06/29/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/29/2016

Since you all of you left me alone on the last holiday, I get to take this Friday off and finally get away from Roger.

Bill apparently would like me to sniff his boxes to make sure he doesn't receive bombs. I think he's concerned that his wife has too much time on her hands.

Toni had a disturbing conversation with an architect about his penis, the guy had been in the hospital which explains some of it. I would have thought that Toni would have appreciated that kind of talk, instead he was gagging on the phone with me this morning.

Roxanne's world may be ending, they are out of Popsicle's at home.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/28/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/28/2016

Bill doesn't think it's fair that his wife gets to sit at home and watch Seinfeld all day long.

Roger saw Ryan yesterday morning and told him he should retire in Costa Rica. Thanks Roger now my husband wants to retire. Apparently any place that looks like this will due.

Bill told Matt where to buy beer at Disneyland....If Matt gets arrested Bill's going to have to bail him out. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/27/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/27/2016

Bill was told that he's an inch taller than he thought he was. He would like to throw a party this Thursday night in our warehouse and he's going to change his drivers license.

"I heard Roger's big fat mouth." Steve as he and Roger were stepping into the warehouse to fight.

Toni is debating Bill's new height. He's come up with a bunch of things for Bill to stand next to.

Bill and I started drinking the hand sanitizer that's on my desk after we heard that Damon has shingles.

Tim's brother is going to be inducted into the Bible Quizzing Hall of Fame tonight and of course Tim has to leave early.

Toni looks exhausted today from the Pride Parade yesterday. I noticed that Bill was there again as Batman and I bet Mary was there since her main boy toy was....

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/24/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/24/2016

Tim claims he was working yesterday and ran into Bill and Roxanne...

Tim is trying to set his dating daughter up with anybody's son. He asked Mary if she had any available and he didn't care if they had girlfriends, wives or were gay. He wants her to break up with the guy she is currently dating.

Toni thinks he's Big Sexy today.

I don't think anybody gave me any movie recommendations this week to screw up so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my weekend:)

Thanks to Bill and him not sending Crystal work orders, she calls every Friday and ruins my day.

Typhinee is going to have quite the social life this weekend, two weddings and a funeral.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/23/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/23/2016

Toni dared me in my dream to race him at mowing lawns. His bet was five bucks and it was a bunch of lawns, I know I turned him down. Sorry Toni but your dare was too much work.

Then Matt showed up in my dream with a cat who could imitate him. The thing could walk like the Chester Cheetah but it was a different color.

Mary is refusing to meet with Stacy. Tim said he didn't think he was so bad yesterday so obviously he should meet with him. 

Kellen couldn't remember Marty's name so he referred to him as the guy who likes to talk about himself a lot and Toni knew exactly who he was talking about.

Michael's trying to make it look like he's actually on vacation but I'm pretty sure he's at some celebrity treatment center.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/22/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/22/2016

I hope Mary's feeling better but when she hears that Stacy wants to meet up with her next month she's going to be nauseous again.

Why does Tim hate us so much? It's all because of him that Stacy comes around and tortures us with his presence. He came in today and thought we remodeled instead of moved.

Roger claims that he has to move because the owner of his condo is going to sell it but I'm pretty sure it's because he fears that the FBI and CIA is narrowing their search in on him. If these people would listen to their voicemail's that I leave them everyday they would know exactly where he's at.

Roger seems to be at it again with his white supremacist group. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/21/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/21/2016

It is officially summer.

Someone asked Toni if they could have his pee. I want to know what is so special about Toni's pee... Is it holy pee? Is it a different color since he's a sexually confused lactard? Does it have magical powers like rainbow unicorns? Does it taste like cookies?

I was glad to see that Matt was fully clothed at the Solstice Parade.

Bill has a broken forehead or so it appears. He claims that he woke up naked and in a daze in Bellingham. I'm pretty sure the real story is that his wife beat him for letting the baby cry. Next time bandage it Bill, we don't need to see the blood and puss running down your face all day long.

One of Roger's customers dogs started barking at the television while he was doing a measure the other day and the lady said that her dog only barks at the t.v. when there are other dogs, colored people or at Flo the Progressive Insurance lady.

Toni so badly wants to name a dog Craig Johnson.

Tim said he literally had blueberries up his a$$ yesterday. Speaking of which if any of you would like to pick blueberries (not out of his a$$, he's saving that for Donna) then you are more than welcome to pick them at his house.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/20/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/20/2016

Today is the longest day of the year and of course our sun is hiding today. 

