02/29/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/29/2016

Happy Leap Day!

After spending time with our installers last week I'm beginning to think that Loopy Larry wasn't so odd after all and I might even have to say the same of Gary Ridgway.


Toni's still delusional from his accident because he thinks he's going on vacation with me next week. I would have invited him but he didn't invite me along on his honeymoon.

I'm pretty sure that Mary planned this layout to put the people that talk to themselves (while they work) on one side of the building and the "others" closer to her. I think Bill and I are going to have contests to see who can talk the loudest to themselves.

Toni's not very impressed with the printer that he has. Bill simply reconnected Toni with his long lost printer that he used to have on his desk that everyone thought he was in charge of.

Now that I don't share an office with Mary I can see that Michael will be in her office all of the time now.

Michael seems to be jealous that Toni got a spiffy looking wood wall. He thinks that Toni's getting special treatment because he's going to be Mary's son in law.

Michael thinks Tim is just like his wife, he takes up 9 of the 10 shelves that they have.

"Nathaniel's gone so we can go to the bars and strip clubs again." Roger to Bill

I apologize in advance, I'm going to be moody tomorrow because we're going to "Ben Hur" the silent movie at the Paramount tonight with some people and I'll be out past my bedtime.

Matt drew Toni a lovely picture of a dick for his office and Tim wants to know what kind of dick Matt has.....

Roger doesn't appreciate walking from his office to Bill's office only to find out that Bill's not there.

Obviously Roger didn't wash his hands today otherwise he would have told me that the Sea Salt Citrus scent reminded him of Italy since it is from the Italian Seaside line.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/25/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/25/2016

Poor Toni got rear ended today. Normally he likes that kind of thing but this time it happened to his car.

Speaking of rear ending, Toni you'll love the man on man rape scenes in "Outlander". That being said I won't be watching any more seasons. 

"Your sorries sound so much better than Bill's." Steve to Mary

Nathaniel's pretty sure he's going to be able to saddle up a spider and ride it in Australia as his form of transportation. The poor kid has played too many video games so reality might suck for him.

Mary complimented Roger then immediately turned around and told him what a loser he is and that he doesn't deserve Dot.  She's obviously trying to get him to quit.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/24/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/24/2016

I saw this video and loved one of the comments that somebody posted. "Cougars are a real problem back home. They've been seen prowling around bars and night clubs preying on innocent young men."

I'm afraid of what Roger is going to write in Nathaniel's going away booger card. He's already thrown out some ideas and  they're a little too Rogeresque. 

Mary told me that she's excited to get her own office so that she doesn't have to hear me talk to myself all day long but she will miss my sexy gulping noise that I make. 

Who's going to do Nathaniel's exit interview tomorrow? I have some questions I would like to ask...
What was the most satisfying part about your job? How many boogers do you consume in a day? What's my name? How many Asians do you think that you're going to sleep with in Australia (I know Roger wants to ask this)? Can this company do anything to encourage you to stay (Bill and Roxanne aren't going to know what to do with an empty room)?

*not to be construed as Gossip

 

02/23/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/23/2016

"Such a little prick." Bill about Toni

Roger somehow got loose last night because he was in my dreams.

Drop everything Starbucks is going to have a new reward system. They are going to get rid of the stars and do points.....this sounds complicated.

We are the new a$$hole neighbors thanks to Matt and his blaring music.

Tim was upset over the ideas that Bill and Mary had for his office door.

Roxanne already promised me that she's going to slap Tim around the next time she sees him.

This is what Nathaniel has to look forward to in Australia.....

Dingoes eating Sharks

Crocodiles

Crocodiles being eaten by snakes

Giant Earthworms

Pythons that can lift dead Wallabies

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/22/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/22/2016

Today is National Margarita Day! I guess that explains why Roger came in absolutely hammered.

Tim has a new grand daughter as of this weekend. 

A great white shark was spotted close to the shore in Ocean Shores earlier today. Interesting fact, only two shark attacks have been reported in this state, one in the 1830's and one in 1989.  

Apparently everybody was jealous of Bill and Roxanne's shirts (World's Greatest Husband & Wife) this weekend. Toni was so jealous that he sent Bill this gif.

"Nice job trying to ignore me but it didn't work." Tim to Bill

Tim thinks he's going to try to take another vacation this week. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/19/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/19/2016

If you haven't seen the Ellen and Adele Jamba Juice Prank, its pretty funny.
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/watch-adele-hilariously-prank-jamba-juice-employees-article-1.2536768

Roger thinks we're moving because we don't want to replace the light that went out in the bathroom.

