05/31/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/31/2013

The guys didn't do too bad today by themselves and without Mary most of the day. I had a Sponge Bob Square Pants birthday and they even invited Kevin who will also be my replacement in a week. 

According to Bill, Toni peeked too soon this morning. 

I think we may have an issue next week, we are getting a guy temp. Toni's going to want him to sit on his lap.

Mary seems to be planning some hot steamy weekend rendezvous. Who's going to break the news to Randy?

Roger got mad at me today for just sitting in my chair letting my cake rot after he went to the hassle of picking it up from Claim Jumpers and fighting off tons of people.

Tim and Rick both told me not to get married today.What do they know Ryan?

Crystal talked to Mary and Toni about poop today. 

Mary thinks that Bill likes to make fun of her.

Roger sure doesn't like women in his man cave. He made me leave.

I think I offended Rick today by calling him a perve because he's taking off and going to Arizona for a week.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/30/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/30/2013

Bill told me that he picked up his prescription for his glasses last night.

The screen in my car last night said the name of a song was Waiting for Toni instead of Waiting for Tonight. I think there's something going on between our Toni and JLO. 

Our UPS lady was awfully chatty again today. 

"Tim's scheming, he wants it in cash and not direct deposit." Bill

Rumor has it that Roger and Bill are trying to find an old folks home that they can move into later on together. I think they're done with women.

Mary needs a drink. What about the rest of us? Who does she think she is?

 

That's the last time I call Roger back, all I got today was a never mind and previous to that conversation he guessed my wrong age by being way too high. 

"Four inches doesn't matter." Mary     That's definitely not a Michael Scott that's what she said. 

Apparently I'm supposed to be nice to Tim because he doesn't do this technology thing well. 

I think Bill told me in a round about way, happy birthday, shut up and get back to work because your not taking vacation or getting married until everyone's work is done. This is why Mary always seems to get the best boss of the year award.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/29/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/29/2013

"I wasn't staring at your butt." Our RFMS trainer to one of the guys. Then Vance said "Toni was". I obviously missed out on something good in the man cave.

Bill told our RFMS guy today that I was getting married soon and that I haven't met my lesbian partner to be yet. 

Now Mary's holding up my birthday, I think she's going to combine it with Tim's to make me feel like I'm common folk and that I don't work in the West Wing. 

Rick thinks I put something in his cookie. He should just be thankful that I gave him a cookie.

"My problem is I can't see." as Bill was squinting to see his screen during our meeting. Roxanne can you please make Bill do something about this, he always makes us do things when we complain about anything, just ask Shaky Steve....

"You bang on it and bam." Vance    I just don't know what to think especially since this was during our training this morning....

Bill thought I had a black eye but then he changed his mind, thanks Bill.

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/28/2013

 The Daily Chatter*

05/28/02013

Ryan and I started watching the new season of "Arrested Development" and now I think Roger needs a license plate that says ANUSTART. Most on the show are pronouncing it Anus Tart.

I feel like this RFMS training is going to get in the way of my birthday week and I can't celebrate it next week because it's Tim's birthday week and I can't have that competing against me. 

We had a moron parked out in Tim's spot today head banging to really loud music with his window rolled down. At first I wondered if it was Dwight Schrute but then I starred too much and creeped him out and the guy left.

"We're not supposed to talk to you." Roger to me

 I wondered why Roger was parking so far away from us today but turns out he was scheming how not to take his car to the mechanics. I'm not sure why he just didn't let Jason fix his car.

Roger likes to break the rules.

Tim says he's not a screamer but I'm going to wait till the end of this week to see if that's true. 

Tim thought he was going to get out of doing stuff for RFMS by just billing everything on Friday, we all kind of ruined his plan. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/24/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/24/2013

Rick came in today just to give Toni some company this morning. 

Tim apparently doesn't notice much at all.

Roger said that Rick is a great father figure to Toni. How many dad's does Toni have?

Toni found a knife on Mary's (Jodi Arias) desk today and it freaked him out. 

 Don't bother Rick he claims he's going to be drunk all weekend.

Rick decided to be Tim this morning and made me fix all of his Kashmoo mistakes.

Toni got into the scissors and bleach today because Roger wasn't looking after him. Roger apparently also forgot to charge Toni's Gameboy and that's why he got into so much trouble.

