06/30/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/30/2015

"I have to think about how to spell Toni's name now." Mary

Roger figured out this morning that I've been sending his parole officer "The Daily Chatter".

Tim, you owe me, I had to talk to Crystal about one of your jobsites today multiple times.

Loopy Larry was out back smoking a cigarette out of a wrench according to Toni and Cody.

Roger obviously doesn't pay attention while reading "The Chatter" unless it's about himself because he didn't know who Creepy Marty or what his Scionari was.

Apparently David Cassidy isn't having a good year, he filed for bankruptcy, had another DUI this year and he has been court ordered to sell off his Fort Lauderdale Mansion. 

Toni dissed Bubble Tea today and mentioned it was like sucking on Salmon Roe.

Roger nailed it, we were talking about Tennessee Williams movies today and I mentioned that he was a troubled man and Roger decided that he was gay. According to Wikipedia he was gay alcoholic druggie with a schizophrenic sister and his father was an alcoholic traveling shoe salesman.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/29/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/29/2015

Marty woke Typhinee up this morning...hmm is she not telling us something.....

"That's the easiest thing I'm going to do."  Toni about his wedding date

"I've got my own problems." Bill to Steve

Toni called somebodies voicemail today and it told him to leave a message for A$$hole. Apparently the guy is getting a divorce and the wife changed his voicemail and his password.

Roger said he was on tv with a guy who had a "Sober Queer-Nothing to Fear" t-shirt on and today he can't talk....something kinky is going on.

Toni doesn't understand why kids don't like him (ok, it's only one spoiled kid).

 I wonder how Tim's holding up?

Speaking of Tim, I think Toni has taken on some of his strange quotes.

Here are two pictures from my hike at Rainier on Saturday. I'm still upset because Ryan wouldn't let me take home the marmot.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/26/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/26/2015

I'm not sure why we had to work today considering that the bathroom fan is broken....

I had a dream that Roxanne invited all of us out to lunch but I don't think she wanted Bill to come. I think she wanted to talk about why he was all of a sudden wearing long jean skirts to work.

Roger's kind of kinky doesn't involve old men and doggy doors....

Mary was telling someone at one of our suppliers how to do his job today.

Roger could have sworn that he visited the Winchester Mansion today. He said there were all sorts of rooms that had been added onto the house and none of them made any sense.

"Bill, I've never told a lie." Toni   What about that time yesterday when he said that he was straight....

I think Michael is haunting my computer, I had a note that kept popping up on my screen that said Michael D........ 1 S/F

"Randy and I are such duds." Mary

Tim's off next week to go fly fishing in Montana.

MSN had an article titled "Why McGowan, Manson split?" Why would they not split, the man is scary ugly.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/25/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/25/2015

Toni is arguing with Bill to work the 3rd of July. I don't think I've ever seen anyone who has wanted to work a holiday besides a company owner.

Mary's armpit scar itched so she went home early.

Roger approves of the Sweet Tangerine soap in the bathroom this week. I'm pretty sure he eats the one he likes too (which explains quite a bit).

Bill left early today too, he thought he was going to kick an orthodontists a$$.

Roger wants to know who and why someone was standing on the toilet. He mentioned he cleaned off tennis shoe marks. It's not CSF yet people so don't be doing kinky things in the bathroom.

Toni offered Roger $50 to go to his meeting tonight. I warned Toni as to how many people Roger could tick off during a one hour meeting and how many lawsuits the company could end up with.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/24/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/24/2015

One of our reps parked in front of the mailboxes this morning and I was just sure the mailman was going to come and blow his horn while he was here because that always happens but it didn't. After the rep left Roger said this guy has an ego problem and that's why he remembered him from over 10 years ago.  

FYI, if you want to drop Roger as a friend all you have to tell him is that you run red lights.


Capitol Hill got rainbow colored crosswalks to confuse everyone. So if I'm not gay can I still walk on it or will it turn me gay because something turned Toni gay? Will there also be a heterosexual cross walk?

"Does your doctor have his thumb up your a$$?" Toni to Tim on the phone

Stephanie and Sam are off to Thailand for their honeymoon.

