03/31/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/31/2014

Well I think Tim and Cody figured out the missing carpet mystery.

Henry was face down this morning but still alive.

I'm starting to think Jessica is making up all of this crap about her soon to be sister in law because they just had her Bachelorette party and she claims everything went great, what a major disappointment. 

Roger's wife is out of town so I'm pretty sure Roger's hanging out with Jason and Cory at their new diggs.

"I'm so excited, Roxanne wants to talk to me." Mary

This is another story that makes me think I'm reading "The Onion" when I'm not.  "Men in North Korea could previously chose from ten styles, but now, all men have to have their hair cut like Kim Jong-Un." This applies to all male students.

"He's laughing but I'm going to have a boy." Bill to everyone else and Steve

Is that why Bill has to get married, is Roxanne six months pregnant?

Toni's phone is now adding an i to his name and I had nothing to do with it.

I think Toni's now wondering when I'm going to knock him off. It's getting down to vacation time. He just needs to have patience....

Puerto Rico is in the mid to high 80's this week, I'm going to love it.

"He just needs to stay away from Beyonce." Mary about her son (jealousy issue)

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/28/2014

Matt's already planning Bill's bachelor party.

Matt has also already picked out Bill's groomsmen: Matt (of course), Steve and Adam.

Apparently I deleted Tim from the Daily Chatter, subconsciously he was giving me too much grief.

Toni's offended because Tim said that Toni's mom is hot. I've told Toni this before so I don't know why he still has issues with it.

Matt told me that they had a King Size bed when they checked in, he claims they changed it but I know better.

"He walked away from me... not the other way around." Bill about Tim

Toni's mom begged me not to kill Toni so Mary, Toni's mom and I are all going as chaperone's on Toni's trip.

"You guys are kindy of dorky, I hope you know that." Mary to Matt and Steve

Mary thinks the guys had a threesome with Lawrence in their king size bed in Minnesota.
 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/27/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/27/2014

Bill and Roxanne are now engaged. I'm pretty sure he had to propose otherwise she was going to leave him. He mentioned to us about how he almost knocked Roxanne over after grabbing the mail out of her hands the other night.

FYI, the party planning committee really needs a little more notice when life events happen.

I think Typhinee got engaged this morning. She was at 7-11 and the guy behind the counter told her to get another pop for free or so she thinks because she couldn't really understand him.

In case you happen to see our second Citrus Zest Lysol can because it is missing please call 1-888-BAD-AIR8.

Mary thinks the ring was burning a hole in Bill's pocket and he couldn't even wait till the weekend.

Toni says that Nikki is going to be pregnant until she's 70 with all of the kids he wants to have.

I didn't think Steve and Matt were even allowed into any bowling allies? I was pretty sure there was a nationwide ban. 

"I'm going to write a chapter about you and what I did to you, if you ever park in that spot again." Mary to Roger

"I don't really care about your hair." Roger to Mary

"I can't wait to get it over with so that I can get marital advice." Mr. U'nnells

"It especially gets you high if you grind it up and snort it." Roger

Matt thinks he's hot stuff in Toni's shorts.

 Matt and Steve always request a single bed when checking in at hotels together according to Bill.

Bill told us today that since Tim put them together he would like to have Tim do something very special for them at their wedding, he would like him to pay for it. 

"I got all cute for tonight. I'm wearing my sexy boots." Mary to Tim

"I can't put my shoe on!" Mary to Tim (she cancelled their date for tonight because of something kinky that hurt her earlier)

Roxanne only wants short people at her wedding sorry Tim you can pay but you can't attend.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/26/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/26/2014

Matt and Steve are loving the cold temperatures and the snow, especially with Toni's shorty shorts.

The flooring company that opened a few doors down from us (MFI-how weird is that) has a list of links for reviews on their website and some of the comments that stuck out were:
One review started with "Sloppy Work" and "They did not come close to speaking fluent Engish. They botched all the trim and moldings".

 Leave it to freaking Tim to do something completely out of the blue and screw everything up.

Tim wants to give Mary a big wet one and tomorrow night their meeting up at a hotel...

"Can you flash me baby!" Mary to Tim

Typhinee thinks her desk is starting to look like mine.

"I'm sure Intuit (Quickbooks) is wrong and I'm right." Bill

"Roger's always good for a favor but then he'll want one in return." Bill

Toni was prancing around the office today. I was just thankful that his Officer Dangle shorts were in Minnesota when he decided to pradancewalk to his own beat.

