12/30/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/30/2019

Sarah wasn't supposed to be in today and then she came in and depressed all of us so Bill told her to take the next few days off.

Steve was so impressed that our Christmas Party is going to be on his birthday on the 17th that he's threatening to go to a movie instead of the party.

Tim has too much time on his hands right now, he started a Nerf gun fight. He obviously needs to be out selling or planning his company social event. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/27/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/27/2019

Apparently Sarah got ripped a new one for buying her son the wrong hammer for Christmas.

Michael thinks that I was the ring leader who made him look bad at our Secret Santa gift exchange but technically that was Tim for not remembering what his job was.

Some people just don't appreciate our medical advice around here.

I was shocked to find out that the woman who hates football worse than I do (Sarah) is excited for Marshawn Lynch to be back because she has his jersey.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/23/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/23/2019

Toni told Bill that girls are smarter than boys and Bill didn't want to understand.

According to Faith I'm always fun to look at. I think maybe she had one too many pain pills today.

Typh told Steve that he looks like a disguised pedophile because he cut off his beard but still has the long hair.

I think Tim's going to join the Mason's, the Elk's and whatever other group he can find his way into to figure out what they actually do at their meetings.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/20/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/20/2019

Marty thought that a few of us were talking dirty about him before he walked into the shop with whipped cream all over his face. That definitely happened after I saw that.

Bill warned Steve about having kids today...remembering that Tim is always right on that subject.

I really want to hear the conversation when Steve tells his wife that the women in his office gave him a speculum at the gift exchange.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/19/2019

Typhinee thinks I'm a freak because I can smell one of her candles in my office even when the bay door is open.

Steve accused Marty of being grumpy but from the sounds of things Marty made Steve very grumpy too.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/18/2019

I couldn't find Bill this morning and it turns out he was at a bathhouse with Toni.

"You looking like a dick has nothing to do with this project." Bill to Steve

We discovered that if  we get the Jewish bath house job we can't tell the guys what they do in those until after they do the job because even Toni was disgusted.

Toni had quite the day, not only did he learn about what a Mikveh is but he got to go into a porn shop with Steve to look for a gift. I can only imagine the two of them together in a porn shop. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/17/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/17/2019

Bill told me that I would love the landlord that he met with, he's Australian (ok English according to Michael) and an ex-Sounder. Turns out he's also related through marriage to Michael.

If you see glitter and jewels everywhere tomorrow, don't ask questions.

Poor Michael, even his own clients would rather email Tim than him.

Interesting Sarah and Roger seem to have the same thought processes about stepping into churches and she did actually survive today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/16/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/16/2019

"If it's not about me, then I don't care." Bill

"I hate when I send my mom a text that was intended for my wife." Bill

Toni was turned on when he realized that Veronica's husband works for Stanley Steamer. Obviously he figured out a new role play character for the bedroom.

Sarah's son thought that he was going blind today and Bill told Sarah that she was a horrible parent and I told Sarah she should just crochet her son an eye patch instead of the scarf she's making. I'm not sure why she thinks her coworkers are a$$holes.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/13/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/13/2019

Marty sure loves this time of year when I have my leg lamp lights up and he can talk about my legs.

Ashley and Sarah are going to Leavenworth tomorrow for the tree lighting and I'm pretty sure that Ashley's going to need us to talk very quietly to her on Monday.

I can't believe that our Christmas gift exchange is only a week away.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/12/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/12/2019

"I have small breasts like a dove." Toni

Bud thinks that my sweater today is BCM colored and I actually agree with him.

Toni's news crush is Jordan Wilkerson (and it's a woman).

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/11/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/11/2019

"I really want to believe you." Mary to Bill

Steve sent an email that he would be working from home today while he was here in his pajama's and slippers. I think the poor man was confused as to where his home was.

Bill told me that I couldn't pull a prank on Faith today because she's too sweet. Wait until he hears about her cat story.

Bill asked Toni why he went to a kids wrestling tournament, he thought it sounded kind of pedophilish.

I found out yesterday that I really failed at the cat art in the commercial office because somebody did it way better than I did. The nice thing is Tim's on vacation until next week so I have time to step up my game.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/10/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/10/2019

Roxanne has Jury duty today and Bill thinks that she's going to love to stand in judgment over someone else.

Sarah thinks that she's getting a new puppy.

One of our reps just called himself Mr. Mullet in Toni's email and Toni thinks he knows that the guy really likes his rocking mullet.

