03/29/2013

The Daily Chatter*

03/29/2013

Bill was whiny and sensitive to light all day because he had an eye exam this morning. He even had the nerve to tell us that he was injured and sick. I hope Roxanne kicks his butt this weekend for his patheticness.

Roger thinks Bill looks like Stevie wonder.

Adam told us yesterday that Brad Robbins died and that Zach went to the funeral last week. Brad died in October of 2011; I think Adam may have been in a coma for a while.

Well Matt finally got back to Bill about the text that he sent “You stay away from my cake you a$$hole.”

“That’s Tim fault for playing with the girls.” Bill

Bill apparently didn’t want some dude’s dog to bite him last night so he had Roxanne mawashi tsuke the guy.

Roger wanted to know what the heck I was doing here this morning and I told him I worked here but I think he was stoned.

“Seeing Bill in the dark makes me giggle.” Mary

Easter Sunday is supposed to be gorgeous and 70 degrees.

“Don’t be such a baby.” Mary to Bill

“I’m going to go to Portland just to get away from you mean people.” Bill

“I didn’t have it in me to make him room with Matt.” Steve

Toni thinks the birds are now in Bill’s computer, poor kid he’s losing it.

According to Roger drugs and bullets go together.

Toni’s pretty much naked; he says he’s taking off a piece of clothing every hour. So far there’s nothing in his tip jar.

Ryan had to take a company harassment class yesterday. Instead of doing that can we just have a Michael Scott movie marathon in our break room? We can go over the rules of Toni stripping at the end of the movie because Vance will probably want to bring up that he would prefer Toni to shave his legs first.

Bill’s off to play Pick Up Sticks….He said we couldn’t come unless we had tickets.

It’s not fair; Bill’s staying in Ryan’s and my favorite Marriott Portland Hotel over the weekend.

Toni claims that Roger has sh*t coming out of his mouth. That’s really disgusting. 

"I would probably sleep with Tom Selleck." Toni

"Justin Timberlake is almost an Angel." Toni

"I don't think Nikki and I have ever fought over broccoli." Toni

Have a wonderful Easter everyone!

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/28/2013

The Daily Chatter*

03/28/13

“Easter, that’s the one where we all sit around and throw eggs at each other, right?” Roger

Mary’s high maintenance, a prude and squeamish according to Roger and Tim, they both had a discussion about it this morning.

I had a dream last night that Bill told me that he was pregnant again.

Roger was disappointed that he couldn’t be Tim’s hero this morning.

Tim was being mean to Roger this morning (according to Roger) so I sent Tim to his corner and then forgot about him, he may still be there. I should probably check. 

Toni’s upset that his mother hasn’t been by the office with any food for him recently. She probably feels threatened since all of us keep hitting on her every time that she comes in. It’s the same reason why Jenny doesn’t come down here to visit.

We discovered today that Mr. Ferguson has the same bad bathroom phone etiquette as Tim.

I think we finally scared the Asian off from our parking lot; he now parks in front of his store.

Bill found it inconvenient for me to ask him for his signature today when he was trying to text his girlfriend.

Bill thinks I’m full of sh*t but obviously I'm not. 

Tim told Mr. Ferguson that he wanted his job but that he won’t leave. Ferguson said that other shops have bets as to whose store he’ll fall over dead at.

“How could you not like a guy like me?” Tim

Toni tried asking Tim what one of his saying meant today, horrible mistake.

Bill feels like all the women in his life are constantly telling him not to screw things up.

Toni asked the guy from Pac Mat if their phone options really have recently changed.

Bill thinks that ever since Roger threw up 12 times in a row his sense of humor went with it.

Ferguson needs to come and do more PK’s because our lunch spread was awesome. 

“I’m blaming Roger for breaking the big printer.” Bill

Toni mentioned that Nikki doesn’t like Lemon so I told him to dump her. Honestly it would be doing her a favor.

Toni likes the Mercedes Mullet combo, he thinks that would work well for him.

We had quite a surprise today, Adam came in. Of course Bill and Adam had to reminisce about old times and Steve will be happy to know that his passing out story came up only because Adam had another employee pass out at the sight of blood.

Hum, what the heck “I thought I was pushing hard. I hope it was a tight fit at first.” What kind of phone sex line is Mary running around here?

I think Adam was a little worried that Bill was going to sell his house and seriously move his parents in with Adam.Well they have to go somewhere. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/27/2013

The Daily Chatter*

03/27/2013

Tim claims that Mary has me convinced that she works all the time but he’s not believing it. He's apparently been talking to Gary and thinks that she messes around all day long.

Roger claims I was the only one not p*ssing him off at 9:45 this morning.What did the rest of you do to him?