I think Roger really wanted to fight me today, too much testosterone or something. He thinks his fists are lethal weapons, he was apparently high on something.

According to Toni he thought that Bill has very good taste in porn. That's why Toni pretended to use Bill's desk for something RFMS related. 

Roger was reminiscing about Matt and the gay bath house story today with Jason, good times. 

Toni blurted out yesterday that he's gay. I'm not sure why he thinks he needs to keep telling us all that. 

Have a wonderful and safe Memorial Day weekend!

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/23/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/23/2013

Rick yelled at me this morning when I came into work early and woke him up. He hadn't even taken his shower yet. 

Toni's wigging out that everyone's leaving him by himself tomorrow. 

FYI, Tim loves it when employees and subs call him for money. He's definitely the one to hit up:)

Now Tim is informing our reps as to which products the guys in the man cave have decided to sell of theirs.

Rick is afraid that next week the sales people will be begging to have Kashmoo back. 

Roger mentioned that only women with large racks are worth hugging. He turned his nose up at Mary's hug today, trust me Mary got even with him.

"Maybe these aren't the right boys for you."  Roger to Mary   "I want them to be." Mary   Doesn't she already have enough men in her life?

"I had to honk because I'm a b*tch." Mary

Rick's a jerk, he texted me a picture of a nasty spider that his wife caught that I told him I couldn't look at.

We decided today that Mary's more of a hard a$$ than Bill. 

Tim just did something in our bathroom that he claims was better than sex. I wonder how his wife feels about this?

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/22/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/22/2013

I haven't heard Ryan freak out yet about his son's engagement. He obviously doesn't know that they're planning on getting married in 5 months instead of next summer like he hoped for.

I'm starting to think that maybe Rick is living here. He was the last one out last night and the first one in this morning. 

 "They're just always at lunch." Damon walking into an empty office

Apparently I'm supposed to just know which time card is Joe's when he doesn't put his name on it. At least Matt gives me clues as to which one is his every week.

Tim gave his monthly speech as to which reps he likes and what samples he wants to keep in the man cave. Apparently he must be in charge in the man cave. I should probably get him some new business cards with his new title.

Roger claims he messed up today, I didn't think he ever admitted defeat.

Tim at least acknowledges that he's a royal pain in my butt. 

"..........so the IRS doesn't sh*t down my throat." Tim     That sounds pretty gross. 

It was nice of Mary to throw some f*cks my way today. 

 

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/21/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/21/2013

I read yesterday on "The Onion" that Venezuela is running out of toilet paper and I thought it was a joke but it's true thanks to their socialist government. 

Tim got a nice pretty white truck. Does Donna know about this?

 I had a dream last night that Mary and Randy were trying to have another kid. Haven't they learned their lesson yet, it's not really free labor when you consider all the crap you have to pay for.

It's all Bill's fault that the chatter is suffering today. I've been too busy with RFMS stuff and it's only going to get worse since we'll have a trainer with us next Wednesday through Friday. 

I guess I need to blame Roger too for the short chatter, he was only in for a little while this morning and he didn't have any gossip for me, he was just here complaining about subcontractors.

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/20/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/20/2013

I had a dream last night that Rick decided to dye his hair black and get a perm. I think he was going for the 80's Ross look.

I'm beginning to think that Toni pocketed our lotto money because otherwise we would have won. 

Bill told us today that when he was in Portland he put his hotel keycard in the same pocket as his phone and Roxanne yelled at him and told him that would erase the information on his key card and he didn't believe her (even though she works at a hotel) and oddly enough he couldn't get into his room later that day.

"They don't make cups in Thailand like they use to." Bill

Tim said he was easy today. Just another sign that Donna kicked him out.

"Yahoo back on top after purchasing millions of 13 year old girls blogs." The Onion about the Tumblr purchase. 

 I'm just so glad that I'm not on the dating market. Bill sent me this terrible drunk dialing call that some girl made and it's seriously unbelievable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAePiOLLj_k

I think Toni needs a set of these for his car. These would look killer on his purple people eater. 

Tim's awesome, he knows how to rip up bills so that I don't have to enter or pay them.

Bill demonstrated yesterday as to why men aren't normally invited to baby showers. They don't know how to cordially participate in the shower games.

"He better not blame it on me, I was down there but I was drunk the whole time." Mary about Bill and our new software system. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/17/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/17/2013

According to Tim one is way too many kids. 

