04/30/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/30/2014

I can see it now, I'm never going to be able to watch Riley again since I called her a dirty girl to her momma. In my defense she liked walking in the mud puddles and I did bathe her.

I told Typhinee today that I'm glad nobody records Roger's conversations. For the record nobody can record Toni's conversations with contractors either.  He told somebody that he was just browsing a certain dating site today when they called him.

MSN had a headline that Miley had a health setback and has to cancel concert. I'll let Roger fill in the blanks as to what kind of horrible sexual diseases she has besides Cyrus Virus."Marked by twerking, sticking out your tongue, licking hammers, and obsessing over wrecking balls."

 How cute, Bill wanted Toni's advice on something today.

FYI, Toni's going to play Volleyball on the beach with some dudes tomorrow night and he's pretty stoked about it. He really wanted Cody to go with him, is there something he knows about Cody that he isn't sharing?

Bill admitted that he's turning into GB.  I think Bill takes way more women out to lunch at a time than Gary ever did.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

04/29/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/29/2014

Roger say's he's back to liven things up around here.

Mary was drunk texting me this morning so in return I'm going to keep her dog for another day.

Riley tried stealing Roger's Jimmy John's sandwich today from his brief case.

"One good sneeze and that sucker is gone." Bill to Toni

Toni wants Bill to get a pet but I think Roxanne is way more than Bill can handle and pretty expensive from what I hear.

"I'm glad to see that Hawaii didn't change you." Bill to Roger

Roger says he's all for polygamy but his wife won't let him. 

Steve said something tasted like Riley pee. What did Steve put in his mouth?

Roger called himself a Dick today. I'm glad he thinks highly of himself.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

4/28/2014

Toni informed me that John Denver is still alive and owns his own winery in Richland.  Toni tried singing him one of his songs but the guy just ignored him.

Crazy, Thursday is supposed to be 81 degrees here. 

Bill thinks I'm allergic to his awesomeness.

Bill thought that telling Roger that he missed out on a stack full of Jimmy John's sub samples today  would make him jealous. I think I would rather be on this beach than have free Jimmy John's samples.

Bill thinks that Kanye called for Mary today. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to start any rumors.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/25/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/25/2014

"...then he butt f*cked me." Toni about Cody

We were making fun of Roger's humor this morning. That's what happens when he goes on vacation to Maui.

"Did the pick up line work?" Bill to Toni    "Yes" Toni       "April, Toni just successfully picked up a dude." Bill

Joe apparently forgot our rule around here, you don't engage or acknowledge conversation with Crystal because she won't stop.

Toni says that Riley is racist.

Riley was giving us her butt in the air pose today.  I think that was her way of flipping us off.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/24/2014

"What's on the front of his shorts?" Toni about the picture in the Chatter yesterday. Apparently he missed the penis the first time around.

Ryan was telling me about the sad life of some dude who walked into Walmart only wearing his black shoes. 

Here's that terribly pathetic guys horrible interview.

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2014/04/mans_naked_late-night_walmart_stroll_blamed_on_meth-ecstasy_mix-up_video.html

"I use to be one of the cool kids..but then I packed on a little weight..." Steve about not getting invited to go to lunch with Toni and Bill

"They are going to f*cking sh*t purple nickels." Tim

"Don't worry Tim, I saved your job." Steve

Tim was super excited some stupid sucker gave him cash today. 

It looks like Mary and Randy have beautiful weather in Tennessee. 

I think it's vacation wars around here because Dot posted this of their lanai to make us jealous. That does it, I'm going on vacation next week when everyone gets back to work.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/23/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/23/2014

Everyone is leaving to go somewhere and this time Mary's going to Tennessee to see her baby. It looks like her weather is supposed to be warmer than Roger and Dot's Maui weather.

This was a little hard to stomach seeing this in my email inbox first thing this morning.

"Do you think I have a chance with him." Toni about Russell Wilson filing for divorce

I had a dream last night about Roxanne's lesbian lover and that she was a Seattle judge.

I want everyone to know that I am very, very, very disappointed with Matt and this time it's not because of his hair.

