01/31/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/31/2014

Freaking Toni and all of his glitter, it's everywhere.

Riley didn't want to go to bed last night, I think she wanted to watch more "Downton Abbey".

Bill and Roxanne suck again, they went to O. 

 
Another awesome cat shirt. 

"Toni's doing big boy things." Cody

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas especially when you have a camera. 

Crystal yelled at me today because she thought I blocked her email address.

Toni thinks he may get some tonight because his icork honey will probably need a ride.

A Utah Orangutang who has successfully picked the last six Superbowl winners picked the Seahawks this year.

Go Hawks!

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/30/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/30/2014

Matt is ticked that Bill gets his birthday off.

Dot and Joe Biden seem to be BFF's now, they had a phone conversation yesterday.

Toni said "hey handsome" to Tim while some other guy (a contractor) was in the back room and I think the contractor was ticked that Toni wasn't talking to him. 

I found the perfect gift for Bill's birthday. He needs a new mug anyways.

 Bill and Mary suck, they went to The Beatle's Love by Cirque de Soleil.

Watch out world Mary's got to fire a fully automatic weapon.

Toni forwarded me a cute and funny cat video for those of you who care.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQi_FsDjkZ8

Tim wants to be reincarnated as one of his dogs.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/29/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/29/2014

I found something adorable for the crazy cat ladies in the office (Jessica and myself).
http://www.tastefullyoffensive.com/2014/01/mom-cats-jump-fail-spooks-her-kittens.html

Bill tried telling me that he was an official CSI now but I know better Gil Grossom is no longer with the company so he wouldn't have the authority to sign for his diploma. Nice try Bill!

It's very apparently that Mary and Roxanne were not as drunk as we were yesterday and most of today with our Big Wednesday Cocktails, they were still sitting upright. They obviously were doing their Miley Cyrus impression.

"I wish I had a puppet and a tennis ball." Roger

 Randy dropped off a present today. Roger didn't understand why he didn't want to take her to Vegas with them.

"You can call me babe if you want." Roger

Randy threw in some Sweet Fantasies Body Spray in Riley's bag that was obviously meant for Toni.

Bill tried telling me that Mary got them into a VIP Club with some celebrities. I remember getting into that same club, here's a flashback to 2003.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/28/2014

I'm so proud of Matt, he came back in one piece from his snowboarding Bachelor party.

"There's no telling what Roxanne will make him do....and Mary." Matt about Bill in Vegas

Now Matt's billing us for his Revlon Sheer Pink Nail polish and assigning job numbers to it, weird.

I'm really starting to wonder how much Bill drinks during the day because his PO's lately have been a mystery and Typhinee and I are about to put him in rehab.

"I love how people never listen to the name of the company when I answer the phone. This lady called today and starts off "My therapist recommended that I call you guys." and that's where I cut her off because I'm such a b*tch.

"I'm such a pain in the butt." Tim

I'm very upset that Roxanne hasn't posted anything else to FB. I really thought that she would have posted pictures of herself and Mary at Thunder from Down Under.

Steve is very upset that he didn't get to go to Vegas this year. He and I have already planned to go on a Surfaces Cruise at the company's expense. There may not be a convention but there's plenty of flooring to look at.

"Nikki keeps plugging a million things into the wall...I'm getting renter's insurance." Toni

"You'd be surprised the places they let me in..because I know I am." Matt

Toni is super pumped for the Superbowl so he made us all Seahawk Slammer's. We're probably as drunk as Mary and Roxanne are now. I think I've only fallen out of my chair three times today but honestly I can't remember because I have resorted to sitting on the floor, ok laying on the floor.

Seahawk Slammer
1 1/4 oz Absolut Pears Vodka
1/2 oz Bols Blue Caracao
1 splash(es) Sour Mix
2 piece(s) Limes (Muddled)
Lime wedge garnish

*not to be construed as Gossip

 

01/27/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/27/2014

Henry's still alive!

