09/30/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/30/2013

I hope Roger hasn't noticed that his birthday gift card wasn't quite as much as I wrote down that it was. He was super excited to find out that he should be able to go into Starbucks and buy the store with just his gift card.

I didn't see the cat fight between Dot and Jessica on Saturday but it seems that Dot got the ultimate revenge and had Jessica's car stolen at the game but then returned it to another spot. 

Vance looked as if he found keys to a Porsche on Saturday in a coffee shop since he was decked out in Porsche gear.

Ricks wife Jennifer commented that she liked my husbands nuts on Saturday. Then Rick put his nuts on the back of my neck. Those two really have an infatuation with nuts.

Tim said The Chatter is full of sh*t but he reads it everyday anyways.

Tim rushed into a crowded elevator just like a super hero would have to rescue his wife on Saturday.

I'm not sure why Bill brings Roxanne places with him. She told me that she knew first hand that the Mariners Moose was sweating his balls off. I hope nobody got a picture of  her groping him but if they did they need to forward it to me.

Toni said Nikki filled their shelves at home with debris, I'm pretty sure that's not the word that Nikki would use.

I always thought Roger was the ultimate story teller but I think Jessica is catching up to him. 

Roger was super thrilled that the Series Finale of "Breaking Bad" was on his birthday and that the main character had his birthday on his birthday and that I used "Breaking Bad" for his Birthday decor.

Somebody needs to show Bill what Ball Game attire is, he came dressed up as if he was going to prom. At first I thought that maybe Toni told him it was a formal event.

Roger thinks he started falling apart on the first day he turned 60.

I saw a picture of this on FB the other day and thought it was fake but pink dolphins do exist.

"I need to go home and ask Jenny about some nuts." Steve

Toni was telling Bill that there is a sh*t load of pictures of him on FB.  What has Roxanne done? The world's not ready for Mr. U'nnells....

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/27/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/27/2013

I think Tim wanted to cover his ears this morning when Jessica and I were talking.

According to Jessica, I broke her computer but I really think it was Rick.

Ryan told me that he talked with Rachael Green on the phone today, I think he was just trying to make me jealous.

"You are f*cking going to drive us nuts." Tim to Mary

Tim said that Mary's good for the economy. 

Robin Williams had a successful night with his new T.V. show last night. I ended tuning into that last night after watching five minutes of the Michael J Fox show.

Roger for some reason wanted to come up with a good bestiality joke.

Now I know for sure that there's something going on with Jessica and Roger. She's making him a better than sex birthday cake. I can't wait to see the cat fight between her and Dot tomorrow.

Vance thought that Toni was engaged. I just figured that Toni was holding out on us and that he only told Vance.

Jessica decided that she doesn't like Rick's desk because she can't trust to have her back to Tim.

It was awfully quiet without Toni here today and I think Vance didn't show up because he knew Toni was going to be gone.

Garret was sure proud of his pink sweatshirt today even though Bill called it Salmon and Garret didn't know the reference.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/26/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/26/2013

According to Toni he didn't get free dick at Ikea last night, probably because he was with Nikki.

Toni's naked in the shower story made Bill's day for some reason.

Toni wants some meatballs and Mary wants schweaty balls.

 Roger told Bill that he needs to go to rehab for his texting addiction. 

Mary told Roger that he's a rebel and Roger thinks he's a maverick.

The Michael J Fox show premieres tonight at 9pm on NBC which looks like it could be good.

Sorry Roger, Mary's not going to be able to attend your Birthday Party this weekend because she has a wedding to plan.

Bill got a big head because Toni told him that his haircut looked like a $15.00 cut when he claims he only spent  $9 for it and Mary thinks that $9 was way too much for it.

 Don't bug Tim next week because apparently he has "more sh*t going on than Carter has pills."

"Where's Joe when I need him?" Tim

Tim thinks that tile in our warehouse "quivers with anticipation." I'm not sure what Tim's smoking but if I saw tile quivering in our warehouse I would have to join Bill in rehab.

Toni's abandoning us tomorrow and moving to his new home.