Pho restaurants apparently remind Toni of the happy times with Joseph. Bill on the other hand couldn't remember who Joseph was until we reminded him that he was the guy he fired.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/09/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/09/2019

Don't ask Sarah to go caroling with her that doesn't seem to bring out her Christmas Spirit.

Steve tried touching his brothers husband ass making some excuse that he wanted to touch his flannel.

Rachel Green's father died over the weekend. The thing I didn't know was that in real life he was married to the mother on "Arrested Development".

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/06/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/06/2019

"Thank-you for your usual brief answers." Sarah to Bill

Sarah's son seems to love her to infinity only because he doesn't know how well he did on his Spanish test. Then on top of it he told her that the text wasn't for her.

Steve may have screwed up his second youngest daughter.

Mary's parking job really seemed to be the topic of conversation today.

Veronica says that her mother doesn't know that she smokes and apparently I can't tell her that tonight.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/05/2019

Tim's trip to Sequim sounded kinky, I questioned if his "friend" was really a chiropractor.

Michael thinks that I can't be trusted with anybody's secrets, he absolutely doesn't trust me to know which secret Santa gift will be from him on the 20th even though he will be hunting that day.

I think Bud is chickening out the Holiday Paint Night After Party, he's claiming to get sick probably so that he can go home early and miss my horrible door picture advertisement scene. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/04/2019

The back issues seem to be contagious this week around here. At least people aren't all sitting like Tim in their chairs.

Tim and Michael sure know how to hold grudges against each other. Apparently they are feuding this week over past wedding unvites.

"Tim going to Sequim to see a chiropractor is like when Kellen went to Spokane to get his hair cut." Bill

"Did you have a stroke in the middle of this?" Bill to Steve

Bill and I think that Tim lost his wireless earbuds once Sarah was added to their office so that he could put all of his calls on speaker phone and talk about having monkey sex to his wife.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/03/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/03/2019

Leave it to Toni to get in the Christmas spirit and tell one of his family members how to kill himself in a group text.

Sarah wanted to know if there was an official card to sign for my husband congratulating him on winning the fight over the huge popcorn maker at home. I sincerely hope that it doesn't fit in the car and we have to send it back.

Tim would like the world to know that he has a parking spot, it is not marked but it is his.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/02/2019

The Daily Chatter*

12/02/2019

According to Bill Argosy cruises has lots of drunk college kids which is something that Ashley would love to hear about.

Toni found his staple gun on the bumper of his car this morning, after he got to work.

"You could hide a small family of baby bats in your beard." Toni to Steve

Tim seems to be defective right now.

Toni wants to plan next years Christmas Party so we'll probably be at a male strip club, perfect.

Speaking of male strip clubs, I was very disappointed that Michael didn't bring me any ass on Friday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/27/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/27/2019

"We don't do artistic drawings." Bill to Ashley   Bill's wrong, I'm pretty sure that Toni does artistic drawings.

"I might be a little sadistic but I kind of like it." Typh

Michael offered to bring Faith and I in a little a$$ on Friday. I have a feeling that my husband will not approve of me going to work on Friday now.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/26/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/26/2019

Toni was telling us this morning about that cars he dreamt about last night. Makes sense since everything has to be car related with him.

Tim and Sarah asked for a copy of the employee handbook today, I think they're scheming things again.

Sarah decided to put in for maternity leave after reading the employee handbook and Bill being the generous guy that he is offered to pay for the kids' college and all expenses. Sounds like guilt to me, this should be a fun conversation to bring up at the Christmas party in front of Roxanne.

According to Toni the only time that I'm dead serious is if I stand up from my desk.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/25/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/25/2019

"Sarah's being difficult, she hasn't been the same since she learned how to weld." Bill

Roxanne's ticked because Bill can renew his TSA precheck number online but she has to go in to renew. Obviously they've been listening to Bill's phone and hearing what he says about his wife. Don't worry Roxanne I'll tell you everything at the Christmas Party.

Toni doesn't want to come to paint night unless he can do some nude modeling. I know how hurt he was in college when they didn't pick him for the modeling job so I told him he was more than welcome to come to the event and do that.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/22/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/22/2019

The new Tesla truck according to Toni is like describing a Delorian to a blind person and having them drawing it.

My husband was sick yesterday but insisted on taking me to work because he didn't want me to have to get gas for the car. I'm not sure if he was just scared that I would pull a Roger or if he was just being a really nice guy.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/21/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/21/2019

Steve says that you should sell your kids before they become teenagers.