It appears that Joe Frowny Face is also in Vegas.

It looks like the gang went to Dick's. Now Bill's going to want to go to Hooter's.

"I'm also marrying my sister." Toni

One more day till "Downton Abbey" comes out!!!

Tim is hurt that Bill took Roxanne and not him to Surfaces.

Toni made me drink Chia seeds today after I drank a Morning Starfish that was his special drink mix today. Tequila and Grapefruit juice is a must have for any Monday morning.

Roger thought at first that he missed me last week while he was doing the road show but then he remembered that he didn't, jerk.

There's something obviously wrong with Roxanne's leg..

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/24/2014

 
"I'm just not that original of a guy." Mr. U'nnells

Mary's not really looking forward to being with Bill next week and seeing him drool all over installation supplies and Roxanne at Surfaces.

The guys were cursing Steve's name today when they had to dig out all of the tile from the recycle dumpster today after the dump truck couldn't lift it.

Cher was telling the dumpster divers (Garret) to dig harder and faster. 

"I wont be here to protect you from the Bartholomew's of the world." Bill to Toni

"I won't be doing that because I'll be drunk." Mary

Toni said that we're going to drink here at the office next week until we blackout. I guess he's bar tending next week.

"That's what happens when you have to handle Roger too much." Bill 

I'm so excited I get to talk as loud as I want to myself next week. Don't worry I'll get bored with myself pretty quickly and ask when Mary's coming back. No I guess I won't, I'll have her dog at the end of next week and will want to keep her as long as possible. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/23/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/23/2014

Costco is selling a Superbowl upper seats package for 2 for $14,000 including 4 nights in NY, what a deal.

"Am I going to wake him up and get grumpy Bill?" Steve

Steve was so happy this morning, he said he was right for once in his life and his wife was wrong.

I broke one of my nails last night and now my finger looks and feels like it belongs to Tim even though it's still not as short as his.

Tim called Toni a raping pillager but turns out Tim priced the job so he's the raping pillager.

Mary screamed and yelled at Tim this morning for being such a potty mouth.

"OMG that's the best Celine Dion song." Toni

Riley tried taking Maci's binky today.

What is this world coming to? Captain and Tennille are divorcing after 40 years of marriage.

I had to read the new reviews on the special sugarless gummy bears. Here are some of the highlights:
 -These, however, are a special breed of bears! Have you ever been prepared for a colonoscopy? That's a ride on the slide at the kiddie park compared to these things
 -This stuff gave a whole new meaning to "hot." I thought I was squirting concentrated sulfuric acid mixed with Drano.
-The only true way of describing my pain would be to say it felt like a miniature unicorn was jumping up and down in my gut, poking holes through my innards.
-The toilet is now a launch pad, there is a hole in the ceiling and my head hurts.I also cannot find my dog and cat.


Roger was trying to calm Typhinee before her OCD came out last night at Costco.

"Don't call me a pain in the a$$." Tim to Bill

Roxanne is now demanding to see her name in the Chatter. She's trying to pull a Roger on me. 

"The biggest waste of money I've ever had is on my girlfriend." Mr. U'nnells 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/22/2014

Technology is afraid of Bill.

Poor Mary came out of the bathroom today at United Tile only to be strangled by Bill from behind. She had no idea he was even at United Tile.

All of this raises the question, what were the guys doing at United Tile? I bet Toni need to see pretty tiles just to get his design fix for the day since he had just gone to an icky job site walk through.

In honor of Stephanie's birthday (which she also shares with Bill) and the Seahawks winning the Superbowl we get February 3rd off from work.

Tim thinks he's too busy and has too many jobs going, what a whiner.

Henry is having a bad week and seems to be hanging out at the bottom of his cup lately.

I guess I'm about to find out if my husband is going to pick me up tonight, I offered to have a really big fight with him over nothing important. 

