07/31/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/31/2015

"Roger will f*ck it up." Bill while Roger was standing behind him

"I really would have loved to have met his parents because maybe it would explain a few things or created a whole new set of questions." Bill about Roger

"Dot must not pay attention." Bill about Roger's whole aura

Toni says Steve's isn't happy because he's been working day and night.

 Mary told Toni's mother that she loves that boy (referring to Toni)....Nikki better watch her back.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/30/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/30/2015

Toni was getting sentimental with Serge today and reminding him about their date and that he was thinking about him this morning, I finally had to leave the room it was getting so gushy.

Toni's guy friends posted a song to youtube that they made about him while he was living with them and something about how they sang this to him after he got out of the shower (all very gay stuff).

Toni mentioned how Randy always holds his tongue and is never opinionated.

Loopy Larry is wearing a Superman tank top today that looks like he slept in it.

Here's one more reason to never go to Pakistan, in case anyone wanted to go.

I heard Roger's wife punched him in the nose again. Why else would he have a bloody nose?

Speaking of Spiderman, one of Toni's customers informed him that someone is filming parts of "Spiderman" at their downtown Seattle condo sometime soon.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/29/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/29/2015

We met the neighbor who is going to move in with their bakery in our complex. They have a dessert bar called Chocolate Death Bar.
http://seattlesfavoritecookies.com/index.php

 According to Cody "Just another day at Shaw."

Roger wants Tim to do seminars on how to be successful and a dick at the same time.

Toni was being racist today about some Russian truck driver who apparently was an a$$.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/28/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/28/2015

Roger wants to know why the women in our office are allowed to wander about with no restrictions. Bill informed him that we have a free range office.

Typhinee actually ran in her wedge heels today that she's trying to break in for a wedding this weekend.

"I think there's something wrong with my laser." Roger to Bill   Is that what these men are calling it now days?

Roger is changing his mind on the Lemon Chiffon soap scent. I think it's making him hungry because it smells like Lemon Meringue pie.

Roger didn't believe me when I said Bill was at lunch. He had to interrogate me about it.

Tim doesn't want anyone to mention or think about his a$$hole for five years. Mary told him that she wouldn't.

Bill told us today that he thinks that if Roxanne takes this new job she'll spend all of her money at the Fran's Chocolate shop inside the hotel.

Roxanne told me an ironic story about a security guard who wouldn't patrol the parking lot at night because he didn't feel safe.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/27/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/27/2015

A young man walked in today looking for a job, he could possibly fit the Dwight (from "The Office") profile that we are seeking. We already have Bill as Michael Scott, Mary as Merdith the alcoholic slut, Roger as Creed (they're pretty much the same age), Toni as Oscar (because of his sexual preferences of course), Tim as Stanley (because he always wants to get the he$$ out of work), Typhinee as Kelly Kapoor (because of her dark skin tone and non stop talking), Cody as Daryl (obvious isn't it), Steve as Roy (he loves bar fights) , Matt as Pam (his hair is about the same length) and me as b*tchy Angela. I have to say Loopy Larry is nothing like Bob with Vance Refrigeration so he probably shouldn't be our neighbor. Can someone please explain that to our leasing company?

Tim did something very gay today, he's having a colonoscopy. Tim, I shouldn't joke, I'm very glad that your going to the doctor.

 "Toni's wearing a pink shirt that matches his pink shoes." Tim

Loopy Larry was out smoking pot today and Joe was trying to pin it on Cody, all because he's Chris' son.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/24/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/24/2015

Loopy Larry and some stranded woman gave us quite a show this morning and Bill told us that he had a one sided window so we all watched.

Roger approves of our hand soap again....lemon chiffon.  Roger does seems to like really fruity things like Toni.

"I would rather get ebola than eat at Dickies." Toni

Apparently Toni can go to Georgia where they claim some sign hackers did this....but he can double check for himself.

Roger actually paid me a compliment this morning....must be because it's Friday.

Roxanne has been so mean lately that I had to ask her not to beat me over the head with a shovel or call me idiotface today.