Michael brought in his sons dog today which made him very popular with the ladies and Toni.

Toni taught Sarah and I the urban dictionary meaning of the word ratchet today. Toni's never going to teach me anything else again because I already used the word.

Apparently Steve is going to do an office experiment tomorrow to see how many people can be rushed to the ER by using Dab.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/20/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/20/2019

Mary touched something shiny that came out of somebody's van and she decided that she better wash her hands.

Bill thinks that his wife's family should have a reality show. Thanksgiving would be a great time to start that and all of us would be happy to make cameo appearances on the show as long as we're fed well.

Tim's coming back early because according to Bill "Tim is bored out of his mind".

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/19/2019

Ashley seems to take out all of her aggression's on Riley.

I'm a little disappointed Toni normally has something funny to share after a get away and this time he talked about how he and Lou didn't like the dryness of Arizona and bloody noses. I was really hoping for a story more like the time he heard people having sex over speakers outside of his friends' wedding venue.

Roger's ears were definitely burning today when we had an employee meeting without him.

Sarah thought that Ashley was screaming in the warehouse and Sarah went to check on her and it turned out to be Toni.

Steve's friendship apparently costs real money especially if you don't do your pick tickets, he charges Toni $1.00 each time. Bill on the other hand has a gambling problem but usually wins money off of Toni too. It's starting to sound like Toni just pays to work here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/18/2019

Typh's happy today because she finally got a copy button in RFMS.

Faith tried coming into work today but had to go home because of traffic, what a horrible excuse but I think I'll use that one tomorrow.

Michael's offended because Typh physically ran into him and told him that he was scary. I'm assuming that she's going to paint Matt on paint night but then again she really does like scary. I can't wait to be surprised.

Bill thought I forgot about the cheesecake reference in "Friends" and now I think he's mad at me. How could anybody forget that episode.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/15/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/15/2019

Bill thinks that his son is going to be the next Steve Jobs with some sort of a snack phone, isnack.

Key West sounds like the place to be right now, they just had 233 consecutive days of 80 plus degrees which sounds like heaven to me.

"I'm sure that Tim and Michael will hate it but I love it." Sarah

Bill gave some of us great advice today from an article in "The Onion"and a few people took it to heart. 
https://www.theonion.com/health-experts-recommend-standing-up-at-desk-leaving-o-1819577456?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&fbclid=IwAR07ejpIRm3M_WheRWF8WM2GTiDBimmsjzamLanATKNI_k96LMVfCzZ9reM

Ashley, Sarah and Steve are all trying to recruit Bill into their new company, Rock Bottom Flooring. Sarah said that they are going to start in a tent in her back yard and they're going to start by paying their employees with eggs.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/14/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/14/2019

Tim was telling Toni how devastating it is to fly with a baby right before Toni left for Phoenix today with Lou all by himself.

Tim told me that he's gone for a week to Lake Chelan. Who approved this and how can I get as much time off as him?

"Bill didn't talk to me for the first year that I was here." Typh obviously still bitter about it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/13/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/13/2019

Bill told Toni that he can sell the sh*t out of things but to stay away from the analogies.

Ashley thinks that Sarah, Tim and I are planning a murder and she doesn't want to be an accessory to the crime.

Faith has nicknamed Riley Roomba because she loves picking up all food crumbs.

"Ashley was being kind of bitchy about it." Bill about Mary's speakers making annoying noises

Toni's concerned about his breast milk being touched while going through TSA tomorrow.

Bud must have been overly concerned that we were going to bring Kellen back if he took the day off because Typh had to finally tell him to leave and go to the hospital.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/12/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/12/2019

Michael has offered to sing Christmas Karaoke at paint night, this is going to be such a treat.

Ashley now thinks of herself as a magician.

I was so proud of Tim (Roger would be proud too), yesterday he actually knew about an old movie which he never knows about.

Typh has scared everyone with my man picture so tomorrow when I see my dad I'll tell him it's a good thing he didn't have a son.

Tim, today would have been a good day to pull Bud's man card because I almost did it myself.

Bill let Tim disassemble his pencil Jenga puzzle.

Michael was very upset that something from Victoria's Secret wasn't edible or see through.

Toni thinks that surprise nudity is funny but apparently if one of our installers comes to paint night nude, he promised to throw up (because it would be too funny).

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/11/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/11/2019

Tim wants to pull Bud's man card for hosting a paint night. Did Tim not see the sign on the door because there's going to be a risque after party.

