10/31/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2016

 Bill thinks he was hoodwinked by his wife. She took $25 and promised him a tv and needless to say that he hasn't seen the tv. 

"I have to stay married to her or else I can't stay even." Bill about Roxanne  This is beginning to sound like a "Friends" episode.

Roger tried his "I'm a nice guy" line on Tim today but I think it got shoved back in Roger's face because Tim tried telling Roger that he already bought him lunch for that certain favor.

"I might have to lower my goal." Our motivational speaker Tim

We decided to do a hike off of Chinook Pass yesterday. Ryan thought we might see some fall color and it turns out that all we saw was white snow, one hunter and two hikers but it was very peaceful.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/28/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/28/2016

I'm hating Toni again, he's already planning another trip to Europe and this time he's going to Switzerland but at least Mary and Randy will get to go this time.


Don't mess with Toni, he seems to burn down his own job sites.

I think Roger lied to me, he told me that he was going to have a better weekend than me but he doesn't leave for Florida until next week. Now it has me intrigued as to what he's doing this weekend....

For years Bill thought that his Asian customer had been saying "sh*t vinyl" and he finally realized he was trying to say sheet vinyl.

I started typing in "why does Mariah Carey think..." and it filled in with "she's a god" and I was looking for the reason why she wanted $50 million from her ex-fiance and it was some dumb reason about him uprooting her life and she's also keeping her 17 carat ring.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/28/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/28/2016

I'm hating Toni again, he's already planning another trip to Europe and this time he's going to Switzerland but at least Mary and Randy will get to go this time.


Don't mess with Toni, he seems to burn down his own job sites.

I think Roger lied to me, he told me that he was going to have a better weekend than me but he doesn't leave for Florida until next week. Now it has me intrigued as to what he's doing this weekend....

For years Bill thought that his Asian customer had been saying "sh*t vinyl" and he finally realized he was trying to say sheet vinyl.

I started typing in "why does Mariah Carey think..." and it filled in with "she's a god" and I was looking for the reason why she wanted $50 million from her ex-fiance and it was some dumb reason about him uprooting her life and she's also keeping her 17 carat ring.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/27/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/27/2016

The Mohawk rep tried killing Tim today with a black widow spider in one of his sample books.

Tim seems very confused about the porn on his iphone that keeps popping up.  I'm not his wife so I'm really not sure why he's trying to lie to me.

Roger thinks he's going to have a better weekend in Miami and Key West than I am going to have here. We'll see about that, I've already alerted Horatio Caine that Roger's coming and he's ready for him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/26/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/26/2016

Apparently Roger doesn't think he has a warrant in Florida because he's going there next week. He is worried that Key West might turn him gay though.

Roger obviously thinks Tim is a loose cannon with the comments that he made about him today.

"I saw my life flash right before my eyes two minutes ago." Michael about Roger backing out of our parking lot

Michael is now blaming itunes for Tim's phone indiscretions.

Tim almost stole Bill's iphone charging cord today and got fired but he didn't because Toni gave him back the cord that he stole months ago.

Bill is apparently desperate according to a text that Steve received. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/25/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/25/2016

Michael thinks that I need to learn to share because he didn't smell any cinnamon rolls this morning and I didn't greet him with one.

Apparently my husband will be very busy this weekend fixing a bunch of things and baking for me so he won't be able to enjoy any of my weekend adventures.

"That would suck if Roger kept showing up at your door over and over again." Mr. U'nnells

Bill needs to find a good hiding place for some candy until Halloween. He's afraid that his wife will eat it all if he brings it home and apparently he doesn't trust me with it either.

All I can say is that Matt LeBlanc doesn't sound the same as when he played Joey.
 

Mary sure was busy with all of the gentlemen in the showroom today.

Apparently Bill has Steve in his phone listed as his Daddy.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2016

I find it funny that Kellen always refers to Joe as "Mary's tile installer". 

Riley had surgery to remove a bunch of string from inside her system. Needless to say she is no longer allowed to play with soft toys.

Steve wants to buy women's underwear for work. 

Roger's life is so disappointing, he didn't get to meet Kevin Costner like he was supposed to on Saturday.

