08/26/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/26/2016

It sounds like Donna sent Tim away to the Adult Daycare Center while she takes her vacation.

Poor Tim, he loves his bunny costume so much that he wants it to be Easter all year long. This would explain why Donna sent him away. Knowing him he probably begged to have an Easter Egg Hunt everyday (which is all Roxanne's fault).

I think I freaked Kellen out today by telling him I was going to be on vacation next week. His world may be coming to an end.

Mary cried the whole time that Stephanie held baby Katherine today then it got really embarrassing when she started patting Stephanie's tummy while sobbing that she needs a grandchild.

Tim was smart, he called and apologized for his out of control job. Where as I still have to yell at Toni for everything that he put me through for the last two weeks.

Roger wanted to know why Mary got something before him and I told him it's because she has boobs.  If he hasn't figured this out yet then there really is no hope for him.

Roger thinks that Ryan and I would have a nicer cruise with him and Dot than with the relatives that we're taking. It sounds like a fun challenge.

Roger is apparently voting for GB for President.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/25/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/25/2016

 I love when people insist on the other line that it was me who called them.

It was another all women day at the office. Obviously the gawking men who came in today knew that Thursday's around here are an all women day.

One more day of me then you get Tim and Toni back. 

Another rep came in and wanted to know what we changed in our space. He also realized that the parking lot changed but still didn't realize it was a different building. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/24/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/24/2016

Roger thanked me yesterday for everything that I do that complicates his life. I thought that was very nice of him. He was also thrilled to hear that I would be on vacation next week.

I'm pretty sure Mary had one of those "Oh F@#$" moments today at 1pm when Stacy came in the showroom and pounced on her like his prey and she didn't have time to hide.

Mary has a way with people she got rid of Stacy within five minutes. Knowing her she probably told him if he left right now that she would go out with him tonight.

Michael had to brag that he gets to go on a paid cruise to the Panama Canal next year. I'm starting to hate him more everyday.

Roger's customer may be a box short of weed since he measured.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/23/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/23/2016

Roxanne got to meet the only black actor in Hollywood last night (according to Roxanne), Denzel Washington. Who knew he also cleans and waxes floors for a living.

Bill and Roger thought I was full of crap when I mentioned that Andrew West had a blog on Friday. Well the truth is he does have a blog and I found it. Here's a little blurb of when he first met Roger.
"I started my new executive sales consultant job today and had to ride around in an unimpressive Bentley all day with the cracker head who is currently running the program that I will soon be taking over. As for my first impressions, this j-cat seems to be a serial killer psychopath, I'm pretty sure he's Gary Ridgway's long lost brother. He is very odd, has very impulsive behavior, has no guilt for anything that he's done or currently does (like selling drugs at Elementary school playgrounds and quoting Seinfeld jokes) and I think he must have childhood trauma from someone forcing him to watch "The Birds". Anytime he sees a little bird he starts to spasm and run for cover, that is if he doesn't fall lifelessly on the ground first. Don't even get me started on what would happen if he saw a monkey."

Serge wants me to visit the Juneau Safeway next week and tell him how his tile looks after eight years.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/22/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/22/2016

Steve's been holding out on us, he had a Harrison Ford story from Yellowstone that he wasn't telling us about. Basically he got naked with Harrison Ford in a hot springs locker room and he subjected one of his daughters to all of this nudity too. Afterwards all Jenny asked Steve about was Harrison's genitalia.

All I have to say is don't cross Bill today.

Mary's husband, Randy told me that he's stalking me on Facebook.

Onto my beautiful weekend adventures since I have to outdo Tim and Toni this week which I really can't do but I'll try anyways. We went to Mt Rainier yesterday and hiked to Bench and Snow Lake and while on the trail I came across a bear in a field. I had to try to get its picture but it scampered off before I could get a good one. Then up on the hillside I saw a mountain goat (the picture that looks like Riley). Other than that it was just beautiful scenery on a gorgeous day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/19/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/19/2016

Mary said that she's going to be super sarcastic today.