Speaking of idiot...."Bill's an idiot and a loser." Roger

"People wonder why I hate people but it seems pretty obvious to me." Typhinee

Maybe this is why Roger doesn't like Bubble Tea....This is how Thailand advertises their bubble tea.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/23/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/23/2015

For some reason Roger thinks I'm the only one who likes him this morning because I'm the only one who would answer his calls.

I bought my Chocolate Festival tickets for October 4th because Groupon has a coupon deal that ends today. (Hot3 is the Coupon Code in case anyone is interested.)

Loopy Larry was sporting a black cowboy hat today, very stylish with those black converse.

Roxanne wants to beat a man with a shovel....any volunteers?

Bill doesn't want anyone to mess with our delicate little genius, Mary.

According to the leak on Ashley Madison, Ottawa Canada is the cheating capital of the world.

*not to be construed as gossip

07/22/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/22/2015

Roger told one of his customers on the phone today that I was going to handcuff him (Roger). At least the guy now knows that I mean business or he thinks that I'm very kinky at work.

"Now you've gone too far and you're full of sh*t." Bill to Mary

Roxanne, I told Bill to buy you chocolate for your big decision, make sure that  he buys the good stuff....

"You're not wearing pants today." Howard to Toni (Apparently he doesn't see Toni that often because seriously when does Toni wear pants around the office?)

I thought some of these misplaced advertisements were hilarious.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/21/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/21/2015

Today is National Junk Food Day and I didn't bring any junk food in. 

Cody found an empty container of bath salts and a roach in our dumpster.

Another day in the life of Roger, he was waiting for someone at their home this morning and the lady shows up late and drunk as a skunk so naturally he takes advantage of her.

 Mary said her computer has ghosts inside it.

Toni had a nasty piece of tile with mold on it that he set out by the dumpster yesterday to air out and somebody took it and he can't comprehend this, probably the guy on bathsalts.

After looking at the effects of Bath Salts, it sure sounds makes you question Roger and Loopy Larry. 

Now apparently Roxanne must think I'm pregnant too because she sent me a text said "I searched on pinterest for baby shower invites beach theme and this is what popped up."  She's going to be very disappointed when she throws me a baby shower.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/20/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/20/2015

Roxanne thinks that they are going to be busy the day of the Chocolate Festival on 10/04/15, likely story.

Everyone at Toni and Nikki's engagement party seemed to have very bad blame issues. First I heard that Stephanie got all of the names of whom to invite from the office from her mother, so Roger, Typhinee, Steve, Matt and Cody blame Mary for not getting the invite and the rest of us will blame her for only getting it a week in advance. Then Toni's mother blamed Toni's sister for spilling the beans about the party and Toni's sister blamed her mother so it was one big confusing mess.

Toni went to a spin class today to judge hipsters and stay at home moms. He mentioned there were a bunch of guys there too so I now know where he'll be hanging out.

I think we need to sanitize our carpet samples, I was told that Bill made a comment that he likes to roll around naked on our carpet samples.

Roger's such a moron, he mentioned awhile back that he was going to try to meet up with Ryan and me at the Bite of Seattle. He obviously forgot to mention that he would be in South Carolina at his KKK Meeting performing his Grand Dragon duties and would not able to make it. It must have been an exciting weekend with a showdown of the KKK and The Black Panthers at the capital building.

Here's an ironic picture of a black police officer helping one of the KKK members who was affected by the heat.

"Are you looking at bent over women in here and didn't invite me?" Bill

 Roxanne, don't ruin this for us but Bill told Toni that we all bought him and Nikki the spoons that he can't find a card with.
Toni, I hope that expensive flatware store sent you the right items, I forgot to check the shipment before I gave the box to my personal assistant/husband to wrap. The set that we ordered for you has diamonds in it. The rest of the matching flatware should be here any day now, we just wanted to have them all engraved.

If any of you are users of Ashley Madison the dating website for married people, then your information has been hacked.

