11/30/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/30/2017

Michael and Tim thought I was the grim reaper today because I visited their office. I'm really not sure why Tim thought he was in trouble (Michael definitely knew why), it does make me curious to what he thinks he did though....

Tim has friends named Ducky Dave....and Tim's going duck hunting all next week.

Toni wants a giant poster of a man on his back wall, he told me so today.

I have a feeling any packages that I receive at the back door are going to get drop kicked to my desk.

No lie, Toni has someone in his phone that he named Big Daddy Yum Yum.

I've scared Mary away from ever wanting to come into my office. She thinks the clove oil reminds her of having a root canal. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/29/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/29/2017

Sarah seems to lure all of the men to her desk with special little treats that she sets out. I bet she even sent out little cards to all of the guys to tell them that she had things for them.

I think I made Bill cry with my cinnamon and clove essential oils today which is fair since he made someone cry yesterday.

Mary is now threatening to come to Roxanne's baby shower. Bill thinks she's going just to drink all of the wine.

Imagine this, TJ doesn't think the company he's working for tells him the second that they receive our check in the mail so now he wants me to send him a dummy envelope in the mail to his home on the same day that I send out his check so that he can confirm how long the mail takes. I think he's old enough to understand how long the mail takes and I really don't care if he ever gets paid.

Toni went to the doctors office today and then brought us in doughnuts. Seriously he and his mother are the devil but I'll take their goodies.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/28/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/28/2017

Jared came in today and mentioned that he just took custody of his four nieces and nephews (his Sisters kids). Bill, Roger and I have decided that we will volunteer Ashely to go to a holiday meal over there and see if the bathroom door still has a hole in it and report back on the other home conditions. Besides she hasn't met Crystal yet. I'm betting a sober Crystal isn't as much fun to be with though (we all remember what a drag Fun Bobby was on "Friends".)

"I'm beating my nuts with a bolt." Bill (Freaking out about having kids again, I'm assuming.)

Roger told me yesterday that Dot isn't going to Roxanne's shower even though she said she was going. I think Roger was trying to say that she's a liar.

Bill made the mistake of telling Ashley that she's getting an office. This whole afternoon I could hear Ashley mumbling something about "I'm going to be able to close my door very soon and get away from all of these crazy people". I totally understand her not wanting to hear about Toni's herpes but it's just part of life, he inconveniences us all day long with this type of information.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/27/2017

Riley doesn't like Ricky (Jared's installer), she barked profusely at him.

Toni went duck hunting over the weekend and shot fish instead (it's a very confusing sport).

Tim's quite the suck up "it must be the brown shirt, you're looking quite dignified" to Bill.

Ashley wanted to mourn in peace over the apple cup today and nobody let her. She's probably at home drinking right now.

Toni got another freaking tattoo and this time he put some strange Spanish woman on his arm. I don't know how Nikki's going to sleep at night with that woman starring right at her.

I told Mary that it was all Roger's fault that Riley lost her green ball.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/22/2017

The only reason people become a podiatrist is because they have a foot fetish according to Roger.

Toni said that Gary Busey made an appearance in our warehouse today.

Toni thought he was sick this morning because he was sweating his a$$ off but it was flipping hot outside that he may have been mistaken.

Mary and Randy are going to L.A. to see Michael for Thanksgiving and apparently it was 97 degrees there today.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/21/2017

Tim said he was going to go home and cozy up to a bottle of Nyquil. Apparently Donna must not want him around her when he's sick which I completely understand because men are the biggest babies when they're sick.

Imagine finding this camel wandering around the town of Sisters, Oregon. It got loose and went on a walkabout.

Steve, Tim and Toni all complained about how horrible traffic was today. I'm not sure how they would even know how horrible traffic was considering that I ran into all of them at the bar when I took my five hour break today.

I'm pretty sure Bill is on holiday leave through the end of the year and then he'll be on paternity leave after that. That man had an excuse for every day this week not to be here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/20/2017

Kellen asked me if I was doing end of the year taxes (because he wanted his w-4 for the year) when he saw me down here on Saturday.....

Roger's favorite pen pal, Charles Manson, died.

One of Toni's neighbors was talking to him and then mentioned "I caught my son watching porn the other day" I would say that was the end of their conversation. I think I'll try that line when I don't want to talk to someone.

Roger said that the last time he went to a movie theater it was to watch "Brokeback Mountain" by himself five times in a row.

Toni said that he found a cowboy hat on his floor in his office (that wasn't his) so he decided to wear it today. Hopefully all of the bugs that were in it have died.

I saw this picture from the American Music Awards and it reminded me of the "Seinfeld" episode where Eileen buys the O'Henry heiress a bra and the lady starts wearing it as a top.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/17/2017

If we could give out Dundies this year at our Christmas party, Toni needs to get one for triple billing.