Matt, good news your car is still here.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/25/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/25/2014

"It's f*cking juice." Toni about Bill's box of V8 that came today that he thought was tile

I saw somebody other than the weird guy from Enumclaw today at the Dentist's office. Although I could still hear him talking away at a patient in the next room.

I'm very disappointed nobody sent us a picture of Steve in Toni's shorty shorts.

"See what happens when you leave the barn door open." Bill to Toni

Toni wasn't happy to hear that Kinko's at Kent Station was in the Fed Ex store.

"I hate having kids." Mary

Well Cody found out where Nelson was working...four doors down.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/24/2014

Somebody put a note on Henry's office wall this morning and thought that he was dead. He may be crippled but he's not dead.

Mr. U'nnells is a jerk, I had a dream about him on Saturday night and he was dating three women. That's one way to run out of money quicker than Jason.

I don't think Minneapolis is ready for Steve and Matt nor is Delta ready for a drunk Steve who hates to fly and who will be freaking out all of the other passengers and telling them that he's not going over the Indian Ocean. 

Steve has a little surprise in his bag. Toni wanted to make sure that his shorty shorts went to good use in Minnesota and he also gave Steve some custom balloons that he can use as condoms and they have awesome quotes. Bill was disappointed that Toni didn't put a metal shaped gun object in with the shorty shorts for security to check his bag.

Jessica's soon to be sister in law is being a b*tch again. She invited Jessica's mother to come with her and her mother on Saturday to help pick out the flowers for the wedding so that she could basically pay for everything.

I was listening to a voicemail for Gene Juarez today and it was an Indian person speaking and it sounded like the company name was Gene Whorez.

I think Toni was thinking about Steve in his shorty shorts today because he started singing "I swear" by Boyz II Men.

"I locked us out of our apartment and she was pissed." Toni about Nikki

"He'll act like he's saving the world." Roger about one of our reps

Mary asked some dude to be her knight in shining armor today. 

"You don't want to know what I think." Bill

We're pretty sure that Jeff's quitting the hardwood industry because of Roger.

Typhinee thinks she knows too much about Crystal's life already. 

"I'm going to go and Google that sh*t right now." Jessica

This may look like a blurred picture but this is Mary coming out of the back of some guy's truck. Some guy that she just met too. She said they were so into each other that they didn't even have time to close the back door. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/21/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/21/2014

Matt watched a gay movie the other day just to get a refresher course on how he's supposed to pleasure Steve next week in Minnesota.

Roger paid off some woman the other day, I think maybe she was going to assassinate Toni. If so she was really cheap, three bucks. Of course the next day when he saw her he told her he was very disappointed in her....

Tim thinks he's being sneaky, stealing Mary's phone charger.

"It will be a sh*t show, I'm sure." Roger

"Don't get all naughty on me." Roger to me

"I didn't do sh*t" Toni

 Bill and the guys went to Buffalo Wild Wings without Jessica today, she's going to be ticked! I probably shouldn't tell her that I made her favorite tea while she was gone too but I did.

"They are having a threesome." Mary about Bill, Roger and Toni and apparently Tim must have been watching. Update I just heard it was an eight-some with two women involved....

NFI was working in the same complex as Steve today.

"I'm a good guy and that's what I do." Roger

Tim screwed me (and all of us) big time.  He forgot to give me one of Crystal's bills which means I had to see her two times today.

Marlon called Toni "Rain Man" today, Mary thought it was because Toni was drooling.

Mary called me cynical today, I'm pretty sure it's just her way of saying I'm a judmental b*tch.

Ryan told his mother that Paula Deen reminded him of her which she thought was sweet for some reason. I'm sure it's just because Mary likes to ride everyone. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/20/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/20/2014

Jessica and I decided that whichever guy, Matt or Steve, that doesn't get frost bite in Minnesota gets to be the lead on Jessica's upcoming job.

Typhinee seriously doesn't age. She showed me a picture of her and her daughter when she was first born and her skin looks the same. 

Tim scheduled a PK meeting for today without telling anyone else.  I think he needs to buy us all lunch.

"I'm not no dummy." Roger

"Things always go my way." Mary

"I would hate to know the things that go on in your head." Mary to Roger


Roger told us about a fortune cookie that he once had "You are sporty and intensely restless."

Bill and Toni sure took forever at Kent Station today. I think they were just enjoying the sun and each other; holding hands and just skipping along.