Toni shared some of his pornographic artwork today at the office from when he was 3 (which was technically only 3 years ago).

"You would make a kick a$$ philanthropist." Bill to Roger

We found snow this weekend all thanks to my husband and his spur of the moment road trip idea. We ended up at Hurricane Ridge in the Olympic National Park. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/21/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/21/2016

Roger's upset with Hillary Clinton because she stole one of his lines at the Al Smith dinner last night. I'm pretty sure that's why Trump said she was a nasty woman (because she steals Roger's lines).

Fridays are supposed to be the winding down of the week. Unfortunately a b word named Typhinee didn't get that memo and dumped a bunch of crap on my desk today and she hasn't been forgiven yet.

Poor little Riley hasn't been feeling well. Please send puppy treats and flowers home with Mary so that she'll feel better.

Roger claims that his grandson was happy in his pictures because Dot was with him which was very sweet of Roger and probably very true.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/20/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/20/2016

Snoopy's out of a job, Metlife fired him.

Toni tried telling me that his bucket was full of water (the one under his ceiling tile that has been leaking that might kill him) then he mentioned later that it had about a 1/16" of water in it.

Michael claims that he doesn't try to screw up my life but that it just happens. 

Toni tried telling me today that he's the opposite of a never nude (actual medical term Gymnophobia). I'm thinking his prognosis is worse than I originally thought. He's obviously hallucinating because he's not a nudist. I think he was just trying to pretend to be a man in front of Matt and it wasn't working at all.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/19/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/19/2016

In case anyone was wondering, Typhinee broke our paper towel holder in the break room. I'm pretty sure she been overcome with guilt and that's why she's been out sick for the last two days.

Tim needs someone to manage his personal life for him. He apparently stays up too late, eats too much ice cream, can't get out of the bed in the morning and forgets to buy April chocolate. I'm going to send Roger his direction because Roger loves to share his opinion and he's great at bossing people around.

Amazon Prime photos can now recognize objects in pictures. It has a search function that is pretty amazing. It still has some fine tuning to do because a squirrel is not the same thing as a bear.

"I haven't changed one bit since I was sixteen." Toni

Toni says that Steve has two wives, I haven't heard about this...

Things are changing. Matt got rid of some of his hair and some of his beard. He's probably coming up with some other shenanigan so that he can express himself to the ladies....

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/18/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/18/2016

Roger was excited about a celebrity that he gets to meet this weekend and Bill ruined it by telling Roger that Gary's already met this guy.

I told Ryan that we need to stock up on Jim Beam because the workers are going on strike.

Bill got to see first hand how Toni and his boy toy interact. 

Tim seems to be starting rumors about me. I think he's about to be called the new Beverly Goldberg around here if he's going to be a yenta.

"I was in my early twenties when I came out." Bill to Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/17/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2016

So much for our storm over the weekend.

It sounded like Toni was ready for our fall storm. He was with a bunch of dudes all weekend. 

I'm really starting to feel old. One of my teenage heartthrobs ended up on the cover of AARP.

If you have any odd questions that you don't feeling like asking Google you can call a librarian at the New York Library at 917-275-6975 and they will answer your questions. Apparently they get over 30,000 questions a year. I'm sure they're not prepared for Roger's questions though.

Tim says he needs consoling. Monday's are hard.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/14/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/14/2016

If you want your home to be a good Halloween stop for children you need to have a teal pumpkin out on your porch, I just read about this in a neighborhood bulletin and started laughing uncontrollably (because we're talking Halloween candy and not a main meal).  Apparently you need to have a variety of candies for kids with food allergies. What happened to the good old days where you could buy just one bag of Costco candy. Next they'll want you to include the gluten intolerant kids, the lactards, the vegan kids, non GMO fanatics and the chocolate only treat kids which will mean that you'll have to display ten different pumpkins on your porch. I'm apparently going to start giving out pennies because I can't keep up with the times.

Roger claims that Dot will defend him and say that he is manly. Well I just don't see it because I'm pretty sure that if a kid with a red toy gun came into our office playing cowboys and Indians that Roger would hide behind me.

