06/28/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/28/2013

Dot thought that Roger was only coming into work today to get his name in the Chatter. I told Roger that I just figured he got a nose job yesterday and didn't want any of us to know about it but after seeing him today that doesn't appear to be the case.

Roger invited me to his SAP (Straight and Proud) Parade next weekend following this weekends Gay Pride Parade. Roger told me that he doesn't know if he should invite Toni because he doesn't want Toni to fake straight that weekend.

I tried the cat app last night and it definitely entertained them. One of my cats pawed at the screen and the other one stood on the screen looking down at the moving objects. 

Vance told Rick that his honeymoon was over so Rick had to ask if the marriage was over too.

Tim said that his wife almost neutered him last night. Luckily for him he claims he can out run her.

I was so happy this morning, Roger actually agreed with me about something. 

Toni was freaking ticked that Roger and Tim went to lunch without him today. I even told Toni that they had to meet a client and he was still livid. I'm sure he was just stressed out from having to be with Bill all morning.

"Toni, what woman's name did I say?" Bill  That's never a good sign.

"Can I borrow you again...so that I don't F*ck this up Again." Tim

Toni called me an angel today.

Roger was a little disturbed that I suggested that he should use sex on Bill to get something from him.

Watch out world, Tim's wife is going out of town tomorrow and he thinks he's going to abandon all of us to go and play while she's away.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/27/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/27/2013

"It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye." Toni about the Gay Pride Parade

I really thought since Rick didn't come in yesterday that he was on strike until we got rid of RFMS but no such luck, he came in today.

Mary left for Arizona today and it's only supposed to get up to 120 degrees this weekend and she's not happy about it.

Bill wants to start weighing Toni in and out everyday. I guess it's a father & son thing.

I made a gay reference towards Ryan last night and he told me that he's not Toni.

Bill wants it to be known that he was the office hero yesterday in his own mind, he brought out the cake from the fridge.

As if the main character of "Mad Men" doesn't already have enough sexual partners, he added another one and we're only on season 1.

Bill bought another trackball thing for his desk, why do they even still make those?

Bill pulled a Tim today.

Bill doesn't know if he's allowed back into the city of Forks because of the last time with Matt & Steve. He's going this weekend, so we'll see if they kick him out.

Kim, Tim same thing apparently to someone at Shaw. 

I was amazed to hear that Matt's Ipad survived the whole skateboard incident because he landed on his backpack which was carrying his ipad.

"I bought a new blu ray player....because the other one was too complicated for Roxanne." Bill.  Roxanne I'm not knocking you, I understand that Bill had a mess going on in the TV department and nobody should have to understand his crazy ideas.

Paula Deen is having a bad week; now Walmart, Target and Home Depot are dropping her products on top of her Food Network firing and Smithfield Foods who doesn't want to use her anymore.

"It's takes me four just to get started. Yeah I'm a lush." Rick

Toni wanted me to call and tell Mary that we had a small fire but we have it under control. That boy concerns me.

Steve wants to punch Matt in the ribs according to Toni.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/26/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/26/2013

I received a Wedding Congratulations card from Terry yesterday, it was so nice to hear from her.

Nikki nixed Toni's idea of naming their child Carl. How soon is Carl coming into the world Toni?

Tim was pretty sure that the bubonic plague was living in the bottom of his coffee cup this morning. Then he had the nerve to ask for mini marshmallows.

 I'm starting to think that everyone on "Mad Men" is a skank and a whore and especially the men.

Toni thought he was going to die at work today but then he had watermelon and the whole world turned brighter.

I read about Cat Apps for my ipad. Of course I have to try it out but if they start meowing every time they see my ipad that's going to be a problem.

"I know people steal my folders." Toni

Now that Toni knows that there's a possibility that Tim's wife Donna may have delivered him, he's saying she's like a second mother to him.

Toni sure does some pretty gay things without even trying. Like today he decided not to wear socks. 

Toni wants to know if there's any room in our cabin in December on our next cruise, he wants to go with. I suppose he can sleep in the bar or outside by the pool so that he doesn't disturb us newly weds.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/25/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/25/2013

Tim thinks Bill is getting anal over our new f*cking system.

I finally posted my million and two pictures from our California trip. 
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10201363950719141.1073741828.1184997245&type=1&l=57b67e41b3

Toni wants our company mascot to be a goldfish but then I reminded him that Riley is our mascot. He agreed that Riley would be hurt and not like him switching out our mascot.

