08/29/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/29/2014

"Can't you say no." Tim to Bill  (Tim needs to learn how to take his own advice)

"I don't trust those people." Roger ....I'm pretty sure Roger doesn't trust anyone.

Tim apparently doesn't think he works here anymore and wants unemployment or at least his identity thief wants his unemployment.

Roger told me that he has ESP and he also told me that I was cool, he seemed to be in a good mood today because Roger's never that nice. It must be because he's going to Napa over his holiday weekend.

I thought some of these pictures were pretty funny of parents and their comments.
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2mijXm/ixffU1JU:TgGtZT5y/news.distractify.com/culture/parents-can-have-fun/

Tim's not having a very good day. He mentioned he was going to go and file a police report but of course he left his wallet (if you can call it that, it's a very larger binder clip) in Bill's car.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

08/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/28/2014

Toni's nickname for Teri is peach even though it is her last name. It's better than Cody's nickname "Babe".

Mary got a Christmas card today. She's going to send the guy back a Valentine's card.

Apparently there is something very wrong with Cody today and it might have to do with him being pregnant with an alien. That's pretty much how Toni explained it to me.

I need to start another Chatter for the really good gossip that I can't divulge that happens around the office.

It's almost a "Friends" reunion.
http://variety.com/2014/tv/news/friends-reunion-on-jimmy-kimmel-video-1201292646/
 
I found a very inappropriate but hysterical video all about boobs. That word alone should get any guy who isn't giddy about rainbows to watch it.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=667889503267132

Toni asked Mary if she went to a bar for lunch. I on the other hand wanted to know where Steve the parking police was during this crucial situation? This is what happens when Mary tells people that she would like to be paid in Crown Royal (like she did yesterday).

My stupid phone finally bit the dust today. Now where is my new one?

"You're the nicest a$$hole I've met." Mary to Tim

If Toni is ever going to get married he better propose now because Ryan (Mary's youngest) just met a beautiful girl a few nights ago and it would be Toni's luck that Ryan would propose to this girl at Stephanie's wedding and then Toni would miss his chance to be next. 

"Your good at making crap up." Mary to Roger

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/27/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/27/2014

Roger's back!

"What are you doing in the middle of the showroom?" Bill to Tim    "Taking off my sh*t." Tim to Bill as he was stripping

"You walk in my office and my blood pressure goes up." Mary to Tim  

Toni wanted to kidnap a little girl and a dog over the weekend. I keep telling everyone that you have to keep an eye on him.

Roger and I decided this morning that it was ok that he didn't understand his stepson's mathematical dissertation on brain neurons because we are only flooring people.

"He's just wasting his youthful good looks." Mary about Matt and his scraggly beard

Toni wasn't sure if my dress was a dress or a skirt. Nikki should be ashamed of him. Toni, if it was only a skirt  I would have been bear chested today. It's been requested by management at work to limit those occasions without a shirt only to Mardi Gras.

Now I know why Bill doesn't like this picture, Bradley Cooper looks much better dancing with Roxanne than Bill does.  If I would have made it life size I'm sure that Roxanne would have just been staring at Bradley's chest...then every woman in the office would want their picture with him and  made into a life size card board cut out.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/26/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/26/2014

Toni told me that he had to go back home this morning because he left his hair curlers on. I think he's been using them on his beard.

"I'm going to get in trouble with my wife but I'll go." Steve   He obviously doesn't remember that he's always in trouble with his wife.

Steve and I were talking this morning and we think Roxanne should drop Bill off every morning. It ensures that he actually comes to work and at a decent hour.

It was so nice of Toni to volunteer to show up naked as security to one of our jobsites tonight. Also where is Roger when you need him to talk to his people?

For all of you diehard "Downton Abbey" fans like myself you can now preorder the DVD that will be released on 01/27/15 only 153 freaking days away.

 Thank goodness I didn't drop the cheesecake this morning otherwise we would have had a "Friends" incident. Instead we were all fighting over slivers because of Tim and his two pieces yesterday.

Just in case you missed it because it's actually a sweet picture compared to one of the overly PDA pictures that you are probably used to seeing from Bixanne. I had to post this because Bill's apparently embarrassed by it. I'm really not sure why, he has a hot girl in his arms. I would be happy to re-post this picture with a different guy dancing with her if that's what he wants.

