11/27/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/27/2013

"I really need Bill in all of the wrong ways." Toni

"You got to have the powdered sh*t." Mr. U'nnells about mac and cheese

"It's for Princess Stephanie's wedding." Mary     Is this what were going to hear when Toni gets married, Princess Toni?

Mr. U'nnells thought he was the paper fairy this morning.

"I thought it all made way too much sense." Typhinee

"It's odd that you call it your saber." Bill about Toni's junk

Tim had to talk to Mary about her morning drinking habits. (A whole bottle of wine)

 Bill and Roxanne are celebrating tonight, I think it's because they can't wait for me to get out of town.

Bill was telling us a story and he mentioned he had to wait for someone to get dressed but he didn't want to mention any names....We just all hope it was Roxanne. 

"You have ugly sweaters." Mary to Toni

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! Or as Toni would say have a Turkeylicious Day!

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/26/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/26/2013

"Yes honey." Rick to Toni

Toni thinks Rick does want to be raped by him. Toni said "just look at me, who wouldn't"?

Then after that Toni proceeded to show me a video of James Franco and Seth Rogan being romantic with each other as a spoof on Kayne's video.

Roger discovered that you can get out of work if you just go to the Emergency Room so he did that today for a nose bleed.

Bill has some theories as to why Roger has a bloody nose. His first is he thinks Roger said something very inappropriate to Dot and she decked him. Second thought was he went too far up with his index finger. Third thought was that Roger tried to store too many phone numbers in his head.

Bill and Toni think that Marty wants to kidnap me. Bill thinks I'll just end up in the back of his van. I sure hope not, I don't want to miss vacation.

Roxanne offered to write the Chatter next week but she doesn't think that Bill would give her all of the information.

Ryan ran into Zach yesterday and Zach was of course on his phone.

"I on the other hand am a bad, bad girl." Mary

Mary said that Bill had her locked in his office and he was trying to put a date rape drug in her tea.

Jessica told Cody that his face looked so pretty. 

Tim says that he'e easy.

Damon thinks he has a drinking problem and shouldn't come to our Christmas party. Who is Roxanne going to sell an executive suite to then?

"I can be a b*tch that way." Mary

Speaking of being a b*tch, Mary reprimanded Jessica the other day for misspelling profanity. 

Toni is having a Turkey-licious-day!

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/25/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/25/2013

Good news Phil at De/Mar finally retired, I just heard about it over the weekend. I had to yell at Howard today when I saw him because he didn't tell me final details he only told me that Phil was planning on retiring but good gosh I heard that when I was still working there.

It's vacation week! One week from today we will be in Barbados hopefully swimming with the turtles. 

"Hit me, big guy." Toni to Tim

Tim said Steve is our resident football guru but he sucked with advice when Tim wanted to bet in Reno.

Toni wants to put truck nuts on his grapemobile.

Tim thinks I have a vacation bounce in my step.

Roger was cursing Obama this morning for closing down our freeways.

Roger's upset with Tim for telling everyone and "going public" with that he would like to be known as the Carpet Prince since Tim is already the Carpet King.

Tim wanted to know if I was going to write The Chatter from the ship next week. That's very sweet but I will be enjoying my excursions around the islands way too much. Toni would write the Chatter but he's afraid that it wouldn't be as cool as the first time that he did it.

Roger told Cody that some woman was much nicer than he is.  I bet Roger's going to have to pick up his own carpet orders from now on.

Howard wanted to know what Mary and Bill were smoking in Bill's office with the door closed.

Matt had another skateboarding accident and broke and bent his phone. Mary wants to know if he's ever going to learn his lesson or if we should just find him a prepay body cast insurance plan?

*not to be construed as gossip

11/22/2013

 The Daily Chatter*

11/22/2013

We must have a phone number close to a taxi's number because people keep calling us for a cab and the guy this morning was drunk so I couldn't understand what he wanted. 

Rick says he only wants to be raped by women and not Toni, poor Toni.

Typhinee wanted to take her lunch before she commited suicide today. That's what RFMS does, I wonder if they've done a study on how many people commit suicide after using their product?

Jessica if you want a real entertaining Ugly Sweater Party you have to invite Crystal.

Mary told Toni that he's not man enough for Crystal.

Jessica's mad at me again just because I'm leaving for vacation next week. She's so petty.

Mary's upset because I'm stealing her dog for the weekend and she thinks that Randy will follow her around this weekend just to accommodate her.

