04/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/27/2017

Roger wants to invest in the Bernie Madoff retirement fund but he can't find it on Vanguard's page.

Bernie Madoff is actually enlisted to help online students with a fraud detection class. Apparently he doesn't have anything better to do with the next 150 years of his life while in prison.

Roger had a customer tell him that her boyfriend wouldn't have sex with her anymore. I'm pretty sure that was her hint that she wouldn't mind if Roger slept with her. He said he would have but her dogs peed all over the bedroom so he decided not to.

Tim tried telling me that I'm the queen of not answering questions. I personally thought I was being nice by not telling him that he was a moron for trying to open a certain link yesterday.  Sorry Tim I had to use the word moron because I watched "The Goldbergs" last night and if you watched the show then you would understand. 

Now I'm going to have to make it up to Tim for calling him a name because I don't want him to ever retire or leave but he did leave me hanging by stealing Steve's soup today and then passing the blame off onto me so I'm not going to apologize.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/26/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/26/2017

"How does this affect me?" Bill to Toni

Things are pretty serious when Tim uses the word skybosh around here. Even though the word technically means playful foolery and practical joking. 

Tim and Roger told each other that they feel like they are drifting apart (while holding hands at lunch the other day).

Tim would like all of his customers to send him their budgets for the year so that he knows exactly what to make their invoice out for. 

I was trying to tell Bill that I saw Toni snorting coke off his desk but then Toni interrupted and wanted to know which time I saw him.

Roger wanted to know if there was going to be a giant playpen with blankets at the BBQ on Friday.  He really is turning into an old man.

Steve keeps telling us that he really wants to sample the goods (for the BBQ) but I'm pretty sure that's how Jenny got pregnant the first time.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/25/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/25/2017

Roger told me yesterday that he's an old man. Is he old enough to remember what the rainfall was before 1895 in Seattle because according to the Seattle Times we've had the wettest October through April since then.

Sarah went on a measure today where the people had chickens in their bedroom. It's a good thing Roger didn't go on that measure, he would have been scarred for life.

Michael really doesn't want us to meet his wife, he's not bringing her to the BBQ again.

Typhinee found Toni a new swimsuit it's called the Daytona dong sarong and I found Toni an awesome flamingo suit at Kohl's just in time for summer.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/24/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/24/2017

Roger finally scolded me for mentioning something that I wasn't supposed to mention in an email. What Roger doesn't understand is that I had to draw Bill a picture for him to understand what I even said.

Toni claims that he met the most depressing person on earth on Saturday and apparently she was more racist than all of us put together. He invited her to our BBQ so that we could find out first hand. 

Kellen finally went out with the twenty something year old with the little girl and of course he's smitten with her.

Toni's excited his new home is down the street from Cream Dream which I think is some sort of bath house.

Some old woman (the racist) wanted to take Toni home with her from the Swiss park on Saturday night. She tried luring him over to her home by saying that her husband was going to die soon and she has a Porsche and a bunch of tools that were just sitting in their garage.

Joanie from "Happy Days" died so Bill finally took down his poster of her.

Tim couldn't wear his new pants today because they were in the bottom of the drawer.

"I'm going to start questioning Roger's stories." Bill

*not to be construed as Gossip

4/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/21/2017

Congratulations to Bill and Roxanne they are pregnant again.

Steve had quite an exciting morning with a truck diver and a very heavy carpet cutter falling off the back of a truck. Thanks Steve for ruining everything.

Roger thinks that he will fit very well into the hip hop community. He told me he's going to retire at one.

Tim said that if he stays married through next week that it will be a miracle. His baby girl is getting married.

Serge's grandmother died today but Bill thinks its the same as losing a carpet cutter.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

04/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/20/2017

Tim thinks that my fingers can do magic....

Imagine this, Tim was the very first one to turn in his completed retirement packet. 

Typhinee told Roger that she won't kill him because he brought her a whopper today. Is that all it takes for an alliance?

I talked Tim into putting off his retirement until I can retire. He might not remember this conversation tomorrow but he pinky swore on it. 

Roger was surprisingly agreeable today but I think he did that to get me off his back. I was insisting on him giving me a piggy back ride.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/19/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/19/2017

Tim was pleasantly shocked this morning when he opened a folder on his desk that said Retirement Plan and it didn't have a piece of paper saying "See Ya" inside.

Mary would prefer that we don't read about our retirement plans since there was some major confusion on this matter this morning.

Toni thinks he snagged a house.

Sarah was so supportive this morning, she reassured me that someday I would get hit on by a certain somebody too.
Bill says the retirement thing was all his idea and Mary shouldn't get any credit.