Bill thinks that bananas are a cure all. Last week I thought he was promoting avocados, did he change his mind?

My husband informed me again that I need to read words instead of pictures, that arctic cold surge that I had a map of on Friday in the Chatter will break lots of temperature records but apparently won't affect us much and the map was not of temperatures.

Ashley's paranoid because Bill measured her office.

I heard Bill tell Mary that size doesn't matter....I must have misheard him.

Typhinee is a horrible, horrible, horrible person and Toni makes a really hot woman so I hate him too.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/08/2019

When I checked in at the dermatologist yesterday the lady commented that I had a lovely glow about me and my first thought was please don't ask me if I'm pregnant because I've been talking about VD all day because of Roger.

If this Arctic blast really happens next week, I'll need to take an immediate vacation to somewhere tropical. It has us at 5 degrees and Miami at 1 degree, this seriously better not happen or I'm going to be wearing every fur that I own to work.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/072019

If Tim complains about the hot water spigot on the new broken water cooler not working he just needs help with the child safety lock. 

Roger loves that he can haunt all of us from a distance. 

If I ever text someone at 12:20 in the morning please know that it cannot possibly be me because that is way past my bed time and the second thing is, I don't have VD. Yes, this will be a fun one to explain to my husband tonight. 

Bill also had an old text resent at midnight from an installer and Tim had some odd things happen later today with his texts and they are both iphone users. I just read on Bing that many of the ghost texts were from Valentine's Day. 

I am apparently "the sh*t" according to Matt.

I hear that Puerto Rican strip clubs are very nice. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/06/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/06/2019

"After I murder the designer with a shovel." Bill to Ashley

This maybe the last time that Bill asks Roger for advice. "Tell them all to quit worrying about their feelings and especially any of the women involved, tell them to go and lose some weight." Mary and I immediately texted Roger and said that Bill told us to lose some weight then I told Sarah to lose some weight too. Even though Roger's not here, all of the women are still upset with him.

Ashley is now confusing her dog with a dog treat machine while she's at work. She had that poor thing thinking that she was close by and excited to see her.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/05/2019

Bill says he's now torn to come to work because his son never wants him to leave in the mornings.

Tim has already pleaded his case for a 4 day work week after seeing the new study done in Japan but I'm pretty that's all Tim works anyways.

Toni's mad at Bill that Bill gave Howard his job in his dream and then Toni's wife called Toni a loser.

Michael's changing his work event, now he wants to play The Newlywed Game with everyone.

"I hope that I have a 30 year old b*tch who works for me when I'm 60". Toni about Tim using him.

Ashley is never speaking to Steve or Bill again, they went to lunch without her.

Matt has informed most of us that he would like to be called hot from time to time, this is not in my scope of work so somebody else (like Toni who loves calling the men handsome around here) will need to do that for him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/04/2019

I disappointed Bill first thing this morning by reminding him that Kellen broke our favorite water cooler and the look alike that came on Friday is now partially broken (because the cold water doesn't want to work).

Michael called Tim wussy boy this morning but then Michael refuses to come to work tomorrow if he has to drink tap water...

I love that Mary has a Plan B already and Bill knows the guys name, how odd.

I think Michael was jealous that I won the Halloween contest and that I didn't pre-approve my outfit with him first.

I corrected Bill and Toni today on who killed Hitler, it was Sam Elliott according to the movie that I watched last weekend and he also killed Bigfoot. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/01/2019

The Daily Chatter*

11/01/2019

"She (Roxanne) doesn't understand that it's the single greatest thing to happen to me all day." Bill about the new water cooler

I had to explain to Roxanne that it's like Kellen never broke our best water cooler and that's why Bill was so excited.

I had several people ask yesterday if Bud was dressed as me for Halloween. I'm not quite sure I could handle seeing that one.

Toni is still talking about Travis seeing whales in Lake Washington.

Fantastic, Typh thinks I called her a dike which I did not do so if I don't show up to work on Monday Typhinee obviously did something to me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/31/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2019

I need to apologize for getting one of Bill's jokes wrong yesterday, I almost got fired for it. It was supposed to be "Wow, what an a$$!!!!!" So please use this phrase as often as you feel like to him.

"Tell me about your daughters nipples (to Steve)." Bill

"Look dad I can bite them." Steve about what his youngest said to him the other night about her nipples

Sarah figured out that Typh and Ashley are out sick today because they are out trolling for little boys in costumes, I wonder how Ashley convinced Typh to do that.