Tim wants Reno to burn, that's how much he loved his trip. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/21/2013

 The Daily Chatter*

11/21/2013

Roger claims he's not going to mock me for 6 weeks. I think now would be a good time to drug test him because he's talking crazy.

I really did it to myself last night, I watched a Travel Channel episode on Puerto Rico.

Crystal called and asked me a Quickbooks question today, it sounds like she's nervous about the year ending and wanted to know if she needed new software for the new year. I probably should have said yes because I'm sure I would have done her a favor.

 Charles Manson has a 25 year old girlfriend who thinks she was destined to marry him.

I'm not sure who raped who but Rick thought Toni was raping him today and I think he liked it so technically that's not rape.

Bill told Toni today that his mom has a flip phone, Bill should be ashamed.

Cody fell in love with Riley today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/20/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/20/2013

"Da#% Tim, he's always on vacation." Josh

 Bill told me that Roxanne was thrilled to be #1 in the Daily Chatter yesterday. What's wrong with all of the rest of you?

I think my husband is going to stop loving me, I swear every little thing that he told me yesterday I absolutely forgot. I did warn him the day before that I'm already in vacation land and that my mind has gone on vacation before my body. All I can think of is swimming with turtles and seeing the green tailed monkey's in Barbados.

Some samples came in for Kim today so I set them at Tim's desk.

"She just has so many problems." Bill about Mary

Mary was afraid that Roger was going to pet me today because of my fur sweater but it's Tim who has the petting problem. Mary obviously just wanted to get Roger in trouble with Dot though.

"The whole thing seems kind of shady....Did you learn this from Roger?" Bill to Toni

A nude woman boarded a Chicago subway a few days ago and claimed to be the goddess of the train. Apparently that wasn't a good enough excuse because they took her away to be mentally evaluated.

"You're getting awfully bossy." Bill to Toni

"I'm becoming a monster." Toni   "I blame Roger." Bill

"If Nikki and Toni don't work out I blame Roger." Bill

Toni's mad because he lost his bet, his fish didn't die today. Why on earth did he bet on his fish dying? Bill thinks it's all Roger's fault....

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/19/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/19/2013

Roxanne is starting to find out that Bill's a killjoy. He didn't even tell her what her job was going to be at the Christmas party, she had to find out from me. 

Toni is thoroughly disgusted, he saw cockroaches at a restaurant in downtown Seattle this morning.

Bill blames himself for bringing Toni into this company and for allowing him to sit so close to Roger.

"Toni, you screwed me." Roger

Toni sure loves this ball jingling ad....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PVhIMr4ScI&feature=player_embedded

Rick told me he made an a$$ out of himself today, that's what he gets for listening to me:)

Roger had Typhinee in tears today and all over f*cking horses. 

"I always start off with underwear but then I lose them." Mary

Now that Matt has an IMDB page we really need to add a bio, trivia and some great photos. Steve or the City of Forks must have some great photos of Matt somewhere.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/18/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/18/2013

Matt finally got his name on IMDB for that movie "You Can't Win" that still hasn't been released.

Watch out guys, I had a dream last night that Jessica and I started riding motorcycles to work.

Toni was reminded over the weekend that he's not in college anymore and that he can't drink like he used to.

Toni spent Saturday night with a bunch of dudes who reminded him of Sailors.Where was Nikki at to break up this gay pride celebration?

Tim's going to Reno with his parents so he would like everyone to pray for him, except Roger of course (he doesn't want to be cursed).

Typhinee admits to having control issues.

Matt drank whipped Vodka on the way to the airport while in Vegas because he "had to get rid of it." Apparently Matt was too wasted to realize that you can take your booze home inside your checked luggage.

Jessica hates me right now because I'm going somewhere on my trip that she wants to go.

Roger finally sold his car to Rick. Leave it to Roger to take advantage of a horrible situation and profit from it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/15/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/15/2013

I told Ryan last night what Roger told me about Ryan's recent chest pains and that it was my fault and Ryan agreed with Roger.

Tim thinks he's leaving us most of next week to do something fun but apparently he must have started with that something fun today because he ditched us.

Mary and her daughter's are going wedding dress shopping tomorrow and Toni's hurt that he doesn't get to go. We all know how much he likes modelling dresses and how high heels are his fav.