Toni's favorite hack union subcontractor came in today and I think Bill promised him one of Toni's next jobs.

"I didn't bid this job for our guys to be fully dressed." Bill to a project manager

The Indian title Chief of A$$holes has officially been taken by Mary's brother but I'm pretty sure there aren't any Indian tribes who are willing to take him so he may have to form his own.

This is obviously one of Toni's friends who did this.

Michael's in for quite a weekend, his wife forwarded him an email labeled "Valuable Information for Men" with some reminders which all of you men need to remember.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/16/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/16/2017

Mary had the funniest observation yesterday after she read The Daily Chatter, she mentioned that on Bill's bio for the website he mentions that he lives in Seattle (technically he lives in Renton) and yet he wanted to laugh at Toni for doing the same thing. 

Tim asked me today if I felt sexually harassed here which is funny because I just watched "The Office" episode on sexual harassment so I'll be saying a lot of "that's what she said".

Tim made the mistake of telling Roxanne today that Bill said that she was getting fat and sassy. Now Bill's going to be grumpy because he's going to be spending the next month on the couch. Tim, you were supposed to use one of the lines from his handbook on "What You Can Say to My Pregnant Wife" because that sure wasn't one of them. 

One of Toni's friends asked him for places to go on a first date and Toni mentioned a couple bars with "circusy games". Sounds like the episode of "I.T, Crowd" when Moss recommends Messijo's and it turns out to be Messy Joe's restaurant for families with kids. 

Tim's taking an extra long weekend again so we won't see him until Monday. 

Maci wanted to know why Steve was taking so long getting ready for bed last night, she asked him if he was taking off his makeup. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/15/2017

Bill told us this morning that Tim's been holding out on us ladies and Toni. Tim calls on a building with all gorgeous & dressed up men and hasn't mentioned a thing about it. I asked if they were all ex-firemen and Bill seemed to think so.

My husband apparently didn't want to drop me off at work today and on Saturday he didn't want to pick me up. I'm starting to think that he thinks I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

Kellen now thinks that Toni has herpes because Toni thought Steve was outside the bathroom door and made a funny comment and instead it was a shocked Kellen.

What a horrible day, first my husband ignores me and drives by where he needed to drop me off then Bill says I didn't make the cut on his youmail voicemail.

Toni, you can't stop using J&J because the rep brings us in cookies.

Toni's been wanting to buy another car, I think he should wait till the Pope's latest ride goes to auction.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/14/2017

Toni's sister is going to have a boy unless of course it turns out to be a girl like Roger's grand daughter.

Roger brought in three pizzas today but he figured he wasn't in trouble three pizzas worth so he thinks he still has a little grace period left before he needs to apologize with food again.

Steve and Bill are both a$$holes today. Bill told Kellen he was going to need a wall moved 1/4" and Steve fake fired someone.

I'm pretty sure Ashley is trying to take over my job and get my office. She almost beat me into work this morning.

Apparently Toni needed to warn Bill that he was going to lie to a customer about where he bought a house. He told someone he bought a home in Normandy Park because he just couldn't say the word Burien. Bill said he had to walk away before he started laughing. When Steve heard this he said Toni was closer to living in South Park than Normandy Park, poor Toni just can't catch any breaks around here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/13/2017

Toni discovered that his friends consider him to be one the most sought out gay guys in their group.

Steve took another day off so that he could have an extra long weekend. I wonder what his excuse will be tomorrow when he's not at work?

I'm very disappointed, I had no idea that we were auditioning for "Shark Tank" today at the office otherwise I would have worn my prom dress or something.

Toni was talking dirty to Bill and Tim this afternoon and this was after he wanted to know how to spell "protruding". That poor guy probably needs to go to rehab with Weinstein.

I mentioned to Roger that Ryan didn't want to come and pick me up on Saturday from work because he was too busy making bread so Bill just assumed that I had been sitting at my desk since Saturday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/10/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/10/2017

According to Ashley you would be crazy not to sleep with Paul Walker if you had the chance and Toni seconded that.

"My friends and I were talking about horse cocks like we usually do." Toni

"Toni was no help, he looked at the issue and then started singing and left." Bill

"I don't like your pretentious sparkling water." Ashley to Toni

All I know is that Katherine came in and grabbed Bill's hand and led him out the door and he left. I'm going to hire some kid to do that for me just so that I can leave early too.

Steve claims he was up with puking kids all night but he seems to give us that same story every Monday and Friday. I'm starting to think that his kids are perfectly healthy and that he might be on another hunting trip.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/09/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/09/2017

My husband has been holding out on me, Sirius XM already has Christmas music and he wasn't going to say a word about it. I feel so betrayed, he might as well have slept with another woman.