Mary's son Ryan got to meet Paula Deen at a BBQ and his candy store is going to be next to her new restaurant.

Toni doesn't like var-mot's they just creep him out. Apparently this Patagonia Mara from Argentina creeps him out too. This is the animal that one of Jessica's friends got.

Toni can't go the Kent Station Fed Ex anymore. It's a good thing that Roger wasn't with him because he would have been banned from UPS and Fed Ex.

 Apparently I won't need to kill Toni for his vacation the Fed Ex guy will probably do the dirty work for me.

Thanks to Jessica I just figured out what this animal in my picture from Barbados is and Toni's weird because these things were adorable.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/19/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/19/2014

"I would like to shove this right back up their a$$." Tim

 Toni tried calling Jessica with Siri but Siri wouldn't call her instead she just called her a buttlicker. Siri seems to be a little cranky today.

 Tim was complaining to Bill about Typhinee because she showed him how to do something and then she left for lunch when Tim needed her.

The Thunder from Down Under guys caught an armed thief in their dressing rooms in Vegas.

John Mayer is apparently an idiot, he paid $5 million to a friend of Charlie Sheen's for 7 fake Rolex watches.

Mary thinks I'm a mean mean person because I hang up on solicitors from time to time. Next time I'm going to transfer them to her.

Toni thinks I'm going to kill him so that I can go to Puerto Rico with Nikki. Roger just thinks I'm greedy since I've been their three times before.

Roger says he and Ryan are in the same support group but he can't talk about it.

Now Mary's afraid that I'm going to knock her off too...

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/18/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/18/2014

Toni told me this morning "Get ready to be wasted" because I was eating a cupcake made with beer. 

Mary and Toni would like to go to the movies by themselves but together.

Roger thinks he's extremely clever. I won't disagree with that one, he is the one who came up with carpet on a toothpick.

Bill discovered today that we have a different set of rules for him. I want to know who told him?

Mary told us all a secret that I can't blab about yet. I think it's unfair....

I'm pretty sure that Lem from "Better Off Ted" was our delivery driver today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/17/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/17/2014

Matt thinks Steve is grumpy in the mornings and prefers him to chew out the other guys before working with him.

Steve decided this morning that if Bill can't make work orders for his jobs then he's going to be demoted to janitor.

Tim says this isn't his first rodeo. I'm assuming he plays the clown....

Don't tell Toni his sweater is ugly because he thinks it's awesome.

"I'm going to jail, I don't want to go to jail." Roger

"I can figure out who I was doing." Mary

"Do you think I'm Gary?" Bill to Steve

At least it has warmed up some in St Paul, MN where Matt and Steve will be next week. It should be in the upper 20's while they are there.

Saturday night our smoke detector in our bedroom started making the miserable beeping noise telling us that it's battery was low, I wanted to pull a Phoebe and smash it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/14/2014

Matt told Roger that Mary likes him because he's so polite to her, Suck up!

That dang Tim he must have ticked me off because in my dream last night I wouldn't even acknowledge him in public.

Steve wanted to rent a van this morning and I told him no and to hop on the back of Matt's skateboard.   Doesn't he know we're going totally green just like the company in "Better Off Ted."

Veridian Dynamics. The environment. Everyone likes it. And so, we do too. That's why we're committed to saving it. Veridian Dynamics is turning every one of our buildings 100% green. It's ridiculously expensive and spending money makes us sad. But we're doing it because we love nature, even when it's being mean or just acting stupid. Veridian Dynamics. Greening our world. - See more at: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/veridian-dynamics-the-environment-everyone-likes-it-and-so-w/#sthash.Ww2Tl1uo.dpuf

 "Commercial: Veridian Dynamics: The Environment. Everyone likes it, and so, we do too. That’s why we are committed to saving it. Veridian Dynamics is turning every one of our buildings to 100% green. It’s ridiculously expensive and spending money makes us sad, but we are doing it, because we love nature, even when its being mean or just acting stupid."

Veridian Dynamics. The environment. Everyone likes it. And so, we do too. That's why we're committed to saving it. Veridian Dynamics is turning every one of our buildings 100% green. It's ridiculously expensive and spending money makes us sad. But we're doing it because we love nature, even when it's being mean or just acting stupid. Veridian Dynamics. Greening our world. - See more at: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/veridian-dynamics-the-environment-everyone-likes-it-and-so-w/#sthash.Ww2Tl1uo.dpuf

Poor Matt and Steve are going to be disappointed that the van is ready and they have to take back the awesome truck that they rented.

