04/29/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/29/2016

Toni is down to less than 100 days before he gets married. I hope Nikki knows what she's getting.

Good news, Donna's going to be able to make Roxanne's baby shower tomorrow. Great I need to remember to bring my Tim Diaries too. Tim doesn't get into as much trouble as Roger so there's not as many chapters to go through but she'll still want to see it.

As far as Tim goes this is pretty much his daily schedule unless it's Disc Golf Wednesday.

Toni is taking Nikki to a charity event tonight and it's being held at one of her competitors stores. I told Toni to hide all of her spray paint and matches.

Matt graced the office with his presence today. He's been avoiding us for some reason.

I really don't think these examples helped Bill because honestly if your baby can lift weights and pour and drink booze from a glass you let them because you obviously have an amazing kid. Bill still hasn't received the memo that you can't clean your kid in the dishwasher though, Roxanne is still working on that one with him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/28/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/28/2016

Toni is now freaked out about rabies thanks to Bill. Apparently we need to have a 5,000 mile race for the cure just like Dunder Mifflin.

Roger seems to cower at just the sight of me.

Roger, it's possible that Dot will read the headline on MSN titled "A new study says cheating may be good for you" before Saturday and have a better understanding of how you think and why you do the things that you do.

Bill's desk is apparently a knife shop. Everyone heard that he got a knife sharpener and he is one popular guy now.

Typhinee was a super star today. She couldn't go pee because she was too busy with clients.

I think we're safe, I don't think Tim saw "The Middle" last night with the million dollar idea. The boys were selling grilled cheese sandwiches from their motor home on a college campus.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/27/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/27/2016

Tim's thankful that his wife comes back today from New York because he's out of frozen pizzas. Isn't he a sweetheart.

Roger informed me that I didn't help his sales by sleeping with his customers. I'm completely insulted. 

It sounds like everyone was entertained by Tim loading guys out the door this morning.

"You say fraud, I say free car." Steve explaining how he's an ideal citizen

I thought it was strange, Calvin Klein came in today and he was wearing a Sean John shirt. The dude needs to learn how to promote himself.

*not to be construed as Gossip

 

04/26/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/26/2016

I just found out the other night that killer whales belong to the dolphin family. I bet Toni has something against dolphins too.

Ryan, if you happen to hear something about me and some really old Asian man from Roger it's all true. Roger said that he wouldn't tell but I know he's full of crap. Especially since I have a book and a half to share with Dot on Saturday.

I'm a little scared, Big Ben in London is supposed to undergo a bunch of renovations. What's going to happen to the internet. It normally sits in a metal box at the top of Big Ben according to the "I.T. Crowd."

Drew Barrymore is apparently happy now after divorcing husband #3. She only has one more divorce to go and she'll be caught up to her fathers record.

Roger met a guy who looked and laughed like Buster from "Arrested Development". He told me that I should sleep with this guy too but I said he sounded like an a$$hole on the phone.

Toni mentioned that he's the slut of the flooring industry. I think it's his turn to take some of this action off of my hands. Normally that's Mary's job but she's been too busy with real business.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/25/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/25/2016

Tim just now noticed the doorbell chime at the front door. Needless to say he had to play with it like a two year old would.

Toni now wants a dudeoir photo shoot, before he gets married, after seeing this guy and his awesome photos.
http://www.sheknows.com/living/slideshow/list/5905/dudeoir-photos/trying-to-keep-a-straight-face

On Thursday night I saw the real life Job from "Arrested Development". It was a grown man on a hoover board in a parking lot and there was another guy with him who was just walking behind.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/22/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/22/2016

Mary needs to bring Riley into work soon. I need a Riley fix. I had a horrible dream the other night that Mary let Riley loose around some giant killer crab.

Roger says that Dot just stares at him now after reading "The Chatter". He hasn't seen anything yet, wait till next week after Roxanne's Baby Shower. I've been saving my Roger Diary for just the perfect occasion. I'm not sure if we'll be able to get through all eighty nine chapters but I'll sure try.

Roger actually gave Andrew great advice today. He told him not to park in the parking lots of strip clubs or go through naked chicks espresso with the company van. Then he proceeded with all of his stories of getting caught. He of course blames GB, his previous employer for not training him a little better.

Ryan wants to know why Roger likes the series "The Man in the High Castle" we haven't seen any sex scenes or naked women yet but of course we're not finished with the series either.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/21/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/21/2016

Since it is Queen Elizabeth's 90th Birthday today I thought I would reminisce and share my Washington DC class trip picture of her from 1993. Four students (one of them was me) from my class were honored to lay a wreath at the tomb of the unknown soldier after Queen Elizabeth and George Bush Sr visited.

Roger accused me of not always telling the truth in the Daily Chatter....What the crap?