This is a subject line that I got from Toni on one of my email's today " Sweet Mother Mary of God I am going to Send this Printer to Hell With a Sledge Hammer". 

Toni's new phrase that he picked up from his new gay friend is "How Erotic" and of course he had to say that as he was changing toner today and while he was looking over at Cody and after mouthing "hey babe" to him.

"It's a large distance." Bill to Toni   I just hope they're not comparing their genitalia again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/25/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/25/2014

"I need you to look at my rack." Mary to some guy

My new spaceship phone, that hopefully won't drop calls, should arrive in 3-5 days!

"I'm a bad girl...." Mary to one of her customers

I had a bad dream about Typhinee last night and the crazy thing was the person in my dream wasn't Typhinee so I'm all confused.

My baby did it again, apparently Tim doesn't like cheesecake and Tim went back for seconds of Ryan's cheesecake today.

"Roxanne's been on me everyday and also she wants me to get that stuff cut." Bill

Mary blew my mind, she said the crazy lady next door name is Susan. Toni and I thought it was Anne. I think to Mary any crazy person next door is going to get the nickname Crazy Susan.

Typhinee informed me that Roger is on vacation checking the emails that he's not supposed to. That sounds like Roger if you label something "Do Not Read" he's going to read it. If you have something urgent you know what to label it now.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/22/2014

Someone asked Cody what his name was the other day and this lady had to clarify that it wasn't Toni that he just said. Cody told her that Toni was shorter and used his hand to gesture how much shorter and he did mention that Toni was better looking.

Toni named his car Consuella. Bill informed him that was a "Friends" reference to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.

"I have zero problems with banana hammocks." Toni

Toni's obviously going to be performing at Stephanie's Bachelorette party over the weekend with Matt. Matt's only in it for the beer money where as Toni likes to show off his new outfits.

Jessica gets to spend another weekend with her wonderful sister in law who apparently invites her crazy parents to go everywhere with her and her new husband.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/20/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/20/2014

Tim seems to have absolutely no faith in me. He was just sure I only bought him a one way ticket to Denver yesterday.

Roger was very upset with me today, he told me that all I wrote in "The Chatter" yesterday was that Toni was gay and he already knew that.

I thought Tim was trying to tell me that Mary was his second wife today but it turned out to be someone else.

Tim told Teri that she was being too nice with her notes around the office and that she needed to start calling people around here "sh*t head". I have already apologized to Teri for having to work in the back office with Tim.

I read a post today about alien sea creatures washing up on the shores of WA, OR & Cal. Then they show this picture.

I was really expecting something more like this.

I think Typhinee was part of a crime scene this morning at Wendy's, she knew way too may details.

Tim's helpless, no wonder why he needs several wives.

"I hate working with old people." Mary to some old person on the phone

I think Toni set the alarm on all of us tonight.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/19/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/19/2014

Toni went to a bachelor party over the weekend and needless to say he absolutely loved the gay guy in the group.

All of these dang British shows keep sucking me in and leave me frustrated when I find out that they haven't even started filming the next season yet. Dang that "Mr Selfridge".

"Just your beautiful sexy self." Bill to some dude

Bill told me today that I have to take care of Roxanne, maybe he's calling the wedding off  because she's too pretty for him and then he mentioned that "she's a lot of work".

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/18/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/18/2014

"Drop your pants, I'll look at it." Bill to Toni

It was so nice of Bill to invite me out on his boat but I'm going to have to decline because I'm busy that day/year.

"Joe is my bitch and I like it." Mary

"He's got big balls." Tim

"I know it's very anal of me but I can't help myself." Mary

"Crystal is brutal, she wouldn't stop talking." Tim about Saturday

"Don't say goodbye, a$$hole." Tim about Bill

 Tim apologized in advance to his son on Saturday for what he was about to do to him.