“That’s not what I wanted to b*tch about.” Tim

“I’ll just ignore you again.” Roger to me

Bill wants to hire a clown who walks around drunk and tells dirty jokes at our BBQ. We already have Matt what more do we need?

Roger thinks I’m a trouble maker but that position has already been filled by Mr. U’nnells.

Bill sent Matt a text that was meant for Roxanne the other night luckily for him it was only about that he may or may not have ate her carrot cake and Matt hasn’t said a word to Bill about it. Personally I would have been upset and wanted the freaking cake.

Toni is insistent to know what a J stands for at the end of a sentence.

Toni said “Yummers” today, what about that isn’t gay?

Roger was apparently offending people again today. That's probably why Vance and Tim went home early.

Roger claims he’s a happily married man this week and didn’t even notice the hot bartender at The Pony Keg like Toni did, I'm sure the "hot bartender" has an Adam's apple. 

If you want to live life to the fullest Bill suggests taking Roger’s advice. Bill says that straightened him out. No, I’m pretty sure Roxanne made him become straight.

I think Toni moved his balls so that I would stop slapping them.

Toni thinks we have birds in our walls…Steve at one time thought that too but he was just going crazy so  he had to go back to installing. I hope Toni knows how to install flooring. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/26/2013

The Daily Chatter*

03/26/2013

Roger’s alive and back from London.

Roger mentioned he saw the movie “Lincoln” on the plane and said that Lincoln would have died even if he hadn’t of been shot and Bill mentioned that he would have died on the Titanic.

Roger wants Toni to become a professional ballet dancer.

I was glad to hear Bill tell Smoxanne (Toni's secret name for somebody) not to text and drive but if she doesn’t take him seriously I’m threatening to pull all of her hair out if I ever hear about her doing that again. My threat is the same for anyone else who texts and drives too so consider yourselves warned.  

Toni thinks he can take out the crazy North Korean, Kim Jong Unm as long as he’s had his liter of Hennessey beforehand. 

According to The Onion Jessica Simpson read a book and is going on tour about it. 

Roger blew our minds today when he told us that Steve Martin was never a cast member on “SNL”.

According to Roger Kiwis don’t fly airplanes into the World Trade Center.

Roger sure got his name back into the Chatter today so much so that Tim's going to be jealous. 

I wonder how the guys are putting up with Matt’s out of town personalities. I can’t blame Mike and his guys for trying to stay at another hotel.

“I’m too old for that sh*t.” Rick about carpet laying

Bill thinks Toni tried horning in on my moment today. I told Bill I was just ignoring Toni because he’s like that. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/25/2013

The Daily Chatter*

03/25/2013

Something weird was going on Saturday. Roxanne texted me a picture of Bill at a bar either flipping me or her off and then she mentioned that he had a brain freeze. I’m not sure how he could get a brain freeze from some place that doesn’t serve bubble tea. She tried telling me it was a Vietnamese bar but I didn’t believe her...but apparently I was mistaken for the first time in my life because Bill told me it was a Vietnamese bar. 

I finally took my own date advice and went to the Chihuly Gardens and Glass exhibit over the weekend and it was absolutely beautiful and well worth the admission price. 

Toni’s already having nightmares about Vance screaming at him. He shouldn't worry about Vance, it's his future mother in law he should worry about we all know how she can be.

Tim decided for Mary that if she ever got stuck or ran out of gas that she should take her shirt off and wave it over her head because he thought that should work very well for her.

Steve’s getting picky in his mature age about his hotel rooms, where as Matt’s just fine slumming it.

Bill doesn’t seem to like it that Roxanne has my contact information and can send me stuff about him. Where as I love it.

It’s a good thing Ryan doesn’t write the Chatter or post pictures because the 92 ounce Margarita that I almost consumed all by myself on Friday night and the chandelier incident may have made a headline.

Mary claims she has a bag of goodies. Why haven’t I seen this bag? Does she keep it in her Prada? Is there chocolate and bubble tea in her bag? I need to find this bag.

Toni was quite concerned; I slapped his blue balls today.

According to Howard, Jennifer Aniston is too old for Toni.

Where the heck is Roger and all of his vacation pictures? I guess he may still be man-tangled with Rupert Everett. I read that they went and saw a production that he is in.

I think Bill is secretly buying Gold through Dal Tile, I just saw an invoice for 6x36 Gold. He needs to include me in this sort of scheme or else I'll just blow his cover.

Bill wanted to know if anyone noticed Toni’s blue balls. I think he’s jealous that Toni can just leave them out in the open like he does and not get lawsuits. 

*not to be construed as Gossip