03/31/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/31/2015

I told Roger not to trust Bill with his wedding RVSP, I told him to mail it so that Roxanne would actually get it. Guess where his RSVP was sitting this morning, the same place it was yesterday until I yelled at Bill about it. Now it probably won't make it out of his car.

"I'm glad today isn't the day that I said I wouldn't b*tch." Mary

"We were beaver hunting." Toni to Mary   Mary didn't want to hear about it.

"I would probably just end up being gay." Toni

I'm still very upset with Roger for not inviting me on his vacation and it hurts even more now that his vacation has officially started...

Toni discovered that he knew some of Nikki's family that she didn't even know were related.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/30/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/30/2015

Typhinee seems to have opinions on a lot of things. One of them being that the crotch of her foot can't be seen in shoes other than flip flops.

I have to redeem myself with Ryan, for some reason I picked out two semi flops of movies over the weekend but I also started the weekend off with "The Hobbit 3" so it was kind of hard to live up to that one. I know I would be redeemed if I had the movie "The Human Centipede II" (which is one of Bill's favorites).

"I went there and some girl tried to blow me." Toni

Mean Mary scared off a mother duck and her ducklings on Friday night.

I need to start charging Tim to hold crap (paperwork) for him.

"Just tell him I need his freaking body." Tim about Ryan  (Tim's not getting my husband's body).

Roger gave his approval on the White Lily and Lime soap in our restroom. Bill claims he hasn't had scurvy since Roger's been in charge of approving the soap.

"I'll just wing it." Roger being scary

Ferguson thinks we need a new entry mat and was apalled that we are going to put tile their.

Roger still sucks, he's going to NY without me but because I'm such a nice person I have advice for him (even though he's been their more than I have). Don't eat at the restaurant at the end of the pier by the old South Street Seaport. It's not that you would actually pick this place, because nobody actually eats their (and there were a ton of people around on the pier and it had a great view of the Manhattan bridge ). This is where my step father decided that we were all going to eat at on our trip. I was going to revolt and starve but then I realized that I didn't need to hear my mom freak out on me so I had chicken tenders that weren't even slightly tender. I think I busted my knife and the table trying to cut them. So if you see the broken table that I sawed in half can you please take a picture of it for me.

Bill got rear ended today and I don't mean by Toni.

Matt said he got to go to Comicon this weekend and he didn't dress up, I think something's wrong with him or he's growing up.....

Roger is pretty sure that Bill's family doesn't exist besides his dad. Roger thinks that Bill's going to pay actors to show up to his wedding and act like his family.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/27/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/27/2015

Roger Sucks!!! He's going to New York City next week but he'll be jealous when I leave to go to Florida in 35 Days:)

Roger found the razor blade on Mary's desk this morning and wants to know where her/his coke is.

I set a reminder on the wrong calendar (about watching a season premiere on Sunday night) and Bill accused Roxanne of cheating on him with "Mr Selfridge". I think Roxane confessed to the whole thing.  Mr. Selfridge is a pompous sleeze ball so Bill has plenty to be worried about.

"I just screwed Matt and Steve." Tim   I'm afraid that it was at the same time...Things get crazy around here on Friday's.

"It's just like Matt and van doors." Bill about Roger and flat tires

It's becoming an epidemic around here, Toni almost crapped himself when he saw Mr. U'nnells working in the shop.

Crystal called today wanting to know when the BBQ was (past tense). I had to inform her that it was on the invite attachment that Bill sent (blame him). 

According to Typhinee and her phone call with the Toni's Playboy Bunny, "Crystal has been around and doesn't need this sh*t." (Whatever that's supposed to mean).

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/26/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/26/2015

I think I may have blown it yesterday. Bill came in and noticed a lime in my cup and I told him it went well with our vodka. He's been questioning the bottled water bills lately but I don't think he knows that instead of water they've been delivering pure vodka.

Roger just about fell on his face and crapped himself in shock that Bill wasn't going to order the Apple Watch.

Steve's youngest daughter called into work for him today or at least that's what I'm assuming she was doing. I was hard to tell over the giggles and her saying hi.

Roger was told that he was an angel sent from heaven yesterday until he informed the lady that the hardwood she was looking at was about twice the price that she wanted to spend.

"It's a little weird asking for Willy Sauce." Bill

Tony seemed to remember our Forbo rep a little too well...

"Shall we fix it or leave it and make him (Tim) look dumb?" Toni

"He's cute for a big man." Bill about Tim

I saw an article that was titled "The Twelve Worst Things You Can Tell A Flight Attendant" I automatically figured that Roger said all of them.