Roger said that Andrew told him that he misses us. Apparently we're not as horrible as his blog makes us out to be.... except for Roger of course.

Tim and Toni would of had a blast filling out comments on a request for a credit reference that I received today which had been one of their customers.

Michael gave me a lame excuse, he claims that he's having his hardwoods refinished and out of his home. I want to know is he with Tim or is he with Toni?

I can only imagine that this will be the first movie that the newly weds see after they get back from their honeymoon because of Toni of course. 

Tim just told me that he's at the Thousand Islands in New York. I'm very upset with him right now because I've wanted to go to Boldt Castle at Thousands Islands and he didn't bother to take me.

Then Tim decides to tell me that he's already been to Boldt Castle and will probably go back again and he'll probably also see The Singer Castle this trip too. I told him I'm going to have to see some crazy sh*t on my Alaska cruise to be able to outdo him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/18/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/18/2016

According to Steve, Toni touched a 3,000 year old cat (he called it something different though) yesterday.

Speaking of Toni, I'm going to kick his butt when he gets back...technically when I get back after him. He has no idea how much of my day has been all about Toni. In fact Tim wanted me to do something for him but Toni's crap got in the way.

I started an Inbox for Toni, it's where I'm throwing all of the crap that I don't want to deal with. I expect to have a clean desk by tomorrow.

Roger showed his face for a minute this morning and then left in a hurry, I think he knows that Thursdays are the day that the women rule the office since Bill now works from home on Thursdays. Steve was even scarce and was claiming to be working on his new office area in the warehouse.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/17/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/17/2016

I had an exhausting dream last night, I was running all over the place for Toni. He owes me big time now.

"In my defense I worked for an a$$hole." Bill  "Then you became one." Steve

I saw this and immediately thought of Toni....I wonder why?

Roxanne is so mean, she took Baby Katherine home with her. She obviously doesn't trust us.

Michael seems to have plans for expanding his office while Toni and Tim are gone.
 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/16/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/16/2016

Bill's starting to freak out since Toni's gone. He's already asked me to put whiskey in his tea.

"Roger looks like a normal person." Bill

Tim was upset that Michael's Outlook looked different than his.

Steve and I have this figured out, we're all going to the airport with Tim tomorrow for New York and then after New York we will join Toni and Nikki on their honeymoon.

Michael and Tim need to quit spooning at work because it obviously makes Michael very warm.

Mary told me to stop lying today. I told her I have a hard time turning that off considering I make up excuses every time a solicitor calls. My best ones of the week have been: she's out of the office buying a yacht, she's on her daughters honeymoon, she's out because her dog is having liposuction, she's hand feeding all of the children in Africa and she's picking out names for her grand children and doesn't want to be bothered with your crap.

Shocking, I knew somebody's name that Howard didn't know today and Howard knows everybody. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/15/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/15/2016

"She's very cute but she kept me up all night." Bill about some girl


Toni had the nerve to leave on his honeymoon today.

Bill bought 48 boxes of Vicks Kleenex for his home. Needless to say Bill is going to smell like menthol for awhile. I'm going to mark my calendar and see if Bill still has those same Kleenex in 10 years because that is a lot of Kleenex.

"You should have started saying no 30 days ago." Michael about Toni

"The stripper wasn't getting through?" Bill on the phone to someone

"You use to be better at this." Tim to Bill 

I think Bill freaked out his sister in law. She wants new carpet installed and Bill told her to have everything moved and ready for the installers tomorrow (this was with less than a one day notice).


My husband was making fun of me last night for watching and narrating the hummingbird wars that happen on our deck every night. We have one very territorial hummingbird that chases off the others from the feeder at night when he decides to perch in a nearby tree.