Toni didn't know whether to tell the crazy red Jaguar woman driver who was applying makeup the whole way to work all awhile speeding off in the car pool lane and swerving in and out of traffic and who happens to work on the other side of the building that she was the greatest driver or that she was the craziest driver ever.

I had a dream last night that Matt was working as a perve at some sort of a photo booth in the mall.

"I love Kim Kardashian." Roger   Yah, we all know that, he has this picture on his computer desktop.

Mary claims that Riley was a beast at her first appointment but as soon as she dropped her off at the office she was an angel like usual. She just needs to bring her to the office more.

"Tim messed the whole thing up." Bill

Tony was a little frightened as to how well Bill could explain to him over the phone how to hot wire a car. 

Mary just wants to take everyone down with her on her bad days.

Tim thinks we should have a smoke pot at work day because MSN said today that pot smokers have thinner waist lines but Tim so do crack users.

Apparently Roxanne thinks the whole world revolves around her because she thought that I was accusing her in the chatter of saying that Mary's house looks like a museum but it wasn't her that had that mix up.

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/16/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/16/2013

"It's different, you’re not trying to date Tim." Bill to Toni

Toni had to dump Nikki this morning because she didn’t remember that Harrison Ford was in the original “Star Wars”.

“Roxanne has a horrible memory.” Bill    Don’t worry Roxanne it was "Star Wars" related and at least Bill hasn't dumped you yet over it.  

Tim brought his lunch again today and he told me he drank last night. Now I'm positive that he's living in a van down by the river. 

"Flying would be cool but I think I would get cold really easy." Toni

Mary thinks she has the best husband ever. 

Tim wants us to send him to Argentina for his birthday to go duck hunting.  

Roger told me that I better not be taking Ryan's crack pipe away from him before were married. Roger was concerned that's what I had done to him and that's why he went to the hospital with chest pains yesterday.

"I was really excited for a moment but now I'm back to normal." Roger

The Series Finale of "The Office" is on tonight. 

I told Toni there was a hot woman on the phone the other day and Rick wanted to know why his wife was calling Toni. 

Tim claims he's a technological idiot. He had Roger fooled because Roger thought he was a genius. 

Rick and Vance are quite the men today.  Tim on the other hand not so much, he needs to step up his game. 

Bill thinks we need to find something for Tim to do because Bill's concerned that he just wants to screw everyone over. 

Ryan should feel better knowing that the rest of the guys around here are afraid of my pointy boots too.

Miley Cyrus had a makeup mishap somewhere and I'm thinking she thought she was auditioning to be the new Joker. 

Talk about taking "Golden Girls" memorabilia to a whole nude level. This painting sold for almost $2 million last night.

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/15/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/15/2013

"I'm a man of simple needs." Roger   

"Roger must have gotten laid last night." Tim

Ryan's son, his third oldest got engaged last night. 

Don't ask Tim about the Cloud because he has no idea what it is. He didn't even know that we have a company calendar on icloud. 

Roxanne seems to have a beef over Toni and Bill going to the movies together. What part about being Bill's son does she not understand?

Roger wants a Men's Only Club in the back room. Whereas Rick wants strippers. 

Vance told everyone that I was the greatest today but then Roger had to ruin it and tell everyone that I hold grudges.

Roger wants to milk his surgery that he has coming up but he doesn't want any F*cking Flowers.  He wants chocolates, money, drugs and lots of sympathy.

 

Roger told me to get out of the men's room today.

Roger also told me that I was a buzz kill. It was his fault he asked what was going on. 

Bill's now making me diet. I think he thought I was joking when he said do you want the twelve inch sub and I said yes. 

The Ohio psychopath that kidnapped the three girls for a decade is pleading Not Guilty. I wonder how that will go for him?

The security in the  West Wing of our office sucks, Roger made it all the way to the ladies room and was sitting at the Vice President's desk and there wasn't anyone there to stop him. I just can't work under these conditions.

Rick thinks we all were in the bathroom together watching someone shower. 

Toni see's faces in everything apparently. 

I'm starting to think Toni is everyone's son. Roger called him son today too. 

Rick sent me this picture today and it looks just like my devil cat. I sent it to Ryan and he said he would never eat cereal again, if you couldn't tell he's afraid of that cat.  

According to Matt his bandana isn't pink,it's salmon.