Howard wants to turn the BBQ into Bill's bachelor party.

What did Roger do now? Costco moved the roadshow display to another area.

Mary's going to a meeting with a room full of men tonight and her husband is out of town.  She's going to have stories like Typhinee did on Monday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/25/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/25/2015

According to Bill's future niece one of the Victoria's Secret models who appears in app ads is very jiggly.

Typhinee must be outraged Zayne left One Direction.

"Who got an email from Ryan Grab about blow jobs?" Bill

 Bill said the hardest part about being Superman yesterday was trying to get both of ladies to shut up and hold still during CPR.

"I don't think they're talking business, I think they're talking killer robots." Howard about Bill and Toni

Mary claims she hasn't said anything negative since yesterday afternoon but Bill and I would like to talk to Randy just to get an official statement.

"You can't do that, Roxanne said I'm not allowed to look at hooters anymore." Bill

Toni doesn't want to come to our BBQ this year, he's afraid that Roger's BFF will be there.

On one invoice from our vendor the sidemark Trader Joe's turned into Critter Joes.

I want everyone to know that Tim called me a freaking genius today, all because I fixed his RFMS screen. 


Roxanne mentioned on FB that they were at the doctor waiting for test results. Can't they wait till after they're married, geesh. We don't need to see ultrasound photos at the wedding. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/24/2015

The Daily Chatter*
03/24/2015

Bill said that he and Roxanne were just too cute yesterday and that the people just had to give them a marriage license.

"You say it behind their back like a good christian should." Mr. U'nnells

I think Tim wanted to hunt me or pet me because he thought I had a fox around my neck today.

Typhinee claims she was going to a student led conference today. That's the trouble with kids now days.

Tim thought he was going to have to use his nerf gun to protect the ladies in the office today, turns out it was only Jared's brother.

Mary thinks she's going to go 24 hours without complaining from (2pm today). She also made up the silly rule that stating facts is not complaining. She complained so her time started over at 2:04 pm and Bill says he's going home at 2:05 tomorrow.

"You're all sh*theads." Mary as she had to start over again at 2:19 pm

Bill's phone gave off a very loud monkey mating noise today, Roger would have run for cover if he was here.

Bill said he was almost in an accident today but instead he put on his Superman cape and rescued two women from their car.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/23/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/23/2015

Bill bought a small pocket sized nerf gun and now Tim is demanding that Bill have a concealed weapons permit.

Bill and Roxanne are applying for their marriage certificate today. How are they going to punctuate Bill's last name? Is it going to be U'nnells or U'nell's, they have a lot of decisions to make, I've seen Bill do it both ways.

Tim is getting tired of Michael's butt dialing today.

"I'm going to put my two sense in." Tim

"You're so cute." Mary to Tim

Roger informed me that he's not gay because he likes the symphony. I told him that's fine because my husband enjoyed the symphony (on Satuday night).

I'm Mary's favorite in the office again because I brought in cookies.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/20/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/20/2015

Happy first day of Spring!

Bill and Toni were talking about mind blowing things this morning. Bill was explaining how you smear jam on your toast and if you don't like it you scrape it off. I don't think Toni likes the word smear.

I had a weird dream last night. I went into a building that was supposed to take donations for feeding the hungry and there were probably 30 employees inside and they all had desks that were covered in food that they were all eating. Finally some outsider who actually needed food came in and ate but the management just made them feel uncomfortable.

I guess Val and Serge had a dude greet them in his underwear this week so Roger's not the only one with an underwear story now.

"I like your pants." Mary to Toni

For those of you who want to become annoying and Gluten Intolerant, then you should watch this.
http://devour.com/video/how-to-become-gluten-intolerant/

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/19/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/19/2015

Roger said it was nice of Ryan to feel sorry for Dot but Roger feels sorry for Ryan. I agreed with Roger and told him I feel bad for Ryan too but he gets in trouble sometimes for not being perfect like myself.

"Tim's in here hitting on me relentlessly." Mary

"You freaking saved me from begging." Tim to Toni

"April tends to exaggerate sometimes." Roger   I corrected him because Bill is the one who likes to exaggerate.

This link was pretty funny with signs that were vandalized.
http://pulptastic.com/33-signs-that-were-vandalised-hilarious-responses-ever/

"I'm going to cry when you leave." Mary to Roger

Roger is already trying to find a place to stay this weekend. All of us are sick and tired of hearing how this was one tiny little misunderstanding with his wife. I don't think he likes living in the company van on a bed of carpet samples.

