10/31/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2014

Happy Birthday to everyone's favorite installer Matt! (Don't worry Steve, I'll say the same thing on your birthday too).

Tim was very disappointed with my cake selection today apparently he doesn't do anything pumpkin.

Tim says his costume today is a scruffy mother f**$%^ because he didn't shave.

Toni saved Tim's day and brought in spooky doughnuts.

I was glad to hear that Jared's afraid of me, I wish Crystal was.

Toni got his license renewed at lunch today and he changed his last name to Grab.

Roger and I agreed on something today, we both hate Cousin Brucie and his ramblings on Sirius XM.

Toni was a little confused about one of my birthday signs today. He thought that Steve was our hairiest installer.

Steve also has an issue with pumpkin...I work with some really stupid people.

"I'm only gay with my left hand." Toni

Ryan told me the other day that his company has sexual harassment training and I lied and said we do too.  Except we seem to do everything that the sexual harrassment classes tell us not to do.

Have a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious vacation Bill and Roxanne!

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/30/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2014

I need to be more like Roger. I won Neil Diamond concert tickets for May and they were mailed to our house yesterday and I realized after I told Ryan about them I could have said I bought them and they were a birthday gift (his birthday is in May).

I think Tim pretends to be so computer pathetic just to give me something to do.

The "sperm" on Mary's desk yesterday was supposed to be a ghost.

Bill seems to be good at trying to get gossip. He asked me why I drove the VW today and I think he wanted me to tell him that Ryan and I had a huge argument over how many people we could have in our orgy.

Typhinee is having One Direction mania today because their tickets go on presale.

"I have more upper body strength than Roxanne but I'm sure you don't want to see that video." Bill

Howard has a mind like a steel trap. I can't believe what that man can remember.

The only stipulation Tim had for tomorrow is that he's only going to show up if he doesn't have to wear a costume. Bummer so he won't be coming as Chazz from "Blades of Glory" or "Anchorman".  

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/29/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/29/2014

Cody is a trouble maker, last night in my dream he was making me put up signs everywhere about something that went missing. There was some food delivery truck parked in our parking lot and it had a painted back window with an ugly shrimp on it and for some reason I decided to hang one of our signs there but instead of just hanging my sign I decided to Windex the window before I hung it. The paint came off of course and I ended up running inside the building to hide. Then the guy came in and wanted Bill to pay for the damage that I caused and then I started arguing that it wasn't even a good painting anyways but Bill just got out a wod of dollar bills (probably the ones he was going to use at the strip club) and paid him off. I know it might sound like I'm the hellion but it was really all Cody's fault.

Marty told me that he likes my shirt. Can you see through it?

Today the UPS lady complained about all of her friends who get Botox.

Riley came to work with Mary today and was making Toni and I laugh during our PK Meeting this morning.

The blue BMW guy must have been distracted today because he pulled in right next to Roger's van, he never parks next to anybody.

Roger was talking about jumping off a cliff today and nobody seemed to care. I think he was disappointed that we didn't have cake.

Roxanne has a sister who needs to be b*tch slapped.

Speaking of sisters, my sister is apparently quitting her post office job on Monday.

Roger thinks Mary's sand looks like sperm today.

Bill says he has to get Roger his own office because his devious ideas are coming out in front of the other employees.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/28/2014

Happy 128th Birthday to our Statue of Liberty. I should have brought in cake...

Since Bill thinks he has very large hands, I found a smaller plug in for the bathroom that his hands hopefully won't hit. The problem is it doesn't have an owl on it and most of you are trained to know that the owl goes right side up so don't knock this one out of the socket.

Tim wanted to know who tattled on him yesterday and I told him that Bill has a big mouth and can't keep a secret. I'm pretty sure Tim kicked the crap out of him at lunch (and I'm pretty sure Bill didn't have his helmet on).

"Dusting is the only thing that I'm really good at." Roger

I clicked through a list of "Celebrities who Have Served Time" and most of them were for DUI's but this one surprised me. At age 25 Tim Allen was jailed for drug trafficking and was caught with 1.4 pounds of cocaine. He obviously didn't carry a purse because according to Toni you could fit  2 gallons of cocaine in some of them.

Toni committed a huge crime yesterday, he's lucky I didn't file a police report on him. (As I'm typing this a police car just drove by.) He was badmouthing "Friends" and if Nikki ever finds out about this she's going to tell him the following:

It was really nice of Matt to donate his entire check to Damon's son this week by marking his time card Frank.

