08/31/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/31/2017

I definitely noticed how much cleaner the men's bathroom was this morning without Steve around yesterday. 

So far I think Roger wins for the most exciting weekend plans. Roger and his family are going to Victoria and his daughter is even in town but his plans definitely could be outdone by Mary and Toni if her brother shows up. 

Roxanne's moody today, she called Tim a bastard. He definitely did deserve it considering he decided to grovel at my desk today for money with the sad story that his wife won't let him have any of his hard earned check.

It sounds like Mary gets back at Randy and his countless woman he could have married story by making him search for her wedding ring everywhere (including in Riley's poo).

Roger says he'll see us on Tuesday unless the end of the earth comes over the weekend. Does he know something that we don't?

Michael told Tim he's going to a funeral tomorrow for someone Tim's age. I don't think anyone has broken the news to Michael yet that he's actually fourteen days older than Tim.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/30/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/30/2017

I'm pretty sure Mr. Trump won't allow Roger to go anywhere near his flooring after the negative vibes he's been giving so I think Roger's title suggestion is off the table.

I didn't realize that Tim, Steve and Michael were all going fishing today. Our morning at the office was extremely quiet.

Bill compared me to a mobster this morning then he had the nerve to tell me that he wasn't the first person to say it.I will admit that this is part of the reason why Ryan and Roger ended up in the same group counseling class.

Roger asked if someone was covering for Steve today, I told him that Katherine was and that she was qualified because she can take the heads off her dolls and scream. Isn't that pretty much what Steve does all day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/29/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/29/2017

Tim thinks he's early to the office just as long as her beats Michael in. Apparently Michael needs to step up his game so that Tim will put more hours in.

Steve claims he likes a good old fashioned nose punch every once in awhile. Everyone can get in line behind me.

Tim claims he's going fishing tomorrow and he won't be in but according to Michael's computer screen Tim buys all of his fish at Safeway so we're not supposed to believe Tim. 

"Are you wearing pants?" Toni to Bill

Roger needs some more business cards and I just don't think his title is flashy enough. He needs something like: Professional Carpet Petter & Wetter, The Real Mall Santa, Fanny Pack Zealot, Disco Dance Therapist, Freelance Sperm Donor, In-House Philosopher, Clown Porn Devotee, The Earthly Departed but Not Forgotten Florence Henderson Fan Club Manager, Cat Burglar or Say Yes to the Dress Expert & Enthusiast.

It's a good thing that I don't shop anywhere kinky or receive any of Bill's 50 Shades of Gray starter kits in the mail. Kellen came in and had to announce that I was receiving packages from JC Penney's.

According to Bill,  Randy reminds Mary that he's a rock star and names off the countless women that he could have married on a daily basis. Apparently Mary missed The Chatter with the picture of Randy from high school so here's a few more to make her jealous and yes apparently he could of had Yoko Ono and some other chick. 

For our weekend travels we got to enjoy a quiet trail at Mt Rainier this last weekend. We hiked over the White River and we were almost to the base of  the Emmons Glacier and along the way there was a beautiful glacier fed lake.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/28/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/28/2017

Roger and Dot both realized that Roger has too many opinions on patterns and colors while shopping at a Craft store. Roger's afraid that his heterosexual man card might be expiring. I'm pretty sure it expired the first time that he went to lunch with Toni. Obviously he forgot that they did not send him a renewal packet.

The Roomba ate one of Toni's papers on his floor this morning. It reminded me of the time that Crystal decided to vacuum her house with everything on the floor with Tim's vacuum, oh those were good times.

Tim wants some heels like mine, I think he likes the shiny gold.

Roger recommended "The Sopranos" to Bill. Bill has been watching the series and mentioned that anytime that the characters are in the strip club and the music starts that Katherine seems to start shaking her booty. I really hope that Bill has been saving money for her therapy.