In Roger's defense Steve said he would have stayed for coffee too. I think he'll be shacked up with Roger this weekend after Jenny reads this.

I think the doctor discovered what was wrong with Roxanne today. I'm pretty sure it's all Mr. U'nnells related.

Bill, I'm pretty sure Mary gave out your cell number to a solicitor today. 

Tim came in and complained about his commission today. I wasn't very nice, I told him to sell more.

I saw something that looked like a Roger and Tim scam.  People paid over $60,000 for sealed bags of: air from Kayne's tour, flatulence from Kayne and air plus some sweat.

Toni was warned today that if he ever cheats on Nikki and Mary finds out, he won't have any balls.  This was after the conversation of "can we have sex with clients?" 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/18/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/18/2015

The first thing that Ryan said today when we got in the car was "poor Dot" but I think that everyday.

"Where's Toni at?" me  "Toni's useless." Bill

I seem to be on Mary's crap list because I didn't bring in any cookies this week. Where as Bill has been a suck up and he's her favorite right now.

Tim's phone was blinking today and instead of listening to his voice mail from himself (I have no idea how that happened especially since his voicemail wasn't even set up) he decided to take Toni's advice and took a black permanent marker to the blinking light. Needless to say it didn't work so Tim broke his phone to make it stop.

Roxanne is mad at her head "Go away and leave me the hell alone." So please don't bother her at the moment.

"She's going to stay on the phone so that I can't vent." Tim about Mary

Toni was telling us about a new place called Steamworks in Seattle that he likes to go to and according to the website it is: " a private men's gym, sauna, bathhouse for men 18 years and older... you know, men looking for other men!" I went to their website and got a little more than I expected so of course Mary had to look too.

Another Roxanne FB quote "60 days and counting until I get to marry this sexy man!!!"  First of all she's down to 58 days and second someone needs to buy her new glasses:)

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/17/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/17/2015

Happy St. Patrick's Day! 

All I can say is that all of the guys wanted to be Roger yesterday. Cody now wants to be a sales person and go measure houses regardless of Roger's other odd stories of walking over crippled people when entering a home and some of the horrible stenches. Roger showed up at someone's home yesterday, he rang the doorbell and the lady said "just a minute" she then proceeds to open the door in her panties, tank top and no bra. Amazingly enough this wasn't an ugly chick (like you would expect with Roger's luck), this was the 25 year old grand daughter of the homeowner. She then proceeds to show Roger around the house and then Roger notices not only is she in her underwear but they are sheer and see through in the back. A few minutes later she mentioned that she would be right back and she goes and puts on a University sweatshirt and nothing else. At the end of the measure she asked Roger if he wanted some coffee. Roger being the nice guy that he is of course agreed to this because he loves coffee and they had a frothier, what more could a guy ask for? Within a few awkward minutes he ended up being in some weird porn shoot for "Buffay the Vampire Layer" (he's not even sure how all of the dudes got there) and he was the one wearing the sheer panties, a rubber nose, face paint and colorful curly hair. Roger claims his coffee was drugged but I think it was just an excuse that he was going to tell his wife. Roger mentioned that one of the guys looked like Toni so it was a very natural experience (whatever that means). I'm not sure how they knew this (because this is a huge Roger fetish) but they had massive amounts of cotton candy for Roger to roll around in and he turned himself into a giant cotton candy man. In Roger's defense I'm sure that he talked a lot and told plenty of stories while this whole mess was going on and he even apparently answered the door for the Jehovah's Witnesses that came by. After the porno was complete, Ashton Kutcher sprang out of the closet and Punk'd him so now he has that show to look forward to. I'm sure Ashton and the others are grateful for the extensive knowledge that Roger provided to them about his beloved Clown Porn. The really odd thing is Krusty the Clown, Homey the Clown and The Insane Clown Posse have already called the office trying to get Roger's information, they for some reason think he's a genius.

Has anyone seen Roger's back lately? It's getting a little scary. I'm afraid of what he'll add next.

 

 "Am I offending you? I can say much worse." Mary

Cody gave us all leprechaun names today and I was Adorable O'Lucky.

"I'm not racist or anything but is Toni Asian?" some dude on the phone who was very confused about our company

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/16/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/16/2015

It's free cone day at DQ. I'm sure that Matt has already had about three of those today. 

I'm very disappointed in Toni, he didn't do the St. Paddy's Day run this year and Nikki did. We were at Seattle Center yesterday so we got to see all of the soaking wet people and the bum who was doing the helicopter to the Irish music.