I left Tim a present on his desk and it wasn't a Riley turd so he should be happy. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/21/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/21/2014

Rick says Tim owes him $45.00 for his parking ticket that he got months ago. Obviously he's not going to let that one go:)

Rick's advice is not to exercise or you might die. He just lost another friend, who happened to be playing tennis when he died.

"I didn't want to pull a Bill on you." Mary

Watch out Oregonians, Matt thinks he's going snowboarding at the end of the week while he's there for a Bachelor party.

Tim was criticizing  my mistakes awfully hard this morning but I got back him back. Now I'm thinking that he was probably right, I just told Bill that I didn't have Office on my computer and I do. In my defense for a short time I didn't but apparently I didn't recheck.

Apparently the dolphins stole the show at the Santa Barbara surfing competition. I think  they felt safe and came out because Roger wasn't in their town on Sunday.

They are now warning that if you snort Smarties that you may end up with Nasal maggots. They sure try to keep everyone from having too much fun and they put out pictures like this of meth users before and afters.
http://madworldnews.com/15-shocking-before-after-pics-showing-effects-of-drug-abuse/

"She has to see it my way." Mary

I think Matt really loves Steve. He drew a star and a flower on his timecard with the word Love.

Jessica now thinks I lied to her about Riley. I told her that Mary lied to me about Riley coming this week. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/20/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/20/2014

You may think this is a young Justin Bieber in this picture but Rick would know better since he has  Bieber Fever. If you have no clue it is our very own Mr. U'nnells. 

I think I'm a freak, I heard a song, liked it and looked it up to only find out that One Direction sings it. So disappointed with myself. My excuse is that I hung out with three young girls on Saturday.

Mary decided today that when Steve says something he said is inappropriate she doesn't want to know what he said.

Riley's here for the week!!!

Ryan blamed something crude on Rick over the weekend. It's only fair when you leave to go to another company.

Toni's loving his myspace.com. Bill told him it's going to make a come back.

Roger didn't show up until 3pm today. It must have been some night at the LA Airport with multiple drunken fights over the Seahawks game.

"Joseph Stalin had the right idea." Roger

Matt's going to be ticked to hear that Frown Face was at the game last night. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/17/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/17/2014

Happy Birthday Steve!

"Well I finally did it. Gushed so much about Bill that even my therapist doesn't want to see me anymore!" Roxanne

I confused Tim by printing something to the printer at the same time he was photocopying. 

Cody accused Mary of being a 49ers fan with her clothes colors. 

"The sh*t I get into." Tim

I'm so glad to see that Jessica fixed her FB settings so that nobody can see her Pinterest Boards for a Bachelorette Party that she may have to throw.

The animals at Woodland Park Zoo are eager for the Seahawks to win on Sunday. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/16/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/16/2014

"My picket signs are quivering with anticipation." Tim

Toni called me a tease today.

Bill saw something on "The Dragon's Den" that he knows Tim would be good at. I think we need to start that reality show with Tim being the star before the other guy starts filming, that way we can say we're the first.

I thought I heard Typhinee in the back room crying today but then I realized that she was just laughing her a$$ off. Apparently Jessica liked something naughty to her pinterest (for research reasons of course) and it was showing up in her FB feed.

 

The professor from "Gilligan's Island" died today and some dude from the "Partridge Family".

I almost forgot to mention Roger............Roger.......Roger.....Roger....Roger....Roger.....Roger. I have to include him or else he threatens to quit everyday.

 

 

 



 

*not to be construed as gossip

01/15/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/15/2014

I got my computer back!!!!

Bill doesn't want Toni dipping any of his stuff in his honey. My how things have changed....

Typhinee thinks Roger is a #$%&er for being in California right now.

"There is no good news..he's flipping bullsh*t." Tim about Bill

"He's trying to take advantage of my old age." Tim about Bill

Someone commented to Roxanne about Mary being Bill's boss...