There wasn't any fruity candy for Toni today. He seriously loves his fruity candy...

Tim doesn't think that we trust him with scissors around here. Honestly what do we trust him with?

Roger's going to be hiding under the covers tonight if he hears any wind. This is a picture of the tornado that hit Manzanita, Oregon (near Tillamook).

Don't ever give Toni the excuse that it was raining or he'll beat the crap out of you. I saw it first hand today. 

Ryan and I were walking through Walgreens the other day and started wondering who counts the live cultures in these little capsules because 50 billion seems like a lot. It got past five and skipped to a billion, I figured it was going to take awhile.

 

Toni dissed Tim by using the image that Matt used awhile ago. Roger thinks that Toni is creating a hostile work environment, I've already called Jesse Jackson about it and I fibbed a little and told him that Tim was a colored man so that he'll take his case.  I kind of changed his name too, it's now Timnowthee Everson Brown just in case anyone calls for him. The press conference will be on Monday so we're going to need a makeup artist and the woman from Spokane to tell Tim how to lie about being born black. 

 

 *not to be construed as Gossip

10/13/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/13/2016

Roger regrets calling me this morning.

Roger told me that he's not very manly but then he wanted me to keep that a secret. I told him that everyone here knows that secret. I even went as far as telling him that Toni's more manly than he is, the sad thing is he understood.

Toni started a bath house in his office (because the ceiling was leaking so it seemed fitting) and of course Steve seemed to be a very loyal customer today.

I'm boycotting the rep who did the PK meeting today even though I didn't attend.  He didn't bring in lunch like he said he would.

Mary lucked out, she had her door closed when Stacy walked in and Typhinee got rid of him. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/12/2016

"I'm f*#$ing lazy." Bill to Tim

We have a high wind alert for tonight and tomorrow night. Dot, make sure that Roger stays in doors and doesn't try to go kite surfing off of one of your many luxurious balconies.

Speaking of Roger, he thought my shirt looked hippyish today (although I would disagree). I told him I would get some flowers and weed for my hair. 

Toni mentioned that he was going to start looking at buying a house and that he was a little freaked. I gave him what I thought was great advice and told him to just run off with one of his lovers because it will be a lot easier than buying a house.

Tim was trying to guilt me today by reminding me of something horrible that I said to him. I finally remembered what it was about and now Tim needs to apologize to me for making me apologize to him.

According to Toni a non-attractive woman wore a very revealing shirt without a bra today for him and another gay guy who were scheduled to visit her today. I think she wanted a hefty discount on her flooring and she obviously didn't know what she was doing.

Roxanne is already teaching her child bad habits and how to take selfies of her adorable self.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/11/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/11/2016

Bill thinks that Roger's mad at me because he didn't talk to me today. Bill thinks that Roger finally decided that I went too far in the Daily Chatter.

Toni was watching some odd stuff on Bill's new virtual reality headset and of course he was making some really weird noises. He made Bill stand behind him and pretend to be Leo during this scene and then all of the guys wanted Bill to be Leo for them. I guess Bill has the magic touch with the men around here which is odd, I really thought it would have been Toni.

Tim came up to my office just to ask how to spell the word "Diving" today. I got a little scared wondering what the man was doing this time and all he could do was blame Mrs. U'nnells. Thankfully the diving part was only a pool tile issue and not Tim taking up a new hobby. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/10/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/10/2016

Roger has already ticked off the homeowners association at his new place which of course he just refers to as his head butler.

"You have to be careful with giving a small baby cocaine." Roger   I'm surprised that he was concerned.

Tim was freaking out this morning because his computer was changing his settings and the man hates change.

Bill got busted for feeding his baby just a tinsy bit of ice cream. I think that's why Roxanne left him.

I think I talked Bill into being my assistant. This was after he told me that he received a postcard from Amazon and that they were hiring for warehouse positions and he told me he was going to take the job. I think he's going to wish that he took the Amazon job...

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/07/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/07/2016

Bill's upset that Roger has been to Europe and he hasn't. Bill thinks he should be able to keep up with Roger of all people.

