02/22/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/22/2019

Man Bryan's good, he sold his first order to a blind woman.

We are celebrating Sarah's birthday today but everyone seems more excited for Toni and me leaving for a week.

"I'm tired of all of the women in my life thinking that they're always right." Bill

Ricky (Jared's guy) congratulated me on becoming a grandmother to Toni's kid.

It's just like the good old days today, Steve and Bill are roaming around together and Bill has even resorted to calling Steve babe.

Heather obviously doesn't understand my personal space issues.

We have all decided that since Kellen is gone that the food in our big fridge is starting to pile up.

"I sleep with a chick there." Bill

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/21/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/21/2019

John likes calling the women in his office kitty cats.

Toni gets to start on the womens locker room tomorrow morning on one of his jobs. Needless to say I hope the women don't freak him out like the old guys in the men's locker room did.

"I can handle nudity just not bodily fluids." Toni

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/20/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/20/2019

Tim proves my point again with his humpday shirt, that he is not the most politically correct person at the office.

Don't ask Steve what four inches should look like, good grief.

Bill told me that things are getting too busy and that I can't take next week off. I'm beginning to think that he's right.

Tim begged me for his mug back today even though he hasn't signed his form yet.

I asked for a magic folder today because Sarah said they were getting one but Heather told me that I had enough magic in my life. I'm pretty sure she thinks that I take drugs.

Bill obviously wanted to get rid of me today and he told me to go on a smoke break so of course I do and come back then he informs me that I'm a trouble maker, I just can't please anyone around here anymore.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/19/2019

Tim thinks that he offended Roger, I'm pretty sure Roger doesn't offend that easily and besides Roger wouldn't remember anyways.

It sounds like Bryan's making new friends in the sales field already. Has anyone told him yet that he needs to start picking up on the weird measures where Roger left off?

Roxanne now has the nickname "pinball" because she runs into everything.

I got the same email that Typh got a week ago about my work email being hacked and them holding my porn for ransom. I told Heather and Bryan that I have nothing to worry about because I share all of my porn with Bill.

Tim's on my list, he just told me that I forgot to do something twice now. I told him that I didn't forget, I just didn't want to do it.

"There's a long list of things that will make you reminisce about Matt S. One of them being when you go into your doctors office with an infection." Bill

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/18/2019

Poor Ashley didn't get the awesome experience of hallucinating during her flu. Bryan and I were telling her some of our amazing experiences this morning. I mentioned that I had the flu once and had just watched "The Santa Clause" and thought that my cats were reindeer's. Bryan said he was watching Anthony Bourdain and thought that he was with him and told his wife he wanted to go home.

"My wife told me it was Monday." Bill when he came into work on Saturday to see me

Poor Tim just can't get his dates right in his automatic email reply, the first one I saw was that he wouldn't be back until Tuesday the 23rd and now I see Tuesday the 18th and today is the 18th.

"I thought I just pulled up a porno." Toni to Steve

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/15/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/15/2019

We finally got to see baby Emily, Mary's granddaughter today.

Pretty sure Travis is going to quit, we put him on a carpet job with Marty today.

Toni told me that I should watch "Game of Thrones" just to see men's genitalia. Obviously that's why he watches it.

Bill moved the coffee down so that us short people wouldn't stand on the swiveling chairs anymore. I'm not sure why he put a stop to that, it was pretty entertaining to watch.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/14/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/14/2019

Apparently Roger would have stayed working for us if he had realized how hard it was going to be to change his address in the Jimmy John's app.

Heather's the sweetest, she gave all of us kisses today.

Man Typhinee's bossy, again I can't seem to do anything right.