Tim must think that Mary and I are the office whores because he asked us if we wanted to go to some meeting with him tonight and he said he was looking for a date...and that he wasn't picky.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/25/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/25/2013

Rick wanted to know if he missed any pissing contests around here yet and I told him it's been too cold to do those.

Matt thinks he has a black cloud over him.

Ryan and I went to Bahama Breeze last night for happy hour and I seem to recall something about Ryan and Roger wanting to kiss at the Mariner's game and I don't think it was a dream I had last night.

Mary wanted to call 911 to report a white Nissan yesterday, that's been sitting in the same spot in our parking lot ever since we got the Ford Transit.

Tim seems to hate me today for what I put in the chatter yesterday.

"Sh*t doesn't quite happen in my world like that." Tim

Toni has been very grabby today especially with the men. Watch out guys.

"We can't rule out ugly places." Mary  No wonder why Stephanie doesn't want to take her up on her wedding advice.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/24/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/24/2013

Toni sure seems to have the hots for Matt, he called him handsome this morning.

Cody thinks he's a horrible kid. I'm sure he thinks that because he's Chris' son. 

Tim hopes that Stephanie will elope next week all so that he's not inconvenienced at work and I wasn't supposed to put that in the Chatter but I forgot. 

Bill told Toni that he was trying to sugar coat Sh*t.

According to "How I Met Your Mother" the show finally revealed the mother last night.

Tim had a bad day all because The Caveman was out of Dragon wheels.

Tim just wants everything right now.

Tim said he thinks he's going to pull a Matt.

Tim figured he wouldn't have to pull a Matt if he got a company van with a gas card. 

Toni had a bad day at The Caveman too, I think they spit in his food.

Matt has some serious competition with this monkey's mustache.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/23/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/23/2013

Since Rick has announced that he's going to leave, he feels like everyone is pushing him out the door even sooner. I told him this morning we need his space for our new Jacuzzi but now that he thinks there's going to be nakedness around here more often, he wants to stay.

Mary keeps trying to throw her calculator in the garbage can but she seems to keep missing. I found it again by her garbage can the other morning.

Toni bought some huge T.V., still not as large at Bill's, for his new place. So if you ever see it you've been warned not to say how weird it looks in the space.

I was so happy to hear that "Downton Abbey" season 4 will be released in the US about the same time the show starts here which will be in January.

"I don't want any of your nuts or berries." Bill to Toni

Bill says we're not going to see Mary for a year because she's going to be off planning a wedding.

Men who wear sleeveless shirts and have the look are now called "The Jared" thanks to Cody.

Toni thinks that you pay extra to have frowny cats.

Toni found a note on his notepad today that says Tony Heart Steve. Toni thinks it was probably Steve who wrote it.

"The things I do to myself." Mary

I think Toni screwed up BIG TIME by not getting engaged first, Roger was so right!

It really pisses Tim off when Jessica can find stuff in RFMS and he can't.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/20/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/20/2013

I made a horrible mistake last night. Ryan and I went to happy hour at Bahama Breeze and then went to Costco and Roger took advantage of me while I was a little bit tipsy. I found a receipt for several very nice watches, some gold earrings and apparently what must be a flawless diamond ring. I don't remember much and I can't find anything but the receipt but I think Roger had some help from his new BFF Phil who works at Costco.

Rick thought he put Mary in her place this morning.

Toni compared one of his winter stories to being just like a pioneer but then I asked about Indians and he had to change his story.

Toni and Crystal were getting pretty chummy this morning until I went to the back room and told them to stop.

Steve ran into GB on a Country Club Golf Course yesterday.

Tim's already tried out his new Forbo fish cutter mat.

Bill found the stapler that Tim stole from him yesterday. Tim, instead of this becoming an Office Space incident, I'll just order you a new stapler.

I just found out today that Jessica interviewed to be Zach's assistant when he ended up hiring that crappy little crazy girl Danielle who blatantly played video games all day.

Mary's so excited, it's her big day today. It sounds like Rick is throwing a wedding at his other home in October for some people, maybe Mary should look into using Wedding Planner Rick for her Steph's wedding.

