10/30/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2015

I had a dream last night that Dot was checking into the hospital for depression. Dot, we all understand all of Roger's effects so please don't feel embarrassed and if you leave him we will absolutely understand.

If you haven't seen this video about bad lip reading at the Presidential Debate, it's a must. I was laughing so hard last night that I was crying.

https://youtu.be/V_yxGsWHx9o

"Thank-you for being on top of me." Mary to some woman on the phone

An Oregon teen contracted the bubonic plague this month, possibly from a flea....what? I may never go outside again.

Don't forget to come in an hour late on Monday because you'll be cranky from Sunday when an hour of your life disappeared.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/29/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/29/2015

"Ok, that's enough Mary for today." Bill

Toni decided that Tim was only 3 hours too late today with his act of kindness.

"I must have done something terrible to my boys because they both moved away." Mary Goldberg

"Toni, why would you send me that, it's horrible." Bill about nutscaping

Thank-you all for being so nice to me even though my face thinks it's going through puberty again.

We need to do Pumpkin Mojitos tomorrow. Why the heck did Tim take this week off when he's supposed to come in costume tomorrow? Since he's not going to show up, here's a blast from the past.

Roger, we would appreciate it if you do not come dressed in your KKK Grand Poobah outfit tomorrow. It seems to make people uncomfortable.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/28/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/28/2015

I just found out that today was National Chocolate Day or I would have planned an event. 

Some hiker in Norway found an old Viking sword on some mountain. Why don't I ever find anything cool? Apparently I need to start hiking in Europe.

Nathaniel apparently has e coli but Toni mentioned that he's had e coli like fifteen times and Ebola twice and Toni obviously forgot about his shingles that he's had once.

I think Toni is jealous that Matt's birthday is before his and that Matt is going to get more attention since he's not a lactard.

Steve's daughter thinks a bear is a hippopotamus.


I somehow envision this being Matt's Halloween pumpkin.

Roger is going to freak out, his favorite actor from "Days of our Lives" was arrested. Apparently it's wrong to try to punch a bartender at the W Hotel in Scottsdale.

I sure hope that Riley has a good costume this year. There are just so many things she would be adorable in.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/27/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/27/2015

Bill found the other bathroom fan today in the warehouse so now we can uninstall the newer one and return it. 

Here's Tim's truck scenario from yesterday. 

Now that I see the resemblance of Toni and the Saudi Prince in the middle, I now understand why he was almost strip searched at the airport. The Saudi Prince was just caught at the airport with two tons of amphetamines in his private jet.

Roger's very concerned with how his Playboy magazine subcription is going to change with this non nudity crap that they want to try. He's afraid that it's going to end up looking like this.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/26/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/26/2015

Spain doesn't take too kindly to Toni's type. They searched his bag at the airport and found makeup....

"I got kissed by a man." Toni

"She doesn't like cinnamon in her drinks but I still married her." Bill

Bill found out that Roger won't recommend his cleaning lady because according to him she is bat sh*t crazy. I'm sure she would say the same thing about him.

My husband apparently ordered a new computer monitor which was odd because it came the same day as Mary's new monitor and Bill installed it and wondered why they sent such an odd size. Then the real package arrived this afternoon.

Tim apparently has pictures of his truck that he backed into the river and that he had to get towed out. I think he forgot to send me those pictures.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2015

"I'm not even supposed to talk about this, it's kind of gay." Roger to me about the Seattle Symphony

Bill sure hopes that Toni backed up all of his contacts to the cloud or we're going to have a bunch of dick pics to look through again.

Roger implied that he was clinically depressed today because he won't take his medications.

I still need to book all of our plane tickets for Europe for next week so that Toni will know what it feels like.

How did Bill know that Crystal was going to show up the minute that he left today?

Roger, Amazon now has your Depend dash button available so that you will never run out again...unlike last Tuesday. Just another selfish reason why I don't need you going to Europe with the rest of us.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/22/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/22/2015

An quick explanation of the Palio diet and why it's true. I can totally see Toni being the guy sitting at the table and responding the way he does.
https://www.facebook.com/CasualOnHulu/videos/170471743295698/

Bill said that we need to space out birthdays a little better so there will be a new criteria at time of hire. 

Mary asked me not to make fun of her today....it's kind of my job, duh.

"I'm pretty big." Mr. U'nnells (He obviously thinks he's carrying the baby, I hope Roxanne can explain everything to him).

Steve told Roger that he (Roger) sucks at life.

Tim asked Bill to block him on his cell phone. Bill was thrilled to, then Tim asked him to unblock him which I think Bill forgot to do.
 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/21/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/21/2015

It's "Back to the Future" day, now I really feel old.

We almost had a major disaster today, Tim thought he lost his brownberry but then he found it in his truck.

Speaking of disasters, a trucker who decided to open his doors before backing up to the loading dock had a major crap in his pants moment in our parking lot today. 

Michael wished the trucker would have dumped expensive Brandy and he would have bathed in it.

Bill texted the picture of the truck to Matt and Matt said he would be right down.