Roger asked me to send calls to his voicemail even though he hasn't set up his office voicemail.

Roger wondered why Steve was grossing him out and telling him about his antibiotic disaster. 

"We're the talk of the town." Steve about him and Matt

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/23/2015

 

The Daily Chatter*

06/23/2015

James Horner, the composer, died in a plane crash yesterday but his heart will go on (Titanic). 

Loopy Larry was outside leaning up against his Scionari this morning but facing forward about ready to fall over onto the pavement and he kept nodding off to sleep, he would slump over more then his head would jerk and he would go right back to sleep instantly, this went on for quite a while. My first thought is why isn't he going inside and sleeping on his couch but that was way too sensible. Toni said if he ended up on the ground that he was going to kick him.

In the land of Apex a miracle happened, Josh got a smart phone but Steve still has to teach him about the TSheets App. 

I'm not the only mean person who has poked fun of Toni for screwing up the dates on his tickets, Randy made a horrible joke out of it too.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/22/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/22/2015

I have come to the conclusion that you have to watch Tennessee Williams movies while intoxicated. The ending to "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone" just about sent Ryan over the edge and back to therapy with Roger.

"I like to stick it to Toni any chance I get." Roger

Roger and Dot went to the US Open yesterday and they posted a picture, I was just positive they were  trying to make Toni cry.

Mary's customer thought her tumbled travertine was full of worm holes.

I appreciate Roxanne taking one for the team, I don't appreciate Bill telling her what she can and can't do though.

Mary's trying to tell me that her phone is now typing messages to her clients with "I love you so much."

Mary did the unthinkable, she called me Crystal today. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/19/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/19/2015

Here's the video from Bill and Roxanne's wedding for those of you who were too drunk to remember it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doTvqHjooK4&feature=youtu.be

Toni's father is probably going to disown him......Somehow he mixed up his ticket dates for the US Open. What a great way to say Happy Fathers Day and Happy Birthday all at the same time.

Toni said it's not good to have sex with secret shoppers but Mary offered to have Roxanne sleep with customers since she's newly married.

Cody was pretty sure his dad would turn over his manhood to Toni for tickets to the Doobie Brothers.

Toni almost ruined Serge's daughter and paid for her counseling. She started reading off the side of his nerf gun and it came out of her mouth "Adios Motherfather."

Bill came in today to wipe his snotty germy hands all over everything. He even tried making tea and I told him to go back to his office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/18/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/18/2015

Toni at the US Open today, I'm glad he had great weather though since he bought the tickets ages ago.

When we pulled up to work this morning there was a sprinkler that turned into a fountain right behind Creepy Marty's car and he was outside just standing their watching it.

"If your bleeding out of your ears you're still supposed to say that your fine." Roger about personal ettiquette

"Tim's stealing sh*t from me and he won't admit it." Roger

I think Mary's insinuating that Crystal's stupid again.

Toni's out in that crowd somewhere I bet....Is that Toni in the all orange outfit (picture 2), standing by himself because his dad doesn't want to be caught dead with him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/17/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/17/2015

I thought I was a little crazy the other day because I saw a rainbow in a cloud but I guess several people have seen these fire rainbows lately.

Toni mentioned that he saw the Scionari driving down the road the other night and was able to point it out to Nikki. Apparently Creepy Marty isn't the only one who has done this to his Scion. 

According to Bill "Girls are mean! and, big, stupid, baby heads!"  He wasn't feeling well today so I'll kick his butt tomorrow.

Creepy Marty has a habit of falling asleep in the back of his building. Toni wanted to shoot him with his nerf gun yesterday just to make sure that he was still alive. 

Since Riley was here today, I went through a few pictures of extreme dog grooming with her and she told me she wanted to look like Elvis. I'm pretty sure anyone who does this to their dog should be locked up for multiple reasons with the reasoning that Roger wouldn't even do this (if he had a dog).