Leave it to Joe to not keep a secret and to just fire someone which made Steve's life way easier.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/25/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/25/2017

Every time I turn around Steve has an excuse for leaving early because of someone's birthday. By the way Happy Birthday Jenny!

Ashley claims that she didn't noticed that I talk to myself. What kind of game is she playing with me because even Tim notices that I talk to myself.

Toni left yesterday and said he has to gain 12 pounds and he's starting with a trainer. I'll start with a trainer who will tell me to gain 12 pounds any day.

Toni admitted to not really liking "The Office" & "Friends". I feel sorry for him since his only tv passion was "Will & Grace".

Tim left and told Kellen that he was alone with three women. I think we all ran and locked our doors after that conversation.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/24/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/24/2017

I think Toni wanted in on the fun when he asked what was going on in the warehouse when he heard loud banging noises.

One of Roger's costars from "Cheers" died, Jay Thomas. He played Rhea Pearlman's husband on the show.

Sarah figured out how to cram all of our employees into her office all at once today, she brought in delicious cupcakes. 

The man who killed his wife on an Alaska cruise because she laughed at him plead not guilty in court. Does he think he can plead not guilty on the technicality that she laughed at him? Or to quote Dana Carvey on The Church Lady from SNL did Satan make him do it?

Mary claims that she was doing community service yesterday for the children. I'm pretty sure that she meant what Phoebe did at an auction which means that she volunteered to drink a bunch of alcohol so that the children wouldn't consume it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/23/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/23/2017

Steve is upset that Toni can't back in straight....

Tim asked permission to drink a pop from the fridge today, apparently we have him all freaked out.

Note to self don't ever have Steve pick me up from the airport, he'll pretend to lose his keys and blame his kids. 

I rewatched "Corky Romano" a few weeks ago and every time I see Toni I just want to call him Corky.

Just a couple of pictures from our Sunday hike at Mount Rainier to Snow Lake. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/22/2017

Roger is so ready for me to go on vacation. He keeps asking when I'm leaving. I'm pretty sure he mumbled something about if you leave now I'll pay for your extended trip.

Michael says he went to Sequim for his extended weekend, likely story.

Steve would rather be considered an a$$hole than annoying.

Kellen went into Typhinee's office today to tell her that there was a Pepsi in the fridge and that it wasn't hers. I think Typhinee knows if the food in the fridge is hers because she would have put it there.

Toni was telling Steve that he's a screamer.

I'm pretty sure Kellen's girlfriend was at his place yesterday during the eclipse.....Maybe she likes being there when he's not.

I asked Typhinee if I could leave a note in the fridge telling Kellen that I need his pop can for my new pinterest projects.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/21/2017

Happy Solar eclipse day.

I feel a little responsible for Jerry Lewis' death. We watched one of his movies on Saturday night and then he died on Sunday.

Ryan and I were on a hike yesterday and we saw a man wearing a suit. The people with him weren't dressed up, I want to know why he thought wearing a suit on a hike was a good idea. We wondered if he was heading to church or to brunch and the people with him pulled an intervention and wanted him to go outdoors or something crazy. Or does he just love the feeling of polyester on his thighs?

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/18/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/18/2017

"Nikki laughs at most of my jokes, God bless her." Toni

Toni gave Katherine Riley's ball and then he told her it would taste like a cat's a$$ if she put it in her mouth. Toni is sure an a$$ expert on animals and fish his week.

Ryan asked me how I was going to knock off Roger. Ryan said he could totally see Roger doing the dress socks and dress shoes look in the near future.

Roger never seems to think that it's fair that little kids can cop a boob related feel but he can't get away with it in public. 

I just learned a very important tidbit from Roger. He says that if you buy light fixtures for your home that they need to acclimate in the box in the same room that they are going to be installed in for at least six months.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/17/2017

Roger told me that he was going to ask his wife to off him if he ever wears dress shoes and dress socks pulled up to his knees with shorts and a t-shirt. I was quick to volunteer and told him I would do that so Dot you're off the hook.