"I like little boys..." Toni

I read a Starbucks' blurb about their new coffee from Vietnam and thought it said Koala Nuts. Which honestly makes more sense because I don't know what Kola nuts are...

"Tasting Notes Kola nut, toffee & vanilla"

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/17/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/17/2015

Roger thinks that he wasn't invited to Toni and Nikki's surprise engagement party that Toni and Nikki already know about because he's known to make scenes and his wife usually gets very drunk, she's usually worse than Matt.

"That guy is wearing pink freaking shoes." Tim about Toni

 
 Toni's family including his grandmother are all going camping this weekend so obviously we won't see them at the surprise engagement party.

I think I threw Toni off track, I told him I would see him tomorrow night in my wedding dress at the church at 9pm. His sister said she was going to wear her wedding dress (even though she's going camping) so I think the rest of us should too. 

Steve's youngest daughter should write "The Daily Chatter" from now on because I guess she posted one of her Mickey Mouse videos to Steve's FB account and wrote "gay hash" above it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/16/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/16/2015

Roger wanted to make us all jealous, he said one of his customers was making Cashew Brittle with Balsamic Vinegar and Basil and gave him a big piece and he won't share it with any of us.

I'm pretty sure Mary met Joe for a nooner...

Roxanne blurted out idiotface to her director of finance because she thought he was calling her that and it turns out that he was listing off some long acronym.  It is possible that Roxanne has tourettes and made up the whole other story. I know there are somedays I wished I could use that excuse. 

Ryan and I thought it was ironic that Jeffrey Tambor was a special guest on "The Love Boat" (an episode we saw Saturday) when another special animal guest was a trained seal who jumped off the ship. We thought it was very foretelling. I can't recall if the seal was wearing a bow tie though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/15/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/15/2015

"Sometimes I forget why we don't like Roger, then I remember." Bill to me

"Don't play ball on Mary's lawn." Bill to Steve

Steve thinks Bill said that because Mary's a ball buster. 

Steve thinks everyone should know what a Wubble Bubble Ball is.

Cody broke the picture in the bathroom even though he claims he didn't touch it.

"I'm the f*cking boss why am I taking your sh*t." Bill to Toni
 
The long winded Tyco rep came in today and Bill probably hates me because I pawned him off on him. I'm sick and tired of hearing about the guys home remodel from 10 years ago so I thought Bill needed to hear about it. Toni got Steve to call Bill and rescue him though.

Joe texted Mary that he loves and misses her today. Obviously this is why he likes doing her jobs for her. 

"Is it really friends if your paying for his services." Bill to Mary about Joe

Here's the common reaction to Amazon Prime Day.
"#PrimeDay is like the scene in Christmas Vacation when Clark's boss sends him a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club instead of a bonus"

According to one Twitter feed you can buy a 55 Gallon Barrel of Passion Lubricant for only $1361.00 on Amazon today.

Some of the questions and answers for Passion Lubricant.

Is it kosher?

A:

No. It is used for porking.

 

 

Is it family friendly?

A:

your mom and I had a wonderful time.

can it be used for a slip and slide

A:

yes this fluid can be used to lubricate a slip n slide .what I do suggest is using safety precautions and wearing a helmet. also watch for rocks before putting down the slip n slide as they will cause injury

 

Is it gluten-free?

A:

Yes.

 

This lubricate also seems to have some interesting reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005MR3IVO/ref=ask_ql_qh_dp_hza 

 

 

*not to be construed as Gossip 

07/14/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/14/2015

Happy Birthday to Typhinee! I'm pretty sure she turns 25 today.

Roger makes me so mad, last night in my dream I was trying to escape some hit men and I was crawling on my hands and knees through a store and Roger stops me and asks me what I'm doing.

Toni shared this unpolitically correct statement with us today.

Tim missed out on birthday cake and ice cream today, he's going to be sorry.

Bill mentioned that you can be gay in the Boy Scouts and Roger said he will believe it when they offer a circle jerk merit badge. Roger has so many great ideas, I'm not sure why he isn't a Boy Scout Leader?