Ryan and I went to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory last night and they sat us in the bar which was fine but they sat us at a crammed two top table with people on each side of us. The tables were so close together that it was impossible to not know the other persons conversation. The two people to my left were on their first date, he was aggressive, she was a dumb a$$ who couldn't pull her life together. Then two different sets of people sat next to us on my right. The second batch had a very heavy girl in shorty shorts who apparently thought she ordered brown rice when she clearly ordered white rice and then she sent her food back when she got the white rice because she was worried about complex carbohydrates. Seriously she was Shamu in shorty shorts it wasn't going to matter. Then after dinner we went to Starbucks and Ryan ordered a frappicuno and they didn't have the right lid so he didn't get his whipped cream and they also apparently didn't know how to blend it. I almost decided to call it a night right then and there because I didn't need anything else to tick me off.

I told Ryan at dinner I wish I could have done something like this to the diners next to us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA1J-raGinQ

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/15/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/15/2014

"We had a conversation about b*tches and yachts." Bill

After I heard that comment, Bill explained to me that he needed a large enough yacht so that the b*tches in front couldn't hear him slapping around the b*tch in back. Roxanne it's not too late to call off the wedding. I will help you call it off if you need help.

Here's a news broadcast made just for Roger. 
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152317844758230&fref=nf

Toni took a phone call when he was at his parents house today and he went into the other room and his mom had to embarrass him and ask him who was on the phone.

Toni can't be trusted to remember anything. Hence Bill's measuring tape that he should have picked up twice today.

Typhinee is ticked at Mary because she didn't give her the opportunity to win a candy bar.

Riley did not appreciate the noise from Cody's bike today. She barked non-stop until he rode away.

Roger wanted to be done talking to me today by early this morning. Luckily he broke his rule and finished his conversation with me this afternoon, I guess he needed a break.

Toni was turned on by a new guys Subaru who parked over in our parking lot today.

Tim says he gets to meet up Crystal and Jared tomorrow:)

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/14/2014

Bill says Roxanne was unloading on all the drivers around her when she was talking on the phone to him last night. Are road rage classes fitting as a wedding gift?

Roxanne wanted to go to a block party last night to meet her neighbors but Bill wasn't willing to subject his neighbors to her mood.

Mary told me that she has lots of phobias and I told her not to worry because Roger has way more than she does.

I noticed that my Princess Cruise ship is in Russia right now probably being taken over by Putin.I better get my New England cruise in September or I'm going to have to go over and kick Putin's butt myself.

Bill was outside fondling his car tire today after lunch. It reminded me of the scene from "Friends" when Monica, Phoebe and Chandler had to pretend to say goodbye to their room wall in Barbados because they didn't want Ross to figure out that they were eavesdropping on him and Charlie.

The restaurant Von Trapp's in Seattle changed their name today after some scuttlebutt with an actual Von Trapp family member and apparently there being confusion over the Trapp's Family Lodge in Vermont and this restaurant. Sounds weird to me because the restaurant had a federal trademark for the name.

"Is that bad?" Toni to Bill    "This is why you can't go places." Bill to Toni

I'm pretty sure that Toni and Bill think that I'm a crazier cat lady than Jessica because of my comment to them today.

"I need a new printer, mine is an a$$hole." Bill

Bill called all of his relatives today to tell them that they weren't invited to his wedding.

"I'm more excited than I think he is." Toni about one of his friends

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/13/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/13/2014

Hollywood Stars are dropping like flies, yesterday Lauren Bacall died at 89.

"You're a big boy now." Mary to Joe

"In my world, things need to be perfect." Mary

"I made an executive decision...(Oh Crap thought Bill)." Roger  

Jessica got the stare from some bum today because she was eating in front of him in her car.

Roger called Steve and Cody morons behind their backs today. I just thought that I would point that out to them.

Tim was talking dirty to RFMS today and it actually worked.

I don't think Roger appreciated his personalized Starbucks cup sleeve with a classic Roger quote on it. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/12/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/12/2014

"I'm over it." Roger as he was flipping off an imaginary woman

Tim made this dog stop so that he could take its picture at Westport.

Roger was ticked when he found out that Typhinee had a burger dip without him yesterday at Gator's.

Roger and Paul our rep went to lunch today and then Roger had a hard time leaving the car when they got back, it was very emotional for him. Roger claims they were just bonding. Toni usually calls it something different than that.