Toni and I fought all day over who would get to take care of Riley this week, I'm exhausted but I think I won, I gave him two black eyes.

I think Jessica is the devil, she offered me chocolate and then jalapeno crunchies today. Of course I had to take them, I'm only human. 

Chris told Cody that Cody's dog is no longer his dog anymore and that it's Chris'. It doesn't even sound like Chris is trying to play fair.

I've been doing a lot of fighting today; Typhinee and I were fighting over Matt this afternoon. I won again only because I gave Typhinee a bottle of Fireball and she forgot about how much she wanted Matt.

I sparked the "oh sh*t button" in Toni's head today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/22/2014

We lost Mrs. Henry Fishwater today. This death isn't going to look good on our OSHA report. 

I've been to too many funeral lately but Toni did a nice job with Henry's Mad Libs Eulogy today. For those of you who missed it:

"We've come here today in the memory of Henry, he was my fish. He was a boring man, a slow man, and above all he was my man.
Henry lived a good life. He grew up in a loving family in Apex, where in high school he loved to play the bubbles and dream about becoming a bigger fish. Those who know him know that his miniature size kept him from achieving that dream, but it didn't stop him from building a useless and irrelevant career in human resources. 
But work wasn't the defining element of Henry's life. That was reserved for family. Looking around this office this is evident. I see his 0 children and 0 grandchildren here today, each of whom made him very indifferent. I see his wife of 0 years, Toni whom Henry loved since the day he met him delivering Tim's fish food to his father's What is Happening Business. I've heard stories of the vacations they used to take to lunch, the long nights spent making flirtinis and playing tummy sticks together. I've heard stories of the sacrifices Henry made, how he would go without food for years at a time so his children could afford prostitutes and cocaine. For Henry family was everything. 
I think that makes it easier to say goodbye, knowing how much he didn't think and how much he was a f*cking fish in this lifetime. Henry led a good life, and may Vance bless him. Amen"

Apparently Tim must be going downhill quickly because his son wants him and Donna to move in with him. Is he planning on putting Tim in a nursing home when he gets sick of living with him?

I'm really not liking Roger right now, he's off to Maui where their supposed to have a high of 76 degrees for the next few days.

Ryan and I saw a couple of child whores over the weekend but then realized that they were part of a dance team. Nevertheless they reminded me of the girls from "Toddlers and Tiara's" and this of course is still one of my favorite videos.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=toddlers+and+tiaras+tom+hanks&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=0D9062AD89016B61D9780D9062AD89016B61D978


Next year at the BBQ we're going to make everyone keep a forehead tally of how many drinks they had. We were taking bets on how many beers Steve had and just decided too many by the loudness of his singing voice.

Just for the record Toni doesn't want anyone to sleep with his girlfriend.

"I don't know how big your chunk is." "It get's woody at the bottom." Mary to Randy

What is up with people not liking cilantro? Roxanne and Randy to be exact....Cilantro is one of my favorite things (besides cinnamon and horseradish) to add to everything. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/21/2012

The Daily Chatter*

04/18/2014

Toni told Typhinee to watch out for his stick, he didn't want to poke her.

Crystal told me that her son ruined their printer because he printed his homework.

Steve wants Randy to keep his hands off his Heine.

 "I'm so immature." Mary  All because she wouldn't put "Majestic Mounds" and "wood" in the same sentence to her customer.

I don't think Roxanne will be invited to any more of our BBQ's: she drank all of Tim's hot chocolate, she thought Stephanie was Nikki and wanted to see her kiss Toni, she brought up crazy Susan in front of crazy Susan's ex-husband then she thought that the other Susan was his new wife, she found a new lesbian lover and she was mesmerized by her ring the whole BBQ.

Justin Timberlake is on Toni's freebie list, which shouldn't surprise me. Ryan told me on Friday that Toni wished he was a male stripper because he loved the song that was playing. 

 Mary thinks that this is where the Easter bunny hid the eggs yesterday. She saw this on the freeway yesterday.

 Here's a couple of Matt's pictures from the BBQ.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/17/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/17/2014

We received a couple of white Laticrete t-shirts yesterday that will be great for our Wet T-Shirt and Mud Wrestling contests tomorrow.