Roger tried warning me about Steve's story today and told me it was just like "Brokeback Mountain".

Mary brought up Brakeman Bill today and Toni asked if he was a Thomas the Train character. (I think that made her feel a little old and now Toni won't be getting a birthday present).

Roger says he's just a sissy boy.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/27/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/27/2014

Steve actually noticed that Mary's desk was clean. Amazing coming from a guy.

Steve thinks his youngest daughter may be a lesbian because she has a boob fetish. I personally just think she takes after her dad.

Roger and I think that Typhinee called in sick today because she's been drinking. She tried emailing Roger's email but she had his first, last and .com at the end of it (completely wrong).

Roxanne tried telling me that she makes Bill wear his helmet to work but apparently he just takes it off before he gets here. She obviously needs to child proof it or buy him something that he'll want to wear like this.

Bill was quite concerned that Mary quit her job because her desk was so clean.

I can't believe Matt missed this.

Steve sure is quick to blame everything on Matt.

I just found out that Tim has been making fun of me and turning all of the animals in our office upside down (it's a good thing Riley wasn't here). Needless to say he's the idiot who turned the owl upside down in the bathroom (after Roxanne's idiot did) and let the oil leak out and he taped the beaver upside down on the door too.

I left a note on Tim's desk that this picture wasn't normal for owls or beavers. 

 "I loaned her my card for one day" Bill about Roxanne putting everything on his credit card. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2014

I had a dream last night that I was over at Bill and Roxanne's apartment on Thanksgiving and I remember that everything I did was annoying Bill, of course it didn't help that I was telling him where to put all of his furniture and trying to rearrange his place. I have a feeling that I won't ever be invited over now because of this incident.

Yesterday while waiting to see the Chiropractor some old guy asked me how long it took for me to answer my husband after he proposed (but he didn't say it quite in those words). I of course had no idea what he was talking about because first it was an odd question and second I thought I mistook his question for maybe how long we waited before getting married. I knew whatever I was going to say was probably a way different answer than he wanted to hear. When I said it was just a matter of seconds he proceeded to tell me that he asked his girlfriend to marry him and gave her till November 7th to answer.

Apparently I owe Roxanne a huge apology, I completely stressed her out last night by not sending The Chatter on time. 

Toni and Tim got a little rambunctious with each other this morning and there was duct tape involved, need I say more. 

Tim was talking on the phone with Crystal today and I could hear her voice and I had to walk out of the room, her voice was annoying me.

Roger's going to be bummed, "Honey Boo Boo" was cancelled because the stupid mother had a relationship 10 years ago with a man who had been convicted of molesting a young relative of hers.

Here's the latest Kim Jong-Un sighting. I'm pretty sure he's looking for Ebola in NY.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2014

I think I did or said something stupid last night at home and my new defensive answer is "at least I know which side up the owl in the bathroom goes."

I think it's really mean of Roxanne to let Bill go to work without his helmet. She apparently doesn't care what happens to him.

Bill wanted to get Stephanie something unique and unusual for a wedding gift and he mentioned that he was going to buy her a Dick's Sporting Goods gift card but apparently Roxanne had better sense than to let him do that.

Someone had another altercation with the owl in the bathroom around noon today. What did that poor little owl ever do to anyone?

Who did Tim have dirt on at Emser to get his old expensive tile returned after they told him no?

"Did you know that Matt's middle name is Anus?" Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/22/2014

I think we need to do some simple testing here before hiring anyone. The owl in the bathroom was turned upside down again which is really bad because one side has an arrow and the other side has an owl who should be sitting upright. Second even if Roger passes that test he needs to be evaluated, he said "hello everyone" this morning to a very empty room. I guess I should cut him some slack he did mention that he just got back from an early morning threesome with Matt and some woman (who was not his wife).

Ryan told me that he missed my verbal abuse yesterday since we drove separate cars.

Roger seems to be very upset with me that I didn't bring in blueberry muffins. He even came back into the kitchen a second time expecting to find some after he told me that's what he wanted today.

Bill left his jacket at Amante's, Roxanne didn't steal it but I'm sure she had he$$ to pay last night.

Why hasn't Mary sold one of these yet?

The beaver sign is back on the bathroom door because Roger is a peeping Tom and likes to walk in on guys.

Toni said he had a grumpy Nikki last night because a restaurant took her favorite item off their menu and she would not let it go.