I didn't realize that CBS cancelled "The Crazy One's" in May. That was a funny show so ultimately they are the one's who I should blame for Robin William's death.  I would have blamed NBC if Paul Reiser had killed himself so I think it's only fair.

Matt, I personally think you don't look anything like Humpty Dumpty but you can think so if it makes you feel better.

FYI, we're all meeting up at Toni's house for dinner tonight. Long story short one of his friends called him late last night and Toni thought he was getting invited over and turns out he wanted Toni to do it all at Toni's place.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/11/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/11/2014

Toni got a new car over the weekend. He got a hot pink Hyundai Accent.

Most of you won't believe this but Bill got in before Toni and Tim this morning. I think he either missed us or his desk. Probably his desk.

Toni told Bill not to be gross. Obviously he doesn't remember who Bill is.

I asked Roger if he stayed out of trouble this weekend and he said "funny you should ask that" and then left to go to his van. I bet he ticked off more crazy ladies named Nancy.

"Where the he$$ am I?" Bill after I told a solicitor he wasn't in today

If Roxanne doesn't get her way, she arm wrestles.

Robin Williams died today. The news said it may be suicide.

 All I have to say is don't ask to borrow or use milk at Steve's house.

I get to bore you all with my weekend. On Saturday Ryan and I went hiking at Mt Rainier up to the tallest waterfall in the park, it was absolutely beautiful.  Afterwards he took me to our favorite Mexican restaurant in Tacoma and we ordered a Grande Cadillac Margarita to share. Well the stupid waitress gave us two and my husband didn't want to send the other one back so he made me drink it and I must still be drunk because I'm not sore from our hike.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2014

Happy Birthday to Roxanne!

"You've got to keep an eye on me." Mary

"You look great right now." Toni to Roger

Steve offered me cocaine today when I didn't want a beer.

According to Crystal, Tim was going to hook up with them last weekend at the river. All I heard was that Tim told Crystal that he couldn't find them.

Since Tim decided to take the last two days off, I gave Crystal directions to his house since she missed him last weekend. She mentioned she would probably show up around dinner time.


Apparently while Crystal was here, Steve walked into the back room and started swatting the air because of Crystal's perfume.

"April, we're going to go in here (Bill's office) and have some man sex." Steve   "Why can't we have a lot of it?" Toni

Cody told Teri that Roger was one of the most normal people here. Roger of course agreed.

Jessica told us about Toni's phone conversation with Matt and how he must have been upset because he told him he wasn't going to give him any butterfly kisses or Eskimo kisses.

Roger may not be elderly but I think he's going to need to take some of these classes that Toni showed me a video about because I've heard several of these phrases come out of his mouth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of0ECLMHgjA

While Toni was showing me this video on his iphone Steve was texting him very inappropriate things.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/07/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/07/2014

Toni had to argue with a lady this morning on the phone that it wasn't one of our vans sitting in her neighbors driveway. She just didn't want to understand.

"I'm kissing his a$$ and it stinks." Mary

"I hope she brought my sample." Toni about some blonde rep who he thought only wanted his body

"That no good bastard." Roger about Toni passing him on the highway

Roger thinks I get pretty hostile, I need him to be scared of me.

"So glad Bella is going in Carmen's car!!" Roxanne's FB post.  I'm assuming that Bella refers to Bill. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/06/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/06/2014

Tim told Mary to punch Bill in the face.

"I don't give a sh*t about her dog." Roger about the lady who mouthed to him to slow down. Which is funny because when Rick was here last week we were making fun of how slow Roger drives.

Toni said he sent Bill a lovely song that he made up on Snapchat today.

I thought this was adorable. How could Roger not like a monkey who took a selfie? Besides the fact that it could chew his face off.

Typhinee told me that she was going to raise some hell at Wendy's. Hope that went well for her.

"Mary, I'm an immature boy." Toni

Bill is so backwards, everyone else around him is wearing short sleeves.This is why he's so pasty white. He probably didn't bring short sleeve shirts with him because he figured he was going to Canada and assumed all of Canada was cold or it's possible that I'm being insensitive and he's just trying to cover the scars and wounds from the accident from the other day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/05/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/05/2014

I forgot to mention to Roger that Toni and I signed him up for a hit man job. Just don't use the company van for that job.