Roger wants to wear a large gold chain.

Mary told her son that he was screwed.

 Toni tried denying that he was singing and peeing in the bathroom yesterday but then he admitted that it sounded like something that he would do. Now only if he would Hum while he pees, he could be a "Friends" coffeehouse guy.

I was trying to mind my own business today but I walked to the back room and Toni was trying to commit suicide in front of everyone. He obviously requires more attention than we can give.
"Suicide makes you hungry, I don’t care what anybody says."
-Ron Burgundy

Toni asked Mary if there was a dress code for tomorrow and she said no. So we're really not sure what Toni's planning on wearing.

Typhinee said that Toni is just one of the girls.

Mary's customer drug her into the bathroom today with him. I hope she can contain herself in front of all of the people tomorrow at the BBQ. No wonder why Toni wanted to commit suicide....

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/16/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/16/2014

Steve just thinks I was off whoring around yesterday. I'm not exactly sure how he knows that.

Matt had a romantic dinner with his BFF Joe last night. 

Toni asked to borrow Mary's bowl today and Mary told him to wash it because it had someone's nuts in it earlier today....

Tim just can't say no except to customers.

Tim said his game getting cancelled tonight and that was the highlight of his week.

"I am awesome, thank-you for acknowledging that." Roger to me

"Do you ever look through the Toy Section at Fred Meyers?" Toni to Bill in a creepy conversation

Bill came and got me because Toni was singing while peeing in the bathroom today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/14/2014

Here's a link that will make you feel better about yourself than you already did.
http://vivas.us/13-girls-who-dont-know-how-eye-brows-should-look/

I was tickled pink, I got Ryan to laugh when I discovered this sign at the Tulip Festival over the weekend. 

Roger and Dot were totally stalking us yesterday at the NW Food Show.

Toni and his icork honey were getting really friendly out in our parking lot this morning. 

Ryan washed the car yesterday afternoon only to discover that our new neighbor is a freak. He came over and wanted Ryan to spray his head with water so that he could "stay hydrated", then he asked for more water a second time. Then later in the afternoon this guy put paint on his face and arms and walked around the neighborhood (with a walking stick because he was drunk) probably trying to scare people. I wondered at one point if this is what it was like living next to Matt.

Toni asked Bill if he looked for his (Toni's) mom at the Newcastle Golf course yesterday. Bill told him that he goes lots of places and doesn't look for his mother.

Jessica couldn't contain herself, she found out that Roger's next appointment had two birds and meanwhile Roger was quivering with fear in anticipation.

Bill pulled a groin muscle while in the bouncy house over the weekend. 

"That's a lot of guys to have sex with in one day." Mr. U'nnells

I'll be back on Wednesday, I've already had too much Roger for one week:)

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/11/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/11/2014

I told Toni that our BBQ was now a costume party.

Roger said he was outside of his lead Class today. When did he take up smoking? I suppose when Typhinee made him go to this lead class.

"I gave up deoderant so that the rest of you could suffer." Bill  

"Just like the beard, it gets mixed reviews." Matt

Toni told me that I was an angel today, my husband needs to take a lesson from Toni because that's not what he would call me according to Roger.

"Don't talk to me like that, I'm not marrying you." Bill to Toni

Strange, Toni wanted to know how many people were coming to his wedding today. Yet he claims he didn't get engaged in Puerto Rico.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/10/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/10/2014

Toni's back!

Toni mentioned that he thinks he stayed at a gay hotel their first few nights, figures.

"I live a much smaller life now." Bill to Steve   I personally don't think so and I have no idea what they were talking about.

Obviously this is why Roger is afraid of monkeys.

Toni found the game My Singing Monsters and fell in love with it. Needless to say Mr. U'nnells has played the game forever and has way more singing monsters than him.

"She's the temptress." Roger about Jessica

"My a$$ is dragging, you kept me out too late." Tim to Roger

Speaking of dragging, Henry has been at the bottom of his tank all day now that Toni's back. 

Roger said that Tim was a perfect gentleman last night.