"I'm sure you and Ryan have had this same argument that Roxanne and I had as all couples do over Batman." Bill

We have to fire Bill because he's the idiot putting the owl outlet plug in upside down and he was also happy to admit it. I made a point to express my concern to Roxanne  that she can do so much better. She mentioned that she just keeps him around for his brut (I'm assuming she means that she likes his aftershave) because if we're talking strength, my money is on her that she could win a wrestling match with him.

Toni seemed to be turned on this afternoon when some guy got all handsy with him.

Another one of the numerous reasons that Roger needs therapy is that he thinks he did an estimate at Tom Cruise's house.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/21/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/21/2014

We seem to have a new rule at home, I can't repeat anything that Cody says out loud while in front of other people. I warned everyone last night that it was bad but you know they all said they wanted to hear it. 

Who stole Bill's jacket? Roxanne, did you toss Bill's jacket???? Bill's losing his mind because I saw his jacket yesterday morning.

On our last morning in New York we jumped on our hop on/off bus to Central Park (after we had our Starbucks of course) and we ended up walking quite a ways on Central Park West which had some really amazing real estate and we wandered by Tavern on the Green which still seemed to be open even though Ryan and I thought that they closed a while back.We also passed the Museum that Ross works at but he wasn't working that day. We ended up at St John the Divine which is the largest cathedral in the world also nick named St John the Unfinished because they are constantly adding onto it. Just a useless tidbit, it is also where James Gandolfini and Jim Henson's funerals were held. After visiting the cathedral we jumped off our bus at the entrance of the Met and walked part of 5th Avenue which was incredible to see some of the old mansions that still existed from the early 1900's. We then meandered through Central Park and then went to lunch at Carnegie Deli and had an awesome open face Ruben sandwich with melted cheese on top. After our wonderful lunch we took off for the airport and while waiting for our plane to arrive they paged a Gary Brown but we didn't get to see what this GB looked like. 

 

I forgot to mention yesterday that we saw a car (the gray car being towed by the truck) and a camera crew go by that were filming "Ted2" on Sunday. It ticked me off first thing that morning because they made us use another sidewalk because they claimed they were filming (but I sure the heck didn't see anything going on) and they wouldn't let us go 10 feet to Carnegie Deli. We also walked by the set's portable toilets that had Lucy and Desi's name on the doors, how lucky was I to be able to see that.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/20/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/20/2014

Apparently I may have taken a picture of Toni out on his uncles sail boat yesterday. We both were at Leschi at the same time.

Marty thought Mary cheated on him.

Toni was super excited for some swag overalls that came in the mail today.

Mary told Toni that if he showed up to a jobsite with his clean overalls on then people would definitely think he's gay.

Toni asked Cody if he looked gay and Cody said no because he (Toni) didn't have a dick hanging out of his month.

Toni went up to Cody with one of his "hey babe" remarks and then started playing nervously with his tape measure right beside Cody. It really looked strange.

You have just one more day (after today) to hear about vacation stuff. Our second day in New York we took the hop on/off bus to the financial district.The thing that amazed me most was that there was so much history in this portion of New York. We saw Federal Hall which is where George Washington was inaugurated as the first president and it also served as the first Capitol building. We also visited St Paul's Chapel (4th picture) which is the oldest church in Manhattan (1766) and then we saw the 9/11 memorial and new world trade center building. Towards the end of our journey through the financial district Ryan mentioned that we missed the Wall Street Bull somewhere and right about that time we stumbled upon a ton of people around the bull.

*not to be construed as Gossp

10/17/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2014

Marty came in and gave me gossip that you've all probably heard by now. He mentioned that Ryan either left or was fired from NFI (depending on who you talk to) and went to work with Joe. 

Tim told me that I'm his favorite person (only for the day though) when I leave him checks on his desk.  

Bill told Roger to his face today that he doesn't have time for him. 

Roger thinks seniors are overly sensative when he mentions that this carpet will outlast them.

Mary tried giving a sweet little kid alcohol today. 

"Don't worry we don't do anything on your desk, just Toni's." Bill about him and Roxanne

Bill wanted to know if we should offer Crystal a 2% discount just to mail her a check.

Roxanne wants to design Bill's wedding ring. Seriously she just needs to go and buy one out of a vending machine, he's going to be much happier dreaming that he's Batman every time that he looks at his finger.

