07/31/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/31/2014

I think I broke Ryan's heart this morning, I told him we were going to be out of town this year and we're going to miss the NW Chocolate Festival.

"I like my coffee like I like my women." Toni

Seriously who comes up with Fed Ex's questions for their customer satisfaction on their claims process. I was seriously asked about my emotions three times and how I felt after I submitted a $50.00 claim by email and I had to rate my emotions on a scale between 1-10.

Toni has to go car shopping this weekend. I'm sure he'll get a BMW just to be like Bill, Garret and the guy who parks in our spots.

Bill told Roger this morning that Typhinee doesn't like him very much.

"You're so hip and cool." Mary to Tim

Bill likes Roxanne's family because they say nice things about him. Mary mentioned that they obviously don't know him yet.

 According to Bill, Mary has a$$ loads of class.

Bill nicknamed Toni cup sucker. You had to be there I guess.

Did Tim volunteer the company to pay for the Blue Angels at Seafair this year? I just heard today that they were coming again. What did he say yes to?

Steve has a new BFF, a crazy customer who thinks her floor is spotting and can't accept that it's part of the pattern. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/30/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/30/2014

Tim's Back!!!! I'm glad to see that he still loves us.

Tim noticed that Jessica had buttons on her butt and now she's button butt.

Steve is very disappointed today and he blames Toni for not getting him a prevailing wage job.

 "Why would anyone question what was in The Chatter?" Mary

Seriously how stupid can people be? A guy who robbed the Bellagio Casino of $43,000 on Friday later paid prostitutes at another hotel with the money still bound in Bellagio wrappers and so he was arrested on Saturday night. 

Roger is a bad bad man, he's making Typhinee do the Costco show all by herself while he goes out of town this weekend.

Watch out world the Mary's are going out for drinks tonight.

I saw an email come in from Crystal today and I thought it said Dirty Billing but instead it was a job name. I still think it's dirty though.

Steve found some guys that he wanted to hang with this afternoon. He was pretty sure they were all convicts at the carpet recycling place.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/29/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/29/2014

Tim claims that he's actually coming back. 

Steve said he had to follow suit of his mentor and show up late this morning.

"I'm going out of town this weekend...I feel that you don't listen to me when I talk." Bill to Toni

Nobody around here seems to like Utah.

Apparently Typhinee is a b*tch because she brought in Red Vines that were black and it confused Jessica and made her mad.

Steve has been drooling over the words prevailing wage all day today.

Did I miss fall time and my New England Cruise because Typhinee sounds like Christmas today with her shoe buckles unstrapped and jingling. 

"I'm the root of all problems." Toni

Bill tried telling Toni that wearing his ankle socks at work were gay. Then he compared him to Elton John and  I tried telling Bill that he wasn't gay.  FYI, Elton John was actually engaged to a woman at one time in the 60's but then broke it off and then attempted suicide but none the less  he then married a different woman in 1984 so I'm not sure why Bill compared him to Toni unless it's because Rod Stewart nick named him Sharon.

I think Mary found a beach to sun herself at today, she was definitely playing hookey.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/28/2014

Tim just doesn't want to come back to work, he called this morning and said he was in Utah. 

Piece of crap space age phone, it didn't ring when Tim called in six times this morning and then it went blank. I think Tim did some voodoo to it before he left Seattle.

I had a dream the other night that Rick was going to throw up on me but I think I avoided his barf. I think we were on a boat in my dream.

"I think he really likes you too." Mary about some guy and Toni

"He pulled a fast one on me." Mary about Tim    "I can't wait to see how you get even with him." Bill to Mary 

"I'm an old gal." Mary

Bill had to make fun of the tall handsome guy a few doors down who bought a used BMW a few weeks back and he already has a loaner car.

"I'm so happy to hear this. I thought I had lost her forever" Roger about his crazy bird lady customer 

Steve's here in the office for one day so far and he's already telling me not to put stuff in the Chatter. 

 

I was haunted by the Crystal gossip that Jessica told me about on Friday all weekend. I just wanted to puke every time that thought came up.

Bill mentioned today that Roxanne wants to make her own wedding invitations but I asked Bill if he gets to do the glitter portion since glitter is his favorite.