"I didn't get home until about 10pm and I was pretty F*cked up too." Roger about this dinner with two men last night.

Here's a "Friends" episode minus the jokes, it's just not the same.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkwZsgHc-vM

Speaking of "Friends" some dude in shorts was outside our window this morning and decided to put his foot up on the fire hydrant while texting and I thought I was going to have to pull a Gunther and tell him "Hey buddy, this is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house." Instead I just called Toni over and told him to come and look. Of course Toni thought that he knew the guy.

How cute are they...this is from Sophomore year of  Highschool (I believe).

From the last three FB posts of Roxanne's I would say that she dropped Bill off some where and she went to see "Guardians of the Galaxy" with her parents and their two dogs and then had Toni pick Bill up and take him home. Why else would she thank him (Toni) for saving them (referring to her parents and saving all of them from Bill)?

Now there's some guy with a black Honda parking in our lot. We need to start leaving weird stuff on these cars or better yet we can have one of Steve's old neighbors bring over a bag of feces to leave as a surprise. For those of you who don't know Steve was made famous by the "Covington Reporter" on June 29, 2010 for an incident that happened early on a Saturday morning when his neighbor was trying to sleep and didn't like the rumble from Steve's truck.

Mary now thinks that Typhinee is stealing stuff from her desk. (Not even the good stuff).

Where was Tim at today? I don't remember anyone signing his day off form. 

From time to time I have to do background checks aka Google searches on everyone to find out their darkest secrets. Today I discovered on Amazon that Jessica is an author of several books. This is one of her travel guides but I really should be asking about her "Islam in Transition" book.

Mary in a moment of weakness blurted (shouted) out "FU" while Teri was here with her customer in the showroom.

Jessica needs to be bubble wrapped, there's no way that she roamed Russia and Siberia. Obviously she photoshopped all of her pictures in her book, otherwise her adventure would have included her losing limbs along the way. She can't even play with a soccer ball without having an incident.

Well here's some of the pictures that Jessica took minus all of of the cat pictures from the book.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/04/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/04/2014

Matt objected to staying in a Motel 6 in Bellingham, I told him it was all Bill's fault.

I hope Bill has good life insurance. He called from the hospital today but he wasn't sounding very good. Roxanne's pretty morbid to post Bill's accident on FB like she did.

"I'm just dragging you into it." Tim to Mary

Nobody understands why Toni wasn't invited to Stephanie's Bridal Shower since he's just one of the girls.


Our UPS Driver informed me as to what we should do with our carpet samples and what other stores say they do with theirs. Her husband must want to slap her every time he see's her.

I blamed all of you yesterday for my imperfect gift to Stephanie. When I say all, I really just mean Mary, Toni and Bill.

I was really expecting Typhinee to kick the sh*t out of Roger today for abandoning her during the road show. I even brought ice packs to work so that I could be Roger's hero, even though I already am.

Matt had to brag to Mary about getting hit on by women at the river the other day. Especially since she keeps telling him to shave his face.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

08/01/2014

The Daily Chatter*

08/01/2014

Roger is off to California today for his brothers 50th wedding anniversary. I personally think he's lying and just wanted the weekend off from the road show.

My power was out at home last night (yes I paid my bill) and it's always amazing to see what you don't have in case of an emergency and also how little you can do without electricity.

Roger, I think I got emails that were supposed to go to you. The first one was "Play with me on my Naughty Webcam" and you're the only one around here who loves to play on your webcam besides Toni. The next email was "Spank me I'm waiting for you on my bed". I just assumed it went with the naughty webcam email that is clearly yours.

Teri (Vanna) has now moved onto modeling with our carpet racks.

I don't think Steve wanted to go home tonight, his daughter is cutting in six new teeth.

Rick graced us with his presence today and I had to ask about his daughters boyfriend just to get him all riled up. I was just trying to get the inside scoop he can't blame me for that.

Toni's going to hang with his sister and the girls tomorrow and pick out dresses. He's going to be in heaven.

Rick was honestly here longer than Bill was today. Obviously Bill needs all day to pack for an outing. 

*not to be construed as Gossip