I'm pretty sure that I won the Halloween contest around here since Bud took off early for a meet and greet at a Luke Combs concert in freaking Boise. Riley was not thrilled to dress up as Bud today though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/30/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2019

Tim says he can't be Tigger for Halloween because Toni was for ten minutes. In Toni's defense Toni says he didn't have sex with it so he's not sure what the big deal is.

According to Tim, Michael took Roger's place. I'm going to disagree because Roger never hit on me.

"The best part is I proved my wife wrong." Bill about his eye vision

Poor Toni still thinks that it was his face that scared me the other day in the break room.

"Steve might have a good butt too." Bill   Bill thinks he has a nice butt because people say look at that a$$ when he leaves the room.

Toni says no to the dong bomb which is apparently one of the possibilities for Sunday's Ukrainian conspiracy theory bomb for downtown Seattle.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/29/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/29/2019

"Tim blasted my f*cking balls..." Toni

Toni tried on Tim's Tigger outfit that he needs to wear on Thursday for Halloween and Toni said he felt like a little kid in a grown up costume because there was so much room.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/28/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/28/2019

Tim and Michael were talking about mounting red heads this morning then they tried telling me it was a duck thing....likely story.

All thanks to Howard, Bill realized he lost his company credit card over a week ago and left it at a restaurant.

Apparently Riley did not appreciate me going to lunch today without her, she whined at my door while I was gone.

According to Toni woodpeckers are a protected species but he thinks he may have killed two of them.

Ashley says that she's quitting if she can't have her space heater.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/25/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/25/2019

"These people see a lot more dick than you." Bill to Toni

"I'm not sure what kind of f*cking kangaroo clown car they are driving but it's working." Toni

"I can clear a room, can't I." Bill

"If you can't beat someone just drag them down." Bill because he would like his wife to start drinking and smoking so that he can look younger than her

Faith finally heard Toni talk about his BCM soap.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2019

According to Tim, Bud had most of the women crying today. He received a very prestigious award today for Sarah's friend on FB telling her that Bud's painting was the most realistic. I guess we don't need anyone else to judge our paintings after all.

"We need to help Ashley find dates, she's going out with Michael tonight." Bill

Ashley is apparently sending out porn again from her work email, this might be why the guys are loving her this week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2019

I asked Michael for a recap of his morning and I got proposed to in front of Sarah. Michael and I are now registered at Amazon and Crate & Barrel.

Bill and Roxanne are now addicted to smutty television shows.

Sarah's sister in law is coming at the end of the week and apparently doesn't like the mattresses that Sarah has for her guests so she's having some new ones shipped to her home.

"I have to hide it from Bud or he'll take it." me to Faith about my Bath & Body Works order

Patrick with Dal thought we needed to put Toni out of his misery today. I tried telling him that Toni was on the mend but he didn't believe me.

Tim is requesting a new warehouse guy who can't remember as well as Bud does. Tim's pissed that he has to pay full price for something.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/22/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/22/2019

Paint and Sip night went well last night until I realized that the wine wasn't included but it was still a lot of fun.

Typh's mad at all of us for abandoning her last night and creepy Bill wanted to know how much a Typhinee was going for on the black market.

Ashley got a strange message from somebody that Sarah knows on FB at midnight last night. "I knew Sarah growing up.... We should end this now but I don't know how." We're confused does this woman think that she's having an affair with Ashley, does she want to end Sarah's life or does she just want a job?

We still need to pick judges for our event last night to decide on the best painting. Just to be sure that I win I think Michael needs to be one of the judges so that I can tell him all about my thigh high boots (that I apparently have) that I'll wear with my Halloween costume.

Bill just wants his $812 dollars back.

Toni got his child to flip him off already.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/21/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/21/2019

Why is everyone so reluctant to go to Ashley's event tonight? I'm assuming that they don't want to be an accessory to Ashley's underage dating schemes. Or is it because it's going to be harder to sleep through this event than Sarah's? Whatever the reason is Sarah definitely thinks that her event was number one already.

Tim admitted to being a pain in the butt today.

Michael almost refused me the talking points recap this morning because I was too late to the game.

I learned today that I don't want to take Michael's chair while he's in the building if I don't have mace on me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/18/2019

Well Michael couldn't take my Friday morning crap so he kicked me out of his office.

It sounds like Ashley may need to bring a change of clothes with her when she goes to the Maris Farms Haunted Woods this weekend.

Sarah decided that the fake bug idea sounds like a way better idea than handing out trinkets like logo condoms to new customers.