 I found Toni's Jar Jar Binks Halloween Costume but it seriously was out of stock online, which he won't understand.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/20/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/20/2015

I think when Toni comes back on Monday we all need to leave for our Europe trip. Roger has to stay back too because he just got to go to Ireland and besides I can't stand him but Dot can come, everybody likes Dot.

"I'm packing my sh*t up and going to work for somebody else." Bill as he was emptying his office

Toni's phone was stolen in Europe and of course he blames Nikki. Something about it was on the table when he left for the bathroom and she got a little flirty with some dude and just gave his phone away.

I was inspired by an article that I read about a Google employee who bought a box truck to live in and he stays at the Google parking lot. We just need to add more bathrooms, a real kitchen and a luxurious tv area and I would be set. Then I would probably just move my mattress inside like Loopy Larry did.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/19/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/19/2015

Since Toni's not here we gave his desk to the new guy.

"You might want to think about pushing the old lady off the cliff right now." Tim to Bill

"This pregnancy is really tiring me out." Mr. U'nnells

Tim probably won't ever say anything about anybodies shoes again.

I swear that all of the couples from this season of "House Hunters" are stupid. I have been constantly yelling at my t.v. to their ridiculous remarks on the show this season.

Roger wants his own bathroom, he doesn't like sharing one with the common people.

We need to quit hiring young people, I'm starting to feel old.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/16/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/16/2015

I drank most of the bottles of wine last night at Ryan's work event. I just wanted to make sure that the company got their money's worth.

"I've been in a lot of jail cells so I know what they're like." Roger

Bill mentioned that he's in the flooring industry for the fame. He needs to do something pretty quick or he's not going to get his name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Crystal came in and because Toni was nice to the kid last week he was looking forward to playing with the Nerf guns again today and I had the wonderful opportunity to disappoint him.

Toni also missed his favorite rep Ken today.

Uncle Bill tried taking Nathaniel to Gator's today but he got carded so no liquid lunch Friday for him.
 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/15/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/15/2015

It's Joe's Birthday and Steve sent him this.

"I'm a team player unlike Tim." Michael because he took over some if Toni's sh*t

"I am high maintenance just ask Tim." Mary

Tim says morning sickness lasts for 37 years....I think he's trying to depress Bill.

Bill thinks Tim had a real legitimate problem on his computer today. I only had to go back to his desk 10 times today for other issues.

"I got to get ugly so I can make money." Mary

Roger seems to be turning over a new leaf with goats and horses, well until they decide to bite him.

Ryan has his five year anniversary party tonight with his employer and I'm going just to see how much free wine I can drink. So I'll probably be back to work sometime mid next week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/14/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/14/2015

Even though Toni may be on vacation, the wrath of Toni is still here with all of his jobs and the phone calls for his jobs.

Bill and I found somebody else besides Tim who talks on their phone in the bathroom today.

Apparently if you send Bill an Amber Alert all he will say is he doesn't know any Latino's. He only employs how many Latino's?

Talk very quietly to Mary tomorrow, she's having wine tonight with friends and you know how she gets. 

Bill, all of the green areas where Latino's live. Mexico being one of the places that a few of your employees and subs are from.....

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/13/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/13/2015

Roger called me a true gentleman today. He then informed me that everyone has been talking about my sex change procedures for years. He thinks I should change my name to August so that he can call me Augi.

Bill said that Roxanne is now constantly telling him to do things with the excuse that she's pregnant.

Toni leaves today for Spain......I asked him to bring me back a long list of crap and he told me he didn't have room so I'm just going to have to go with him.

Bill had to blab and tell Mary about the other blog that I have for all of Mary's personal and family issues, "The Mary Chronicles".

Did Josh and Damon have a lovers spat today? It sounds like Damon was upset today....

Apparently Roger had a "what happens at Bartell's stays at Bartell's" moment yesterday. Hopefully it shows up on Youtube tonight.

"Are we talking Vegas hooker dirty?" Mr. U'nnells

 Tim was very ticked at me last night when he didn't have his Chatter. Now I think he's even more so when he saw that I didn't have any good gossip in it yesterday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/12/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/12/2015

Some guy wanted to know how to get to our second floor today.

Roger's mad at me because I won't let him sell me a new kitchen floor.

My husband keeps calling me a year older than I am. Why can't he be like Toni and only remember how old I was when I met him.

Now Mary is sending me her weight loss tips by email. Does she want money for her tips? She then sent me another email titled "an amazing way to get skinny." She's such a show off.

"We were high." Toni in front of Nathaniel

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/09/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/09/2015

Apparently you don't want to go out of town for a holiday weekend when you live in China. This is 50 lanes that have to merge down to 20 and we thought our traffic was bad.

Mmmm beer, cigarette and jolly ranchers breath, what a combo. Thank goodness we get to see Crystal on Friday's.

Apparently nobody informed Tim that we changed the lock on the back door.

Roger admitted today that he's a liar.

Toni wanted to know if the guy being interviewed was gay and I told him we only hire gay guys.