"I could bust you into two without even working up a sweat." Roger to Toni

It's official in my mind, Nikki thinks that Toni is just one of her girlfriends, she called him one of her b*tches. Mary also takes great pride that her daughter has the same foul mouth that she does.

Matt's going to keep us guessing as to who he will be bringing to the Christmas Dinner....

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/14/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/14/2013

Roger feels bad for Ryan, he thinks he had chest pains because he's married to me.

Roger doesn't think that he says derogatory remarks very often.

Toni found $10.00 in his pants and Bill told him he needed to give it back to Nikki. Then Bill proceeded to tell Toni that he was probably wearing Nikki's clothes.

"Is it possible that I'm not as funny as I think I am?" Mr. U'nnells

Rick's advice to Mary was once they leave don't ever let them back.

Here's a headline that will make you cringe and it's not from The Onion  "Man Nails Testacles to Red Square Cobblestones."

Jessica told Mary and me that she knows somebody more long winded than herself and Roger.

Roger was giving Cody woman advice today and he said it was ok because he's married.

I can't imagine wearing a coat made out of Chest Hair, I think that would just feel icky and look disgusting. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/13/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/13/2013

Mary and Bill think they could just eat Toni up. That's nice but I don't think he'll taste that great.

I had a dream this morning that I texted Matt the word Bread and I have no idea why.

Matt thinks he looks like crap but Steve made him work after his over indulgent Vegas vacation.

Bill thinks I brainwashed Ryan to drop me off today after he nearly had a heart attack last night.

Roger said the back window of his van was broken out and nobody stole a darn thing and Roger's hurt that nobody wanted his carpet samples.

Toni was mortified to hear that Roger wanted to kill his fish yesterday.

Bill told us this morning that a stress test was the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his entire life. He obviously doesn't remember that he used to work for GB and that he had to deal with Steve on top of that.

Ryan decided to wake me up in the middle of the night to take him to the ER for chest pains and he also made me run a red light so now he owes me big time.

We had a lady in a skirt digging around our dumpster for a piece of vinyl today.

Mary told me that she had to go and pick up her husband and I asked her if it was because of a DUI and she denied it but wait till Roger and Bill hear about this. 

Rick's daughter was in a horrible accident last night but luckily she's fine.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/12/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/12/2013

Roger told us he's going through the seven stages of grief.

Ryan mentioned a few weeks ago at Big Lots that Yoda needed to be protecting the baby Jesus but obviously Big Lots didn't listen to him because Yoda was still all by himself last night. 

"I keep up on this sh*t." Roger to Mary about her lunch date

Roger thinks Mary might have been normal before she had four kids.

Roger came up with an interesting formula today for how much speeding tickets should be in school zones. 

Jessica sure seems to know the 411 on everybody.  She really needs to be writing The Chatter.

Roger told Bill not to be bitter. I think it has something to do with Roxanne and Roger...

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/11/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/11/2013

18 Days and Counting!!!!

Now people are just assuming that Steve is an owner. What vibe has he been giving off lately?

Matt's in Vegas and he wants all of us to leave him alone. He's too good for us apparently.

At 10am this morning we had a parking lot full of white cars and vans this morning except for Toni's.

Toni's hating me today because he's sick, I think he needs to blame Roger and Tim just like I did. I forgot that Cody had been sick too so there's someone else he can blame.

"I have a sneaking hunch that Bill's not coming in today." Toni as he was so right

Matt called in at 4:25 pm today from Vegas sober, he must have run out of money already.  

Mary talked Tim out of getting a mullet dress today. I'm not sure why she would do a thing like that, I think Tim needs his red carpet moment too.

I swear Mary can be so insensitive, Jessica was having a hard day and Mary had no compassion for her. I guess that's why she has several male anatomy nicknames.

Roger said something about getting sick from a hooker.  Must have been when Dot was out of town...

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/08/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/08/2013

 "That would be expected of a soon to be Mary son in law." Tim

Tim told me that Toni thinks he's an expert on purses.

A Honda Civic is Toni's reference to currency. He always says how many Honda Civic's something costs. 

"You're just bragging like crazy." Roger to Mary

Now Tesla's up to three cars that have caught on fire recently. 

Bill found himself reading this sign while driving down I-5 the other day when he should have been watching the road. 

Cody thinks he a social butterfly and starts wigging out around here when everyone leaves for the day.

Now Tim might come to our Christmas Dinner but Typhinee is bailing out on us. 