"I'm the new Kellen, I never thought I would say that." Bill

Sarah warned Ashley about hitting on her son and then proceeded to tell her to think of her face on a sex offender registry list.

Now that we made the INC 5000 list a Forbes company wants Bill to write a book, no that didn't go to his head. Bill already has plans of selling us his book at the Christmas party and of course if you don't buy it you'll probably be fired.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/17/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2019

Sarah's a rockstar and even Tim is admitting it (he didn't like the idea at first) but she (and Michael) got out their first commercial constant contact newsletter.

I'm never ever believing Michael again....

Thanks to Faith one of Bud's cockroaches made it to a meeting with Tim today in Bellevue, she put it in his brownberrie and it fell on the floor. It was a great conversation starter considering Tim had never met these female clients before.

Even Toni's phone spells his name with an i.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/16/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/16/2019

"I can't wait until we're not raising them anymore." Steve complaining about his daughter issues

Michael would like his own office because he's tired of seeing an office full of women in his. Most men would be honored by this privileged but does Michael want us to think that he's a Saint.

Bill was complaining about his first world problems and that his house smells like fresh paint. I told him that I was jealous because I need to paint ours.

Michael accused me of not doing something and I accused him of being a moron because I did.

Roxanne volunteered me to dog sit for someone that I don't even know, thanks Roxanne! I'm sure that my husband will personally thank-you too on Monday night.

Tim absolutely hates us, he came into work today sick as a dog.

"Don't let my wife know that I know how to do things." Bill

Poor Ashley was called out by Veronica for her resting bitch face today, Toni told her to go on a job walk that happened yesterday and Sarah is taking up Roger's tricks and calling Ashley out on being antisemitic and racist so the poor girl couldn't catch a break today.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

10/15/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/15/2019

According to Faith, she and I slept together at the "Downton Abbey" movie night, you guys really missed out, Bill tried telling you that but none of you listened especially Tim.

Bud almost chewed me out today because he thought that I was buying Bath & Body Works scents for other people in the office other than for him.

Michael claims that he never makes any mistakes but he would like some more white out.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/14/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/14/2019

Tim claims that he's not going to open day duck hunting anymore if he can't take his boat and if he has to hike in. He would like us to remind him of this next year when he forgets.

"I'm weirded out by four button coats." Toni

Now Luke has joined the BCM club, this is becoming insane.

Tim tried giving Faith the cockroach that was probably scaring him every time he grabbed for a piece of candy and again he tried blaming me.

"I was at a wedding with a murderous row of hot (male) doctors." Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/11/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/11/2019

Toni came in today on his day off just to get a good dose of Bud's BCM since it needs to last him all weekend.

Why is it that everyone blamed me for Bud's prank today?

We were all expecting Toni to scream like a little girl this morning, Bud put a fake cockroach on his chair and Toni didn't see it until much later and as far as I know he didn't make any weird noises.

Toni sent Bill a text with an address and nothing else and Bill sent him a note that he said he was on his way.

Toni couldn't believe that the bride to be didn't know what kind of car her father drove. Bill responded with "that's the most Toni thing you have ever said to me".

There are still four tickets left for Ashley's sip and paint event on the 21st.

Michael still needs to pick a venue for his event. He better have something by Monday or Sarah probably won't let him sit in the same office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/10/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/10/2019

Sarah is now asking to smell Toni's hands after hearing that he likes BCM (black cherry Merlot) so much.

Faith apparently wants some sympathy just like her daughter because she screwed up her knee last night while her daughter has a broken foot.

Tim seems to have an issue with Sarah's gay unicorn tape dispenser. In Sarah's defense Staples was all out of bright pink tape dispensers so the unicorn was the next obvious choice.

Note to self don't buy Toni the brown sugar vanilla hand soap because it smells like b*tch to him, since his ex-girlfriend used to wear the scent.

I realized the other day that I'm just as bad as Bud. I told my grand kids to wash their hands and I had a pumpkin scent of foaming hand soap in the bathroom and they ended up loving washing and smelling their hands with me.

Sarah is now requesting partitions for her office, sounds like there's some kinky stuff going on with sandwiches in there.

I'm starting to think that Faith has a background in everything, I just heard about the marketing background that I didn't know about before. I'm pretty sure that woman could run the world.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/09/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/09/2019

Downton Abbey night was a huge success because we coerced Ashley into going and sleeping in the big comfy heated seats through most of the movie.

Tim bought a website domain name yesterday. I told him if he would just give me access I will have a website up for him within a day.