Matt was very perplexed at lunch as to why some red headed dude wanted to put Toni in his pocket. Toni said the guy was hungry for more than BBQ.

Mary's customer reminds me of Janice from "Friends" but she doesn't have the whiny voice so it's throwing me off a little bit.  

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/18/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/18/2016

Bill found one other person who doesn't give a crap about Kanye.

http://youtu.be/ramDyry0IPU

Bill would like me post something on my door about who I like and dislike everyday. I had to tell Bill that I still hated Toni today for buying plane tickets to Italy, I'm still mad at Steve for his timecard screw up and I'm upset for some reason that Tim wants to take a last minute fishing trip.

Roger told me that I was smarter than he thought I was so we're friends again for another day. All I did was signed him up with an awesome profile on Asiandating.com.

"You can sleep with my wife but don't steal my sandwich." Bill to Toni

Toni claims he's the dumbest guy that I'll ever meet, he sure had me fooled.

Typhinee found this online and thought it would be perfect for the guys and the new office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/17/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/17/2016

I know some of you probably think that I don't give a rusty crap about Kanye West because I've spelled his name wrong for two days in a row and yes you would be correct, Ryan pointed that out to me.

I gave Cody flowers today and just told him they were from his secret admirer, I think he believed me because he put them in a bucket of water. 

I absolutely hate Toni right now, he bought tickets to Italy last night for his honeymoon.

Ryan was at Starbucks yesterday and he saw the Apex transit van and looked around for Roger but then realized he was sitting right next to Andrew after Andrew got up and got in the van.

A jug of water fell off our roof today...kind of strange.  Is Loopy Larry living on our roof?

"It's hard to find somebody hotter than me." Mary

George Gaynes, who played the father on "Punky Brewster" died at 98 and he also lived in North Bend.

* not to be construed as Gossip

02/16/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/16/2016

This is a blast from the past but here is Josh Groban singing Kayne West's Tweets.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=josh+groban+singing+tweets&view=detail&mid=2F0C47EB78C580031C302F0C47EB78C580031C30&FORM=VIRE1

Steve claims that he told his wife no but I don't believe him.

How did Lady Gaga not fall at the Grammy's last night wearing these?  Ryan, now that you've seen these you can't complain about my heels.

I guess I won't be going to Palm Beach Florida this week since that's where all of the blacktip sharks have migrated to.

Mary's stalker was back at the end of the day with seven bouquets of flowers. 

 *not to be construed as Gossip

02/15/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/15/2016

Toni said that Bill had to help Nathaniel outside in his car with a dead hooker. He's sure taking after his uncle Bill.

Roger thinks he needs to buy a better valentines day gift for his wife next year. She apparently didn't like the Swiffer pads that he bought her.

"There's not a no way." Tim to Roger

I have come to the conclusion that Kayne's mother needs to take away his Twitter account. He sounds egotistically drunk in most of his tweets. He got some attention this weekend when he mentioned that he had "53 million dollars in personal debt" but then he later said he had money and needed money for humanity to make this world great. One of my personal favorites was this:

 I know that Bill is going to buy this for his daughter before she's even born.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/12/2016

Mary has already started worshipping herself in front of others hoping that they will join in.

Mary's trying to get this for our new entry mat and she'll sign it with her name of course.

"Fu%$ing Toni, he's talking about an ice cream truck and he got Tim all excited." Bill

Roxanne thinks everyone at her work is grumpy because they're sugar deprived. 

Tim found the sticker that Bill put on the back of his phone yesterday and thought it was from when Michael put his phone in the ceiling and Tim blamed it all on me.

If you want Matt to leave the room just mention scissors.

Since none of you guys probably remembered here is your reminder for Sunday.....

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/11/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/11/2016

Bill and I were very confused as to why Tim wanted a breadboard pull out for his desk to set his brownberry on.

"I live my life not knowing what the he$$ is going on and I don't want that to change." Bill to Ferguson

Toni and Nathaniel ticked off a truck delivery driver today.

Bill stickered everyone and everything today.

Cody got presents from Mary's stalker. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/10/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/10/2016

Toni agreed to have sex with Cody as long as they didn't have to kiss because of Cody's cold.

Roger had notes on one of his measures today to call ahead of time because they have to open the gate and herd their ducks. I told Roger that duck attacks are in the nightly news every day. I think I have him a little paranoid.

Tim doesn't want to appear to be unhelpful but he doesn't really want to be helpful during the move.

According to Matt, Toni has never done a good job.

Somebody told Mary that everyone here should worship her....that didn't go to her head. She already wants a plaque made. 

I'm a little jealous by this headline "Russian Opposition Leader Reportedly Attacked by Men with Cake".