"......After I eat I will be nice again." Nikki

Bill came back to the office and the guys were bonding in the dark in the man cave. He mentioned that he saw a movie like that once but had to close his eyes during most of it.

Mary's tired of everyone stealing her pencils and there's going to be hell to pay if she finds you.

Rick got a love letter delivered to work today.

If Bill asks for tape, don't give it to him. Roxanne told us how he sabotaged his own kitchen when her mother came over. Same sort of thing he did when Mary's parent's were visiting our new shop for the first time.

Bill was confused as to why Toni was stuck today. That's what happens when the guys "bond" with each other.

Roger told me I might be getting more access to the man cave soon. He won't tell me when though. 

Bill gets major brownie points for going to Tiffany's yesterday and buying Roxanne some earrings.

Rick, Tim and I are going to start some sort of RFMS Hate Group and all of you are welcome to join.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/24/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/24/2013

Congratulations to Vance, he got married yesterday, I should be mad he's trying to steal my thunder:)

Matt wrecked himself on his skateboard over the weekend. His arm is a mess along with some ribs and a torn ligament. Bill told all of us he also got injured with a cut and had to use Neosporin.

Matt was pretty lucky today, his truck rolled back and somehow missed Bill and Vance's cars.

Matt couldn't wait to get a lecture from Mary this morning. All Mary needs to do is show Matt some of her son's X-Ray pictures.

Bill now has a picture of Roxanne in his office that looks like an old movie star. Sorry Roxanne I didn't recognize you in the picture although Toni knew it was you for some reason.

Chris couldn't make it in today because his wife is going to have their baby. Roger and Bill think it's a horrible excuse and they insisted that she should just have her baby in a rice field so that he could keep his appointment with them. Watch out Jenny the guys will expect the same of you too.

Bill got his hair and makeup done on Saturday by Roxanne's niece and I'm really hurt that Roxanne didn't send me a picture of that.

Bieber is starting to look like a flooring installer with all of those tattoos (or maybe just like Jason) and I think he may have crapped his pants, why else would they be hanging so low in the crouch?

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/21/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/21/2013

Thank-you Tim and Donna for hosting a very nice evening for us last night. 

 

I think Ryan was a little hurt that he couldn't finish telling everyone about our last two days of vacation in California because everyone wanted to hear Tim's BJ offer instead. 

Roger because of you the guys decided that it would be best if the West Wing had a button to throw down a sound proof door for the man cave every time customers walk into our office. They were recalling a certain dildo b*tch experience that they had with Mary's customer present. 

Mary's awfully pushy, she was trying to claim Rick last night right in front of his wife. 

Poor Rick all he wants to do is just give someone a ride. 

We were talking about Tim and his DeJavu bathroom replacements that he use to do and this morning some other sex shop called him for work.

"Don't pull a Toni" is our new saying around here for don't dump out a whole bag of grout onto the warehouse floor. 

Dierdorff freaked the crap out of me today, he called in and was talking very loud and asked for the hot blonde sales person. I thought we had a perve on our hands.

Now even Mary is calling me an old married woman. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/20/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/20/2013

Vance is finally stressing out about his big day.

"Tim just parked in the wrong spot." Bill

"I fell out of love with my parking spot yesterday." Tim

I think Mary brought in Riley today just so that I would be happier. 

"Not everything is about you." Bill to Roger

"Since I met Roxanne you got bumped one on my favorites list." Bill to Roger    Bill was definitely  paying Roger back with that comment. 

Tim thinks he's taking the 5th of July off. 

Poor Toni thought our printer was a new fangled space machine contraption.

I heard so many great things today but I just can't talk about them, I hate when that happens. I will give one hint about one thing, Roger wants a certain somebody to marry his daughter just because he thinks he would be an awesome son in-law.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/19/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/19/2013

 

Tim just freaking does whatever he wants. He has a job number in our system just called Tim. I'm sure we're going to see that trend more often now that he knows how he did that. 
 
Ryan and I finished "Arrested Development" last night and now I'm upset because Roger hasn't seen all of them and I have nobody to talk to about this.  

We started in on "Mad Men" last night. Could be a good show but I'm already very upset with the new chick in the office for being so stupid. 

"Your new glasses kind of freak me out but I like them." Roger to Bill

I personally think Bill's encroaching on the Steve Jobs look but with much more hair. 