"That's the wrong f*@king bathroom you transsexual b*tch." Steve to me

Tim thought up bowling night so that's going to have to be his work event. Toni is definitely going to have to do the movie "Ford vs Ferrari" for his event, I told Ryan that was the only movie from the previews last night that I am excited to see.

Steve's right, Bill is an a$$, he threatened to take away my new computer if I didn't use it.

Crap now Bud has absolutely ruined Toni too, he's going to insist on black cherry Merlot hand soap.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/08/2019

It's "Downton Abbey" movie night! I'm assuming that's why Jesus made us a fifteen course meal today for breakfast. I'm not sure why the newspaper wasn't ironed for me this morning though.

Michael's a little mad that Steve laid Travis off before he could get his chicken wing batter recipe.

It's only been a day and Toni is referring to Lou's caretakers at his daycare as very detailed characters.

I'm assuming that Bud is out today because he's mad at me for making him run out of his Bath and Body Works wallflower scents.

All thanks to Michael I woke up in the middle of the night and started thinking of  Employee questions to write down for his trivia night, needless to say I have forgotten most of them by now.

Bill wanted to put on the memo of his check reimbursement to Sarah "for a fun night" I told him it should be "a fun night with a whole bunch of chicks".

Tim wants to pull Bill and Ryan's man card for going to "Downton Abbey" tonight. Bill said that he's not taking sh*t from a man who wears a bunny suit. Speaking of which it's almost time for Tim to wear his onesie again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/07/2019

Ashley is doing her own Paint & Sip event to show Sarah and Bud up.

Lou started daycare today and Toni was almost in tears all day long.

Leave it to Michael to be Mr. Tactful, good grief. Sarah and I almost died from awkwardness this morning.

Michael has been inspired to do his own event, he wants to do an Apex Trivia night.

Tim thought we were making up the whole "Downton Abbey" movie night thing until he realized it's actually a movie. What does he think that I just make crap up all day long?

It was just announced to us today that we are going to be on the show "World's Greatest" which I believe airs on ION TV.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/04/2019

It's getting exciting people we finally bought our tickets for "Downton Abbey" today so as long as Ashley doesn't embarrass all of us at dinner the night will be lovely.

Bill admitted to his wife the other night that he was thinking about her sister and another woman. If he wants to stay married he needs to learn how to be a little more discreet about these sort of things.

Apparently Bud thinks that he's going to teach me something about football, he was obviously having a very off day if he was thinking this. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/03/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/03/2019

Happy Birthday Dot! You're an amazing woman to have to put up with Roger.

Faith seems to have my Halloween costume picked out for me and I didn't even ask her to do so.

Toni heard a car load of ladies screaming about a lovely woman that he really wants to meet.

Toni's definitely going to be looking for that woman now, he just realized that his custom order carpet that installs tomorrow came to us totally blank so hopefully his customer really wants white carpet.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/02/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/02/2019

"Read the f*cking bucket." was not the response that Tim wanted to hear from Steve on the phone in front of his customers yesterday.

Michael obviously doesn't listen to me, he just found out on Sunday that Pat is Mary's brother.

Steve was complaining about his office being cold this morning, the horrible thing is that his old office is toasty warm today.

Tim thinks that Bud's a great swindler after seeing what he scored for prizes at the Wing Cook-Off so now he wants him selling for the commercial division.

Toni found out today that Steve's not willing to try Ethiopian food because he thinks they only eat bugs.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/30/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/30/2019

Ashley hit on a fifteen year old guy at the Wing Cook-Off and he told her to look him up in a few years.

"To Ashley even Toni looks tall." Steve   Toni said that was the only time in his life that someone had ever said he was tall.

Now Michael's blaming me for him not winning yesterday. All because I didn't wear something skimpy when I presented the judges with his wings.

"You lying piece of sh*t." Tim to Bill

Michael thinks he won yesterday in his mind because he was so selfless and reminded the other contestants of the rules otherwise they would have been disqualified.

Sarah told Ashley that she is ruining her life because the kid she's hitting on is the son of a somebody Sarah is trying to get work out of.

My poor husband has to  go to the anal rapist tomorrow for a colonoscopy so I won't be at work very long tomorrow.

I have only a few more days of vacation pictures left (I promise). I loved our day on Martha's Vineyard, it was a very unique place to visit and we had gorgeous sunshine. On our boat ride back over from Falmouth we enjoyed a spectacular sunset and a full moon rising above the water.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/27/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/27/2019

Steve thinks that Bill made up the excuse about his kids being sick today so that he could finish his bathroom project before his in-laws show up today.