Randy had to carry Mary out of the office again. I'm concerned that she's not going to make it until 10 am the morning of our BBQ. 

I've heard too many amazingly dumb things today that my head hurts but on the bright side I think I have Roxanne convinced of something.

Is it possible that Michael Scott was based on an employee that we have?

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/18/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/18/2017

I told Sarah that I was very offended that I wasn't receiving comments/strange compliments from men telling me that they would ask me out if I wasn't married. Maybe that person was looking to see if Sarah would get divorced just for him.

Roger thinks he's chopped liver. Apparently we make him feel that way everyday.

Tim cringes anytime anyone says plyboo. 

"Am I the only one getting turned on here?" Bill to Toni

I have a feeling that Toni probably already owns this shirt.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/17/2017

My husband somehow forgot about the fight scenes from "Bridget Jones's Diary". Seriously those are the best parts of the movie. Needless to say I made him re-watch both of those.

Sarah has it going on today according to somebody around here.

Typhinee thought that Kim Jong didn't show up to work today because she scared him off last week.

Apparently Roger wasn't the only one who was graced with seeing a certain photo last week.


Sarah's a naughty girl, she has a tattoo that is larger than Mary's and it's of something that she claims is Celtic but unfortunately for her I recognize those chiseled Australian bodies and besides Toni has the same tattoo. I'm sure she just told her husband that they were her Irish family....

Bill told Tim that he was a little bit of a genius for being able to talk people out of having children.

My assignment that Bill gave me to convince his wife of something is getting way easier by the day.

Roxanne is going to start marketing the dumb a$$ filter. When people order her product on Amazon they can opt to get a personalized Dumb Ass Donkey to remind them of what they are. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/14/2017

I made the mistake of telling Roger that Friday's are magical and he asked if we were going to have unicorns. I told him that if I drink enough that I'll see unicorns.

Could we have any more walk ins today all at the same time?

Why does Roger get all of the good gossip???
 


Toni leaves for a bachelors weekend and this is what happens (the mustache). He really needs a bolder Hawaiian shirt to rock the Tom Selleck look though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/13/2017

The best news of the day is that Mary finally got her plane tickets for Europe.

Toni asked if there was a crate to put Katherine in.

Roxanne was obviously nervous to leave Katherine with us again, she raced down here from work to get her. I'm not sure what she thought we did to her the last time but she was not in a Paddington Bear rain jacket and hat (we didn't have any bumps to cover up). We are also not the ones who dressed her in a tank top today...

Toni must be in one of his straight moods today because he implied he wasn't liking all of this bum sex he's been getting.

Toni wanted to know if Mary's seen Joseph because she mentioned to Tim that we weren't running a sweat shop.

I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, NASA claims that Jupiter and Saturn's moons could have life. I always knew ALF was real.

My phone auto corrected the words "to u" as "Toni". I had to tell Roger that my phone liked Toni more than him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/12/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/12/2017

One of Toni's clients said they weren't going to do anymore remodels for awhile and then last night their building caught on fire and he's back to doing remodels in that building. Note to self you don't say no to Toni.

I'm pretty sure that Joseph broke our phones today. I realize that Comcast claims that it was an area issue but I think Joseph knows people...

Bill is now using his child for evil. He keeps telling me that he's going to bring her in just so that I'll be nice to him.

Sarah sure gave Joseph the stanky eye today for sitting at her desk, that kid better watch his back.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/11/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/11/2017

Everyone was shocked that Mary's car was here at the butt crack of dawn this morning.What people didn't realize was that Mary was so smashed yesterday afternoon that Randy had to come and get her and drive her home but of course she didn't leave without a fight. In her upheaval, she ended up looking like the guy being drug off the United plane.

Kellen mentioned to me that someone is setting him up (on Saturday) with a twenty four year old who has a five year old kid and she has never had a job because she takes care of her parents kids (he said something crazy like that). Apparently this week it's fine to go out with someone with a kid but last week he deserved to be with someone childless because he wanted to be able to make his own love symbol.

Roger says that when he shows his customers his legs that nothing happens but he implied that when Sarah does it she gets everyone's attention. I think he's a little jealous that his sex appeal isn't selling as well as hers. I'm pretty sure he's already offered to pimp for her.

"I have to show you what I wrote because you're not going to like it." Tim to Bill

"So I'm not important anymore?" Steve to Bill "You've always been unimportant" Bill to Steve

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/10/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/10/2017

What a Monday, everybody was cranky today.

Typhinee got to hear an earful today just hanging out on her phone at home in her towel.

Mary tried telling me that Riley was slow and stupid but she was just trying to cover up for all of Randy's inabilities.