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/16/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/16/2015

It's very dangerous answering the phone when Steve doesn't realize that you've answered and he's still talking to the guys. All I can say is he thinks he deserves special favors because he gave some lady a wiener wrapped with bacon.

Roger dropped Dot off at the airport this morning, apparently she wants to join a gang in Baltimore.

Apparently I can't bring up certain things with Mary too early in the morning or else she hurls.

Watch out guys, hairy armpits are in now and it's going to be harder to tell if you've hooked up with a dude.

Tim was very perplexed as to why I knew some much about creepy Marty a.k.a. Loopy Larry. Tim obviously missed the chatter where I told creepy Marty I was too busy to have lunch with him and the day I met the strange serial killer next door and he invited me and my husband to go with him to his villa in the Philippines the next time he goes.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/15/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/15/2015

Steve says Matt's a waterhog, he called me this morning when Matt was in the shower all by himself which sounded odd, usually Matt and Steve like taking showers together. 

I think Dot has a daughter that we don't know about, Ryan and I were at a restaurant in Tacoma last night and this young lady who was our waitress had the same exact mannerisms and laugh that Dot has.

I have to share one of my hummingbird pictures from the weekend because I thought this little guy was adorable.

Speaking of freaking adorable, how would you like this on your phone after leaving it somewhere? That would give me nightmares for a whole month.

Somebody got a picture of a racoon riding an alligator in Florida.

Loopy Larry put Ferrari logos on his car and spray painted the inside of his wheel wells yellow.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/12/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/12/2015

Roger has the ability to determine whether or not people are normal according to Bill.

Matt and Steve both texted Toni last night that they miss him. I guess things aren't the same when they're out of town and can't have a threesome.

Ryan and I saw a DB truck last night on our way home and I had a dream that Mary sat him down in our office and screamed and yelled at him for stealing a sub, it was very exciting.

Christopher Lee from "Lord of the Rings" died on Monday he was 93.

Bill just told us today that Tim's a cheater and we need to keep our eye on him. He said every time the ref at the Whirlyball place would look away Tim was doing something illegal.

"I'd be mad at you if tomorrow wasn't my one month anniversary." Bill to Mary (he still hasn't made it to the 16th, his real one month anniversary)

Who keeps sending me Drug and Alcohol Addiction Help emails? I don't need help, I received way less DUI's this week than last week.

Speaking of DUI's, I didn't see creepy Marty after 9am this morning. Maybe he parked in back again to show off his cool ride to Cody to lure him into one of his airplane containers.

Roger says that Dot has quit asking about all of the weird stuff about him in The Chatter. I informed him that she doesn't want to know the truth.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/11/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/11/2015

Happy second Anniversary to Ryan and me!!!

"Star Wars" is awesome, you shut up and go back to work." Bill to Tim

"Magic elves are in there blowing on the water." Bill to Tim about changing out the water jug and it becoming instantly cold.

Toni loves pot stickers, the kind you eat not Cody's kind.

I went to the backroom today and everybody was gone and Bill wasn't at his desk, I just figured everyone was having an intervention about me. Turns out Cody saw Marty next door having some sort of shaking episode behind the dumpster and the guy was trying to shove his teeth back in. Then Tim, Bill, Cody and Toni went over to help but the other guy in the office said something about he gets like this when he's dehydrated.

Bill told me that I can't show my shiny shoes to Roxanne or else she'll go out and buy the same ones.
If she likes shiny, she needs these.

Cody is now calling our neighbor "Loopy Larry" all because he wants to talk to Cody now.

Nobody is going to believe me but Roger told me that he appreciated me today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/10/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/10/2015

Toni was bummed that he left his phone at home but at 10:30 am he was happy because he found it in his car...Somebody really needs to talk to him about his drinking habits at work.

"I don't have much in my life to be excited about." Bill to Tim

"I know my parents hated me." Toni

"I'm a really sh*tty winner against sh*tty losers, does that make sense?" Toni

Bill thinks that now that he's married he can have sex in public legally. He said that was not the case in Canada though. 

This picture is for the next time when Bill tells you to do something that you think is impossible to do and he comes back with "what part of this don't you understand".