Toni's so thoughtful where as Roger just wants all of the credit. 

Toni's being very inappropriate today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/07/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/07/2013

Tim thinks he's going to miss our Company Christmas Party. Apparently he doesn't want to find his $50,000 bonus check underneath the tree at our party very badly. He ruined my whole invitation, jerk.


Bill keeps hearing someone's cell phone ringing in his head. I'm about to institutionalize him.

Bill said that Toni was behaving stranger than usual this morning. First he asked him if he wanted any dicks and then he mentioned that his (Toni's) mom says hi.

 "Mary has too busy of a life to deal with work." Bill

"You don't get the name Crazy Susan for no reason." according to Toni 

Toni thinks his fish, Henry is dead but it's not. I think he's just saying it so that he can win his own bet.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/06/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/06/2013

"It's not gay if you don't make eye contact." Bill to Toni about making out with some superintendent who looks just like Toni this morning

Today Steve's saying he's not a designer but he goes back and forth so often.

Roxanne noticed that Jessica liked a FB page for A F in Europe but I noticed that they had cat pictures so she probably likes their FB page better than ours.
https://www.facebook.com/apexflooringinc

Roger's super excited, he got his shingles vaccine yesterday. I thought he was sick yesterday?

I think Roger and Tim gave me their cold. I'm not sure which one of them to hate right now.

"I just want what I want." Mary as she was being sickly sweet to her new BFF

"It makes me sound like a dick." Toni

Jessica and I determined today that Toni likes to use sh and variations in front of words he's trying to be deviously deceivious about. That's how Shmox for Roxanne was created. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/05/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/05/2013

Jessica's useless fact of the day, a baby rabbit is called a kitten. I told Jessica she needs to come up with a chart for all the baby animals.


Bill sexted Mary last night but then told her it was a mistake this morning.

Roxanne didn't believe Bill as to what sticky keys were. I'm sure she only knew Urban Dictionary's definition: When a person is watching porno on their computer.........

Jessica thinks someone is flying in from New York tomorrow to kick her a$$.

It sounds like Matt had a fun birthday weekend being an unofficial PBR Man at Century Link Field.

Ryan told me this morning that Top Foods in Auburn is closing.

Mary has a new BFF, this should be interesting.

Bill claims he "bumped" into Matt's kid and Jen. It sounds like he had a lunch rendezvous with her.

I haven't heard from Roger...What's going on? Does he still think he's sick?

"I'm going to look like I blew a Smurf." Toni

"I don't like that... even when Roxanne does that to me." Bill as he's telling me not to write that in the Chatter

Cody got an iphone and Toni is very hurt.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/04/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/04/2013

Happy Birthday Toni!

Poor Tim, he's had it with his residential customers.

 Toni's grossed out by his birthday card for some reason and then on top of it he didn't want to wear his shorty shorts for his Never Nude birthday party.

Bill finally got his freaking car back, his steering wheel angle sensor went out and it took a week to fix. 

I think Roger's faking being sick. I'm not sure what his angle is but he always has one...

  Steve sure is starting to look like Russell Crowe when he was in Gladiator. Anyone disagree?

 Steve thinks Mary has a prison shank on her desk and he's been a little scared of her today so he wouldn't make a good Gladiator after all.

"If it's a dick pic, it's not mine." Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/01/2013

The Daily Chatter*

11/01/2013

Happy Birthday Mustache Matt!

Cody thinks that my pen is dysfunctional, that's not the only thing around here that is dysfunctional. I could name some names but I shouldn't....

Typhinee's going out for cocktails tonight but I know I sure the heck wasn't invited.

I'm mad at Mary for not bringing Riley to work in her costume yesterday. 

Here's another good costume that Toni should have done.

Toni should have done this, stupid Toni. A double wedding would have saved Mary time, money and  frustration.

Mary called some b*tch short over the phone, its probably a good thing that they don't know how short she is.

Toni is so Ghetto but he won't let me say why, even though it's hilarious.

Toni's the best even if he is Ghetto, he put air in my tire today.

Typhinee filled in for Tim while he was gone by talking on her cell while in the bathroom.

 Jessica is apparently a b*tch for helping set up a reunion with some friends and then bailing on Typhinee.

Mary doesn't want all of us thinking that she's an alcoholic but she had to leave suddenly when her friend texted her that she pulled into her favorite Dive Bar. 

*not to be construed as Gossip