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/14/2014

Two more weeks and Season 4 of "Downton Abbey" will be out on DVD and I'll be dressing and talking like I'm a snooty rich person (ok most of them aren't snooty but snooty fits me) at least until I finish watching the season which doesn't take long (luckily for all of you).

"He has a Seahawks flag, he's fine." Toni about some rapist in our parking lot

I'm terribly hurt, Chris brought in homemade honey today for Bill and Mary but none for me.

Tim thinks he could be my younger man. (He's a month younger than Ryan).

Tim thinks that if his grocery store job that Bill originally bid goes in the negative he wants me to pull the money out of Bill's a$$ and not his. If I have a say in the matter I would rather not pull anything out of anyone's a$$ unless it's large diamonds or doughnuts.

I can tell that Roger's excited for his trip he sang his way through all of the Disney Classics this morning. 

Mary told a huge white lie today, she said that she's the last person on earth to judge anyone. I'll let it go this time only because I think she was intoxicated when she said it. (The drinking has all been for Stephanie's wedding and needing more wine bottles). She obviously thought she was joining in on Roger's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious spirit.

Toni compared Steve to a Cobra today. I think it's because Toni likes it when Steve hisses at him or he just likes his one eyed snake. 

Bill apparently didn't want to see all of the girl cooties that I was getting all over his desk and office today so he didn't come in.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/13/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/13/2014

Roger was telling me this morning what he would do with a little extra cash while he's at his Shaw show in California. Apparently he would either gamble it or spend it on hookers. I mentioned that his wife was going to be there and he told me that she's into the sort of thing.

I hate to say it but I'm actually getting use to Bill's roller ball thing on his desk.

Thanks to Roger the "Beauty and the Beast" song Be Our Guest is going to be playing over and over in my head today because I had to call his Disneyland Hotel and that was their hold music.

Roger didn't like somebody's creepy Charles Manson like son today.

Roger said he wore Depends on Saturday night just so that he could sleep in on Sunday.

Happy No Pants Day, of course Toni was the only one here that participated. 

Toni wanted instructions on how to use a vibrator this morning. Is that what that noise was earlier?

Roger says that Dot is his secret weapon. He says people like him more after they meet her.

Steve says he's starting to question Toni's friends but not Matt's, his friends are perfect.

"At least I'm somewhat responsible." Steve

Roger didn't want me sitting at his desk because he was afraid I would give his computer my virus. I saw the same fear in Mary's eyes today when I sat at her desk.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/10/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/10/2014

Today did not start off well for me. I came into work only to discover that I had a nasty virus named Crytolocker sitting on my desktop. Roger thinks it's worse than getting AID's, I'll take his word on that.


Ferguson seems to think that Tim has a paper route first thing in the morning. Is that how Tim's going to pay for his boat?


Roger really likes women named Diane....


Mary's new Lady Gaga shades came in the mail today, I'm scared.


Kind of strange but Toni wanted to pleasure some man out in our parking lot this afternoon. I think he liked the dudes truck.


Jessica seems to come up with the best installer stories.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/09/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/09/2014

Happy Birthday Jessica, our crazy cat lady!

Roger thinks that Matt drew a monkey pig on Jessica's birthday card. I think Roger's jealous.

Bill informed me that there's a new Muppet Movie coming out soon and that it looks awesome.

Bill also informed me that he's going to the symphony tonight and that he's really excited about it.

The East Wing people were comparing body parts when I walked back there today.I guess that's why we keep them in the East Wing.

Bill started to say something to Toni about "Never trust a man..." and then my printer went off and I couldn't hear the rest.

Bill thinks he needs another day off already so tomorrow is the day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/08/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/08/2014

Roger's even sneaky in my dreams.

"I would rather you call me immoral instead of devious." Roger

The world (or maybe just Costco) isn't ready for Roger today.

"I didn't think she gave a sh*t about me." Roger about Mary

Our insurance company who provides our liability insurance brought us by some beer today.