One of Roger's customers offered him Excedrin at the end of his visit and mentioned that it was for having to deal with him. I think Roger wanted to accept it because the guy was a complete a$$hole.

Mary said something horrible to Steve today and he still said it was the nicest thing anyone said to him all day, it's been a rough one.

"Just for the record I want you to know that I have no idea how large Serge's penis is." Toni after he spouted off that Serge stuck his little dick in everything on his job site. This was just Toni's frustration with having to re-bill a job, I would hate to hear what he would say if he had a real crisis.

I have a feeling that we're going to have an HR complaint from an installer about Tim. No need to worry, we'll have Damon handle it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/16/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/16/2017

If Stacy ever comes in again it's going to be Bill's fault for having a dream about him.

Bill thought that I was cussing and taking Typhinee's name in vain at my desk today but it was just at Toni which Bill understood.

According to Bill he's going to stand outside looking at the sun for hours on Monday. I'm going to bring a camp chair and a camp stove since we're all going to be roughing it outside. Hopefully somebody remembers to bring the food.

Seriously how do our guys make the break room counter look like they smeared poop on it? I'm just going to blame Steve.

Michael is gone until next week some time and I don't know where he's going. My main question is I want to know if he's going to see a better solar eclipse than us?

"I've lost my Steve." Bill    No need to panic Bill found him again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/15/2017

According to Bill people are going to die if they don't get their carpet in on one of his job sites.

Toni told me not to go to Seattle on Saturday because of the March On Google but according to the website the protest is supposed to be in Kirkland...so technically Toni is wrong.

Where the heck is Tim at? I have questions for him.

Sarah was out in the warehouse this morning. She was quick to come in and tell me that she was by herself and not making any trouble out there. I wonder if she Snapchats her boy toys while she's out there, I'm starting to think that she's the reason why young little innocent Joseph was fired.

"I'm doing my f*c#$*&% job." Toni to me

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/14/2017

Tim thinks he won his bet with Mary. He better not even go there because Mary can out debate him any day of the week.

Toni's wife bought him a vulgar naked woman bottle cap opener on vacation and of course he had to take it out of his bag and show it to a woman going through airport security. Of course Toni was embarrassed that it was a picture of a woman instead of a dude.

Apparently there is going to be a "Mission Impossible 6" because Tom Cruise already hurt himself while doing his own stunts during filming.

Leave it to Toni and his friends to rent a sex boat. It was called the fun boat and apparently nobody knew about the downstairs (the boom boom room). Things got a little weird when they had to review the guidelines for the boat though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/11/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/11/2017

Mary came back today so we celebrated with cake. Never mind the fact that it was Kellen's birthday.

I found out today that Joe is a lactard just like Toni.

Bill was pissed last night to hear that he lost his luggage scale that he lent to Mary. He was relieved to hear this morning that the airlines found Mary and Randy's bags but of course Mary's not going to give it back since he was upset with her.

"Tastes like a salmons a$$hole." Toni about some jerky that Bill made

"I'm trying to get on the Toni train here." Bill trying to understand the mind of Toni

Roxanne suggested the name Sebastian at the ultra sound and Bill told her to shove that idea back into her head and try again. Then it finally occurred to him that there was a Little Mermaid book sitting next to her. He called her out on it and she suggested the name Flounder. She definitely has some more names to try out from the movie: Ursula, Eric, Ariel, Flotsam, Triton, Grimsby and Scuttle (just to name a few).

Kellen asked Typhinee for a favor and she denied him on his birthday, what a B*#$@.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/10/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/10/2017

To all of you who thought that Tim was hitting on you today because his shirt was half open, he claims he has an innocent explanation. Tim was apparently going to the bathroom and he looked down and saw that his shirt had a loose string, he pulls the string and then his button goes flying into the toilet. Needless to say Tim didn't want to dirty his hands in pee water so he flushed his button and is now running around half naked.