"My fly is totally down." Toni  I think he wanted everyone to comment on his junk. 

Roger thinks I'm very nosy because I inquired about one of his jobs today. I'm not sure what to say to that but at least I wasn't the one who forget to order crap for Joe:)

"I can stir sh*t up in a hurry." Tim

"That was a very old man thing for you to say." Mary to Bill

Tim wants me to talk to him first before I quit because of RFMS. I think he wants first crack at my job.

Does Tim know about the "Duck Dynasty" cruise for next year?
http://www.duckcommandercruise.com/

Roger's flaking out on us tomorrow night. I guess we'll have to share our favorite Roger stories since he won't be there.

Bill mentioned that Ryan looked tiny on his phone, I told him he's really going to like hearing that. 

"Tim's running the company now." Bill

 
 


 

*not to be construed as Gossip 

06/18/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/18/2013

"It's good to hear that marriage hasn't changed you." Bill

Speaking of which, I have some wedding pictures for those of you who care:)

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10201317954289259.1073741827.1184997245&type=1&l=e7681e748d

Vance is next, his wedding is Sunday.

Roger has some very suspicious and gnarly looking bruises on his arms. 

Toni finally thanked me for his sound blocking earphones instead of complaining about them. 

Roger's favorite poet seems to be spewing it all over FB again. 

I know I've been hard to deal with lately but last night in my dream someone put my desk out in the warehouse.

Bill's pretty sure that Roxanne's first defense is to start swinging her arms, he thinks it's from her Karate background. He finally got hit in the head by her the other day.

Roger told me that from here on out Ryan will take me for granted. That was very sweet of Roger to tell me that. 

Mary told us (Tim and me) to quit making mistakes in the computer system today.

Toni came into my office to strip for me today. He made up some excuse about it being hot but it seemed kind of strange since he was singing "It's Raining Men". 

This is disgusting but apparently the rage in China to keep perves away, it's a pair of hairy leggings. 

I'm starting to think that all Carol's that are Mary's customers are crazy.

According to Mary, Randy isn't happy if he has a burger and no chips. Doesn't he know that's kind of a lot to ask for. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/17/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/17/2013

Jason had a big day today he found $50.00 in the parking lot at Home Depot. 

Tim tried falling apart with kidney stones the weekend before I was gone at work on vacation.

"It's the biggest beefiest thing you've ever seen." Tim while on our sex hotline

Tim thinks Toni is trying to tell him to eat sh*t and die.

Toni claims he just sits in the man cave and plays video games all day.

Jason asked me if I married my boyfriend. I told him I married a random stranger because it would be more exciting of a story. Luckily Mary was here to witness his question.

I've always been under the assumption that most Californian's are weird and vegetarian but Ryan and I saw the most incredible crowds at a restaurant called The House of Prime Rib and all they served was prime rib.

Toni says there's a good chance that Donna (Tim's wife) may have delivered him.

"Mary has let me down." Tim

We have an interesting product in our product catalog, it's called Man Stripper. I wonder if the price in the system is per hour or per night? Do we get to pick them by name, I think I need to investigate this a little more closely. 

Everyone was talking about using morphine today thanks to Roger. 

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/10/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/10/2013

Welcome back Rick or did he quit because of RFMS?

I think that dirty dog Tim stole my T&A book just like he tried stealing Bill's digital measuring tape.

Toni mentioned that the west wing offices smelled better than the man cave on Friday. 

Ryan just now discovered that I'm a suck up and controlling. I bet he can't wait for my true colors to come out after tomorrow.

We've had quite an adventure on this trip so far and the best is still to come. Today we will be touring Hearst castle, I can't wait.

We had brunch yesterday at the Biltmore hotel in Santa Barbara which was incredible and we saw a sober looking sane guy who looked like Gary Busey which is a huge oxymoron. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/07/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/07/2013

Tim thinks today is the day he's going to start to fly. Great he came to work high today. 

Toni thinks the scar on my arm is from Tommy John surgery since I pitched when I was in softball.

Serge discovered Vegas for the first time last weekend. Apparently renting a Lamborgini for $600 is a good deal to him. He's also thinking about switching work vehicles because the Lamborgini got better gas mileage than his van. 