Ryan thinks I'm too blunt with his mother...well I'm starting to think that he's a mama's boy.

Roger said he's going to quit trashing me for like a week.

After seeing this link I want to go to Splash Mountain.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mlew15/19-hilarious-pictures-of-people-posing-on-splash-m-h0se

Matt and Tim were getting pretty cozy in the bathroom together.

How did Tim break the number system in RFMS? He's the reason why we're at #400000 in job orders.

Mary says she needs Monica to arrange Stephanie's wedding.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/07/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/07/2014

Bill tried making a "Friends" reference but poor uninformed Toni didn't get it.

Someone came in all hot and bothered today that Icork wasn't open when they said they would be open. I should have sold them something just to say that I stole their customer.

Toni and Roger were doing this weird dance today with each other and a black sheet.

Ferguson sure the heck couldn't park today. Where the crap was parking police Steve at?

Mary to Roger "Don't kiss her or anything."

"Can you beat that sh*t?" Tim about getting his wife to give her ok on the boat

Tim's wife may change her mind if she finds out Tim was looking for hot dancing women today but when we didn't have any available he settled for hot cocoa.

Bill seems to like Russia's new policies "Skip work, have sex: Russian's celebrate day of conception as sporting community continues to criticise Putin's anti-gay legislation."

If your Toni all you're going to be reminded of from my last comment is this SNL skit.

Matt thinks that he's the better looking Steve.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/06/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/06/2014

Happy Birthday week to Jessica!

Toni says Snapchat is great for sending Dick Pic's.

Those dang British suck us into watching their tv shows and then they can't decide whether or not to make another season after they leave the series totally up in arms. This time I'm referring to the show "Doc Martin."

Toni obviously stole an iphone over the weekend because he doesn't have his flip phone anymore.

Tim says that his boss screwed him out of Siri.

Roger thinks it's easier to get laid if you have a 206 #.

Mary already has a name for the guy that Jessica went to see today, Captain Fabulous.

Cody ran into Vance at the grocery store over the weekend.

Bill's thinking of putting Damon in charge of payroll just so that he has something to do around here.

"You just reminded me that I have to go to the bathroom." Roger to me  Apparently he must think I'm a pile of poo.

Bill thinks his coat is bad a$$ and all of the ladies like it.

Toni and Cody were discussing their stripper names. Cody said if someone wanted to pay to see him strip that he wouldn't have a shy bone in his body, Chris should be so proud.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/03/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/03/2014

Roger really thinks I spent some time in jail. He's still convinced I got a DUI.

Uncle Phil from "Fresh Prince" died this week.

Roger and Steve sure like going to the strip clubs early, it was 7am.

Bill told Toni to bring his shorty shorts on Monday so that he can seal the deal with one of Jessica's customers that she's going to do a measure for.

Toni's new friend was reading his posters outloud and I think he really liked the one with Analrapist.

I really need to get Toni one of these signs so that his little friend would have had something else to read.

*not to be construed as Gossip

01/02/2014

The Daily Chatter*

01/02/2014

Tim made a list of items that he wants on his boat, it's getting serious. 

Bill claims his Christmas bonus was just seeing Jason's pretty face....All I can say is I'm glad that wasn't my Christmas bonus so thank-you Bill and Mary.

Toni's planning a fabulous vacation in April but he doesn't want to go hang gliding. 

"Maybe she's holding out hope." Bill about Nikki's stalker

"She's a deal sniffing little hound." Bill about Jenny

"By then you'll be his caregiver." Bill to Steve about Matt

Bill told all of us that Toni's sponsor doesn't want us putting too much pressure on him. 

Toni's icork honey came over to heat things up again with him.

Mary's all giddy because her son Ryan is coming into town tomorrow from Tennessee. 

Mary and her family have ruined me, the only thing I can think about now when I hear the word Tennessee is this awesome song.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Nl3iT_lRjw

*not to be construed as Gossip