"He had me throw away his trash, it's good to be back." Toni about Tim

"Other people's kids suck." Steve

Facebook found me an online store specializing in me, how awesome is that.

I feel gypped, they make these for everyone's name. I even found one for Roger.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/09/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/09/2014

"I froze my a$$ off last night." Roger

"Tonight's my date with Tim." Roger   Apparently Tim is responsible for keeping Roger warm tonight.

I think Tim was sad to see the Terminix dude today because he claims he has names for all of the ants.

"At least when we both get fired, I won't be alone." Tim to me  Just for the record I wanted nothing to do with his shenanigans today.

I found out today that Roger is afraid of birds. It's a good thing he doesn't have to drive through Auburn to get home because there is a large flocks of crows at the 15th Street exit that would freak him out. Some days it can seriously look like a scene from "The Birds".

I swear Henry knows Toni's coming back tomorrow, he hasn't been as energetic today. 

Cody said he wants to shave before seeing his boyfriend Toni.

Bill left in a hurry today and said that he had to meet with their new wedding planner. He said something about wanting more glitter and apparently Mary nixed that idea.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/08/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/08/2014

Bill's very upset that Roger hasn't introduced him to Charlize Theron yet. Bill thinks that getting married is going to put a damper on them hooking up. Bill also told me that Roxanne doesn't believe in the Freebie Card unless it has her name in all of the slots.

Everyone who wasn't here this morning missed their hug from Marlon. I know Roger's going to be bummed that he didn't get to press his body up against Marlon's.

Poor Toni and Nikki are flying home today. It's crappy and rainy here now.

Mary thinks Toni is an alcoholic and always has to have a drink in his hand.

"Everything can't be glitter." Mary  I told her not to tell Toni that.

Mary was talking to a customer and apparently she thinks her husband is one of her clients.....it's getting kind of kinky around here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/07/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/07/2014

Now that Toni's found his own hammock, I don't think he's ever coming back.

Comedian John Pinnette and actor Mickey Rooney died over the weekend.

Matt should know better than to have Steve fill out his timecard for him today. He ended up being "dipsh*t" this week.

"Pouting still works on me. That's why Serge still works here." Bill

I thought for sure since Henry was doing so well last week that he would be dead this morning just to jinx everything but he's still doing fine. 

Bill probably won't be invited to any more outings with Roxanne's family. It sounds like he was very sarcastic and made stupid jokes to offend everyone.

Toni's going to come back just in time to clean Henry's home. 

Ryan and I watched "Anchorman II" this weekend and I sure won't be eating any Chicken of the Cave.

"My printer is backing up jobs and not puking out paper." Tim to Bill

Roger called Toni a buzzkill today and the poor guy isn't even here to defend himself, he's 3,700 miles away. 

"How many studs did you use, besides the two of you?" Mary to Matt and Jason

I don't think we're ever going to get our mail delivered ever again. Val was parked in the way today and our mailman couldn't seem to get his horn to quit blowing.

Bill said that Toni was thrilled because some Iguana took a sh*t right in front of him.

Here's some Toni and Nikki vacation sunshine.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/04/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/04/2014

I started talking to Henry this morning only to realize that Matt and Steve were trying to take their best nap ever on the floor. I told Cody this morning that Matt and Steve were having Minnesota withdrawals of sleeping together. 

"I have to remember not to screw her over." Roger about Typhinee

Ryan and I went to Bahama Breeze last night and look who we saw. For some reason he didn't seem to be sick like he told Typhinee he was.

 

Also while at Bahama Breeze we had coasters promoting one of our favorite restaurants and their drink in Puerto Rico. Toni better go there and have the empanadas like I told him to.

 "I got my tail light fixed, the cops can pull me over for anything they want now." Roger

Those of you who seem to park near the mailbox (Matt and Steve) obviously forget that Postal Employees go Postal because today we had a note inside our mailbox to "Stop Blocking Mailboxes" and Jessica witnessed this dude freaking out.

Mary called Marty "a co-whore" while on the phone with him today. Is he not good enough to be called just a whore?

Toni, Jason found your bracelet out in the parking lot today and it's on your desk now.