I'm pretty sure Tim said that I was a piece of sh*t on the bottom of the tank. No wonder why I don't like that guy:)

Mary's friends think she looks like a porn star.

I swear Cher is part monkey with the way that he can climb.

"You would be a dork on it." Mary to Tim

Mary thought my order for Booger Tape and Snozzles sounded like a Dr. Seuss thing.

Bill doesn't want to go clothes shopping with 15 year olds, I'm very relieved to hear that.

"I have to look both ways when exiting the restroom now." Mary

One of the Costco Vendors asked Typhinee if she had VPI today. Apparently she was asking if she had visible panty lines. From the sounds of things that should have been the least of this woman's concerns.

"Is this the same conversation that Tim had with me." Bill

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/13/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/13/2014

"I'm going to have advanced arthritis because of him" Bill referring to Jason

Dang Jessica and her sugar cookies....

Some homeless woman touched Toni's hand today. Maybe she thought he was Jesus but she probably figured that out afterwards when her moonboots wouldn't go away.

"Nothing good can come out of it for me." Tim

This guy showed up to watch spring training....

Mary got yelled at by some Asian woman today. I think she was trying to steal the woman's husband.

Poor Steve, he's never going to live this one down and he's never going to be allowed to put license plates on the van again. The van got a ticket today because there were two different plates on the van which was his fault. I had Cody go to the DOL today to get new plates. Cody took the plates off only to discover that both plates were there.

According to Roger, Marty has an amateur pornstache. Matt's going to be jealous.

Bill thinks he has skin cancer because he has dirt on his hand. If he wants I can remove it for him or Roxanne can just lick it off.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/12/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/12/2014

Roger had no comeback to some black guy asking him today "Hey white guy, how's it going?" I'm very disappointed that Roger didn't whip out one of his Yo Mama jokes.

I read yesterday that Shaq spends about a $1,000 a week on apps. Who the heck has that much time to play with that many apps in one week besides Bill?

Mary said Cody's bike was too girly for her. Roger informed Mary that she is girly but maybe Roger forgot about her burly tattoo.

Bill wants to be called El Presidente from now on because he thinks it sounds more important than President of Apex. I have news for him, nobody is going to believe he is an El Presidente with the sunless color of his skin.

Toni was mad that Bill didn't kiss him goodbye tonight. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/11/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/11/2014

Toni gave Matt a lighter that said "I wish I knew how to quit you." Then Matt realized it was a quote from his favorite movie "Brokeback Mountain."

The guys are now reading Bill's work orders in order to find out the gossip around this place. I think Bill's work orders are now competing with "The Chatter." I read things about Toni having a third nipple, how Steve's jaw hurt but Matt's face had a big dumb grin on it, how Matt dyes his pubs and  Garret having a ferret STD.

I guess today is the day that Efren's wife will probably have their baby. 

Roger was trying to share with us today what he was thinking but I put a stop to that.

Cody and Toni told me that STD's are now called STI's because someone didn't like the word Disease and they wanted to call it Infection instead.

Apparently if a rep says they will bring in lunch I need to send them our lunch order instead of them bringing snacks after they clearly said lunch. I am boycotting our PK meeting company today.

Toni does not recommend eating Zantac.

Roger can't handle any more women being in the back room. He says Jessica, Typhinee and Toni are way too much for him already.

Roger and Toni were talking about how much they love to dress up like the Girl Scouts. I was so glad that they had photos to share with me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/10/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/10/2014

Ryan and I were watching "Hawaii 5-0" on Friday night and thought we saw a way overdone and plastic Melanie Griffith. Every time she turned her head in the episode I wanted to throw up because her neck looked disgusting, it's a good thing they didn't show her legs because time has not been nice to her.

I was in Roger's territory (his neighborhood) yesterday and I'm pretty sure he didn't even know it.

Henry was doing some sort of balancing act on his shell when I first came in today and yes he's still alive.

 Bill really seems to love Roxanne, he offered to say something nice about her at her funeral if she died from having to smell Ed. I wasn't quite sure if he was going to say something nice about her if she died any other way though.

I'm not sure what kind of  show at the exhibition center Tim thought I went to yesterday but apparently Beating instead of Beading came into his mind...

My iPad alarm keeps going off, one time only, in the middle of the night even though there isn't an alarm set. 

I'm very disappointed with Jessica today, she had no good gossip. 