"I'm out of here, I have to go and pick up my old ball and chain." Mr. U'nnellls

Roger's mad because Tim one upped him and sang Happy Birthday to Typhinee.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/13/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/13/2015

Some woman at the road show asked Roger about his scar on his neck yesterday. She probably wanted to make sure that he wasn't in a gang.

Roger told Josh that his smartphone wasn't very smart today.

"Maybe she's old like me and doesn't remember sh*t." Tim


Tim is expecting a new grand baby in a about eight months. I actually kept that a secret for about a week, Bill didn't believe me.

"I'm a mess, I'm just falling apart." Mary

"The only way I'm having surgery in Tijuana is if i get shot there and have no other choice but to die." Roger

One of Roger co-stars from "Cheers" died, Roger Rees. I think I remember him mostly for being the Sheriff of Rottingham in "Robin Hood: Men In Tights".

"Your husband is a bad a$$." Toni to Mary

Roger had to make up some celebrity customer so that he could compete with Mary.

I read some questions that doctors normally ask patients who are sociopaths. I'm now concerned for Dot because Roger's answers were very alarming as usual. 
1. Are you superficially charming and intelligent?....of course I am
2. Do you have delusions or other signs of irrational thinking?....No, Google Brain is real I tell you
3. Are you overly nervous or do you have other neuroses?...Somebody once told me that I did but they're gone now
4. Are you reliable?...reliable as Charlie Sheen
5. Do you tell lies or say insincere things?...all the f*cking time that's why I'm in sales
6. Do you feel remorse or shame?...what the he$$ is that?
7. Is your behavior anti-social for no good reason?...No but I hate people
8. Do you have poor judgement and fail to learn from experience?..I know everything, stop talking, you bore me
9. Are you pathologically egocentric and incapable of love?...Of course not, everybody loves me
10. Do you generally lack the ability to react emotionally?...I don't give a f*ck
11. Do you lack insight?...Absolutely not, I have plenty of insight, I watch "Seinfeld" which was produced by my idol Larry David
12. Are you responsive to others socially?...I answer calls at work every once in awhile
13. Are you a crazy party fiend?...No because I can't make my party fliers at the Fed Ex store anymore since they kicked me out and asked me to never return.
14. Do you make false suicide threats?...Everyday, I like to get out of going to work
15. Is your sex life impersonal, trivial or poorly integrated?.. No, my current wife isn't a lesbian like the first one and the guys at work are constantly riding me.
16. Have you failed to follow a life plan? I don't need a life plan, I'm just waiting for the Apocalypse

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/10/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/10/2015

"I know this isn't the way we're supposed to do things...." Roger to Cody

"How do we go from a bromance to anal sex Toni?" Bill

Bill gave me permission to yell at Steve today and that's why Steve hid from me today.

I had a dream last night that I was standing in the middle of Crystal's kitchen and I was thinking to myself that Jessica was wrong because Crystal's house is immaculate.

Out Tandus rep showed up with a cooler full of water and was trying to give it out. Bill and Roger thought he was some homeless guy and didn't know who he was and we all thought it was odd that he was only giving out water...

Congratulations to Tim, his son gets married this weekend and Tim will be happy to have all of the festivities behind him. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/09/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/09/2015

"I bruise like a peach". Bill

Bill doesn't believe in being taught lessons.

Roger got mad at me because I didn't answer his phone call when I was cleaning the bathroom this morning and he's been in a pissy mood ever since, watch out Dot!

According to a very reliable source Mary likes to talk smack about all of us to one of her neighbors and she also loves to help people have affairs. She's such a busy body.

Toni is the man! (Even though he did get a 2 for 1 by the forgetful guy at Emser today.)

 The biggest story of the day is that Paris Hilton thinks she found her soulmate and it wasn't with a Chihauau or a jewelry store.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/08/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/08/2015

"I'm going to make you crazier." Roger to me

Loopy Larry was making himself comfortable in a chair outside this morning. When I got out of the car I think he may have choked to death but I didn't look to see so he could just be lying outside.