Rumor has it that Bill got to go to the zoo in Salt Lake while his daughter slept most of that outing.  

Annyong starts tomorrow.

As far as I can tell Bill is going to push his lap buddy off onto Roger's lap until a front desk can be found.

Toni claims he's going to have some amazing Grab stories tomorrow.

Sarah's threatening not to come back because she's at her property over the mountains and it's not raining and it has an amazing view. What she doesn't realize is that all of us are going to find her and stay with her and we'll let Kellen and Annyong run the place. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/07/2017

Joseph seems to have three last names which is one more than I have. Is he going to be a one upper?

From Roxanne's post "booked the hotel further away from where my family is", I can only assume that she did that on purpose.What did she do book a room in Vegas?

Tim left the office at like 9am this morning to play with his new crotch rocket in the crazy wind. I sure hope that Donna wraps Tim in bubble wrap before he goes out on that contraption.

Mary told me today that she's a complete failure. I think she's being a little hard on herself so that the guys will bring her flowers and chocolates on Monday, I know how she schemes.


 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/06/2017

I think Kellen took Bill's words to heart yesterday when he asked him what the Daily Chatter was all about and Bill said woman's stuff. Kellen came in and said "good morning ladies" to both Tim and me.

Tim tried stealing Joseph's chair today.

Tim really wanted to tell Michael and me about his blue balls today and how they spin. I think Tim was the one spinning if you know what I mean.

Bill said that Katherine zonked out in the car before they left the parking lot. Bill should really bring her back to play with us if he wants her to sleep on the plane tonight.

Sarah claims it's because of all of us that she uses crack.

I swear I heard Michael talking about seeing Roger in high heels. 

Toni met a young guy today who Toni claims is infatuated with Roger. I wonder if Toni will pursue this dude just for the challenge.

Ron Rickels died today at 90. He was supposed to do the voice of Mr. Potato Head in "Toy Story 4" which comes out in 2019.

Kellen is going to pumped to sell Amway after he returns from his all weekend conference in Spokane. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/05/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/05/2017

I actually forgot my wedding ring and my watch today. It's not because of what you all are thinking which is that my husband asked me to give back the ring because of the disgusting zit that I have on my forehead right now. 

Steve asked Bill to fire him today. Needless to say Bill wanted to be fired first.

Tim discovered yesterday that I talk to myself and that's why Mary's much happier with her own office.

I'm pretty sure that Bill switched out my computer monitors so that I won't be able to fall asleep at my desk with the amount of light beaming off these things.

According to Typhinee, Roger and Kellen had a make out session that Roger has already forgotten about. 

Kellen told Bill that he was dating the forty-something year old (or he finally had a date with her). Bill couldn't keep any of it straight, apparently he was trying to get out of the conversation because there were way too many questions about things that he didn't want to answer.

Bill set up the new kids email address with something boring. I really wanted to vote on something. 

I am taking bets on how long the new kids parents are going to allow him to work here.

Bill just gave me the best news, Katherine will be tagging along with him tomorrow. I now have to scheme about how to keep Mary too busy to hold her.

Roger feels inspired to share the book, that his father gave him when he was a teenager, with a certain somebody around here. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/04/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/04/2017

Tim says the flowers and chocolates were all of his idea.

"I think you should show up in your high school wrestling uniform to show them that you mean business." Bill to Toni

Bill waited on hold for 55 minutes just so that Comcast could take his account # and hang up on him. Needless to say they didn't call him back.

Bill's lap buddy starts on Tuesday. I told Steve that I expect to see the kids parents on Wednesday, chewing Steve out for what he taught their sweet innocent child.

Kellen tells me first thing this morning that he didn't sleep last night and that he did it on purpose... and I'm thinking I really don't think I want to hear that he was with a hired woman or on a sex line all night trying to flirt with a woman because I may just throw up or do something too obvious. Luckily he was just with Michael all night and they went to a nice hotel. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/03/2017

The Daily Chatter*

04/03/2017

Steve, Toni, Tim and Michael were so worried about their jobs that they gave me flowers and chocolates today just to keep me from biting their heads off but I'm pretty sure they are trying to poison me... I'm pretty sure my husband is trying to poison me too.

Roxanne was disgusted by my desk so she came in on a Saturday to dust and clean it. 

Roger told me to quit flipping him sh*t but I told him that will never happen. 

Ryan and I went to Daniel's Broiler to start off Seattle restaurant week. The food was wonderful but our waitress had a horrible nervous laugh that seemed to be triggered with almost every conversation or interaction with all of her tables. Needless to say we had to make fun of her.

*not to be construed as Gossip