Speaking of cute little things, Ryan and I hiked at Mt Rainier this weekend and saw two mountain goats, a marmot, a white tailed ptarmigan and a bunch of chipmunks. It was a very animal friendly weekend especially when I had all of the animals buckled up in the back seat of our car on our way home.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/12/2016

"That's what I need, one more woman in my life talking back to me." Bill about Siri getting all uppity with him this morning

Bill was so excited to hear that Steve would be back to work on Monday.

I sneezed like six times in a row today and wondered why Bill was never tempted once to say anything but then I realized he was out in the warehouse. I'm still trying to forgive him.

"The car seat would fit on the roof, wouldn't it?" Roger to Bill

"You should sue A F too just to cover all of your bases." Roger to Mary

"Your wife freaked me out about bed bugs." Roger to Bill

This is getting confusing, Toni's boy toy is Val's brother in law, Serge's friend, whiny Alex's son and of course Toni's whenever and whatever.

"Are you just going to come down here and yell at me?" Bill to Roxanne

Roger's getting a new place in downtown Seattle with a spare bedroom so that all of us will have a place to stay.

I think Bill trained Roxanne and Katherine to sneak out of the office like he does. I didn't even see them leave.

Toni leaves for his honeymoon on Monday and he's going to Rome, Naples, Sorrento, Pompei and Croatia and probably more places that he's already forgotten to tell me about. I expect to see pictures of Toni dressing all of the nude statues because of his disorder. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/11/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/11/2016

I had a choice between a rainbow cake, a floral cake or a princess cake for Kellen at Costco last night. I couldn't do the rainbow because those are for Toni so I had to do the princess even though those are also for Toni.

"I've had phone sex that doesn't even last that long." Roger to Typhinee about their long call

Toni leaves for his honeymoon on Monday unless we all convince him that Michael will steal all of his clients.

Steve's been sharing team spirit all over the country while he's been on vacation. Interesting but my sister has also been at Yellowstone this week, she apparently drove through on her way to and from Sturgis or that's how the story goes. It's probably some huge Apex get together that I don't know about, I'm sure that's where Bill, Tim, Michael, Andrew and Roger are all today too. Just for that Mary, Typhinee and I are all going to go with Toni on his honeymoon. Besides I need to make sure that Nikki allows Toni to wear his never nude shorts.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/10/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/10/2016

Tim accused me of making up gossip. I scolded him and sent him back to his office.

"Were talking gay stuff." Roger about himself and Toni

"I'm going to grow a ZZ Top beard." Roger

"Basically what we're saying is that women are pretty useless."  Roger to Toni  In Roger's defense he was talking about sports.

There's trouble in paradise already, Toni's trying to take his ring off. There must have been some hot guy around.

Toni wants Bill to fire him for being stupid. I would prefer just to make fun of him than fire him.

Tim wants to know what Superhero Kellen gets to be for his birthday tomorrow. I could tell Tim anything and he'll have to believe me since he's taking tomorrow and Friday off.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/09/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/09/2016

Toni doesn't remember Vanilla Ice playing at his wedding, that's how wasted he was.

Roger wants to know how Kellen rescued him. He said he would be very impressed if he found out that Kellen dove for him on Saturday night. 

"This is the sh*ttiest vacation I've ever taken." Bill as he thought I told someone on the phone he was on vacation but in fact I said that Steve was on vacation. If I was lying as to where Bill was I probably would have used my, he's in a meeting looking at the WENUS.

Bill told us this morning that he made a mistake marrying the wrong woman and now I can't remember what his reasoning was...I guess Bill's going to have to sort that one out at home.

This dolphin snatched this woman's ipad right out of her hand at Seaworld. Needless to say I don't think the woman was impressed with her wet ipad afterwards.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2016

Happy Birthday Roxanne!

Congratulations to Toni & Nikki! They actually went through with the wedding.