 

Our first day back in New York was an extremely wet one. We walked to Rockefeller Center and indulged ourselves at the Bouchon bakery (so worth it) and then went into St. Patrick's Cathedral which was under an inside and outside restoration. We then walked over to our hop on/off bus and got awesome garbage bag ponchos. We stopped at the MET and looked at the mile long line to get in and grabbed an iffy hotdog from a street vendor instead of going to the museum. We went back and got checked into our hotel room and then Ryan and I were able to go out and explore by ourselves (only because I told them we were going to use the subway) and we went to dinner at Keen's Chophouse which is an old restaurant that has the largest collection of churchwarden pipes in the world and they hang on their ceiling. After dinner we went to Serendipity for dessert and put our name in on the list for an almost  two hour wait and then walked over to Bloomingdale's which was shopping mecca. Bloomingdale's has eleven huge floors of merchandise and it was actually busy inside. After I pointed out all of the real furs inside the store we wandered back to the line at Serendipity and eventually got in to try their delicious Frozen Hot Chocolate and Ice Cream Desserts. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/16/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/16/2014

Happy Bosses Day Mary!

Roger got to hear a story about divine intervention on carpet at Costco yesterday. Needless to say it was not a spiritual event.

It's about time that Mary got back, we finally got to hear some of the dirt about the behind the scenes at the wedding.

Mary's never going to ask a simple question of a stranger again. This dude talked more than Marty and it's really bad because he stopped in looking for a job.

Toni said he got a quickie at lunch. 

Typhinee and Mary were ready to get into it today. They were arguing over who had the best kid/kids. 

Our last port before returning to New York was Halifax, Nova Scotia in Canada. We rented a car and went out to Peggy's Cove which was just a small fishing community that had a lighthouse out on some amazingly large rocks. Along the drive out to the lighthouse there were several areas with large patches of water surrounded by trees, it was very picturesque and a beautiful day as you can see. Downtown Halifax was very charming: lots of old buildings and churches and a very nice cruise terminal that was perfect for last minute shopping.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/15/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/15/2014

I saw the beginning and end (I kind of fell asleep during the middle) of  the new show "Marry Me" last night, it has two of the actors from "Burning Love" in it. It could be a funny show but it also could be annoying so I guess I'll have to see next weeks to decide.

Bill is the worst, Typhinee asked him to bring her something back from Gators and he totally disappointed her and forgot.

Serge needs to wear a name tag when he comes to our office just for Tim's sake. 

Tim's not going fishing tomorrow despite the rumor that Toni started.

I found Toni a wedding photographer and he thinks if they have a winter wedding that he can get a discount based on skin coloring.

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/ezgv1z/inside-amy-schumer-interracial-wedding-photographer

Our next cruise port was St John, New Brunswick in Canada. We rented a car and went and saw their reversing rapids and we went on a freaking long hike to see wildlife and only ended up seeing a few seals and some squirrels. While I was taking pictures of the seals my mother asked me how many pictures my camera held.  Obviously she hasn't figured out SD cards yet....

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

10/14/2014

When Cody comes back to work (he was out sick today) he's going to have to pass through one of Toni's rainbows to make sure that he's not infected with some horrible disease.

Steve told me that he was thankful that he doesn't have to share a bed with another dude when he goes out of town (except for with Matt of course) because his jaw dropped when he found out that Val's guys had to do that.

Roger told Tim that he was very useful today. 

This was on "Ellen" recently and it's all about boobs (need I say more).
http://www.ellentv.com/videos/0-9xxv1ouy/

Steve found a picture that everyone will want to see and hear his commentary on. 

Cher thinks that I was either smoking something funny today or crying. Maybe this explains why I don't remember what I did for lunch.

Everyone at Stephanie's wedding failed Roxanne and didn't tell her how beautiful she was and now Bill has he$$ to pay for it. (Maybe Roxanne didn't realize that it wasn't her wedding (considering the room was spinning and all.))

Somebody needs to slap Roger, he came in and asked whose blue BMW that was today.

Bill got awfully defensive when I tried to hint that some guy was interested in Roxanne and he said that they have a very professional relationship.

I obviously got distracted by Stephanie's amazing wedding yesterday that I forgot to bore you all with vacation crap. Our next stop was Bar Harbor, Maine and the weather turned on us, I was so thankful I bought a rain jacket in Newport, RI earlier on the trip. It did only sprinkle but it was colder and we were fogged in. We took a tour up to the highest point along the North Atlantic seaboard, Cadillac Mountain (at a whopping 1530 feet). We didn't get to see much since it was so foggy but we did see a porcupine in a tree and a deer. Back in town we found a small church that had beautiful Tiffany windows in it and we found lobster everything to eat.

*not to be construed as Gossip