead of saying Bless You she asked if it was a cold or allergies. He thought he was allowed to sneeze once without it being anything.

Toni informed us today that Tim can't change anymore in the back because Jessica's here.

Tim and Mary think I'm pregnant because they claim that I have a certain glow about me. Wait till after this weekend when I get to go to the zoo and then Mexican food afterwards, they'll think I'm pregnant with triplets.

According to The Onion, the headline for this story was "Obama not sure how to tell Nation this, but he ran over Jimmy Carter with car last night." 

Toni said today would be a good day to start crack.

Roger and Rick left together today in the Shagtastic mobile and the strange thing is that Rick even left his dog here. What were they doing that the dog couldn't watch?

"I'm not going to make you sleep with my mom." Mary to Randy

How many times can somebody named Garret change their phone number in one year?

I think Toni knocked off somebody, he won't tell me who though. It's probably the job that Roger asked him to do.

*not to be construed as Gossip