Apparently all you have to tell our guys is that a sub is going to be back charged for their time on a job and they think they're getting paid double time.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/03/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/03/2014

What's better than pictures of adorable sleping animals when it's been a crazy week.
http://www.weather.com/news/science/adorable-sleeping-animals-photos-20140226

Interesting both Randy and Dot came back yesterday...I wonder if they both saw Donald Trump while waiting for an elevator. If so that's how Joey found out about Chandler and Monica. 

Roger sure makes it convenient for us to spend his money. He's such a great guy!

"I was trying to be all businesslike and professional, what a waste." Cody

"You seriously are like a woman." Mary to Tim

"Shut your f*cking mouth." Mary to Tim

I have a feeling that Typhinee is going to kick the crap out of Roger for sticking her to a roadshow for a whole day.

It looks like Toni isn't having any issues finding beer on this trip. 

Cody and his girlfriend had an appointment to go somewhere tonight. If it's for counseling because Cody's pregnant then he really should just save his money, it happens all the time around here. This is one of my favorite pictures from when Bill was pregnant with Toni (Steve's kid).

 Tim's probably going to get chewed out by Josh for sending him by himself with a very long piece of carpet to night job in Seattle.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/02/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/02/2014

"My wife is coming home tonight....It's about F*cking time." Roger

"I'm just not cut out for this Bachelor B/S." Roger  He obviously spent a little too much time with Jason.

Typhinee's convinced that Henry doesn't like Toni. Henry's been very active today and he's not acting very handicap. Henry's acting like he's at Disneyland.

Toni must have known everyone in security because they let him through and not me and he made it to Puerto Rico.

Cody came in smiling today with some good gossip but I can't say anything because I don't want Toni to know that we all know....

Cody is fine with Mary calling him "handsome sir of Apex."

Luckily Mary got some of her profanity out of her system at home today when her phone wouldn't stop ringing and she couldn't manage to get dressed.  (I'm sure part of her problem was she was hung over).

We had quite the girls party day in the office without any boys around.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/01/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/01/2014

I picked out a Mad Lib's eulogy for Toni, he just needs to fill in some of  the blanks before I take him out so I can go on his vacation with Nikki for him.

"Soooooo it's confirmed me and Bill have planned to make you all gag in Spring of 2015 with our mushiness."  Roxanne

Toni doesn't want to eat Bill's mushiness.

The final episode of "How I Met Your Mother" aired last night it sort of turned out how I thought it would but with a twist. 

I got to tell Toni that he was wrong today. He's obviously going to be a difficult flier, he bought gallon size bags for his carry on liquids instead of the quart size that they allow. Maybe TSA will take him out for me and I won't have to do any dirty work and I'll just hop on the plane.

 Some Asian guy tried telling me that all of us white women sound alike, on the phone today. 

"Josh...you have become my main squeeze." Tim

"She's cheap like that." Tim about his wife

I think Roxanne and Bill should use Toni, Cody and Dot to perform their ceremony since they're all wedding officiants. Toni would be sure to offend everyone especially Roxanne's family while wearing his shorty shorts, he doesn't go anywhere without those things. In fact all of his vacation pictures will probably be in those. 

"It's a first date, who do you think I am?" Roger about his date with Tim next week. I asked him if he was going to a hotel.

According to Bill it takes all day to pack to go to the Peninsula. I should have asked what he's packing because it doesn't even take me that long to pack.

Steve thinks Bill's turning into a woman.

I personally think Matt's turning into a woman. Have you seen his new ridiculous summertime bun that he has going on in his hair?

My email asked me if I wanted to see pictures of available black singles? Roger have you been using my computer again? I told you not to use my computer for your freaky sh*t.

"You can call me whatever you want." Matt

Interesting Mary's husband is apparently in Vegas and Roger's wife is in D.C....What's going on and where are they really?

Steve was talking about rubbing down poles in Minnesota. He's already reminiscing about the good ole day's.

Bing has issues and isn't afraid to talk about them. All I typed in was "bing is a" and I got plenty of answers.

*not to be construed as Gossip