"I thought I was reading "The Onion" for a moment when I saw this headline on MSN "Kim Jong Un Wins 100% of Votes in North Korea Election." The picture below is of North Koreans dancing in the streets, I guess they knew that they had to or they would be killed.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/07/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/07/2014

Roger sees invisible people and Bill was one of them today.

Roger says that Ryan calls him all of the time to "not so much to complain but to discuss certain aspects of your (my) personality." Apparently I need to make Ryan listen to me a little better so that he doesn't make those sort of calls anymore. 

Tim thought RFMS dinged at him "You're Golden". Turns out it was just Typhinee's phone.

"You're so lame." Mary to Toni

"Why Mary's?" Bill being competitive again

Remember to move your clocks forward this weekend.

I mentioned to Ryan last night that Toni was going to take care of some kids over the weekend and Ryan automatically assumed that Toni was babysitting Roger.

"You just screwed me big time." Steve

Mary broke Tim's glasses, what a b*tch. 

I can't wait for Jessica's crazy party story on Monday.

"She'll make me stand in the corner again." Bill

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/06/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/06/2014

Toni described "Grey's Anatomy" as a bunch of doctors having sex.

Tim finally noticed that Henry doesn't look good.

Toni thinks that when Henry dies we should shoot him out of a cannon. Does anyone have a spare cannon that Toni can use?

Bill asked me if I needed advice this morning. Doesn't he know I rule the world and I don't need anyone's advice.

"I'm a team player." Roger  "I'm just not sure what team." Bill

"It doesn't hurt that he's kind of cute too." Typhinee    Guys don't get your hopes up, it wasn't about any of you.

"Give them a box full of sand and let them sh*t on their own."Typical Roger remark

"These damn computers are complicated." Mr. U'nnells

It's nice that Typhinee has an easy out from work, all she has to say is that her daughter threw up at school and we immediately say we're disgusted and make her leave. 

"Toni, I don't care about you." Mary

Toni just confessed that he grew up in a African American family and that's why he was singing Gospel Hymn today. 

"I'm turning into Tim. I don't like it, I don't know how to use it, it's a pain in the a$$." Mr. U'nnells

I StumbledUpon these horrible but naughty headlines last night. 

"I know you don't care about my troubles so I'm just b*tching." Mr. U'nnells trying to be a woman

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/05/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/05/2014

Tim claims he's not an I.T. Dude. I don't think anyone would ever accuse him of being that so I don't know why he thought that we did.

"I probably drove Mary out of here and straight home." Tim

Bill claims he's a realist....Mary wants to know why he still has his car then.  

"You and Randy made some cool kids." Toni

OMG Damon wants to get rid of his van. I never thought I would see this day.

"I might be pissing Tim off again." Bill

Mary threatened to call Toni's mom on him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/04/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/04/2014

Today is Fat Tuesday, why exactly are we at work when we should be in New Orleans? I think I'll postpone my trip to New Orleans till next week because their weather is worse than ours today and tomorrow. It looks like Chewbacca is celebrating though.

Toni seemed very worried yesterday as to what Nikki would do to him if she found out he was....

Typhinee and Jessica were told by Toni that they have naughtier mouths than the men around here.

I think someone told Liza that her hair had to match her outfit, that was a mean joke.

Toni told me that he loves the Mango skits by Kris Kattan on "SNL". Explains so much!

Toni and I were discussing that Bill has a very weird spectrum of knowledge.

"I'm getting desperate, I'm going to ask you twice." Roger to Mary

"I don't have time to mess around with him." Mary about one of the John's in her life

*not to be construed as Gossip

03/03/2014

The Daily Chatter*

03/03/2014

Thank-you Dot and Roger for the Spamelot tickets, it was a funny but for a moment I wondered if I was attending "Gay" A Gay Musical ("I.T. Crowd" reference). 

Tim thinks Henry needs to take some Yoga classes because there seems to be something wrong with the back part of his tail.

"What do I need Nikki for?" Toni

Bill had a dream about sleeping with a Chinese prostitute last night, so man-typical.

Roger and his freaking parking lot drug deals at 10am this morning.

"Everything's about the wedding." Mary

Bill gave Toni some awesome ugly old Neon racing shirts.

How many Apex employees does it take to tell Toni how to change a tire?

"You can sexually harass me." Steve to Mary

Haircut must mean something different these days because Bill told us he was off to go get a "hair cut" and never came back. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary apparently it is a drinking act involving: two people, alcohol and an energy drink.

*not to be construed as Gossip