Speaking of the solstice, I'm pretty sure this is Bill (in high heels) and Roxanne at the Solstice Parade on Saturday.

 Of course Tim is pretty easy to spot in a crowd too, he's the practical one with shoes on.

Tim hooked himself while fishing.

"I don't even want to be around you." Mary to her clients

I thought I took a movie recommendation from Toni but turns out Toni never saw the movie and only recommended it based on Roger's viewing experience. It's a good thing I enjoyed it or I wouldn't have known who to complain to.

Bill wants the gossip on why our Shaw rep is no longer our Shaw rep.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/17/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/17/2016

All of us have admitted to turning into the wrong parking lot for either the new or old shop but the other day Tim actually parked, went to the door and wondered when Mary bought a bench for near the front door. He didn't admit to going inside and sitting at somebody else's desk though.

Roger thinks he has a more trusting face than Bill and me. He thinks rental car companies love him...

If you text Roger to call you NOW!!!! (with exclamation points) at 8pm he apparently wont do it.

Roger told me today that I have to start sucking up to him in order to get him not to retire. This sounds like the same trick Tim uses on me and everyday he threatens to retire. I'm on pins and needles all of the time and nobody cares about my nerves.

"I just can't...I always make it nasty." Toni to Bill

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/16/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/16/2016

Ferguson came in this morning and was very disappointed that nobody showed up to work this morning by 9am besides me.

Tim took off for Banks Lake and didn't care to invite any of us.

Roger says his grandson isn't as smart as he thinks he should be. He apparently gives Roger blank stares when he asks him questions. 

Bill finally feels like an adult because he received his daughters birth certificate in the mail.

If we could only put a swear jar next to Roxanne, then Katherine's college education would be paid for.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/15/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/15/2016

Roger wants to know if he can turn in his receipt for the chocolate cake that Bill guilted him into buying yesterday.

"We used to have fun here before Tim." Bill

Is it strange that they imploded one of the Riviera's towers at 2:30 in the morning in Vegas? Or is Vegas just so loud at that time of the morning that it just doesn't matter.

 Bill told Toni to man up today yet Bill wouldn't open his jar that he tampered with.

"It took two guys and a condom" according to Bill to get Toni's jar open.

 Roger wasn't sexually assaulted before two o'clock like he wanted to be today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/14/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/14/2016

Leave it to Roger to want a diet coke to be an ice pack for his potato salad. He tried to blame it all on Dot and Typhinee for stressing him out so much that he didn't remember to pull it out of the freezer before it exploded. Roger owes me now......

 Bill shamed Roger into buying me chocolate cake today. 

Toni got yelled at by Nikki last night for telling his neighbor weird things about melons (the lady probably thought he was talking about her melons). 

Besides the Diet Coke fiasco Roger should be having a good day, "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is returning to HBO.
 

I was upset with Riley today, she kept visiting Bill's office before mine but then I realized that she's only scavenging for food and apparently I just don't leave as many crumbs as Bill does.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/13/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/13/2016

It's an early Christmas miracle, Bill came back to work. He took off early though because we didn't have any cake or pastries.

I told Toni that I was glad that he wasn't at the Orlando nightclub. 

The actor who played ALF (inside the costume) died today. I never realized that he was only 2'9" tall. 

Tim's advice to Bill is go out and have a litter full of kids as quickly as possible. This was because Bill didn't take Tim's other advice not to have any kids.

I had a dream last night that Roger was telling me dirty jokes. That just doesn't sound like him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/10/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/10/2016

"I'm here to floor your floor." a very drunk Toni in a meeting with a client according to Bill

Michael was telling me about this condo in Hawaii that he's going to with the rest of the family and everything sounded just a little too perfect. I think he just doesn't want to tell me were he's really going next week.

Roger wanted to know what happened to CSF and I told him that Mary eliminated it because it was interfering with her prostitution ring.

The Monkees new album for their 50th Anniversary made #6 on the Billboard Top Albums chart.

Bill claims that he's coming off strike and that he will see us on Monday. Needless to say we don't want to see him without his precious baby girl.

I think Roger's mixing his drugs again because I told him "very sweet" to this picture this morning and he thought I meant him. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/09/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/09/2016

Roger's thinks that my hand sanitizer is turning him gay. That's the least likely thing in our office that will do that.