Roger hates the shoes he's wearing today, he says they're uncomfortable and the only reason he wore them is because he claims he loves his wife and didn't want to wake her up by getting a different pair of shoes out of their room this morning. I love how Roger always has to point out his good deeds so that maybe we'll all change our mind about him. I personally think Roger didn't want Dot to scream and yell at him so he ran out of his home like a coward.

According to Bill, Roxanne dips her feet in all the water that she see's. He claims he has to keep her away from street drains to avoid weird situations. It must be hard for her since she works at a hotel with an indoor pool.

Joe and Roger have some sort of bathroom urination pact. Roger was telling me about it today but I ignored him.

Toni claims he didn't have sex with his male cousin even though he told him so....

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/07/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/07/2015

"You're just part of my problem today." Roger to me

Roger thinks a manicure will make him feel better....

First thing that Mary asked when I came back from lunch with Tim is if we are having an affair. Apparently she wants to write "The Chatter" now.

"Good luck with your marriages." A Rep to Mary  (Obviously he knows something that I don't).

Tim told me that he shared the picture that I posted in the Chatter last week with his guide and the other guys on the trip, so it may end up on their website. Man Tim has a big mouth.

Bill is trying to show that he cares today and also Mary. 

I'm pretty sure I heard Steve say that Toni was helping him organize his bracelets today.

I apparently told Mary the wrong thing this morning, she asked why the water at Diablo Lake was so green and I told her it was radioactive. According to Wikipedia "The unique, intense turquoise hue of the lake's water is attributed to the surrounding glaciers that grind rocks into a fine powder that is carried into the lake through creeks. That fine powder stays suspended in the lake, giving the water its brilliant color."

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/06/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/06/2015

"I'm going to eat it one way or another, I might as well have it for f*cking breakfast." Tim about some carpet.  It's no wonder why the man has to get a colonoscopy every week with what he's been eating.

Roger has officially lost his mind. He came in this morning and asked me if he had told me about Marlon, obviously he's not reading "The Chatter" or he would remember it's all his fault that Marlon quit.

Roger got mad at me for not posting my pictures from the North Cascades to FB yet, I have two on there so far so he shouldn't be mad and it's just another sign that he's lost it.

Ryan and I explored the North Cascades this weekend and were stunned with the beauty. I couldn't believe the brilliant green beautiful water at Diablo Lake (second picture) I deliriously thought we were in the Caribbean for a moment. The other pictures were lakes that we hiked to which were spectacular too.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/02/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/02/2015

"I don't think I've recovered from the honeymoon yet." Bill

Toni fell in love with the old school Nextel app today. Thanks Roxanne for sharing that annoying App with Bill....

Roger had to brag about his two AC units today.

Rumor has it that Marlon quit all because of Roger.

Roger told me today that Ryan and I do sh*t. 

Roxanne's new boss gave her a nickname, Radar. Which is much better than Klinger. This guy would obviously appreciate her new name.

Everyone have a safe and happy Fourth!!!

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/01/2015

The Daily Chatter*

07/01/2015

Here's a picture Tim sent to me just to rub it in that he is somewhere sunny, not at work and obviously very drunk.

 
The KKK wants to rally around the Confederate Flag at the South Carolina statehouse later this month. They claim it will be a peaceful rally.....The article I read also referred to their Grand Dragon, that sure seems like a title that Roger would make them call him. I'm very suspicious of Roger now, even more so than I was this morning...

I found this online and it's more evidence that Roger could be the Grand Dragon, he has facial hair and a tail just like Papa Smurf...

Speaking of Roger, he now requires all of his lattes to look like Miley. I'm beginning to think that his group therapy sessions are a waste of money.

FYI, Bill wants a very large funeral. He must think that he caught Roger's AIDS.


The police showed up for Roger today but Mary forcefully insisted for them to give Bill a cavity search.

We saw Loopy Larry go out to the mailbox when the policeman was in roughing Bill up today and we were just sure that he was going to steal the police car but for some reason he didn't. 

 

 

*not to be construed as Gossip