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/09/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/09/2016

I need to go back to Crystal River in Florida right now. All of the manatee are  huddled their now, so many that they actually closed the spring off to visitors.

Now I'm just a stupid b*tch according to Mary because I referenced my adorable grandson and she just thought I was twisting the knife in her back.

Toni (well actually Nikki) just realized that his tabs expired in August. 

According to Roger I ask a lot of questions.

"He looks like a scraggly old wizard." Toni about Matt

"She bent over and was very cleavagy." Toni  (The lady is Asian so you know there isn't any cleavage, I think the female body creeps Toni out).

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/08/2016

The Monkees are going to release a new album in June and tour. I think it's a bad idea since Davy Jones passed away but they are trying to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

I was nice to Roger today and he couldn't deny it. I can now go another year without being nice to him again.

I'm going to rub it in, my arms are sore from playing with my grandson yesterday.

Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday, we need to throw a party. 

 Bill now threatens me with "I'll sneeze on your keyboard."

Roger thinks his great mind is as good as Mary's but I have news for him.....

Beyonce really needs to have her thighs and butt photoshopped while performing on tv. The woman gave me nightmares.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/05/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/05/2016

"You're sticking to that coat, I admire that." Bill to Toni

All of my coworkers are going to hate me. I'm down to a month before my next vacation.

Tim was in the back room talking to Ferguson about shrinkage.

Thanks to Michael, Tim lost his phone today. I was nice enough to give him one of our Lost and Found forms.

Our ceiling in the back room has way too much insulation, Tim couldn't hear his phone.

"Is that how you got the nickname dick head?" Roger to Toni

Tim crumbled up his lost and found form and threw it away. I really shouldn't have helped him find his phone. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/04/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/04/2016

"Old people are nuts." Cody after I told him the story about the guy he helped last week

"Your wardrobe should consist of more than the outfits of a construction worker and the village people." Bill to Toni

I finally got to see the new space today. Bill drug me over there. I already have plans to turn the warehouse women's restroom into a bar and if all goes well we may have to add a stripper pole for a little extra pocket change for Mary.

Speaking of pocket change, don't let Steve go to Red Robin without Jenny, he spends too much apparently.  

Thanks to me and my big mouth, most everyone knows about Mary's new boy toy. 

Bill's going to cry tonight, Neil Patrick Harris' show was cancelled.

Bill had to put something in "30 Rock" terms so that Mary and I could follow along. I still prefer the Michael Scott approach.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/03/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/03/2016

Happy Birthday Bill! 
 
Toni's going to be jealous, Bill has somewhat normal birthday decorations (Star Wars).

Bill's Ironman painting received a new identity today.

 
Cody needs to find new friends if they don't like "Spaceballs".

Tim wants a space in our new place where we can put a sign up that says "Roger not Allowed". I'm not the only one who has issues with him.

"She loves you like family, far away." Bill about Typhinee to Tim

"You just saved yourself a severe beating." Mary to Roger


" I brought in my thigh high boots and my whip." Mary to Roger

"Don't forget when we first moved here my desk was in the f#$@ing warehouse." Tim to all of us

It may have been Bill's birthday but Mary got all of the presents. She got flowers from the guy that Cody helped last week.

"Nobody has ever solicited me for sex, except for Steve.... and Matt sometimes." Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/02/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/02/2016

"Did you call it ugly?" Toni to Bill about his orange jacket

"Jenny looks better than any other hooker out there." Mary to Steve

Steve's daughter is already talking about her balls.

We're all moving so pack your crap.

Michael wants to know why we're moving to the building that he kept turning into at first but now has our turn memorized.

Kind of strange but Roger wants to know if Tim wants a bidet for his private bathroom at the new place. If he wants it, I will have to adjust his monthly bathroom rent.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/01/2016

The Daily Chatter*

02/01/2016

Bill sounded impressed that his wife could keep a secret from him and she threw him a surprise birthday party over the weekend.

Ryan and I finsihed "Downton Abbey" over the weekend, there were a bunch of near death experiences, one real death and a bunch of romances starting to blossom.

Toni's starting to feel like an old man, he went snow boarding for the first time in several years and today he's sore.

Marlon changed his name to Mike.  Apparently Enumclaw wasn't ready for a Marlon.

"Don't worry guys Daddy's got you." Toni to some Russian installers about Cody

"He was my second get rich scheme." Tim

"You look like you're on work release." Bill to Toni about his new jacket

Toni says that Tim told him that everything about him was gay.

Roger had an 80's flashback this morning and started singing.

*not to be construed as Gossip