Ryan and I went to the zoo yesterday and I wanted to see how the monkeys reacted to a picture of Roger on a stick, to find out if they had mutual feelings about each other. 

This little guy didn't like him at all, obviously. 

 This one didn't even want to look at him.

 This one started making fun of him and then decided he wanted to try to kiss him but then he showed off his gnarly teeth and how he was going to rip Roger apart.

Then I wanted to see what the bear thought of Roger and it doesn't look good either. Roger and animals just don't mix.

Mary Ann came in today and told Bill he looked "Modern". Is that a modern family gay reference?

Teri is now identifying herself as Vanna White on the phone. I can see that we're going to need to change the name on her business cards pretty soon.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/25/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/25/2014

Tim needs to come back now. He's the only one who pays me great compliments when he needs something from me and he always needs something. Here's one more classic Tim picture before he comes back.

Matt came back just in time from Idaho to interview Toni on his sexual harassment case that I filed about Mary.

I figured Matt was the most qualified employee to be in the Sexual Harassment Department because he has the best lines for picking up women.

I won't be going to Christmas Island anytime soon, this is a crazy amount of crabs but it only happens once a year.

I apparently need to check my Spam email more often. I had date requests, tons of inheritance checks waiting for me, offers for penis enhancements and I had ads for dentures.

Roger wanted to say this to his customer today when his mother couldn't hear the door for the hardwood delivery guy "If you can afford a nice house on Lake Washington you should be able to afford to buy your mother a f*cking hearing aid."

Jared's mad at Crystal because she wouldn't do sexual favors for him this morning and apparently that's why he was blowing up her phone with text messages every 5 seconds. Out of morbid curiosity what could you text to someone in 5 seconds to make them feel like crap...over and over again?

I don't think it was appropriate for Mary to brag about all of her affairs that she had at the Swiss Festival in front of Toni.

"I'm just kidding..I meant boyfriend." Toni

Teri had her second photo shoot today playing Vanna White with our showroom tile.

Tim's brother in law must have Tim's same problem of saying yes but his would be to hiring employees. I think he must have more employees than we do.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

 07/24/2014

Josh and Garret thought they had a race van this morning. The tweekers cut out the exhaust overnight and cut the gas line in the other van.

News Biscuit headline that "Hot Summer Could Wipe Out Goth Population, Experts Warn"

"That's what happens when you're schizophrenic." Mary to Roger

"That wasn't sexual harrassment." Mary about her hugging Toni   She said it wasn't sexual harassment because she didn't walk in on him in the bathroom. I'll have our sexual harassment department interview Toni tomorrow just to double check her story.

Speaking of sexual harassment, Toni when is your new license plate coming?

"I couldn't afford to give everyone real time email." Bill to Toni after he got the Chatter a week late.

Toni just told us he had to go and take his #2 somewhere. It must have been special poo.

 Bill thinks Regina Phalange called today, I should have sent her to his voicemail.

Bill and Roger have issues. One of their "freebies" is getting married later this summer but I think they could take down Sean Penn if they had to. I think all they would have to do is brush down his hair over his eyes and he wouldn't be able to see them.

 I sure hope that monkey has a waterproof case over its phone.

I think Typhinee has some issues, I walked to the back room and she was starring at a picture of a horses a$$. I think maybe she's been helping too many of Roger's Enumclaw customers lately.....

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/23/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/23/2014

Since Tim is gone and not here to beat me up, I've been rearranging his desk and backstabbing him all day. Seeing this picture makes me feel like he's here though.

"I found an awesome book for Toni by a terrible writer."

 

Toni responded to my book recommendation with "I already read that. He dies in the end and him and the ghost get together." 


Jessica said she went to her parents house for dinner last night because she was in the area. I'm not sure why she didn't go to Crystal's for dinner, I'm sure she has an open invitation. 

An adorable kitty video for a quick pick me up:) I think Jessica will be the only taker.  
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152336534746997&fref=nf

"You are a wise, wise, wise a$$." Mary to Roger

Roger called and said he made a mistake and should have told crazy Nancy that we could put her furniture outside for several days like she requested and one of those being today.

Toni's excited about helping on a roofing project this weekend. I think he's just looking forward to wearing his new pink heels and showing the men how they can work as a hammer. 