"How the hell did you know that?"  Roger to Bill   I think Roger was convinced that Bill was digging around in his Google brain again. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/14/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/14/2013

I wanted to vomit this morning when I woke up, I had a dream that I slept with my sisters ex-boyfriend. Now Ryan's going to want to throw up while reading this. 

Apparently Bill doesn't know how to adapt to big city life. Roxanne said that Bill left his keys in the door all night. Bill, this isn't "Little House on the Prairie" you can't do that because there are perves just like you out there. 

Bill sent a clip of Michael J. Fox's new show and it looks like it could be good but since it's on NBC it will probably get two airings just like Paul Riser's show.

 http://youtu.be/SXl-krlLoxg

 Rick wants to be called Mr. Money. 

If you visit Mary's house don't comment that it looks like it should be a Museum instead of in a magazine because she takes great offense to that mix up of words. 

Toni was upset because Vance took his parking spot this morning. Obviously Toni  needs to assign parking spaces to everyone. 

"I don't know of anyone who holds grudges over minor insignificant things besides Mary." Roger

Roger says that he's much nicer than Tim is.

As of right now "24" is supposed to return to Fox next year but only for 12 episodes, they will apparently skip some hours in the day. Can they really do that?

I think Roxanne is beginning to feel like she's babysitting a grown man. She mentioned that he had to have his sprinkles and Reese's Pieces on his ice cream last night.  If I were her I would be threatening his parents to send him back, I'm sure they would start paying money to keep him away. 

Matt thinks he's the office drunk this week but I'm pretty sure Mary has that title with her pink floral flask that she's going to use tonight in front of her lush friends.

Toni and the rest of Bill's co-workers think that Bill drives like a madmen in our parking lot. 

Toni was being inquisitive of Mary today and what Riley was doing at home.

"I love being bossed around by women." Roger

Rick says we all need to start liking what he likes. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

 

 

 

 

 

05/13/2013

The Daily Chatter*

05/13/2013

                                                                                        

“It’s not the first time someone has hated me.” Steve

Tim thinks he turned over a new leaf today. He brought his lunch into work. I asked if Donna kicked him out and he said no. I just don't get it, I think he lied to me.

Vance has Toni’s Halloween costume picked out already. I'm kind of upset because I thought I was going to be able to dress Toni up this year.

Bill told me to avoid eye contact with all of the installers. 

"Rules of Engagement" and "CSI:New York" were cancelled along with a long list of other shows.  Poor Matthew Perry, his sitcom got axed again.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/05/13/gay_tv_shows_cancelled_the_new_normal_smash_go_on_and_more_video.html

"If anyone needs Zeb, I have him corralled in my car." Tim

Toni asked Bill today what he thought of his mother's muffin. I just don't think that's any of Toni's business. 

Tim was all chipper when he got done with Zeb today. Is it because Zeb caressed and comforted him during our  hurricane thunderstorm today?

Tim wanted to know what everyone did at the office past 3 P.M.

Mary told Bill that he doesn't have time for the internet at home because he was too busy having sexual intercourse and she said all of this right in front of Toni. So now Toni's asking everyone what sexual intercourse is. I told him to ask Roger because Roger draws the best stick figures.

*not to be construed as Gossip

05/10/2013

The Daily Chatter*

5/10/2013

Happy Birthday to the best boss ever!

Roger had a dream that he got a job offer to stop mean people from talking bad about Honey Boo-Boo. I figured Roger would have wanted to be the attorney for O.J.’s retrial, if he gets one.

Ellen had to change her outfit before her interview with Cher, she mentioned they both were wearing the same thing.

 

Roxanne had quite a traumatic morning. Whereas Bill thinks he had the traumatic morning i/o of Roxanne.

Mary got another awesome tattoo today.

Tim came in with flowers today for Mary’s birthday, I think he was trying to outdo me, suck up.

Tim says he’s not broke yet so now would be a great time to hit him up for money.

Somebody told Toni and Nikki that they were a sharp looking couple, that’s definitely going to go to Toni's head.

Toni mentioned that some homeless guy told Nikki that she wore her dress well. Mary wanted to know if Matt was the guy who said it to her.

Matt claims he doesn't have a hairstyle and it really shows...Mary wants to know what he's been doing in the back of the van, she doesn't think his hair should naturally look like that. 

*not to be construed as Gossip