"She's the b*tch, she's going to fire us all." Bill about Mary

"I had to be nice in my response because she's the boss, the one who counts." Roger about Mary

"I'm not as good as I thought I was." Tim

"You're one of the reasonably good people who works here." Roger to Tim

"I'll go in there and f*ck everything up." Tim as he gave a job to Mary

Toni and Bill seemed to be having issues with Roger today.

"Your an a$$hole don't even try to tell me that your not." Mary to Roger

"I need to stir up shit every once in a while otherwise I don't get my name in the chatter." Roger

I may have to become an alcoholic on my trip in order to want to come back to RFMS. I know everyone's terrible attitude today was a direct result of RFMS.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/06/2013

 The Daily Chatter

06/06/2013

Happy Birthday Tim!

 

I heard Bill telling his computer this morning "I hate to break it to you honey." Is he finally telling his computer about Roxanne?

"That's just a girl thing." Bill trying to make himself feel better

"She's being arbitrary and capricious." Roger about Mary

Roger didn't even notice the crap hanging above Tim's desk until 11:30.

"I feel that I'm eight years old again." Roger  I think he was referring to working here.

Roger can live with being skinny as long as we don't tease him, he's awfully emotional.

Roger said he was going to give me the same book that his dad gave him when he was thirteen called "The stork didn't bring you" as a wedding gift for me, how considerate but he didn't bring it. 

"I have spent all f*cking day placing an order for Michael." Tim

Bill thinks he knows everything about RFMS and doesn't know why the rest of us are complaining. 

Bill also thinks I'm going to change my name and never come back because of this new system. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/05/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/05/2013

Bill thinks that most of our employees could be on Jerry Springer any day of the week. 

Roger thought it was weird that he had time blocked out with Bill just to hang out today but then it never happened. 

Bill told me he's buying me bubble tea today just to make me happy. It's come down to bribing me just to make me happy. It sounds like Rick picked a great week to be away from me.

Roger only wants 3 minutes of Bill's life, I understand he's hard to take sometimes. Roxanne should know this very well by now.

Bill wants Mary to tell her which lamp is his that was shipped to our office with her name on it. He thinks he gets 50% of her stuff. 

I'm pretty sure I heard Roger on the phone asking about singles today.... What's going on?

FYI, Matt would rather be referred to as homeless than as gay.

Bill says that Tim is The Godfather around here. I personally thought that Roger was The Godfather because of all the shady people he knows that can "do stuff". 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/04/2013

The Daily Chatter*

06/04/2013

One week from today and I'll be an old married woman according to my mother. 

According to FB it appears that Serge and his wife stole a Lamborghini from a mall parking lot.

Matt claims he's tired and he didn't even drink last night. 

Toni has already offended the temp. I think it's creeping him out that Toni stares at his sexy poses all day long. 

Toni mentioned that BJ's are Roger's go to thing now.

I had a dream about Tim last night. We were playing softball and he was a terrible pitcher, that's about all I remember though. 

Steve likes it that someone's belly in his house is bigger than his right now. 

"How will I know, will it have pictures?"  Mary about RFMS

Apparently Tim doesn't read my emails because he thinks he doesn't know what they mean. Yet Tim knew how to put our temp to work today.

"I'm just the pretty face that sells the jobs." Mary

Matt thinks he's a sexy Jesus because of his hair. Whereas some think he's homeless. 

Tim received his electronic measuring tape birthday present from Donna early because he's such a whiner. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

 

06/03/2013

 The Daily Chatter*

06/03/2013

We are not a very happy bunch of people around here today. I think all I heard today was "I need help" from everyone screaming at the same time.  

"It's a very curious button."   No, I'm pretty sure Bill was the curious one. 

Bill went to Lens Crafters for his glasses, I told him that Roger would be so disappointed with him.

Steve likes referring to Jenny as his old lady because she hates it.

Mary had to come in and brag about her romantic weekend while the rest of us were drowning in our RFMS questions.

"The F word is about to fly." Mary

Freaking Rick who's in sunny Arizona and who's not having to deal with RFMS this week, showed up in my dream last night and gave me a pet snake for my desk.  I hate snakes so it figures that's what he would give me. 

Roger told Mary and me that we were the best in different categories. Mary was smart she didn't want him to explain this.

"I'm leaving and I'm not coming back." Tim     Bill even fixed something for Tim and texted him and he said he still wasn't coming back.

Toni and Bill are so going to want one of these but with rainbows. 

*not to be construed as Gossip