"Her butt is very particular." Bill about Mary    Bill should only know what Roxanne's butt likes, perve.  

It was a good day, I got to flirt with Marty this morning. 

Bill has some interesting conspiracy theories as to where certain babies come from.

 Apparently Matt didn't think that he and Cher could pick up babes while driving around in a huge box truck. Obviously they just need to decorate the back of the truck with shag carpet.

I call Dibs on Mary's chair because I know that she'll upgrade someday to a soothing messaging talking chair that will bring her iced tea. 

"I was just working my magic." Bill    Does he think he's magic Mike? Because I'm pretty sure that he's not.

Roger was willing to have phone sex with one of our vendors (a guy) so that he would take a return but then I suggested that maybe that was a job for Toni. 
 

 *not to be construed as Gossip

07/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/22/2014

I blame Bill for Toni's lying habit, Bill blames Gary and I'm sure Gary blames his ex-wives, Steve and Roger.

According to Roger the best part of "Game of Thrones" is all of the boobs.

Bill's pretty sure that Damon and I have a thing going because of this Google Voicemail Transcript
"How Are you religious baby you, ohh so call back. 5. Hey."


"I threw you under the bus first thing this morning." Bill to Mary

Bill and Roxanne claim they have all of their sex videos on their personal website. I took one for the team and checked it out and they're doing it all wrong, I don't even know where to start.  Bill needs to re-watch Friends that's all I can say.

Roger told Teri that he had some stuff cooking. Was he trying to sell her some of his blue meth?

Jessica told Typhinee that she had to add more color to her wardrobe, what a b*tch!

Roger told Jason to quit going through women's underwear drawers. Obviously it was something that Roger didn't want to get in trouble for so he's blaming Jason in front of everyone.

Since Tim is leaving until Monday he told me that I couldn't write anything bad about him....

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/21/14

The Daily Chatter*

07/21/2014

I just found out today that James Garner died over the weekend. He was such an incredible actor.

Ryan and I saw a buck and a doe hiking the sidewalk up our hill this morning. 

"Until you try to have sex with them, you'll find out their not human at all." Roger about Gorillas

Ryan and I went to the Butterfly Garden at the Pacific Science Center yesterday after our Bite of Seattle experience and I wore a bright orange cardigan hoping that the butterflies would love me and instead one latched onto Ryan's hat and wouldn't let go of him and so I felt completely ignored.

Toni's grandma asked him yesterday if he got the job at the FBI. There are some things that Toni's obviously not telling us. I think he is in the FBI and he was sent here on assignment to spy on Roger, naturally.

Roger went to the mechanics today to get his slider door fixed and it worked several times once he got there and then when he left the mechanics the door wouldn't work.

Toni was super excited about his date with Tim today.

I wanted to slap the older lady who was sitting at the end of our table yesterday at The Bite of Seattle. We went to the Alley where they serve several small samplers for $10.00 and the money goes to a charity. This annoying lady kept saying that $10 was way too much for what she got. I wanted to ask her if she's seen the other prices at the other vendors because that was the best deal around. Then I wanted to slap some really annoying customer at Starbucks yesterday who was with his wife. I think I was in a b*tchy mood yesterday even though Ryan wouldn't dare tell me that I was:)

Toni and his gold glitter craze, it was everywhere today. 

Roger thinks he drives a half van. 

Toni's considering buying a Subaru and he just found out today that his dad John with Cascade has a Subaru.

"I hate that place but I'm going anyways." Tim about Westport

Ryan and I saw the weirdest sign yesterday on the back of a city bus and I'm kicking myself that I didn't take a picture. Some guy in a Speedo was getting off his boat and the back of his Speedo got caught on the boat and then it said something about being prepared in case you need healthcare. My questions are: is the doctor going to come and get him down off the boat if he called because why else would he need healthcare in this circumstance?, If he was able to call a doctor, where was he hiding his cell phone? Are his balls going to fall off if he hangs there too long?, If his balls do fall off does he really need to see a doctor for that?, How exactly is a healthcare provider going to fix this situation because I'm pretty sure I would just hang up the phone on him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/18/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/18/2014

According to Roger, a wife's only job is to make sure her husband leaves the house presentable.He said he saw a guy yesterday who had a really horrible tank top on where you could see his man boobs and nipples and he was wearing a 99 cent store toupee and on top of it his wife was with him and Roger said she was actually decent looking. 