Toni came in and started bragging to me about his honeymoon trip. I still hate him.

Roger wants to know if Bill still works here. He was beginning to think that maybe Kellen took over.

I told Bill that we sold off his office belongings because we didn't ever expect him to come back. He was only upset that we got rid of his flying monkey. I informed him that it scared Roger too much.

The T's (Tim, Typhinee and Toni) were all plotting something this morning in Tim's office. I don't know what's going on but I think Typhinee is mad at me because I didn't bring in another cake today.

Toni is down to 57 days before he gets married.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/08/2016

Congratulations to Roger, he's a grampy! I guess I should say congrats to Dot too but she was such a b*tch the last time I saw her.

Typhinee and I are twinsies today and she is thrilled about it.

For those of you who have watched "Arrested Development" I found a new take on ANUSTART. 

Toni went to the hospital last night to see his friend and was told that a giant python escaped from Smith Tower and had been eating seagulls outside of the hospital parking garage for a week but had been captured. How do you not spot a large disgusting creature that can eat a seagull?

Somebody told me to have a great weekend today, I think that was mean considering that it's only Wednesday.

Toni was dancing a jig when he left to meet some men and he also grabbed his hard hat. He's going to have quite the night.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/07/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/07/2016

Roger thinks that today is the day that he gets a grandson. Typhinee told him that most births happen on a Tuesday and he didn't believe her originally, shame on him.

Mary had a million excuses as to why she wouldn't be in today. She really needs to space them out  and the crazy thing was they were all excuses that Michael Scott used: at a civil rights rally, stopping a fight in the parking lot, attending an Obama fashion show, got trapped in an oil painting and had to have a colonoscopy. Sounds like quite the day Mary.

"I've never worn jewelry before." Toni   I did get him to admit to wearing the tiara and the nipple rings though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/06/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/06/2016

Happy Birthday Tim!

Roger's ticked, he still doesn't have a grandson out of the womb yet.

I'm pretty sure Roger's so ticked that his negative aura killed Muhammad Ali. I hope Roger realizes that unleashing his spiritual powers probably wasn't a good thing and hopefully he won't try it at the office. I still need him to sign the "Do not Kill Me" contract.

Bill brought the baby by today. Needless to say Mary wouldn't share her with the rest of us and then awkwardly stole her blanket and hid it in the closet.

"I'm not computer savvy." Crystal     I never noticed, man she had me fooled:)

The Playboy Mansion sold to the Twinkies owner, who apparently also has property next door. The agreement was that Hefner could live there the rest of his life.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/03/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/03/2016

I think Typhinee had a great idea this morning. Tim had his boat in the parking lot and she said we should all go get in the boat but the problem was we were all out of beer at the office.

Roxanne really spoiled things, how is Roger's grandson going to be able to hook up with Baby Katherine if she's older than him?

Mary had to go and see baby Katherine last night. It sounds like Bill and Roxanne had to call security and lock down the building because she tried to steal their kid. I'm pretty sure Mary is beyond  Beverly Goldberg standards at this point.

Tim says he needs to drink heavily. What about the rest of us? We want in too...especially since Tim's drinking.


Mary saw the sun today and she was out of here. She obviously took the "Almost Live" Summer sketch to heart. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/02/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/02/2016

Today was the big day, Katherine Grace was born.

Roger is absolutely furious that his grandson didn't come first.

I think Bill's been hiding something from us because this kid looks like she is several days old, she's too perfect. 


Poor Tim he has to meet his youngest daughters new 40 year old boyfriend tonight (who happens to have an eight year old kid). For some reason he came to me for advice and my husband is older and has more kids. Tim obviously forgot momentarily that I'm crazy. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/01/2016

The Daily Chatter*

06/01/2016

Happy Birthday to me!

Roger heard how old I was turning and decided he should buy me some new tennis balls for the bottom of my walker.

"The really weird thing is I thought the Heimlich Maneuver was a German sex act." Bill  "No that's the hiney lick." Roger

Bill was excited because he knew that the worlds longest and deepest rail tunnel opened today beneath the Swiss Alps but then Roger spoiled his excitement by telling him he's already done the other tunnel.

Note to self, don't ask Typhinee why she hasn't hooked up with Ron yet.

Roger wants a view like Dot gets from her window at work. I told Roger we could move next to these people.

Thank-you all for a wonderful birthday!

*not to be construed as Gossip