Bill sent us over an email with the subject line "resignation announcement" and I just figured it was his so I didn't bother to open it. Just let me know when the party is.

Somebody asked Toni to change a job schedule because some resident psychic needed to have a meeting that day. Toni's response "she or he should have seen this coming."

Leave it to Toni's friends to send him a video of them naked and Indian leg wrestling. Maybe Toni's not so weird after all...

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/08/2017

"He told me about it but I tend to ignore him when he talks to me." Bill about Roger

Bill thinks that I ruin his day no matter what I say.

Toni says that his wife was disturbed because he passed out yesterday. I'm disturbed too and I'm not even his wife.

Tim is out until Monday.

Speaking of Tim, I saw an article yesterday where some pervert sent strippers multiple times to his neighbors house and told them to dance on his front porch, then he got to watch and the strippers expected the money from the homeowner and yes strippers remind me of Tim because of what Donna did for him on his birthday one year.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/07/2017

Toni thinks he's getting fat because a button fell off his new pants yesterday. I hate to think how he envies the rest of us for being so slender.

Tim was about to divorce wife #1 last night because she sent in someone yesterday to look at residential vinyl.

Some old guy called in to tell me that he hadn't received his estimate yet (probably because he doesn't have an email address) and he happened to see Roger's van at the same time as our phone conversation so he waved Roger down.

"The little dude didn't pass through here." Tim about Toni

I think Roger wanted to throw paint on me today even though I was technically only wearing faux fur.

Tim for some weird reason thinks that I let him go around with his fly unzipped for part of the day. I would have embarrassed the crap out of him if I would have know but he's welcome to blame Michael if he wants to.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/06/2017

"I got some nut in my sand." Bill

Apparently everyone went to the Garth Brooks concert except for me on Friday night. I guess Typhinee was probably the only one from our office but seriously everyone on FB went.

I have a feeling that Bill's going to buy red paint after he asked me if I was wearing real fur today.

"I'm a dumb a$$." Tim to Bill

Tim's not really a dumb a$$ compared to Sean John Combs who was going by Sean P Diddy Combs whose former name was Puff Daddy and now he wants to change it to LOVE and will also answer to Brother LOVE. At least Tim has kept his same name all of his life (that I know of).

Toni doesn't know what Unagi is.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/03/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/03/2017

Happy Birthday Toni!

I had dinosaur related items along with Ross from Friends as décor in Toni's office. Toni couldn't remember that Ross was a paleontologist so the dinosaur thing was a little confusing to him.

These men's holiday rompers have Toni's name all over them. I'm pretty sure he was the model in these pictures too (just look at the hairy legs).

Mary is freaking incredible, she can hear the sound of cake cutting in the breakroom.

Even though Kellen is sick he's up for making out with any of the women in the office in case anyone is interested.

This weekend is daylight Savings time which ultimately means that you have an extra hour to spend at the bar on Saturday night.

*not to be construed as Gossip

11/02/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/02/2017

I had a dream the other night that I had Toni in my office trying to kill a spider and instead of killing it he started making phone calls to subcontractors about how much he would pay them to come in and kill this spider.

Man Toni is nosy. First he wants to know who's cooler is in the warehouse then he wants to know what kind of birthday décor I have for him.

For some reason I think Roger is single handedly responsible for the sewage spill on the shores of  San Diego that keep coming from Tijuana.

I haven't seen any new sexual misconducts shaming Tweets today about any other celebs. Although Alec Baldwin did oust himself and admitted to bullying women but everyone already knows he's a prick in real life.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

11/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

11/01/2017

Roger thinks because he got a new iPhone that it only uploaded his contacts for his favorite porn stars and the rest of us didn't make the cut.

Toni's neighbor asked him and Nikki why they weren't out trick or treating with their kids. When they mentioned that he didn't have kids the guy asked didn't you just have a baby a few months ago. The old owners of his house had a baby but obviously this guy couldn't tell the difference between them and his old neighbors.

"Who wants to be a good human being?" Mr. U'nnells

According to Toni apostrophes and commas matter in texts. Example: I'm in, Randy (meaning count me in Randy) verses im in randy.

The guys found women's magazines behind the mirror in the men's room, Allure and New Woman. Bill was disappointed that it wasn't porn. He obviously doesn't know our installers well enough to know that they wouldn't share that.

Bill just hopes that Tom Hanks isn't on the Hollywood pedophile or sexual misconduct list otherwise it's going to be a rough day for him.

Ashley and I want to meet Toni's friend and find out if he really does look like the "Top Gun" Tom Cruise that Toni keeps bragging about.

Imagine this Toni had a long conversation with a customer today about how gay porn was more profitable than regular porn.

I'm taking bets of which pervy actor will be called out tomorrow on Twitter.

*not to be construed as Gossip