Tim doesn't like the new phone system and refuses to use it's features.

"I get it now and I'm not participating." Tim

"When I have a complaint about one boss do I go to the other boss?" Tim to Bill

"Bill and I are going to go and touch each other outside." Toni

Ryan's ticked off because Roger blew us off this weekend for Bite of Seattle and gave us some excuse that he's going to a family reunion.

Toni's afraid of heights, yet he can climb up our warehouse racks like a monkey. 

Bill said Toni might be giving out the wrong vibe and that's why the Comcast guy thought he was gay.

Apparently James Taylor is on Toni's list of guys he would do.

Bill wants Jessica to write a book on the oil change diet. Apparently her lunch was going to consist of cookies at the dealership while she gets her car's oil changed.

"You're mine." Mary to Joe

Crystal was looking for her new BFF Jessica today. 

Bill wants to live under a rock when he retires and I wasn't sure if Roxanne would be ok with that. She really needs to find out all of this before she marries him.

Roger came in with his life theories and hypothesis' while Bill and I were actually trying to do 2 minutes of work today. (Yes, I got Bill to work for 2 whole minutes today).

Tim said "F*ck Me" this afternoon and Typhinee refused but I offered Toni.

Toni's new name is Tiny to the Karndean rep.

"All I heard was erection." Toni as he was wandering into our office during girl talk

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/17/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/17/2014

Bill has become one of these odd bosses..He emailed me at 2am this morning because he wanted me  to send him his TPS Repor. 

I think Teri thinks she was hired to be a tile model at our showroom. I somehow blame this all on Roger, I'm not sure what he told her but I can just imagine....

Mary was having a conversation with herself between the office phone and her cell phone and she came to the conclusion that she's a b*tch to talk to.

Mary's starting to think that Tim tricked her into taking a job.

 Now Jessica's comparing me to her crazy sister in law, I'm completely offended and probably won't ever speak to her again:)

"I'm just f*cking peaches." Toni to Tim    Must be a lactard thing.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/16/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/16/2014

My jaw dropped this morning when Bill's car pulled into the parking lot before 8am. Then I had to make sure that it was Bill who was actually getting out of the car. I guess we need to tell Bill that Comcast is coming everyday in order for him to show up.

"The Fast and the Furious" was at the top of Toni's movie list of all time greats. I won't be asking him for movie advice anytime soon.

Roger forgot his password today and Bill had to reset it and give him a new password, all I have to say is that he won't be forgetting his new password anytime soon.

Mary wants to pull her hair out.

"I have a man under my desk." Typhinee   I didn't know we were allowed to keep them under there...

"My morning was great until Roger woke me up in bed." Tim   I never did get a good answer as to why Roger was in Tim's bed.

The Comcast guy thinks Toni's gay, he mentioned if your girlfriend or boyfriend calls you....

Toni told the women in the office today that Bubble Tea tasted like ball sack. Then of course he openly admits to munching on them.Yes I know TMI but I'm just reporting what I heard.

Bill told me that the new phone system is punishment for me being a b*tch to him. He better watch it or his stapler is going to be in Jello again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/15/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/15/2014

"Teri's both nice and smart, that puts her in a unique group around here." Roger

Steve is no longer allowed to come into the office and help himself to food, apparently he needs someone to do that for him. I walked into the kitchen and there was a large glob of chocolate on the cabinets and on the floor. It reminded me of the bathroom scene from "Dumb and Dumberer" (#2).

Toni thinks the spiders stay out of his apartment because it's so hot.

Roger had to make a dash to clean more Crack out of his van before Teri rode with him again today.

Tim wants to switch desks with Mary and have me do his work for him.

I swear that Bill has a secret door in his office, he just vanished again at the end of the day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/14/2014

Happy Birthday to Typhinee and her freakish One Direction fetish.

Tim said his wife's family reunion was a "sh*t show".

God help us, Bill finally started watching "Arrested Development" and thinks he's running this company all wrong. He now wants to buy a banana stand.

Apparently Roxanne needs to meet and hang out with Crystal.

"Mary, do you think you can reason with Crystal?" Bill

Jessica is now getting texts from Crystal at all hours of the night with pictures of her kids.