Roger asked for a favor this morning and I made it clear I was not going to sleep with Crystal for him.

Roger was incredibly rude to me today and told me that I couldn't post his details from this morning's measure in "The Chatter" because he wanted to tell his wife in his own words and not mine for some reason. I didn't promise him anything but I'll wait a day or two to divulge the nitty gritty just because I'm a nice person.

"I don't do anything wrong." Typhinee to Roger and Bill    "April doesn't do anything wrong either." Bill

Tim didn't catch anything this weekend except a buzz apparently.

"She wasn't cussing at them." Mary about Roxanne to the store clerks

Bill thinks the cussing issue is all of his fault. If he would just wash her mouth out like we have to do with Roger on a daily basis it might get better. Hasn't helped Roger yet but there is hope.

BECU changed their whole website and now Bill is uncomfortable.

"Dude, you need new friends." Bill to Toni

"Tell her to buy you a f*cking bottle of wine Toni." Tim

It's going to be hard to beat Toni's costume tomorrow. Now I know I should have bought those sheer green lace pants that I saw at Christmastime.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/13/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/13/2015

Roger needs stickers or a stamp that says Roger approved. He told me yesterday that he approved of the bathroom soap again. If he had stickers he could just go around and mark everything that he approved. I found some in his favorite color so I ordered them.

I'm really not sure why none of us wanted to write a referral letter for Crystal awhile back. Today she called here wanting to know if she had been paid on a job. The rest of the conversation she mumbled so I have no idea what she wanted.

Every morning that I open Bill's office door it smells like patchouli oil or something hippyish in their.

"When you say Bill that many times on the phone, I know you're trying to pass Crystal off on me." Bill

Crystal called this time wanting to know what she put on the invoice that she just sent over. I told her it was on Bill's desk so I didn't know. The moron went to the other room in her home and got the answer while she was on the phone with me. It's not fi

Roxanne says she has to talk to Bill everyday, poor girl.

From now on if we get a complaining customer send them to Crystal, she will head up that department.

"Maybe I shouldn't have sworn." Roxanne to Bill (via Bill's story)

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/12/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/12/2015

"You and f*$%&ing Tim are just alike" Bill to Toni

Bill mentioned that he went to a toy store to buy more ammo for his nerf gun and the clerk asked if it was for the office because two women had been in earlier buying weapons and ammo. Now Bill suspects Mary and me.

"If Crystal wasn't so hot...." Roger

You can tell everywhere that I've been today because my shirt leaves a trail of gold glittery dots. One tried getting into the teapot today.

Toni's paranoid, apparently I look guilty of sabotaging something today but the funny thing is I didn't.

I'm a little hurt, Matt decided to write his own bio. I guess he didn't like mine.

Bill tried pulling a Tim today except Tim told me it was Friday yesterday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/11/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/11/2015

The other morning there were two bunnies out in front of our building, usually I only see one.

Ryan and I watched the movie "The Towering Inferno" over the weekend and it was about a high rise building in San Fransisco that catches on fire during their grand opening party. They show the fire starting in a maintenance room but I really think OJ Simpson was behind the whole thing. He was in the movie and played the chief security officer (doesn't that seem just a little odd to you too?).

Toni thinks we should hire Marty as a sales person. 

"I'm shooting blanks!!!!!" Toni to Tim

Roger called Toni a homophobic today because he didn't want to invite a certain somebody to our BBQ.

Roger was trying to get all cultish with me today.


Speaking of cultish, Roxanne's dad sent this picture to Bill and asked him if he was making the right decision. Apparently this is how she looks in the morning and Bill doesn't realize it because he never has his glasses on.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/10/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/10/2015

"I'm feeling a little mentally ill this morning." Roger and he mentioned that was nerfless for our safety sake.

According to Roger, Cody is an artist with his music.

Roger implied that more than one of his answers yesterday were false but then he said he couldn't say that because otherwise he would be a liar.

Roger wants everything on his terms.

I told my husband about a dream I had last night with talking animals and I was shocked he hasn't checked me in somewhere yet. That's probably what his surprise is later tonight.

As far as Steve's Bio for the wedding I left it short and to the point:
I'm Steve, I've known Bill way longer than any one person should know him. I hate him because he never took me to Vegas. I married an absolute 10, I can't reproduce boys so I have three girls and my brother's gay.

Tim doesn't understand when owls sit right side up.

Tim's paranoid and thinks that Bill is putting items on his jobs.

Imagine this, Joe left (lost) something at our warehouse today.

"Does anyone know my Apple ID?" Tim   If I had that information Tim you would be buying me all sorts of new movies and music.

"I think it's a good idea just to say no to Roger no matter what." Bill

Tim says he ordered a bigger and better nerf gun. Cody thinks our office has contributed to Nerf doubling their sales this month.

The party planning committee has a week to plan our St. Patrick's Day office celebration. I'm thinking I'll dye the nerf darts green and roll them in glitter for the festivities.

Toni tattled on Michael today and mentioned that he plugged in our oil warmer upside down while he worked here for two weeks. Now I know that Bill and Tim aren't the only idiots around here:)

Update, I found green darts, now I just need the glitter:)

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/09/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/09/2015

I took it upon myself to write Matt's Bio for the wedding because I just don't think he'll get around to it.
When I'm not installing flooring and feeding the homeless on my lunch break, you will probably find me in a busy Seattle bar preaching to the masses. Over the last few years I haven't cut my hair because people tell me I look like Jesus (most refer to me as surfer Jesus though) and because I'm cheap, while Jesus would have drank wine, I for some reason really enjoy Pabst. I have two beautiful children; a son and a daughter, both of whom will be graduating from Harvard this year way ahead of schedule. My wife of 16 years was recently abducted by the North Korean government and it is believed that they took her for her hair and makeup expertise for Kim Jong-Un. While she has been gone I have passed the time with becoming deeply involved in being an activist on human trafficking and have also starred in a movie, that co-stars Michael Pitt, that still has yet to be released.

I know I'm spoiling the surprise but this is what Tim wants for his bio (and he has already edited it).

Director of all directors

Handsome devil

Whitty

Nerf gun Sniper extroidinare

Hates kids

Loves donuts

Spam makes me puke

Tim I have revised your bio:

Hello I'm Tim, I'm the handsome devil that Bill picked to be a groomsman. I am married to the most amazing woman in the world and have three grown a$$ kids. I know you probably have heard me say that I don't like kids  but someone has to take care of me when I get older (at least that's my plan). (Don't tell anyone but I have a picture of my adorable grand daughter on my desktop at work.)

Currently I am in the process of moving, although I have not listed my home for sale yet (because somehow I think that my wit will save me and sell my home by itself ) and I have single handily kicked my baby princess out of my home so that I can move next to my son and practice my sweet Nerf gun skills. If you see me around don't be afraid to feed me,  I love: Donuts, Dilly Bars, DQ Ice Cream Cakes, Caveman BBQ, hamburgers and radishes (but not too many because they have done things to my insides that no one needs to see or smell ...) and also don't feed me Spam because that's just insulting.

 

Toni didn't know where to look when he was getting his tux fitted over the weekend. He said the woman had the lowest cut shirt so of course her boobs were hanging out and Nikki was standing right next to him starring right through his soul.

I wonder if the boobs lady did Toni's fitting the correct way? "First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear"

"If I can get Matt to wear a shirt, I'm doing pretty well." Bill

I think Rodney was disappointed to hear that Roxanne is getting married in 67 days.

Roger said Dot wanted him to make the whole bio about her for the wedding.

Matt's Frown Face got married over the weekend.

"The Millers" were cancelled, I'm shocked!

Somehow I missed Roger's facts about himself and I thought he was lying to me again when he said he sent it last night.

"One of the following statements is false.  The rest of them are 100% true.

•  I’ve been to Guam over 40 times.  This I believe is True, he had to escape his ex-wife

• On one eventful day during the summer of 2000 I woke up in Florida, witnessed a Space Shuttle Launch, and then attended a bull fight later that evening in Caracas, Venezuela.  This could quite possibly be true, it is only a 2.5 hour flight
• Every single time I walk down a flight of stairs I imagine that I’m going to fall.  This is most likely to be true, Roger has a bunch of phobia's
• I miss Vance.  This of course is True
• In 1974 I spent the night in a Massachusetts jail for vagrancy.   He was 21, I would have thought that the charge would have been for stealing clothes from Elton John's closet though.
• In 2012 I embezzled $32,500 from A F.  That's where that money went, definitely true.
• In my third most recent past life I gave an extra theatre ticket that I had to John Wilkes Booth.  This is false, John Wilkes Booth was an actor so he didn't need Roger's stinking theater ticket
• Since I started my first job in 1965 no boss has ever “had my back” more than Bill and Mary and for that I am appreciative beyond words."   This is true and Roger's a suck-up

 We need Quokka's here, they are adorable, this has been the latest rage in Australia to take a selfie with.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/06/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/06/2015

"That's the last time I do any favors for Tim." Roger

I told Toni that Ryan and I were going to the Fountain of Youth in May on our Orlando trip and he's afraid I'll come back as a fourteen year old. I forgot to tell him that I'll probably forget about the water, they have rum their.