"Maybe I should start dressing like Toni." Bill

Michael found Roger's birthday card on his desk today.

"Toni said the gayest thing at lunch."  Bill    It must have been pretty gay because Toni says a lot of weird crap.

Roger thinks today is like Christmas.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/06/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/06/2016

Roger thinks that because Ryan didn't have any delirious thoughts after his doctors visit that he's a sociopath. Roger obviously thinks he's a doctors because he watched "Grey's Anatomy" and because his brother is a very good one.

I'm a horrible person, I missed "The Goldberg's" last night.

Toni said he's going to be with a gay black man tomorrow morning....

Mary finally showed me the dog that she's giving away to everyone. She did convey that she thought I would annoy the dog by dressing it up and coloring its hair with makeup everyday so maybe that's why she doesn't trust me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/05/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/05/2016

Happy belated birthday to Dot! It was on the 3rd and I missed it. 

Bill freaked me out again this morning, he beat me to the office. Now I know that Roxanne left him.

Bill mentioned that our old neighbors moved. I think that they just couldn't make the business work without Loopy Larry.

Even though Tim wasn't here I used his name in vain a lot today.

Roger obviously has done something wrong and I will get to the bottom of this. This was what he put on FB for Dot's birthday the other day "Happy Birthday to the most wonderful and beautiful wife in the history of the known universe!!!" I'm thinking that she found out about the dick pics he's been sharing with everyone. Toni has been getting them at least five times a day. You would think that he would quit since he hasn't had any takers. I guess he figures that someone will feel bad for him and give in one of these days.

I'm pretty sure the only reason that Michael came in today was to put a lock on his desk drawer to keep me out.

I was waiting at the doctors office yesterday for Ryan to get done and I was watching all of these people walk out half delirious and then when they called me back I knew the anesthesia hadn't phased him a bit so needless to say I didn't get to ask him any crazy questions.

Mary is apparently giving away expensive puppies today. She's offered one to everyone but me today.  I'm not old enough or responsible enough to take care of anything, I absolutely understand.

Steve apparently likes watching videos of other people watching porn. He did this while he was at our new mechanic's shop today.

Has anyone noticed that Roger's description of his new place keeps getting more extravagant as the days go by. Now he's saying "I live in a multi-story mansion with a beautiful waterfront and city view. I even have my own butler and servants, I feel just like Lord Grantham."

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/04/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/04/2016

The power was out at our building this morning. Needless to say I rummaged through everyone's desk this morning to find life saving materials and all I have to say is that I don't want to be here when the apocalypse hits. I did find some toilet paper (which my cat loves to eat), edible panties in Michael's drawer, a macaroni art project on Tim's desk (that one of his grand kids probably made for him) and a bunch of gay porn that we could burn in the middle of our showroom for heat. I didn't find a candle to burn marshmallows and hot dogs over and I didn't find marshmallows or hot dogs and we don't seem to have any flashlights.

"I have to trust you?" Steve to Bill

"Life's a bitch and then you marry one." Bill

Roger told me that I have to ask Ryan some questions while he's groggy after his doctors visit today.

A Portland guy couldn't pronounce Snoqualmie over the phone today, he called it Sequoia.

Tim moaned and was pretending to be sick today until he heard that the river was open for fishing and then he wanted to try out his new waders.

Bill's pretty sure that his wife left him because she didn't return his text within ten minutes.

Toni was telling us about a rep who keeps asking him out for drinks. I'm pretty sure this guy just wants to go flying with him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/03/2016

The Daily Chatter*

10/03/2016

Toni wanted to know why his mother sent him a bunch of pens that had a nipple on the end of them.

Tim didn't want to talk about his mothers church retreat today because I don't actually believe that he went. I think he was out getting fitted for a custom Halloween costume because he wants to outdo everyone this year. While having fun with it he decided to pick something that would make Roger pee his pants and run out of the office screaming.

"If I stop showering, you're telling me I'll become Wolverine." Toni's friend to another friend who thought his cuts healed faster when he didn't shower.

Somebody called Roger "Kevin" last week. Now Roger thinks he looks like a pink flamingo. 

*not to be construed as Gossip