I had a major crisis on Tuesday night, I hadn't slept well the night before so I was exhausted and I noticed that my legs had weird blue marks on them. My first thought was how could I have so many bruises, then my next fifteen thoughts were all about how I was probably going to die from some horrible disease and that my Hawaii pictures of me were going to be horrible, ten minutes later I was sound asleep and it never crossed my mind again until last night when I was getting ready for bed and realized that I did the typical man thing and didn't heed the warning label advice and wash my new jeans before I wore them. The worst part about this story is it involves no alcohol and I'm pretty sure Bill and Mary are going to have me drug tested next week because my husband is already questioning my sanity.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/13/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/13/2019

Ashley's been over working her phone sex line, I'm pretty sure that's why she's out today.

Bill thinks that Typhinee is hoarding food (he saw a hard egg McMuffin sitting on her desk) ever since her scary Walmart incident on Friday night where she only found organic Spaghettio's on the shelves.

Bill informed me that he can wear his wife's jeans (not sure why anyone would admit that). I've already asked him not to wear her skinny jeans to work, I only want to see Roxanne's butt in those.

"It's for my own sick pleasure." Typhinee

One of our subs hit a police car (of all things to hit) at the airport today.

Bill mentioned that the only barbed wire he wants in his office is a stripper by that name. He was thinking of ways to avoid having to talk to any of us. I'm pretty sure if he had strippers in his office that nobody would leave him alone all day. I also think that Marty wouldn't even remember that I existed if Bill had strippers here.

It still makes me giggle to see Toni wearing his snow outfit inside the office especially inside his toasty office.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/12/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/12/2019

Seriously, I can't seem to please anyone. Heather yelled at me again for the scent in the bathroom and Steve made me tell him I didn't know what the heck I was doing as far as my job goes.

Toni's pretty sure that his garage is going to catch on fire all because of a frozen spigot scenario in his head.

Sarah claims that she still has a bunch of snow at her house. I think this woman has been very creative with Photoshop lately because she expects us to believe this is real. I told her I would send Kellen over since Bud is completely worthless.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/11/2019

The Daily Chatter

02/11/2019

"I haven't heard back from Ashley this morning she's probably stuck in a ditch, I'll post an indeed ad to replace her." Bill

I really need to send out a memo to the ladies in the office and Toni, that they shouldn't drool over the Australian UPS guy, its not very professional. I think even Ashley 2.0 had a crush on him too.

Everyone seems to be very jealous of Bill's new personalized stamp.

I walked into Steve's office the other day and realized he had the Seinfeld mug that I gave to Roger forever ago. I'm assuming that either Steve stole it from Roger or Roger left it behind because it would have been too painful for him to be constantly reminded of us.

All I have to say is that Dot better hurry back from Australia, Roger has already threatened to eat his dog and he mentioned that he's been watching Bass Pro fishing on television.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/08/2019

It's apparent to me that Tim really doesn't like Bud, Travis or Gabe. He made them do a truckload delivery last night after they had already worked more than a full day.

Toni was showing me pictures today of how to elegantly set up a sadomasochist room. He always leaves me bewildered as to why he thinks I should like this sort of stuff.

Michael thought (wished) that I started calling him Babe.

"I'm a great creeper." Faith as I asked her to spy on someone outside.

Michael's going skiing next week for the first time in fifteen years. I really hope that he doesn't pull a Tim and get injured. There's nothing worse than having to help a whiny grown man who has his wife in tow just so that he can go to the bathroom.

Ashley was being overly nice to all of us today and she brought in food to share. I think it was a ploy so that we would all quit asking her who her daddy is.

Toni was telling me that all of his friends like to give him their old t-shirts from high school (because they still fit him).

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/07/2019

Tim thinks that he could pass work place sensitivity training. He obviously has forgotten that he likes to say "screw the pooch" and calls everyone "honey".

Bryan from now on will be known as the real slim shady. Bill, you will need to change his work email to reflect this.

"What does Bill do in here? He has a shard of glass, a paper clip, a razor blade and nail clippers on his desk." Typhinee

Ashley's tired of being the center of all things awkward. She's sick and tired of everyone asking her who her daddy is just because John realized that he was old enough to be her daddy and Steve overheard only the end of the conversation and has harassed her ever since.