The next birthday isn't until September around here. What are we going to do till then? I guess we have Jessica who likes to temp us with naughty food all of the time so maybe we'll make it.

The poor woman who Toni officiated the wedding for on Saturday ended up having a heat stroke after he married them.

I'm pretty sure the yellow frosting on Typhinee's cake for the spelling of her name was Mustard. Did Jessica have her new BFF Crystal write the name on the cake?

Roger thinks Bill's hip problem is Aids. 

"You're getting old, you're throwing out hips and sh*t." Steve to Bill

I hope Bill's hip problem wasn't from being in Utah and taking in Sister wives. What exactly went on because Bill said he didn't like Utah?

"I'm going to have Jerad fix the bathroom door so that we can tell who is in there." Bill

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/11/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/11/2014

Everyone keeps asking Toni if tomorrow is his wedding. FYI, it's not his wedding but it's the wedding his officiating.

A supplier called in today and said Mary was on a cruise. Interesting because she told me that she was going to Tacoma for the weekend. Where exactly is she and who is she with?

Roxanne was complaining about the heat today, she may not realize that there is a pool at their complex and at her work for that matter.

FYI, Typhinee wants a monkey for her birthday on Monday. I think so that she'll scare Roger away with it.

I saw Roger with his vehicle out next to the dumpster today, I'm pretty sure he was tossing all of his crack because Teri was going to be riding with him later in the day

Riley was so precious and lady like today, this is obviously what Mary teaches her to do.

"Is he just some sort of a limp dick?" Toni to some guy on the phone (Obviously he was trying to feel him out).

Roger's excited because he doesn't have to see me this weekend.

Typhinee embarrassed Riley and told her that her collar and leash didn't match so then Riley didn't want to go outside with her and be seen in public.

Garret bought a macaw bird so Roger won't ever be going to his house.

I had to cover my ears because Roger started a conversation with Marlon "how firm is".....This was after Roger asked me today if I wished Ryan were black.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

07/10/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/10/2014

Roger thought he was inviting himself to disrupt our Bite of Seattle experience in a few weeks but he didn't realize that I was unofficially inviting him just so that we could see Dot.

Roger thinks Mary's going to a festival this weekend where everyone celebrates being neutral. 

Jessica is going to kill Tim. She thought she was going out to do a measure on a Coast Guard boat with handsome young buff men and it turned out to be a container ship with no hot men and several nasty flights of stairs that she had to climb up in the heat yesterday in her heels. 

Here are some of Bill and Roxanne's Utah pictures.

 Roger thinks things turned morbid around here today. You know the conversation is bad when Roger says something about it.

"There's a lot of things that I don't understand about Bill." Mary commenting to Teri about his chair.

"You're worthless to me." Mary to Tim

"She's a psycho b*tch."  Mary about Roger's new fling Nancy

Jason told me today that he's going to have a baby and I asked if it was Steve's and he denied it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/09/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/09/2014

Roger got the gossip on one of Mary's neighbors yesterday before Mary did.

I like how Tim's thinking today, he said "Happy Friday" but apparently he's not taking any of us on his early weekend. 

This is the line at the Pot Store near Roger's neighborhood, I'm pretty sure this is him in disguise even though he told me that he's not a pot head, he's a crack whore.

Jessica got a ticket yesterday for having too dark of tinting on her windows and she's blaming Bill for giving her the customer that she was on her way to see when she got the ticket.

Michael (Mary's son) made out with Paula Abdul recently.

I thought this was adorable, MSN had a short video of a bear swimming next to a pier at Lake Tahoe.
http://msnvideo.msn.com/?channelindex=2&from=en-us_msnhpvidmod#/video/f819ad5b-121f-471b-9912-495f02f93ee9

"Why didn't you call me b*tches?" Mary to Jessica and Typhinee

Steve use to be the Shuttle Service around here and that's why I gave him his own FB page but I'm thinking that Toni should take over that service. He dropped Tim and Roger off today and then fetched Tim lunch, he's quite the man. I made him some cards to pass out.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steves-Shuttle-Service/135766626480020?ref_type=bookmark

 

According to Tim someone has their tit in a ringer, that sounds painful, I hope it isn't Matt again.

Instead of a long pause and Thank-you, Google Voicemail transcript did a  " Y'all Yankee yeah." 

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/08/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/08/2014

Steve was very disappointed that he didn't get to break down Bill's door this morning.

I had to look up Toni on Urban Dictionary. I know I shouldn't pick on him today since he wasn't feeling well so I'll let Urban Dictionary do all of the dirty work for me. 

Our Google voicemail transcript has a perverse little mind like Roger. It turned the words "Mama Stortini" into "Mama's Dirty Needs".

"She's kind of short to be Big Bird." Roger

"I was focused on her carpet and her cleavage." Roger

Teri watches "The Real Housewives" with her own special bottle of wine, now Tim will have someone to talk to about that show.

Mary thought "The Chatter" yesterday was pushing it a little but in my defense I'm not the one who pulled down my shorts and took a picture, or the one who had to go to a nympho meeting, or the one who had to buy male anatomy for lunch yesterday; my only fault in life is reporting about the crazy people that I may or may not work with. 

"Lets go parley in the backroom" Tim to Mary

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/07/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/07/2014

I found out over the weekend that Ryan's been sending his brother and sister in law random texts with quotes from Oprah that he finds on the Starbucks sleeves and not telling them what they are. They haven't responded to a single text so obviously they think he's delusional and very gay.

Roxanne told me on Thursday she doesn't like people. Has anyone told her to get out of the hospitality business yet?

"Coming back to work is Bull Sh*t." Tim

Bill learned a new word this week, Utard.
"You haven't driven through Utah until you do it with Roxanne in the passenger seat yelling "MOVE YOUR FUCKING CAR YOU STUPID UTARD!!!""

"Bill get's Toni, I get Cody."  Mary

Tim sent me a link to a freaking crazy intersection that is just unbelievable.
http://devour.com/video/meskel-square-intersection-/

Roger went on a Dam Riverboat Tour over the 4th. I wonder if they used the same lines from National Lampoons Vegas Vacation?

I had this weird dream about work last night. Some company posted a time lapse video of a job being completed by us and I had a customer call and ask why and how Bill fell backwards in the video. This woman must have been one of Roger's customers because she kept asking the question over and over again as to why Bill fell. Finally I said something to the effect of, I fall every once in a while too so it's nothing unnatural.

I think Roxanne went to a nymphomaniac meeting while on vacation, seems kind of strange. Why else would someone be holding a penis balloon in the group? I guess it could have been a lesbian orgy.

According to Roger and what he learned over the weekend is that there are 66,000 dams in the US.

Ryan and I watched the PBS special "A Capitol Fourth" and Michael McDonald was one of the singers and it appeared that he couldn't sing much anymore and that a lady actually sings most of his songs instead of him. Personally I would find that kind of embarrassing but apparently it's decent money because he's also touring this summer.

"I'll buy you dick's." Toni to Tim    Seriously how many can one guy use?

"I have a problem...."  Roger to Jessica

Roger says he likes gratuitous sex on tv and in movies. Maybe he needs to contact Roxanne about the meetings she went to in Utah. 

Most of us around here have already taken the mental pact to never do anything socially with Crystal but obviously Jessica didn't know better for some crazy reason. She was invited by Jared to come over on the 4th, she and her husband decided to go. (Obviously Tim's vacuum story wasn't proof enough that their place was going to be a vile, horrific, ghastly, detestable and a nasty he$$ hole). She said it was the most disgusting place that she's ever been to and she had to remind us that she has done work for section 8 housing. She mentioned that she had to use their bathroom and the bottom panel of the door was cut out and she said nothing had ever been cleaned. The sad part is that's probably the bathroom that was just remodeled and you couldn't tell. As far as the door issue, Crystal told her "Don't worry nobody peeks." Then she went outside and then had to deal with Crystal and her partially paralyzed drunk neighbor while trying to give the dog it's meds. I'm pretty sure she mentioned she had so much fun that she stayed the night and just used one of the blankets that was covering their windows. 

For all of you who haven't driven by their house to see the kids toys in the back yard (and apparently front yard as well) here's a little preview from Google Maps and this is from September 2011.

I looked up Hell Hole on Urban Dictionary and you have to read the sentence that they use to describe the word. 

I also had to look up Matt on Urban Dictionary and he's going to get an even bigger ego.