Here's a crazy picture of a Bald Eagle protecting her eggs from the cold temperatures. 

Crystal wanted me to give her information for Bill's job today. Needless to say I wasn't going to ruin my Friday so I ruined Bill's Friday and made her call him.

"My mother sucked, she wouldn't stand in line for anything for me." Bill

"Don't tell me what to do." Toni

Roxanne wants the Groomsmen to give her a little bio about themselves (for display at the wedding) and she said it had to be clean. Roger responded with "I will keep it clean no problem, does it have to be true?"

As of right now Roger's bio will be about his past missionary work in Africa and how he eliminated Aids in one very large city with Unagi. His other trivial facts are that he: invented post it's, was the first male cheerleader for the Bronco's (he was a little shorter back then), wrote MLK's 1963 Speech and had a daughter with Charlize Theron but then divorced the b*tch for a Marie Osmond look alike. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/05/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/05/2015

Cody won't be taking any more referral advice from Bill.

Toni came unglued when Cody mentioned that his girlfriend Jess wasn't a fan of "Brave".

"I had to cattle prod Nikki to get her to run (last night)." Toni

"What did he do wrong?" Mary about Bill bringing in doughnuts

"I have a blabber mouth." Toni

"If you ask me any questions, the answer is no." Roger

"I'm not the one who puts mold in my girlfriends food." Roger (Does he put it in his wife's food?)

"I try to see the worst in people." Roger "That's why we're kindred spirits." Mary

"I think it's a smart a$$ idea." Bill  "I think it's a stupid idea." Mary

Bill and Roxanne bought doughnuts this morning and Bill said that Roxanne picked out her own box first and afterwards Bill told the employee to randomly pick his so that his box would be better than her box and that ticked her off which explains the weeping gash on Bill's face.

Harrison Ford has a boo boo with his plane today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/04/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/04/2015

Roger says he's going to start bringing real guns to work.

"Self pride, I don't know what to do with that so you're on your own." Bill

Tim had a good sales day yesterday, I think his mojo is back.

"I think I'm in trouble with you." Roger to Mary

One of George Costanza's bosses died today.

Roger complained to HR today about workplace violence. What a whiny little baby, he just needs to buy some nerf body armor and some leather pants so that he can be cool like Ross.

Here's a  horribly sad but funny write up for a termination at Domino's. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/03/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/03/2015

Roger was a little ticked this morning that Mary was selling drugs out of his desk yesterday. Obviously those are only for him.

"I go back to my desk and there were assault riffles everywhere. Can't I go to prison for this?" Roger

"It's like walking around in a video game in this place." Roger about all of the nerf stuff flying at his head

Now Tim's calling the back room people cool cats (I'm kind of jealous). Is it because Toni tells everyone that they are the cat's pajama's all day long?

Thank goodness it wasn't as cold here as Nantucket's been, their waves have been turning to slushy ice. I wonder how Helen Chapel, the Hackett Brothers and Roy Biggins are holding up?

I think Bill stole Roger's reminder about Daylight Savings Time being this Saturday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/02/2015

The Daily Chatter*

03/02/2015

"I've never done it in a group setting but I've done it on the internet." Bill about one of his kinky games

 Mary yelled at Toni for stabbing her daughter.

"I get twirly." Mary talking about the effects of the drugs that she was trying to sell out of Roger's desk

Most of our laminate suppliers responded with letters today about their materials compared to the Lumber Liquidators formaldehyde controversy on the most recent "60 Minutes" segment. Things seem to be going well for them, their stock plunged about 20% today and they have updated their website with this.

Typhinee thinks I'm a heartless b*tch because I didn't cry during the season finale of "Downton Abbey". In my defense I bought the DVD a few weeks ago and watched the entire series while my crazy daughter in law was staying with us.

Toni was awoken by a Snapchat video this morning with a guy telling him "Good Morning Beautiful". 

"Don't play with us." Tim to Bill

Good news for me "Mr. Selfridge" season 3 starts at the end of the month during the "Downton Abbey's" timeslot.

"You guys are a bunch of mess makers." Toni getting all maternal on us, I think he needs a Snickers.

*not to be construed as Gossip