"I'm always wondering if I'm a b*tch." Mary

"I do meth." Roger

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/08/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/08/2015

How much beer did Toni give Riley last night? That dog is exhausted today.

Who's idea was it to bring Joe back? If he's separated from his wife we're not going to get a Christmas basket....now what are we going to do?

I made copies of Bill & Roxanne's condo keys so everyone is invited to their place on Saturday night while they are out of town. Toni's in charge of the bar because he needs to work because he's leaving us to go to Spain next week.

Roger told Nathaniel that he'll need to start drinking coffee because once he gets to Australia he'll need it for his hangovers.

Obviously my new grandson needs a brother so that I can dress them up as Napoleon Dynamite and Kip because I would so make them do this.

Rumor has it that Cody and Nathaniel are going to start gaming together.

What kind of fashion week did our guys attend? It must have been some sort of knitting disaster competition. Toni really needs to lay off the glowing shimmery foundation because he looks like Ross's teeth under a black light.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/07/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/07/2015

"Dot would kidnap you in a heartbeat." Roger to Riley

Some guy creeped Toni out at a frathouse today only because he didn't want to have sex with him. 

Mary thinks her son in law to be has a potty mouth all because he said penis instead of foot.

Roger wanted Toni to get in the shower with him this afternoon.

Tim is ditching us tomorrow for his in-laws.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/06/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/06/2015

Roger said that I was a good person today....Obviously he needed something from me.

Tim came back to work after he found out that we knew about his duck porn. He sure didn't want Nathaniel sitting at his desk anymore.

Typhinee wants to institute pajamas at work and Bill said it would work well with his nap time.

Obviously Nathaniel doesn't want to go to lunch with the boys anymore because he brought his lunch in today. He's probably already had enough and he hasn't even hung around Roger yet. He had to listen to Cody mention Damon humping this morning, that poor kid is going to have nightmares tonight and he hasn't even seen Damon. 

Ferguson wants a countdown for Bill's baby. Bill said the countdown will be for 18 years....

Apparently you can't sport a Macklemore haircut here or Toni will call you out for it but it's fine to wear pink shoes.

Mary was telling somebody on the phone that she fell in love with somebody black.

I heard Mary tell Roger that she was going to move in with him....he's not black, although I do remember hearing a story a long time ago that Dot is....

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/05/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/05/2015

Tim, since you were having surgery today on your other foot Bill put his nephew at your desk so your duck porn isn't private anymore...

Mary got a new car. 

Ryan saw Loopy Larry hunched over the U-Haul truck on Friday and thought something was wrong obviously my husband doesn't read The Chatter because he would have known that he has narcolepsy and that he always sleeps on his vehicles.

Toni is pretty sure that Tim will answer his phone anytime he's conscience.

That does it, I want a raccoon after seeing a FB post about a rescued baby raccoon that now thinks it's a dog. 

Ryan and I were watching a couple of Amazon Instant Videos about the Caribbean and they had David Copperfield's Bahama Islands and Sir Richard Branson's BVI Islands on the show and so now Ryan wants his own island and he's becoming very hard to please.

Toni spotted a girl sitting out in our parking lot today, I'm pretty sure she was Bill's after work fling. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/02/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/02/2015

Just because Bill peed on a stick and it turned colors he thinks Roxanne's pregnant. These U'nnells sure have weird traditions.

Bill, these kind of sticks are supposed to be used in a fireplace not your bathroom....

"I don't really care about the baby just the cake." Bill about his Baby's Sex Reveal Party

According to Steve he had to drive the female anatomy part van...I'm taking bets on how long Bill's nephew is going to make it here before his parents drag his a$$ back home.

After Crystal and her kid came in today Bill said he changed his mind on the baby.

We're pretty sure Loopy Larry is moving out, there was a U-Haul truck outside today.  Man, now who are we going to spy on?

Cody says Loppy Larry threw out his mattress.... it's out next to the dumpster if anybody wants it. I bet it has more stories

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/01/2015

The Daily Chatter*

10/01/2015

Bill couldn't find his shaving stuff this morning so he had to use Roxanne's razor.

"My f*cking watch says it's September 31st." Roger

"I just totally screwed Toni." Tim bragging


"The only way you piss her off is to tell her no." Bill about Roxanne

Roger wants us to hire a Chinese Indian guy.

A customer, no joke, told Toni that he could take off his clothes....of course it did end up being a hot Yoga Studio. 

"I'm rubbing off on you." Tim to Bill  "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me." Bill to Tim   I think Roxanne's going to be a little hurt.....in fact Bill may be sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight which it sounds like he wants to do anyways.

It has come to my attention that we have never had an official Lost and Found department and that's a job we're going to give Nathaniel on Monday. If nobody loses anything he'll be required to steal crap in order to keep his job.

Here's the report that Toni had to fill out today because he was pretty sure he lost his keys but I gave them to Loopy Larry because he needed a ride so technically they weren't lost. This explains so many things especially the hole in our dumpster. I still don't know about the cockroach in the bath salt jar though.

*not to be construed as Gossip