"You owe me big time because I had to hear about my grandmothers stool." Bill to Typhinee

I mentioned to Dot that I rescued Toni's shorty shorts out of the garbage one day and saved them for his wedding gift. She thought that all of my pictures of him in his shorty shorts had been photoshopped.

From the looks of the photo booth pictures I think Toni's dad got lucky on Toni's wedding night. 

Something monumental happened yesterday, we sold the Jetta. 

Katherine worked her magic at Mary's desk today since Mary was no where to be found.

The next time that someone has a wedding Roger would like a timeline pretty please. He doesn't like surprises so it needs to be very detailed. Toni's wedding timeline would have been this:
4:00 Wedding Ceremony is supposed to start but everything is not quite ready yet
4:10 Ceremony starts and Randy is a mess
4:15 Ryan Grab sings and Kevin only records video for the last 10 seconds of his song, again
4:20 Bill and Roxanne finally show up because they thought the wedding started at 6pm
4:30 Ceremony finishes and everybody is off to find the liquor
4:35 Roger sees the bride and groom but they ignore Roger
4:40 Roger gets two glasses of wine
4:45 Roger gets to sample the hors d'oeuvres

4:50 Roger gets another two glasses of wine
5:00 Roger finds a table and (according to Bill) Oprah and her boyfriend join at the table
5:05 Roger gets two more glasses of wine
5:10 Randy cries during his speech again and unfortunately there was not a weird sister speech at this wedding. (Next time Bill and I would prefer if Sam's sister would just make all of the speeches).
5:15 Roger steals a book from the centerpiece
5:20 Our table tries to figure out the answers to our little gift boxes
5:25 Roger gets two more glasses of wine
5:30 Our table loads their plates full of food
5:33 We finish eating and demand desert
5:35 Roger hits on Toni's mother (I can't blame him, we've all done it and besides he had a lot to drink)
5:36 Roger gets a black eye from Toni
5:37 Roger talks about why he doesn't like live chickens
5:40 Doughnuts are served and our table calms down some

5:45 Toni and Nikki have their first dance and Stephanie sings. Stephanie steals the show.
6:00  Bill and Roxanne hear Toni in the bathroom "wrestling" with all of his closest guy friends.
6:05  Roxanne twists her ankle
6:10  Bill and Roxanne leave
6:15  Roger gets another two glasses of wine but Dot and April intervene and Roger starts using his flask
6:17  Roger finds a couch to pass out on
6:20  The Swiss Music Starts
6:22  Roger is revived back to life and makes his debut yodling
6:28 The Swiss Music ends and Roger stumbles outside and falls off the dock and into the water
6:29  Roger seems to be floating so nobody is too concerned and everyone goes back to the party
6:35 Mary tells Kellen to go get Roger because he's ruining the ambiance
6:45 Roger is placed in the back of the box truck
6:50  Dot seems to have found a new boy toy and they seem to be taking their time in the photo booth
8:00  The girls in the bathroom go running out because they hear Toni's favorite band NSYNC
9:00  Toni's new cousin decides the fish by the dock need a wine glass or two for a more accomodating home environment
10:00 Vanilla Ice just happens to walk by and sing Ice Ice Baby for the wedding
10:30 Roger wakes up to the smell of meatball sliders but can't get out of the back of the truck so he hyperventalates and passes out again
11:00 Kellen starts loading and decides there isn't room in the truck for Roger anymore so he gets Mary's sister to lift him out.
11:05 Roger is seen floating in the water again
11:59 Dot is seen leaving the party with her new friend
9:00 am Roger is seen drifting by CI Shenanigans
9:30 am Roger seems to be awake and ready for Sunday Brunch
11:00 am The FBI received tips by an anonomous caller and showed up to CI Shenanigans but Roger was no where to be found. He seems to have escaped them again.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

08/05/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/05/2016

Toni's getting married tomorrow!

Speaking of Toni, my husband wants to kiss him. I think that's weird.

Typhinee hasn't seen "The Goldbergs". Bill wants to know if she even owns a t.v.

"Matt screwed me." Bill

Our Thompson Tile rep told me today that he waited too long to buy a flight to Sacremento for his cousins wedding so he drove down. Bill and I came to the same conclusion, the man is stupid, how exactly does that happen, it's Sacremento. Is there another Sacremento that I don't know about? Just to prove my point I found tons of flights where I could leave tomorrow for Sacremento. I thought the guy was weird before but now I can't even look at him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/04/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/04/2016

 This is pretty much the beginning of Tim's August off.

I'm pretty sure there is a conspiracy plan to get rid of me. I found it odd that everyone gets new business cards except for me. Roger treats me like crap every single day and steals my stuff. Everybody just throws things on my desk like I'm not even sitting their. Toni is the only one who did something nice for me (but technically he probably did it for himself since it was wedding related) and I guess Typhinee, she told me to hide under my desk and call 911 if any creeps came in.

Bill's going to have stories tomorrow. Somehow Roxanne decided that it was a good idea to go to work for one day and leave Bill in charge of Katherine. I'm not sure what she was thinking.

There was an East Coast Mob Bust today and luckily for Roger he wasn't visiting any of his good friends: Tony the Wig, Mustache Pat or Big Vinny today.


Toni's upset that Steve's not going to be at his wedding for the clean up. Apparently they had a great time at Bill and Roxanne's wedding.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/03/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/03/2016

Today is apparently going to be all about Bill and his new uncomfortable shoes.

On this day in 1978, Gay Bob, the worlds first gay doll was introduced. I'm pretty sure I need to find one of these asap for a wedding gift for this weekend.

On the back of the box it tells how to enjoy Gay Bob.
"Play With Me, I'm great Fun"
"Take me to parties, I know the latest dance moves."
"Take me to the office, your boss will want to play with me." -I'm confused as to which boss will want to play with him?
"Take me to a coming out of the closet party."
"Use me for therapy, I'm very understanding."


According to Bill, pewter and gray are not the same because they are two different words. Toni wanted to know this morning.

Roger is now a detective and his alias is Batman.

Tim wants to switch friends with Roger all because he heard about a cabin in Alaska.

Mary's going to be thrilled to hear this especially after the horrible day that she's had. "I'm excited to have a kid." Toni after seeing Tim's grand baby


Roger thinks it's rude not to make fun of me every time that I see him.

This adorable bear family decided to go for a dip at Lake Tahoe right next to swimmers. (Video below)

 

 https://www.facebook.com/KCRA3/videos/10154402580821514/

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/02/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/02/2016

Bill is Ross, he's had the same doctor forever and now his daughter is going to see him. I wonder if Bill still gets a lollipop?

Bill is in serious trouble. Howard saw the sample board of outdoor carpet that Bill tore apart and mentioned the sample board was worth more than the order that Bill placed with him.

Mary was in again today and so far no boob job or Kenny Rogers face. She really is waiting till the last minute to do her shocking alteration.

Roger told me that he was out hiding from the law today.

Toni wants to know why everyone comes up to him and asks if he's going to back out. He said even Serge texted him. Maybe it's because of things like this....

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/01/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/01/2016

Toni's getting married on Saturday....I can't believe he hasn't called it off yet. Ryan and I did watch a movie about a guy who was about to marry a woman and on his wedding day he called it off because he was gay...let's see what happens.

I'm trying to forgive Bill for giving out two wrong PO #'s today but I'm not quite there yet.

Mary and a bunch of other people should be happy to hear that our Attorney General in WA is suing Comcast for engaging in a pattern of deceptive practices.

Roger told me today that everyday is a good day. I'm just relieved that he's not suicidal today. Can you imagine the kinds of forms that I would have to fill out all because of him?

"I want to know when I woke up and said I want to be a f*cking carpet salesman." Tim

*not to be construed as Gossip