Prince died of the flu.  I'm sure Roger will think that's bogus too.

Bill somehow got Dot and Crystal mixed up today when I mentioned something. If I were Dot I would be offended.

Just a reminder tomorrow is Toni's Hawaiian shirt Friday.

"You admit that you're the problem." Bill to Steve

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/20/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/20/2016

 Bill and Michael are the only office employees who park at work who don't have white cars. 

"You hate Matthew McConaughey?" Toni to Bill   He said he really likes Pauly Shore and Pee Wee Herman though.

"Get your dirty mitts off of that." Bill to Toni

Somebody drew male genitalia on something and everybody assumed it was Toni. Toni for some reason didn't understand why we all thought it was him. Maybe this next quote will explain why.

"It's going to be a dick fest but it doesn't sound as good as dickopolis." Toni

Apparently Roger's not willing to come to the BBQ if he can't have A&W Diet Root beer.....He sure is getting ornery with age.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/19/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/19/2016

"I'm the king of tiny boxes." Bill    Maybe he meant boxers?

According to one of Bill's superintendents Matt and Steve are F*cked up looking but great guys. 

Doris Roberts the mother on "Everybody Loves Raymond" died at the age of 90.

The TV crew from Animal Planet's "River Monsters" were filming on a deserted island off the coast of Australia and they found a real life castaway and it wasn't Nathaniel surprisingly.

Roger came into work finally but I think he was hoping for left over animal cookies without the heads.

Mary has so many excuses today it's ridiculous.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/18/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/18/2016

We finally got our sign on the building. 

Bill pulled out his two N's, two L's and too good looking slogan again. Luckily for a very pregnant Roxanne it wasn't a woman he was telling this to.

Toni's cousin came out as gay,I wonder if this will inspire Toni to do the same. He is getting married in only 109 days.

Tim, Michael gets fidgety when you don't let him into his own office. He rearranged the whole kitchen area while you had customers today.

Bill thinks Tim tricked him into tricking Mary into helping his customers today.

Bill's an a$$hole, he told his wife to try out her new gifts that came from Amazon. He told her one was toilet bowl cleaner and the other was a toilet brush. 

Tim thought it was too hot to mess around today so he came back to work.

Ryan told me that the car told him that it was 94 outside.

Today is national animal crackers day. Roger didn't come into the office today and I'm thinking it's because he didn't want to share his animal crackers or it's because he's afraid of all of the animals on the crackers.

I hope this wonderful weather continues all summer. Ryan and I did our first hike of the season on Saturday to Teneriffe Falls in North Bend.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/15/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/15/2016

I told Roger that I was retarded this morning so now he's calling me Ree for short.

Roger mentioned that the second time that he called me Mary he thought he may have had a stroke and didn't know it.

I got Chris Lackie all worked up today when he came in to visit. In my defense it wasn't very hard to do.

Tim tried leaving his wallet at the office hoping that someone would pay for his lunch today.

I'm beginning to think that Toni's on island time whenever it's Hawaiian shirt Friday. He always seems to play hooky from work.

Roger, since you had a great week with contracts, Bill now expects every week to be like this.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/14/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/14/2016

Apparently Tim's not great at having his own PK Meetings. Michael complained because he didn't bring doughnuts and all he did was scratch up samples with a razor blade.

For some reason last Friday Toni must have gone home shirtless because his Hawaiian shirt has been hanging in his office all week long. As a reminder tomorrow is yet again another Hawaiian shirt Friday.

Toni said that he likes to sleep with a bunch of male prostitutes after getting high on heroin before going to get his tattoos.

"Lets stop talking about my nephews underwear, we can go back to talking about Hitler." Bill to Toni

Seriously James Cameron is going to make four sequels to "Avatar"....

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/13/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/13/2016

"I can't stop, I'm drunk at work." Toni

Toni says that Tim is very handsy with all of his contractors. 

Roger is still calling me Mary. I think it's time to get him some different meds. 

Toni finally got an offer for his totaled car today and we're not all going to Barbados. Toni got slightly less than the $20 million he was hoping for.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

 

04/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/12/2016

Whew, I'm exhausted today, I worked for the Mafia in my dreams last night and all they wanted to give me was a fake Chevy Cruz.  

Toni is obviously having second thoughts about his marriage, he tried asking out some woman in line for coffee right in front of Nikki.

Leave it to Tim and Bill to talk about circle jerks and other obscurities while customers are in the showroom.

Roger called me Mary today. Does he not know the difference? I know it was confusing for Nathaniel because we shared an office but Roger should know better by now.

If Toni gets $50 million for his car he says he will pay for all of us to live in Barbados. Ryan, don't get excited yet, it's very probable that the insurance people don't know what they're doing but a $50 million dollar check will probably need two signatures on it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/11/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/11/2016

Tim said that Toni was being mean. I think it was because Toni wouldn't do Tim's work for him.