Roger's name on the other hand was getting a little graphic, go figure.

****Warning, Apex Porn Below*****

After seeing this picture, I'm pretty sure this was Matt at Gay Pride. The picture on the right is the one that Matt left on Tim's phone when he left it in the warehouse.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/03/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/03/2014

It's a Fourth of July Miracle, Tim went to the Doctor today.

Roger thinks Toni should advertise the Ram head on Craigslist as having a sh*t load of cocaine inside of it.

"That looks like a Tim thing." Mary

I think Typhinee ticked off Crystal because she keeps calling me instead of her.

Apparently I just need to label all of my emails with Daily Chatter otherwise Bill and Mary don't read them.

I think Serge was concerned after hearing that Bill was going to Utah.

Roger was wondering the other day as to "what would Tim do" in certain situations. I'm going to have buttons made for all of us.

Toni can be such a nice boy at times, he cleaned out the desk that Teri's going to sit at today.

"F*cking Marty is a dumb a$$." Tim

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/02/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/02/2014

"What the he$$ kind of animal is that?" Toni about our bathroom door hanger (What's wrong with having a beaver on a bathroom door sign? )

"You are a hairy little bastard, aren't you." Tim to Toni

 "I was a younger man then." Bill to Steve    "and more handsome." Steve under his breathe (but Bill was excited that Steve thought he was handsome at all).

Mary's already called the computer system Kashmoo in front of Teri. She's going to be so confused.

Did Rob the sales rep settle down or did we just get use to him? Bill used to hide from the man.

Roger was talking about having sex with Nancy Pelosi today, it was a weird conversation or maybe I had too much to drink by that time this morning. I do also recall Jessica saying that she would rather do Judge Judy so maybe she's slept with Pelosi too.

Bill's starting in on his sexual harassment with Teri. He answered his phone, "hey baby" right in her ear but I'm pretty sure he didn't have a call then he proceeded to tell her that he could braid her hair so that she would look like Princess Lei.

"I'm plenty bitter." Roger   If he's slept with Pelosi he has a right to be bitter.

 Roger gets to meet one of Steve's favorite customers in a few weeks.

Steve left his tools in the van tonight and Bill wanted to teach Steve a lesson. I think the van is almost cleaned out now.

 Roxanne, you better buy Bill some Seahawks shoes because I think he's going to steal my heels because their similar to Seahawk colors.

It's a new month, I need to bill Tim for animal storage and collect on last months bill, otherwise his Ram might be out in the pile with Steve's free tools.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/01/2014

The Daily Chatter*

07/01/2014

Roger went to a customers house yesterday and noticed that their cat was playing with a round object that he thought was probably a grape. He went on about his business and later discovered the cat was missing an eye and now that's what he thinks the cat was playing with.

Toni was hitting on our water guy this morning and was trying to get an invite to his 4th of July party.

Roger claims that he's been written up for sexual harassment at all of his past employers. Mary should have known that Roger's only Facebooked about it:
"When a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute."

"Ladies check out my schwetty balls, they're delicious."

Mary on the other hand doesn't want to write up herself for her sexual harassment behaviors. There's just too much to write and she really doesn't want to stop giving her firm open handed slaps on the behind just to remind everyone of the good job their doing, it's a bad habit she learned from "Friends".

I told Steve today that he needed to fix the bathroom door because Mary threatened to quit if anyone walked in on her and then I told Steve we would end up with only Bill. He said he would get right on it.

"This isn't freaking France, is it?" Roger to Mary about some woman with hairy armpits

"Dot won't let me buy crack anymore." Roger

"I'm an occasional prostitute, how else could I afford my new furniture." Mary

Roger took offense when Mary called him a crack head.

"I hope she's hot like Betty Rubble." Roger

I think Bill's staying away from the office because Jessica is going to kick the crap out of him for abandoning her on Sunday with his clients.

Tim was out doing something shady in the parking lot today when the Bing Camera Car drove by.

After being at the Spy Exhibit over the weekend paranoia has set in and more than usual. I thought that the fly in the office was rigged with a camera but I didn't find one when I squished it's guts out and was cursing Mr. Unnell's.

We were all reminded today as to how high Steve Lemon's voice really is. 

*not to be construed as Gossip