Autocorrect switched my text on my phone from somebody's name to Daycare so now my husband is going to be confused as to where to pick me up tonight.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/06/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/06/2019

"So does this mean that we've slept together if you gave me crabs?" Tim to Michael

"I'm not sure why we only have John Wayne up on special occasions." Bill

The guys finally figured out the reason that Ashley never comes out of her office, she has a phone sex line. A contractor told her today that he loved her at the end of their conversation.

"Stop touching my nipples." Toni to Steve

Leave it to Bill to tell Steve and me that we were getting our "Friends" episodes confused.

Typhinee accused me of doing male genital floor art which of course is something that Toni would do. I on the other hand was just cleaning up somebody's mess or so I claim.

"Ass tack to stairs." Sarah's estimate that she proof read luckily

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/05/2019

I just found out yesterday that Toni is also going on vacation with Michael and me. Are the rest of you coming as well?

Bryan definitely thinks that I'm a pervert and I'm not totally sure why, I only told him I was going to check the security footage in the men's restroom to see if someone was in there.

Sarah claims that she couldn't get out of her driveway to come into work today. What she apparently meant to say was that she was out with Michael (interestingly enough everyone else made it into work today but those two).

I finally gave Bill a somewhat manly birthday theme (although I still think Justin Bieber was his favorite) but I'll probably get in trouble for turning his Zen garden into The Sands of Iwo Jima for his John Wayne theme, if you didn't know the zen garden in Bill's office is a do not touch zone. I'm pretty sure he even mentions it in our employee handbook. I"m still curious as to what kind of punishment Luke got for flooding Bill's other zen garden.

I think the John Wayne Fan Club people are going to hunt me down and hang me for turning John Wayne into John Travolta which is all Roxanne's fault.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/04/2019

Bill decided to take a snow day for his Birthday and I hope he understands that those of us who actually showed up today can't be trusted to save him any food, especially me since I have a eating disorder because of Michael.

The shocking news that we learned today is that Cronin is closing their doors after 100 plus years in business.

I'm pretty sure our cleaning people think I'm nuts, every time they vacuum behind my door I probably scare them with my Kellen on a stick.

Toni's definitely scoring points with the men in the warehouse. He made them get up super early to meet him at his airport job then all Toni wanted to do was cuddle because he was cold because he wore the wrong socks.

Michael tried telling us that the climate around Mercer Island was much more tolerable today than what we had in the valley. He missed out because we had fireball snow cones and a snow man contest (Ashley might still be stuck in the middle of the snowman because it froze pretty hard and I couldn't get her out and I left because I couldn't stand hearing her scream).

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/01/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/01/2019

Mary asked Toni where Larry was when Toni was on speakerphone with someone last night. Of course Toni replied and said Larry was in his lap. Now another male thinks that Toni has lots of weird male action going on at the office.

All I have to say is I don't want Typhinee sitting at my desk (like she was at Bud's desk) because she had some weird tongue thing going on yesterday and Toni witnessed it.

Bill decided not to tell me a story about an athlete because I'm a woman and he figured I wouldn't have a clue who this guy was anyways. I'm sure that he is correct but he's still a male chauvinist pig. 

I can tell that Steve's kids are going to be overachievers, his third child wants to go to college at Universal Studios and Steve doesn't see anything wrong with that.

Bill asked what the noise was out in our showroom today and it was a little kid. He told me that it's not cute unless it's your own.

I think Heather was making fun of my laugh today and right to my face which is horrible. Heather's a terrible person though, she starves her children and she even gloats about it on FB.

Roger said he's going to start telling customers that his 13 year absence from his current employer was due to a federal prison sentence for running meth labs so I'm assuming that he'll be back any day now begging for his old job.

This is what Bill sends for Dick pics. (It's Dick Van Dyke for all of you who have no idea who this is.)

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip