08/30/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/30/2019

Sarah made the mistake of asking if anybody needed anything at the store and when I gave her my list she came back and said the store was out of all of those items....Is it the Apocalypse again? Is it going to snow or something?

Sarah and Ashley went to their secret meeting last night and it was at the Salish Lodge and one of the guys who worked there was mentioning that they get about 2-3 suicides per year (that jump near the falls) and they're usually women. I guess the guys go to a different spot nearby. Are there signs that indicate women only? I will definitely have to check the next time that I go there.

Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend and remember that Tim claims that he's finally coming back to work on Tuesday (even though he lied once before).

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/29/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/29/2019

My husband and I got to reminisce last night after we drove by NFI and I saw another huge fake giraffe in the window and then I saw the other large brass ones that Gary paid a ton of money for in San Francisco when the company was absolutely broke.

Veronica crushed my ego today, she called me a nobody so now she's on my list but then Sarah let me feel like a somebody and let me fix her printer.

Sarah and Ashley are going to come back to work tomorrow with a whole bunch of old men clients. Sarah has this totally figured out now that her latest BFF loves that she's Irish and I'm sure she'll make up something about Ashley.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/28/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/28/2019

According to Ashley she says that Matt or Steve can give her CPR but not Gabe because she's pretty sure he killed his dummy last night.

My feelings are quite hurt, Michael professed his love for me on the break room door yesterday yet he offered to make Ashley chutney and nothing for me.

Now Ashley's taking on Michael's tricks, she asked me if I was alone in the mens bathroom today when I came out. I told this girl that one guy left the door open for me while he did his business and rumors (that I made up) start to fly.

I was very surprised to see my husbands text asking me to reload his sex card. I'll have to ask him about that later but then he changed his story and said SBX (Starbucks) card.

Sarah found a customer who loves all things Irish and he even cried for her, she may have a new bestie.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/27/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/27/2019

Thanks Tim we threw you a welcome back party and you didn't show up. *Correction he showed up for the pizza at the CPR class.

Ashley informed all of us that today is the first day of the return of the pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.

Michael can't stand everyone else in the office getting attention so he has to make his own signs (which essentially led to our breakroom door text today).

Sarah is going to start a blog called "Good Times with Gloria", I can't wait for her kinky blog.

Ashley's still not convinced that Bud didn't punch somebody and that's how his hand incident occurred. She's already called and signed him up for an anger management class.

Michael lied to me, he leaves for Maui tomorrow and not Thursday.

Steve told me that if he's not back in time for the CPR class to start without him. I told him that we were playing spin the bottle first and he perked up and said he would be on time (I know he wants to be first in line for Toni).

Michael claims that he has different black market shampoo to bribe me with.

Toni's going to be jealous because Steve and I were talking about Vance today without him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/26/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/26/2019

Everyone wants to know who broke Bud's hand/fingers/leg today. We've already spread some really good rumors about this so it might make national news.

Michael claims he's too busy to cook for all of us. I complained because he brought in produce but didn't make us a lunch.

Rumor has it that Tim will be back tomorrow.

Faith told us that she slept walked on Friday night after the concert, she turned on a light and rummaged through her stuff and her sister asked her what she was doing and she said she had to schedule an install and she had no recollection of doing it the next morning.

I'm going to blame my bad hair day on Michael today because I used his shampoo again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/23/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/23/2019

The good news is that Tim and Donna were supposed to make it to Vancouver Island last night.

By the time Tim comes back Sarah's portion of the office will be filled with fluffy adorable animals and magical unicorns.

Faith and her sister are going to the Styx concert tonight. Hopefully she stays out of trouble and avoids all of the men with beautiful big brown eyes (since that's her thing).

I'm going to have to request that Tim shaves his beard before he comes back, Ashley and I didn't recognize him in his pictures with it.

There's something wrong with Ashley, today she believed my sarcasm and I thought it was pretty far out there so I may need therapy.

Bill was actually in a good mood today probably because he was talking John Wayne movies with Steve.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/22/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/22/2019

Michael tried telling me today that I take more vacation time than any three people here combined.

I started cracking up today listening to Faith, she called John and then called him by his nickname and then she identified herself. My question is how many people call him John John?

Steve says he's hung over, that's what he gets for hanging out with Matt S. at a concert. Doesn't he understand by now that Matt's body is conditioned to drink way too much. I know it's still hard to fathom since he's a skinny dude.

It's really an inconvenient weekend for Michael to be out of town since my husband will also be out of town this weekend.

Pat somehow survived his appointment with Showroom Bob today, we all have requested for our own sanity that Showroom Bob doesn't come here again because Sarah will lose it and then she'll want to hang more cat pictures in her office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/21/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/21/2019

Steve and Toni are definitely girly men when it comes to spice. Ashley and I were trying to figure out what was wrong with them this morning but then they distracted us by smelling each others hair.

Bill told Steve that he just cost him $100 with his big mouth (because now he thinks he's going to lose a bet with Toni).

It's way too easy to freak Sarah out, I think I'll make this my daily mission and then pretty soon she'll avoid me just like the rest of you.

I swear that Michael takes more vacation than I do. He's gone tomorrow and Friday and then he leaves for Hawaii next week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/20/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/20/2019

Sarah's response to everything right now is "it's going to go great".

Michael demanded his own parking space this morning or else he says that he's not coming in. I know a bunch of people here who would love for him not to come in at all so I'm pretty sure that if we gave him a space one of his fellow employees would just take down the sign to tick him off.

Sarah has definitely outdone everybody else on her safety outfit and Toni's going to be jealous because I know that Bill already is.

Does the temp think that there are multiple April's that work here? She asked me to confirm my last name before she gave me my Amazon package today. It's a good thing that I didn't have to explain to her that I have two last names because that might have blown her mind.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/19/2019

Now Tim's blaming the weather on why he can't come back to work.

Only Toni would think that a palm sander is a cure all tool.

Bill heard the temp speaking to a guy in Russian or Ukrainian today and I think it freaked him out.

I'm not sure what to do Mary wants her dog back....

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/16/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/16/2019

I love having Riley around, this dog is great for picking up chicks and dudes.

John now thinks you only have to work for us a couple of days in order to get a vacation (since Veronica is on vacation).

Bill told me to put up a dog kenneling sign on Monday and today he tried telling me that his kids were better behaved than the dog and he tried making me kennel them in my office.

Poor Faith is trying to do as much as possible because she doesn't want Typh mad at her when she gets back. Obviously Faith doesn't know the rule, nobody usually covers for anybody when someones on vacation so Typh should be happy that Faith did something. Besides if Typh gets mad we'll threaten her with showroom Bob. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/15/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/15/2019

Pat called me his favorite b*tch today but when I called him out on it he claims he was talking about the dog (likely story, Riley's too sweet).

Michael showed us his awesome rock star moves this morning but I'm still waiting for my Magicistical Michael performance.

Sarah found a man in our showroom today who likes to talk more than she does and she (along with the rest of us) wanted to scream at him to shut up.

Pat wanted to quit today during the middle of a very long customer unscheduled appointment in the showroom today. Bryan even took over and started pushing these people out the door but they just refused to leave and kept finding crap to look at.

Toni's #1 rule is to not f*ck kids and his #2 rule is to not f*ck animals. I'm pretty sure Toni stole these rules from Roger.

I'm going to need to insist that the guys learn how to close the bathroom door all of the way if they want to use it or else they are going to get a bucket for their office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/14/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/14/2019

Toni called Bill and me fine specimens today. Does he think he works in a lab or has he been watching "Better Off Ted"?

Bill told Sarah and me that we weren't invited to the Inc 5000 party but he said we could form our own party planning committee as long as it didn't ruin his party.

Ashley's been asking a lot of Monopoly game questions, very strange.

Crap Ashley's going to a concert tonight so she will be cranky and tired in the morning and Bill won't be in tomorrow to tell her to stay in her office and keep her door closed. I'm thinking maybe I'll find her a bucket for one corner and we'll make it so her door won't open to keep everyone else safe.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/13/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/13/2019

Bill says we can blame Typhinee for everything this week and next week it reverts back to Roger.

Toni apparently feels horribly guilty when he ruins a perfectly good piece of fruit.

My husband made chili over the weekend and because I raved about Michael making chili for us awhile back he wouldn't even let me try it,  I think I ruined him.

Steve and Toni have been feeling each others hair constantly now that Michael has given them organic shampoo, thanks Michael, Bill thinks he already needs therapy.

I have a feeling that Bud's not going to like it when we get rid of this temp. She asked Ashley what the buff guys name was and now she's his favorite.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/12/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/12/2019

Michael told everyone about my thigh high boots that I thought were just a secret between him and me.

Sarah told me that I needed whips and chains in order to keep a man, I have so much to learn from her....

Mary already misses Riley, it's going to be a long week for her.

