04/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/22/2014

We lost Mrs. Henry Fishwater today. This death isn't going to look good on our OSHA report. 

I've been to too many funeral lately but Toni did a nice job with Henry's Mad Libs Eulogy today. For those of you who missed it:

"We've come here today in the memory of Henry, he was my fish. He was a boring man, a slow man, and above all he was my man.
Henry lived a good life. He grew up in a loving family in Apex, where in high school he loved to play the bubbles and dream about becoming a bigger fish. Those who know him know that his miniature size kept him from achieving that dream, but it didn't stop him from building a useless and irrelevant career in human resources. 
But work wasn't the defining element of Henry's life. That was reserved for family. Looking around this office this is evident. I see his 0 children and 0 grandchildren here today, each of whom made him very indifferent. I see his wife of 0 years, Toni whom Henry loved since the day he met him delivering Tim's fish food to his father's What is Happening Business. I've heard stories of the vacations they used to take to lunch, the long nights spent making flirtinis and playing tummy sticks together. I've heard stories of the sacrifices Henry made, how he would go without food for years at a time so his children could afford prostitutes and cocaine. For Henry family was everything. 
I think that makes it easier to say goodbye, knowing how much he didn't think and how much he was a f*cking fish in this lifetime. Henry led a good life, and may Vance bless him. Amen"

Apparently Tim must be going downhill quickly because his son wants him and Donna to move in with him. Is he planning on putting Tim in a nursing home when he gets sick of living with him?

I'm really not liking Roger right now, he's off to Maui where their supposed to have a high of 76 degrees for the next few days.

Ryan and I saw a couple of child whores over the weekend but then realized that they were part of a dance team. Nevertheless they reminded me of the girls from "Toddlers and Tiara's" and this of course is still one of my favorite videos.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=toddlers+and+tiaras+tom+hanks&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=0D9062AD89016B61D9780D9062AD89016B61D978


Next year at the BBQ we're going to make everyone keep a forehead tally of how many drinks they had. We were taking bets on how many beers Steve had and just decided too many by the loudness of his singing voice.

Just for the record Toni doesn't want anyone to sleep with his girlfriend.

"I don't know how big your chunk is." "It get's woody at the bottom." Mary to Randy

What is up with people not liking cilantro? Roxanne and Randy to be exact....Cilantro is one of my favorite things (besides cinnamon and horseradish) to add to everything. 

*not to be construed as Gossip