"I don't know, I wasn't watching you." Bill to Roger

I may have told my husband a little fib today. I informed him that the Pope came into work today just to tell me that my husband is a liar. If Ryan asks we all took selfies with the Pope.

Apparently Roxanne wants to try Windex for her aching hip.

Tim was trying to be sneaky today but he broke down and told me some of his secrets. One being that if he doesn't take lunch he normally sneaks away early.

Bill told me that his spouse is a liar too, he mentioned that she tells him that she can't keep a secret but she did.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/08/2016

"I'm super gay." Toni

Bill doesn't seem to understand this Hawaiian shirt day thing. Maybe if I tell him that Tom Selleck has worn a Hawaiian shirt and that he can buy the same one online, maybe then he'll understand.

I found a Hawaiian shirt with recipes on it, this is a must have.

"I thought about you this morning." Tim to Roger   "I hope you weren't in the shower." Roger to Tim

Since Bill likes shirts with sayings. I found him this gem.

 

I need to yell at somebody because nobody told me that the new season of "Mr Selfridge" was on PBS and also that it's their final season.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/07/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/07/2016

Tomorrow is Hawaiian Shirt Friday. Bill doesn't own a Hawaiian shirt so Roxanne is going to need to design one for him tonight.

It kills me, I couldn't talk about "Gay, A Gay Musical" or make an ethic joke last night in front of our crazy daughter in law because she thinks everything is racist. I should just lock her in a room with Roger but I would fear for Roger's life.

I don't know why some gym wouldn't let Bill look at their women's locker room during normal business hours. All he would of had to do was point to his wedding ring and that would have smoothed over everything. Instead they made him go and look at the job last night at 11pm and he was a whiny baby all day long. Hopefully he left early to get some sun.

Is Bill going to be this whiny when his baby comes? If so I'm moving into Toni's office.

Bill accused Roger of making drug deals in the parking lot.

Roger found out that his face was a deal breaker.

Bill and Toni got called Bill and mini Bill today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/06/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/06/2016

Bill wants a private jet so apparently we're getting a banana stand.

"Lets leave the nuclear option off the table for now." Bill to Toni

"I guess I'm Squiggy, there's worse things that I could be." Roger as he walked in while Bill and I were talking about idiots. I have to say Squiggy kind of looks like Loopy Larry as he aged.

Congratulations Jenny and Steve on another precious baby girl.

I think Bill's finally starting to freak out because he's next. 

"You can't go wrong on the internet." Bill

"My lower back hurts so bad." Toni   Hmm, I know he had a big weekend but gosh how many dudes did he do?

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/05/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/05/2016

Tim was super excited this morning to find more Easter eggs that Roxanne left for him around his office. He even came in my office to steal mine if I had any.

Roger's GPS took him to a wrong road and then he asked a guy if he knew where this address was and the guy informed Roger that he was driving like he was in the Daytona 500. He also asked Roger if his GPS told him to jump off a bridge would he follow it.

A Disneyland employee was found dead inside the Haunted Mansion in Paris, kind of creepy.

Typhinee and her stories, I think she's grown too accustomed of Roger, she goes through this horrible Youtube video story just to tell me that the person had the same last name as her customer. 

Toni, the custom van craze is back, maybe you should get one of these pervy rides. It will be great for the six kids that you want to adopt the first year you're married.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/04/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/04/2016

Typhinee thinks Roger has a new girlfriend because his work line rang several times this morning and it never does that.

According to Ferguson the answer to everyone's dreams comes with a cork backing.

Tim sure left us in a hurry this morning, maybe it was his new girlfriend who accidentally called Roger's phone this morning.

Speaking of Tim, he keeps talking about retirement and apparently he told somebody last week that we need another Toni. He then said that Randy and Mary need to get busy creating another Nikki so that we can attract another Toni.

Bill told somebody that they have to smoke joints outside. 

I have the cutest grandson. We all got to enjoy the Mt Vernon Tulip Festival yesterday and of course he was the main attraction. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/01/2016

The Daily Chatter*

04/01/2016

I'm the only one who celebrated Hawaiian Shirt/Dress Friday. I wonder if Toni even wore his since he is in Portland today.

Here's how Bill and Roxanne celebrate April Fools Day.
Here's Roxanne's post: "Bill told me that he thought one of the eggs was bad and I should go check them in the fridge......love that man! 😜 lol"

Roger is mad at me for not watching "The OJ Files". He keeps trying to tell me that OJ is guilty but I know that can't be true.

Typhinee scolded me today for putting crap on her office book shelves.

Leave it to Bill to pre-order the Tesla Model 3 then Tim had to tell him that I didn't give a crap.

Tim obviously thought it was bring your boat to work day. 

*not to be construed as Gossip