08/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2016

Happy Birthday Roxanne!

Congratulations to Toni & Nikki! They actually went through with the wedding.

"You owe me big time because I had to hear about my grandmothers stool." Bill to Typhinee

I mentioned to Dot that I rescued Toni's shorty shorts out of the garbage one day and saved them for his wedding gift. She thought that all of my pictures of him in his shorty shorts had been photoshopped.

From the looks of the photo booth pictures I think Toni's dad got lucky on Toni's wedding night. 

Something monumental happened yesterday, we sold the Jetta. 

Katherine worked her magic at Mary's desk today since Mary was no where to be found.

The next time that someone has a wedding Roger would like a timeline pretty please. He doesn't like surprises so it needs to be very detailed. Toni's wedding timeline would have been this:
4:00 Wedding Ceremony is supposed to start but everything is not quite ready yet
4:10 Ceremony starts and Randy is a mess
4:15 Ryan Grab sings and Kevin only records video for the last 10 seconds of his song, again
4:20 Bill and Roxanne finally show up because they thought the wedding started at 6pm
4:30 Ceremony finishes and everybody is off to find the liquor
4:35 Roger sees the bride and groom but they ignore Roger
4:40 Roger gets two glasses of wine
4:45 Roger gets to sample the hors d'oeuvres

4:50 Roger gets another two glasses of wine
5:00 Roger finds a table and (according to Bill) Oprah and her boyfriend join at the table
5:05 Roger gets two more glasses of wine
5:10 Randy cries during his speech again and unfortunately there was not a weird sister speech at this wedding. (Next time Bill and I would prefer if Sam's sister would just make all of the speeches).
5:15 Roger steals a book from the centerpiece
5:20 Our table tries to figure out the answers to our little gift boxes
5:25 Roger gets two more glasses of wine
5:30 Our table loads their plates full of food
5:33 We finish eating and demand desert
5:35 Roger hits on Toni's mother (I can't blame him, we've all done it and besides he had a lot to drink)
5:36 Roger gets a black eye from Toni
5:37 Roger talks about why he doesn't like live chickens
5:40 Doughnuts are served and our table calms down some

5:45 Toni and Nikki have their first dance and Stephanie sings. Stephanie steals the show.
6:00  Bill and Roxanne hear Toni in the bathroom "wrestling" with all of his closest guy friends.
6:05  Roxanne twists her ankle
6:10  Bill and Roxanne leave
6:15  Roger gets another two glasses of wine but Dot and April intervene and Roger starts using his flask
6:17  Roger finds a couch to pass out on
6:20  The Swiss Music Starts
6:22  Roger is revived back to life and makes his debut yodling
6:28 The Swiss Music ends and Roger stumbles outside and falls off the dock and into the water
6:29  Roger seems to be floating so nobody is too concerned and everyone goes back to the party
6:35 Mary tells Kellen to go get Roger because he's ruining the ambiance
6:45 Roger is placed in the back of the box truck
6:50  Dot seems to have found a new boy toy and they seem to be taking their time in the photo booth
8:00  The girls in the bathroom go running out because they hear Toni's favorite band NSYNC
9:00  Toni's new cousin decides the fish by the dock need a wine glass or two for a more accomodating home environment
10:00 Vanilla Ice just happens to walk by and sing Ice Ice Baby for the wedding
10:30 Roger wakes up to the smell of meatball sliders but can't get out of the back of the truck so he hyperventalates and passes out again
11:00 Kellen starts loading and decides there isn't room in the truck for Roger anymore so he gets Mary's sister to lift him out.
11:05 Roger is seen floating in the water again
11:59 Dot is seen leaving the party with her new friend
9:00 am Roger is seen drifting by CI Shenanigans
9:30 am Roger seems to be awake and ready for Sunday Brunch
11:00 am The FBI received tips by an anonomous caller and showed up to CI Shenanigans but Roger was no where to be found. He seems to have escaped them again.

 *not to be construed as Gossip