Tim told Roger that he should have gone into that crazy customers house yesterday naked.

Bill is still insisting that he's been married a month. I don't think he's going to make it to a year because it's only been 25 days and he feels like it's been a whole lifetime.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/09/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/09/2015

"I'm almost out of my tiny balls." Bill    I think Bill meant to say his tiny balls are almost gone. I'm pretty sure that's why he was rushing to get married.

"Married life is awesome, I'm a month into this and I don't know why people say it's so hard."  Bill   He's already misquoting facts, first of all he hasn't made it a month and second all he did yesterday was tell us what an issue Toni's lactose thing has become in his marriage and he wasn't happy about it and I think he was asking Roger where he goes for his group therapy sessions that apparently Ryan goes to with him.

The guy from Jimmy John's now addresses Bill as "Roxanne". Roxanne apparently has more balls than Bill does and the Jimmy John's guy somehow knows this.

Cody's dad thinks I have a dirty mouth. Have you heard the people that I work with and Roxanne (she's a whole nother case).

Just in case Steven Segall wants to become a woman like Jenner, he's going to need a lot of work done.

It was another crazy Roger customer day. It was already established with the customer that the person coming to do the estimate couldn't wear cologne or perfume, Roger was fine in that department today but when he got to the door of this house the lady said she smelled fabric softener (which was detergent) and wouldn't let him in and they said something about meet us at the back door of the house. So they basically wanted Roger to peek in through their sliding door like a dog would and give them an estimate. They told him that they got their allergy conditions from flying too many commercial flights, that was the wife and the husband got his from the ozone exposure from his computer. The other strange thing is that if the kids bring home anyone or anything with scent then they fine their kids $25.00.

Tim stole Toni's glasses today and then wanted to know why they worked funny at a job walk thru.

According to Toni, Nikki's sunburn looks like she spilled spaghetti on her leg. Now he has me intrigued. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/08/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/08/2015

Happy Birthday to Tim and all of his under the sea friends!

Bill would like to correct everyone now, Toni is not a gluten free guy he's lactose intolerant!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Even I wouldn't gamble with that line." Roger

Bill thinks that seeing a license plate from Nova Scotia was the weirdest thing ever because it's so far away (3,700 miles). None of us were impressed.

It seems to be Apex tradition for everyone to have sex on Toni's desk, Steve and Jen had to do it there too this weekend. Toni wants to know why everyone has to send him pictures though.

Randy didn't like a house that Mary liked and since Bill and I both thought it was cute, Randy told Mary that she could move into that house with us. I smell fresh divorce papers printing.


"I feel like I'm about to jump off the cliff and I'm looking forward to the ride." Bill to Tim and Ferguson

The best line I heard today was Ferguson saying there's no money in the job so let me pay you out of my pocket and nobody wanted to jump on that.

I think Roger finally convinced Toni that he has Aids.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/05/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/05/2015

Oh no, Tim seems to be color blind, he thought I was wearing husky colors today and my dress is almost royal blue. Cody said it's the dress debate all over again.

Roger says he might be back depending on how he feels about life. Usually that's a pretty tricky subject for him, he has so many mood swings.

Creepy Marty gave Cody some of our mail today and started the conversation with something like "Thou Art" so Cody went all Shakespeare on the dude and I think he got creeped out, imagine that.

Don't trust anyone with a license plate that says "Invest in Children". Florida cops snared 101 men who were seeking to have sex with underage children and the odd thing is 22 of these people already worked around children: Universal Employees, Disney Employees, SeaWorld Employees and a counselor with a license plate that said Invest in Children.

Toni informed us that you don't want to use the words "truffle butter" or "eating watermelon" anymore around people who know words from Urban Dictionary or know rap songs. I did know about truffle butter before Toni said anything only because Mary has a potty mouth and says it almost daily. Toni mentioned one of the people at their table last night totally didn't understand and she responded back with "I love truffle butter."

Happy Birthday to Tim tomorrow, who will have his birthday celebrated on Monday because it can not conflict with my birthday week. It's already an inconvenience that it's in the same month.