You know it has to be pretty messed up when Sarah claims that she's not going back to a business because they're too weird for her.

Michael's accusing me of poisoning people.

Don't expect any compliments out of Bill, he's too busy to be nice.

Toni wanted to know which bottle of liquor to buy for a client, I told Toni that I would sample both of the options but Bill told him to call Michael so that I wouldn't embarrass him anymore.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/09/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/09/2019

Toni admitted this morning that he likes to be abused by women. I guess this explains why we get along so well.

Here's a story that will make everyone nauseous. Ryan and I got pulled over in the carpool lane this morning and the officer came up to the window and apologized and said that he didn't see a passenger (even though at one point we were behind him). I told my husband that he pulled us over because he couldn't believe that anything this beautiful could be real.

I was shocked to learn today (from a piece of mail) that Andrew is one of our business owners. We can now apply for our disabled veteran owned business certification.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2019

Happy Birthday Roxanne!

If you want Steve to leave the room in a hurry all you have to say is stirrups.

Faith wants to turn my scar into a flower.

I was shocked to see Toni after his baby's circumcision today. He was taking it pretty rough this morning before he went to the doctor but it was nice to finally meet Lewis.

I'm going to have issues if we decide to auction off the women before the make out session/CPR class because I'm pretty sure that I'll only bring in about fifty cents considering all of the guys are scared of me especially after all of the rumors that Michael said that Sarah has spread about me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/07/2019

I'm going to have to demand that the company gets vision insurance because Bud seems to be getting Michael and I confused lately...

Mary's trying to hide something, she gave us a bogus number for her family.

Bill doesn't think that people actually read the words in his emails.

I think Typh is rightfully afraid of me because I called her a whole bunch of pet names today.

"I'm useless, I don't know where my coffee cup is." Bill

Toni of all people actually kept me from doing something stupid today.

Sarah's pretty sure everyone is signing up for the CPR class because they think it's going to be a make out session. If that's the case do we also get to play spin the bottle and how much alcohol will be involved?

Bill wants to know why Tim responded with a yes when he never says yes to anything. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/06/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/06/2019

Bill and I came to the same sad conclusion today that Marty is way cooler than we are because he knows who Dre is.

Toni showed us the funniest wedding gift registry, it's horrible of me to be so judgmental but seriously who asks for a $300 hair dryer as a wedding gift and other odd and expensive personal items. I think I'm going to start checking random peoples gift registry lists now as an obsession.

Bill and I also welcomed Roxanne to our club today because she didn't know who Dre was in reference to either.

Sarah is a bad influence on all of us and her husband won't be thrilled with what she's trying to sign him up for.

Bill was concerned that the people in the annex were going to steal our air conditioning since the HVAC guy was here today working on it. I think Bill should be more concerned about Typh running around the warehouse naked because of the heat and her becoming way more popular than him.

I have a feeling that Steve's going to be ordering a lot of stamps for his passive aggressiveness.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/05/2019

Don't ask Michael about his scars, Sarah and I were almost traumatized again this morning.

Ashley lied, she was not bright eyed and bushy tailed today.

Bill was gloating that Mary and Ashley told him that he was right today. I told him that Ashley didn't count because she was still hung over.

Michael thought I had a man in the bathroom with me today. Apparently he thinks a man needs to be present if I use the men's bathroom. I'll ask for a volunteer next time so that I don't get in trouble with Michael.

Howard couldn't tell if it was me or Steve who said hi to him today, I'm going to need years of therapy for this.

"I'm just repeating what Steve and Toni told me." Bill as I was mocking him because he had completely wrong information

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/02/2019

The Daily Chatter*

08/02/2019

Kahlua doesn't seem to like Riley, Bryan or Steve. I understand not liking Steve but I think she was too hasty with the other two.

Bill had fifteen computers set up on his desk and he was apparently hacking Russia.

"Holy crap, we just got put to shame." Bill and Toni because I knew what a bayonet was and they were trying to think of the word.

Steve was trying to outdo me today, he came in with his thumb wrapped up and I have a large bandage on my shoulder covering my stitches so I thought I won until Connie outdid all of us.

Toni and Ashley are going to be mad that they missed out on the firemen that we were just talking about the previous day but unfortunately it wasn't for a good reason.

I heard that Typh saved the day again during another crisis but seriously I only saw her rummaging around in Connie's purse and flirting with the firemen while Faith was doing all of the hard work so I'm not buying it this time.

*not to be construed as Gossip