The airline lost Mary and Randy's luggage so she may have wardrobe malfunctions like Tim tomorrow too.

Toni seems to keep himself in business by arson.

Kellen informed me that he didn't want to come in tomorrow to find a disco ball above his desk for his birthday. I asked him if My Little Pony was fine and he didn't say a thing so apparently it must be. 

I think Ashley got a dose of the real Roger this morning, he talked about pedophiles until Toni came in.

I'm pretty sure that we need to drug test Michael, he was singing "The Sound of Music" tunes to us.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/09/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/09/2017

Kellen was impressed that the Roomba met him at the door this morning.

"My whole office is set up to be awkward." Bill to Ashley

Tim claims that we should turn Riley into a mop. Needless to say I hid Riley after that comment.

"You're no freaking help to me." Tim to Bill

I heard that Mary wants her dog back.
 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2017

Happy Birthday to Roxanne!

Toni wanted Steve to hold his hand in Bill's office this morning.

Good news, the Roomba didn't suck up Riley today.

Note to self while I'm in Zurich next month do not go swimming in the beautiful River. Apparently Toni, Nikki and Randy are all banned from visiting that city again.

Roger's favorite musician Glen Campbell died.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/07/2017

Bill thinks that I darkened my hair color to attract Kellen.That makes me want to go home and lighten it.

I was glad to see that Riley remembered who the heck I was.

Bill blames Roxanne for Katherine throwing up over the weekend.

Toni wants a gold plated car.  Obviously vacation made him feel like a Billionaire. Don't worry we'll slap those positive feelings right out of him.

I heard that Roger's on his death bed again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/04/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/04/2017

I hope Toni comes prepared with protective clothing for all of the hugs and gut punches from Steve on Monday.

Steve finally got his Traeger today. Bill and I have already bet that he gets it taken away during this burning ban though. He always seems to know how to piss off the right people.

Hopefully Mary and Toni have missed the European heat waves that they are calling Lucifer. Apparently Rome hit 109 degrees, it sounds like Italy and the Balkans have been the worst but I think Mary and Toni are going to Croatia (which is part of the Balkans). Or is that the part of the trip that Toni wasn't invited to?

Since Sarah is out of town today all of her male friends seem to be dropping by and leaving her little love notes and it's making Roger jealous.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/03/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/03/2017

Seriously what has Roger been telling Google about me because today I went to the app store and they suggested the app "Black People Meet".

Someone seriously had the nerve to ask us to combine five PDF's to make it one because they didn't want to open all five of them. She should just be thankful she got her information.

Everything around here just seems to have Typhinee's name on it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/02/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/02/2017

Typhinee just steals peoples vehicles. She decided that her AC wasn't working and so she took the  truck of someone's who was working.

We got a truck load of Izze Soda free samples today. Toni will thinks it's Christmas when he gets back. They are all labeled for Typhinee so that Kellen will have to pay her (for the lunch that he stole).

On Ashley's first day (before meeting anyone) Kellen went to her car window while she was sitting in it and started drooling over her Subaru.

Bill's pretty sure that his wife hates him because she's feeding him bird seed.

  

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

08/01/2017

Now I can finally say that Ryan and I are going to Italy next month.

It's been a big day for Steve, he found his wallet and he also found our leaf blower in his garage.

"That's right they don't have electricity or cell phones in Montana." Roger    I learn something new everyday from this man.

"Leave it to me to burn the earth down just for a joke." Bill about selling the company while Mary's on vacation

Apparently Roxanne really like the "blue jets" at Seafair.

I'm pretty sure Steve pulled out the last chunk of his hair today. Toni's going to need to buy him a  Donald wig.

Don't tell Katherine that I blamed her today for turning off my shredder.

Tim is still complaining about his blue balls spinning.

"I should be yelling at him then." Roger to Tim (about yelling at Bill)

*not to be construed as Gossip