Toni's been watching too many horror flicks because the sound of children whispering just about sent him into a frenzy this afternoon. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/04/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/04/2015

"You sounded like you were talking to a wife." Tim to Bill   How many wives does Tim know Bill has?

Bill admitted to having a dirty mind but he was incorrect Sarah (radio host) does have a fake pet beaver.

Bill thought he pulled a Mary today and Mary informed him that he pulled a Roger. Bill came back and said Roger would have complained about the Jews while doing this task though.

Poor Toni, he has a date with Darcy at her office on Monday. He knows all she wants to do is rip his clothes off and then whisper sweet nothings about him lowering the job price in his ear.

Bill would like us to feel sorry for him because he fell in Niagra trying to get out of the hot tub while grabbing his wife's a$$ and now his knees hurt.

On Monday, Toni's bum day, some mentally challenged kid yelled out his car window at Toni and called him a douchebag.

 "You ought to buy my house, turn it into a wedding venue and have Randy officiate." Tim trying to sell off his house.

Toni says he services some guy in Bellevue all by himself now and doesn't need Tim's help.....

Toni mentioned that creepy Marty sure likes to hang out and model next to his new car now, trying to seduce anyone who walks by. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/03/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/03/2015

Roxanne actually hung Toni's gifts.

Toni pinned up some of his sexy photos in Steve's truck yesterday and Steve refuses to take them down. Maybe Jenny can replace them with picture of herself.

Bill claims that he's the nicest guy ever.

Toni put his foot down today on Dickie's BBQ and I'm so proud of him and Ryan will be proud too:)

This man is a fashion journalist and he showed up to a fashion award show in this, obviously he doesn't have taste because even Toni wouldn't even touch this outfit with a 90 foot pole (that's what she said). The guy is English, this might explain a little of it.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

06/02/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/02/2015

I reminded Tim that his birthday week is next week and I'm pretty sure he told me to F Off.

It's a good thing Toni's car wasn't here this morning because the Honey Bucket guy was here again.

Roger wants to know if Bruce Jenner is doing this huge transformation just to hit from the red tees in golf.

Tim yelled at Bill for sitting in his office and just filing his freaking nails.

Don't make Steve sit down he's in pain from the needle that the doctor shoved in him yesterday.

Mary met Danny Bonaduce today and she mentioned he was on her freebie list. How long is her list?

 I had a dream last night that all of us joined Bill and Roxanne on their honeymoon and all I remember is that Matt, Steve and I wouldn't get out of our white fluffy robes to go anywhere.

Typhinee and I witnessed Bill getting his a$$ chewed up, spitted out in disgusting chunks and handed to him on a waterproof carpet platter and it wasn't even his wife. I'm pretty sure he gets to repaint the showroom walls.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/01/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/01/2015

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Bill wasn't very happy that we changed the locks on him while he was out on vacation, it had to be done. He just doesn't know about all of the other stuff we did yet..... 

Cody informed me that it's Jess's birthday too but since she is 11 years younger than me I hate her.

Rumor has it that Roger instructed Dot's sisters dog to bite Steve in the hand.

For those of you who want to go to the NW Chocolate Festival this year mark your calendars for October 4th. I'll let you know when I see discount tickets available.

Roger thinks the rain gods are mad at me because I made it another year. Which is very surprising to Roger considering the 27 DUI's I got just last week.

Roxanne made Bill eat at an Italian restaurant in Niagra because she thought I recommended it, blame it all on me. Mama Mia's (the place they ate at) is not the same as Mama Stortini's and although I enjoy most of Mama Stortini's food, I wouldn't recommend their food like I would with Maggiano's in Belleuve.

Roger f*cked Bill for half of the rest of his life by telling him that age is better in the even years. 

Bill is trying to imagine Steve's fence work and is having a very hard time with it.

Bruce Jenner now wants to be called Caitlyn.

Lets see if Roxanne lets Bill hang Toni's wedding presents....

How long did Bill say he could keep his mouth shut for?  I think I heard something wrong.

*not to be construed as Gossip