We are going to have some huge issues on Sunday if Bud doesn't win the Wing Cook-Off Trophy, I think we're going to have to rig this contest because I really don't want to see a grown man cry over not winning.

Yes, Ryan and I were only gone for a little over a week and I swear I have a couple weeks worth of pictures. We were very fortunate to have nice weather for almost our entire trip but on the day we drove around Cape Cod it absolutely poured down on us but we still had a nice time driving around to a bunch of lighthouses. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/26/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/26/2019

Apparently I make Tim nervous when I wear rubber gloves around the office.

According to Michael, Sarah is the kiss of death.

The guys pretended not to know what "Downton Abbey" was but they insisted on Bath & Body works hand soap for the warehouse bathroom. I blame Bud for what he did to our guys.

Obviously I'm doing something wrong since I was stuck at the office all day yesterday with Bill and Steve was out partying with Matt.

Michael said he saw Sarah at the new Dreamboyz coffee stand and he was in line right behind her.

"You guys need to quit abusing me." Tim

Thank-you Toni and Steve for dissing Tim at lunch today because he took me instead.

Plymouth was an interesting place to visit because of its unique role in American history and because I bought some adorable fall decorations there. While we were there Ryan and I tried to find as many of our known ancestors on burial hill and references to them throughout the city (so yes it was our very own scavenger hunt). 

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/25/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/25/2019

"She asked you for advice?" Toni in a shocked voice to Bill

Poor Toni was told to lay off coffee for two weeks, the man may die because I'm pretty sure it's coffee that surges through his veins.

Bill sure has been trained on what to tell Mary when she insists that she's not wrong.

Downtown Rockport was a really cute place to visit with fun shops and some quaint New England scenery. We ended up going to a lighthouse and realizing that we could see the castle that we had visited prior from this area and also in the distance was the city of Boston (which I was surprised that we could see).

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/24/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/24/2019

Tim's now texting employees that haven't worked here in years with group work texts.

Tim thought Toni was Vance.

Sarah showed up to work today but I'm pretty sure she has the mono that Toni accused me of having last week.

"Roger's right you are a bitch." Bill

Bud expects people to know what game time is on Sunday...I'm a freaking woman (Roger was surprised by that fact today) who doesn't watch football, how the heck would I know.

This was an interesting castle that we went to in Gloucester, MA, Hammond Castle it was built in 1926 with many medieval artifacts incorporated into the castle walls. It was home to John Hammond Jr who held over 400 patents, mostly in radio control and torpedoes.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/23/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/23/2019

Sarah called in sick today but I'm pretty sure she's in Disneyland with Ashley (and probably Typh since she's not here either).

Dang Mary made me give back her dog again.

Bill said he had to block Elmo singing Old McDonald's Farm on youtube because his son hates it and has fits whenever he hears it.

Poor Toni's so tired that he forgot why he's tired and what has recently changed in his life when someone asked him.

"She knows better than to ask me for advice (implying that he would only give her sarcasm)." Bill about Roxanne

Our next stop on our trip was to an incredible mansion that was built in 1926 in Ipswich, MA to the Crane family (known for their toilets). I think my husband probably wanted to kill me I made him walk out to the end of their rolling lawn (that measures only 2,060 feet) that overlooked the ocean.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/20/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/20/2019

Bill apparently texted Roxanne something about chest pains and then didn't reply to her texts for an hour and then wondered why she was calling him.

Nearly everyone was gone today except Tim who decided to work on a Friday.

I wish we would of had more time to spend in Maine because what we did see was beautiful. We stayed in Kennebunkport (not to be confused with Kennebunk which is the town right next to it) for a night and had one of the best meals on our trip, lobster risotto with a lobster tail on top. It was so fabulous that I want to go back just for that.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

09/19/2019

Happy Birthday Josh!

Steve seems to have a bunch of Disney characters as profile pictures in his phone for co-workers. I'm really afraid that mine is probably Ursula from "The Little Mermaid".

The ladies found out about Dreamboyz Espresso in Capitol Hill and I mentioned that the guys in our office knew about this for over a week now (because of Bill)...Where do you think they've been going for lunch?

Only Toni would ask for a pair of Lululemon pants from a rep as an incentive to sell their merchandise.

Nobody liked the smell of Ashley's food today except for Riley who decided to chew up the bowl her food was in.

*not to be construed as Gossip