Apparently Roger, Jessica and Tiffany play mind games while waiting for time to pass during slow Costco hours.  Roger was counting obese people while Jessica counted the short people and Tiffany tallied people who stepped over the crack in the floor.

I thought I was having dinner with Roger for a moment last night. Some older lady who looked like she was in her sixties came into the restaurant with some very young black man and sat down at a table next to ours and of course Ryan had to say "I wonder how much she paid him." Then I had to remind him to look at us...

"I'm such a snob, what is wrong with me?" Mary

I think Rick wanted to puke listening to Roger suck up to Mary telling her that her house is way bigger and better than anyone elses.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/19/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/19/2013

Marty said he wished he could stay and flirt with me today. How sweet and creepy is that and of course Rick had to overhear that conversation.

Rick made me open the front door and roll out the red carpet for him before he would come in the office today.

Tim got a fish cutting board today from some sample he got at our PK meeting. Next year I bet he's going to be selling those at the fair.

We all decided to confront Rick and tell him that we don't like his face anymore and he seems to be just fine with it. I wish I would have done that a long time ago.

Rick is getting cranky in his old age he shoved me out of his way today.

I'm starting to think that Toni is deaf. Tim was yelling at Cody today and Toni thought Tim was yelling at him.

Rick says we need to call him before we do pissing contests.

Mary is really questioning what kind of people Tim hangs out with.

Steve needs pictures to do his job.

 "I'm on a F*cking Role." "I don't give a sh*t" Roger

"I'm going to fix you, you have this all screwed up." Mary to Roger

I found an awesome t-shirt for Toni the other night. 

Toni told us that he doesn't have his knife on him because he gave it away yet Serge was asking him if he had an iphone.  I think I'm going to buy Toni a hearing aid for his birthday.

Mary really harped on the guys to pee in the toilet today and surprisingly Roger was the only suck up in the bunch.

Crystal told me today on the phone that she has been slaying the fish on the river all week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/18/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/18/2013

Bill's sick today and Steve wants a doctors note from him because he's feeling like Bill might be playing a little hookey.

Tim's very impatient today, he almost yelled...

Tim is also demanding that Rogers birthday party be switched to another weekend. He says that there are too many things going on that weekend and it's very true, Free National Park Day and Free Museum Day are the same day too.

I've had a couple of near death experiences today; first Jason tried taking me out with a door and then the guys tried killing me with boredom at lunch talking about football.

Roger thinks that Mary was going out of her way to avoid him today.

I had a dream last night that I glued plastic horse shoes to Riley's paws. I'm not sure how I would have explained that to Mary in real life.

Toni thought I said Cash for Sex today so he started stripping and I didn't want to hurt his ego so I let him but then it got a little awkward for the sales reps that came in.

Rick says he has an extra bedroom that he can rent out for free preferably to a hot woman.  That person would have to get used to taking showers with him and his wife though, he says it's to save on the water bill.

I'm getting excited, just a few more days and Ryan and I get to indulge ourselves at the NW Chocolate Festival.

I think Rick's family needs to have their own reality show but then Steve would be freaking jealous, which would make for an even greater reality show.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/17/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/17/2013

Roger told Toni that he can't be second, he needs to propose before Sam does.

First thing I heard Roger and Toni talking about this morning were prostitutes and hookers.

It sounds like Jessica and Roger have something going on, she called him honey first thing on the phone today and claims she thought it was her husband.

Toni was telling me a story this morning and admitted that it was going to sound super gay. That's usually how most of his stories sound.

Jessica told us the other day that she had magical fairy dust for her cats. I hope she brings some extra in for the rest of us.

What the crap, "Mad Men" is in it's final season and they are going to break it up like they did with "Breaking Bad" and stretch it over 2014 and 2015.

Tim and Rick must have been off together lollygagging somewhere because neither of them were in this morning.

Tim's now threatening that if he can't kick your a$$ that his son will.

Rick would like Bill to go and bid the same job that he did today just so that he can listen to the same stories that he had to listen to today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/16/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/16/2013

Rick says he's too old to hang out with a bunch of 30 year old's. Apparently they can drink him under the table.

"Stupid Roger, I am not happy." Mary about Roger's mix up about Puyallup and Graham being the same place.

Roger setup the Costco display in Tukwila next to Jewelry today and now he's telling me what I can buy him for his birthday. The first watch was $7,000+ and the second was only $4,000+. I think he's trying to black male me for something with prices like those but I'm not sure what I've ever done that I would be that embarrassed over to actually have to buy Roger an expensive watch.

"I'm going to let this one slide." Mary to Roger

Tim thinks he flunked his first sales meeting in 30 years.

Bill told Steve that he's the sexiest guy he knows. Now Rick's going to be hurt again.

I was pretty sure I heard Toni tell Bill that he was pregnant today when I walked by.

Toni should have been with Ryan and me last night at The Melting Pot in Tacoma, they had lots of pretty men that would have liked to have gone home with him.

Roger told me today that he only drank 4 quarts of booze last week standing next to the liquor displays, not bad.

Mary said that she would rather have chocolate, caramel and nuts. I'm assuming that was an innuendo for some man that she wants.

Mary told Bill that he was the one with the issues.

"Somehow taking over your left over sh*t doesn't work out well for me." Tim to Bill

Now things are getting weird, Roger is trying to sell crap out of the back of his van. 

Roger informed Mary today that there are lots of ways to rate women. He only shared the Heineken method though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/13/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/13/2013

Toni says he cries a lot.

Toni is such a show off. He picked up a huge box and raised his shirt sleeves to show off his so called guns.

Mary says she's a bad girl...

Tim was talking about "cocking his gun" at work and then he mentioned that he told his son about this.

Mary told me that I don't count today. 

"Once you cater to Roger ...." Bill

Tim is offering to put the Company Logo on a boat if the company buys it for him.

I think Rick was so fed up with hearing about Hot Rick that he didn't even come into work today. 

"I'm not sure if you know what goodbye means." Bill to Toni

Bill told Toni to run all of his and Nikki's scheduling through Mary because she has the final say.

Sinead O'Connor decided it was time to be in the news again and got two tattoos on her face that she could have just of easily done with a red pen.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/12/2013

The Daily Chatter*
09/12/2013

I now understand why Steve had feces thrown at him early in the morning. There is some dude who parks his big a$$ diesel truck right outside of our home and goes to work at 4 something in the morning. I would have grabbed a bag of feces to throw out my window this morning but I couldn't find any.

Toni flipped Rick off for 4 miles yesterday and Rick didn't even notice him. Apparently Rick is used to people flipping him off...

Vance's sub thinks that Vance is possessed because he works too much.

 Jessica has Mary very curious to see a couple of her subs that she's used previously.

Mary is now training people how to use their email for free. I think I might just sign up for that class in hopes that she'll share her desk booze with me.

Rick was hurt that Mary didn't think that he was hot but Bill told Rick that he was hot.

Bill mentioned that Rick was going to have a stripper paint his house.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/11/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/11/2013

Happy Birthday to Cody who probably doesn't read the Chatter!

Mary has a nickname for her new flame, Hot Rick (sorry Rick she's not talking about you this time). Which we will all meet on Friday for a PK meeting, Mary just wanted some extra special time with him before he was exposed to the rest of us.

I'm sorry everyone, I'm sure I was a pain today. The first thing that Ryan told me when we got in the car was that I was in a rambunctious mood today. I think he was only jealous that I beat him to the car this morning. 

"Knock that sh*t off." Roger to my sneezing

Ryan told me that he handled a Spanish email case today using Google Translate, then afterwards he mentioned that he may have created an international incident without even knowing it.

Roger told us today that he only thinks about himself. Which we've all known for a very long time. He's even mentioned that he won't read The Chatter unless his name is in it.

Bill doesn't want to look at his phone anymore because "it's so 2012". He's impatiently waiting for the day in which he can pre-order his new iphone.


Roger was trying to have an LSD flash back this morning, it was weird.

Rick thinks that all of us ladies were talking about him today. That's what we do everyday....

Roger thinks that I'm a trouble maker only because I wanted to start a rumor.

Toni got back at Howard today and told him that he looks like Mary's daughter Stephanie. I really think Toni and the Bubble Guppy look way more a like than Stephanie and Howard. What a way to slam your someday sister in law Toni.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/10/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/10/2013

Happy 30th Anniversary to Mary and Randy! Mary's going to be upset that this shirt isn't the other way around because she mentioned that Randy was d*mn lucky that he had her. 

Matt is already looking forward to getting kicked out of Roger's birthday party. I hope Roger told Matt that he has already given away his drink tickets to me.

Roger now thinks Toni is a "d*mn kid" because Toni stole his chair after being gone only one day.

I mentioned Bucca Di Beppo's yesterday to Toni and all Toni could talk about were the penises on the wall.

"I'm not trying to be a dick." Toni     Toni seems to sure likes male anatomy....

Bill thought that John J. from behind looked like a mafia hit man.

Tim called Bill a sleaze ball today to his face. 

Rick says that Tim hasn't grown up.

Toni keeps thinking that Bill keeps calling his name. I think the boys hearing is going.

There was a Super Floors truck "lost" in our parking lot this morning.

Mary thinks she's boring because she's never had the cops called on her.

Jessica thinks that she might have to kill her husband because he's been a big baby over their diet.

Mary told some dude, that she's never met, on the phone today that he has to find her at Starbucks tomorrow.  She gave her description as a hot thin tall extra busty blonde with perfect teeth that will be waving around her hot pink iphone in stiletto heels.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/09/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/09/2013

Matt got a new dog, Pee Wee Herman, who has already peed on his time card, that I refused to take. 

Roger thought about getting a Hello Kitty lunch bag yesterday but decided not to because it wasn't pink enough.

Roger thinks his shirt is gay today because it has lavender in it. I wonder how many men hit on him? He just started the Costco thing today and he set up his booth right next to the pallets of Liquor. 

"Nikki's an absolute animal." Toni to Mary    I don't think Mary wanted to hear about their sex life.

"My bed is the cat's pajamas." Toni

"If you're going to live in sin you might as well be comfortable." Mary to the rest of us

Mary blamed Riley throwing up on Toni's driving.

Cal Worthington died today at 92. Toni won't even have a clue as to who that is.

Bill has Rick syndrome and thinks we all talk about him when he's gone.

According to one Onion headline"Majority of American's Approve Sending Congress to Syria."

Roger bought a clip case for his a$$. I'm not sure what that's all about but it's on his receipt.

Mary came back from vacation today and then decided to play hookey this afternoon. She claims she had appointments but I was pretty sure she had golf clubs in the back of her car...I think she was going to play with Gary today.

Toni thinks I have a gambling problem. I might be an alcoholic but that doesn't give him the right to tell me that I have other problems.

It's a good thing that Roger liked Tiffany today otherwise Jessica would of had he$$ to pay.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/06/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/06/2013

Jessica called her husband a whore because he cheated on his diet last night with chicken wings.

"It's not the first time someone has asked me to leave...I always have something to say." Roger

Roger told Toni that he couldn't use the word Fabulous or the Cat's Pajamas anymore.

Toni said he followed Ryan and me last night, it was just a creepy conversation.

John with Cascade was in today and made the comment about not seeing the resemblance that Mary and I see between him and Toni so I asked John what nationality he was and of course he's Lebanese like Toni and at first he thought I was joking with him.

Toni says he probably wouldn't have sex with this guy.

Toni and I also want to know how this guy got 300 people to sleep with him?

"Sounds like a b*tch." Roger about some woman's name

Nobody seemed to want to interact with Cory today for CSF after finding out he just had mono.

According to Vance is you cancel something it is CVancelled. 

I think Mary should start another business by letting people pay her to babysit Riley. It sounds like Roger's wife is up for it and of course I would pay her in a heart beat.

Tim thinks he scares everyone away from here. Is that why Howard left today?

Tim told me that Ryan and I can go out on his new boat if I help him get it.

Roger's upset that Rick isn't being more of a father figure to him and taking him out to go hunting.

Tim just thinks he can do whatever he wants since the bosses are away today.  

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/05/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/05/2013

"You know you can probably help me since your just wandering around here." Tim to Bill     Point of the story, don't wander around the office or you'll be doing all of Tim's work.

I felt like a trouble maker today, I stepped into Roger's portion of the warehouse.

Toni thinks that Riley's back legs are too long. I told Riley to stay away from Toni tonight especially if he brings out scissors.

"If that hotel job was mine and I was out of town, Roger would have said F*ck You." Bill to Tim

Jessica wanted to know what three men were doing at lunch with a tape measure and who won....

Jessica says that her husband wants to cheat on their brand new diet tonight and he gave Football as an excuse. Whereas today was their first real day on the diet.

"Trading fur and bumping fur is two totally different things Toni." Steve teaching Toni sex ed

Bill told Roger that he's bringing his whole family and some neighbors to his birthday party. He lived a long time in Enuscratch what more do you expect. I just hope that Dot was smart enough to order two suites.

We are freaking not going to see Roger for the rest of the month after tomorrow. It's going to be like a reunion at his birthday party and all of his real friends will want to know why we're hugging him and telling him BS like we missed him... I'll buy a cake for those of you who will want to celebrate his absence.

 Roger told Jessica that Rick likes cute foo-fooey girly and cat posters. That explains why he likes The Biebs and glitter so much.

Albertson's sure categorizes propane under a weird category on their receipts "Home Health Beauty" or is that maybe the category for all of the generic stuff in their store besides food.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/04/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/04/2013

Roger apparently thinks he owns the place now. He put up a sign around his "corner" of the warehouse. He might think differently when I send him his bill for the rent in that corner.

I recently heard that 103.7 The Mountain went off the air after 22 years, it's probably because I didn't listen to them.

At least Matt apologizes ahead of time on his time cards for his job number incompetence.

Tim thinks he's getting screwed at both ends, I'm not sure by who though.

"Tim, is that how pissed off you were at me, you wouldn't even park next to me." Bill

Roger was sharing secrets with Bill today as to what sneaky and mean things women can do. Where did he get that book from? It specifically states it's not suitable for him right on the front cover, he obviously doesn't care that his man parts are going to shrivel up and fall off just by reading this. Which equates to more than just a shrinkage problem and I'm sure he doesn't know how to deal with that since that was never brought up on "Seinfeld". 

"She's like a white pillow that just follows you around." Toni about Riley

"I hear bull sh*t coming." Bill to Tim

Bill thinks that Tim's such a good sales person because he's constantly having to sell Donna on everything that he wants to own. 

"You can just buy it for me. Now I sound like one of my kids." Tim to Bill

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/03/2013

The Daily Chatter*

09/03/2013

Last minute on Friday night Mary screwed me out of taking care of Riley for the weekend, she told me that Nikki was available to take her.

Riley was happy to see Roger this morning. Who's ever excited to see Roger besides maybe Dot on payday?

Toni says that Riley is a bed hog.

Jessica went to a Celtic Festival this weekend and apparently she saw more than she wanted up some very large mans kilt. What was she thinking flipping up everyone's kilts? She was bound to run into some men going commando.

I'm very upset that the cruise ship that Mary's on doesn't have a webcam. I wanted to see how many men she's picked up so far.

Riley wanted to take a bite out of Kevin today, she thought he should be her next chew toy.

Ryan thought he saw Roxanne driving somebody elses car in Wenatchee on Sunday so if she was missing, Ryan found her. 

It sounds like Toni and Nikki found a love shack and it's across the street from where he lives right now.

"Riley thinks I'm a dick, I didn't give her any of my applesauce. They do eat their own poop but they don't eat applesauce." Roger

"What's wrong with you, what did your parents do to you?" Bill to Toni

I may have just found Roger's birthday present and it's not the guy...even though I know he would really like him too. 

*not to be construed as Gossip