02/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/28/2014

"I know you think I'm a dick but I'm a pretty nice person." Roger

Tim cannot be trusted to go anywhere by himself. He volunteers us for everything.

Bill said that Roger was wrong and that your car can actually go twenty miles per hour in a school zone. 

Run if Tim starts a conversation with "Here's what happened."

We had a major disaster today and it's all Bill's fault for not deleting Mary's blue RFMS button.

Roger says he doesn't like "Monty Python". WTF?

"I swear if I'm there you're going to get an elbow in the nuts." Mary to Tim

"I don't like this word "we"."Mary to Tim

"At the next meeting you will be there to clean up my mess." Tim to Mary

I swear I heard crickets at my desk today.

Typhinee told one of Roger's clients that his name is Robin.

Thank-you Dot for the tickets!!!!! Mary's stark raving jealous now.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/27/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/27/2014

Tim says that Bill tells him that he whines all the time.

I found a weird Twitter account where these people made up scenario's as to if "Seinfeld" were still on TV what would be going on. The first problem with their website was they couldn't spell worth a darn and they also didn't fix Elaine's hair or clothes but this is supposed to be Elaine wondering why Kim Jong Un was at her nail salon? If that was me I would run like he$$ before asking  myself that question.

Mary texted Bill where he was at today and all he could say is that he was cleaning up because his parent's are coming over tonight. What the heck goes on at his place that it takes all day to clean up? I guess it is National Cigar Day so maybe he turned his home into a sweatshop with the kids in his neighborhood so that he could make and sell Cigars before his parents got there today.

Val gave Toni a new last name...Grab.

Our new Beaulieu rep according to his FB page seems to be in his late twenties, semi cute but he maybe bald because every picture on FB has him wearing a hat. I feel like maybe I have a bad habit of stalking people.

"Is the guy rich? Michael could pretend to be gay for a little while." Mary wanting the best for her son

I swear Tim is always on the run. I guess it fits with his saying "You stop doing sh*t and you die."

"Don't judge me by my trunk." Mary    She doesn't have a large butt so I'm not sure what she's talking about.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/26/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/26/2014

I'm probably going to be in trouble with Roxanne because I didn't get the Chatter out on time today. 

Matt decided that St Paul, MN might be a little cold to go to right now at minus two degrees. He and Steve get to go there at the end of next month for training.

Roger was trying to depress every today from the second he walked into the office.

Typhinee told me that I was right about something and Bill was wrong, no that hasn't gone to my head already:)

"I get around." Roger

Roger wants to become an Indian because then he thinks he'll be "made in the shade." All because he liked their gas prices today on the reservation.

Bill told Jessica to relax today. Doesn't he know he can't do that because she'll take him seriously and just go and drink wine.

Roger told me today that he "always appreciates Mary".  He's still in suck up mode, I'm not sure why because he didn't even say it to her.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/25/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/25/2014

Steve thinks it's like Enron around here, he saw my two bags of shredded papers this morning.

I lied to Roger this morning just to make him feel needed and he maybe a little creeped out, I told him I missed him while he's been away from the office and thought about him every waking moment.

Roger doesn't think he's one of the weird ones at the roadshow, only because he doesn't have to stay at Motel 6 like some of the other traveling roadshow people.

"They're the only moves I have." Toni about his catchy phrases

Toni thinks the older ladies love him. I hope he's not talking about me.

"I'd be happy to do it." Roger to Mary    What a suck up!

Bill claims he was a teacher's pet but not for reasons that we think.  Obviously this is one of his old texts to his mommy. 

The Movie Phone dial in service is going away after this week. 

Mary told Roger to ask Randy about his scars because they are from the wrath of Mary.

"Mary leaves and the place goes to sh*t." Mr. U'nnells

"If either of you want to assassinate me with a Frisbee, I would feel pretty safe." Bill

Howard was trying to start rumors today, he thought Mary and Roger ran off together this afternoon.
 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/24/2014

Roger did a nice job of sending a wonderful letter about himself to the Costco people. They were absolutely thrilled with his bogus letter.

Roxanne must be preganant, why else do men go with women to Doctor's appointments? I wonder how many it will be, it's always hard to tell with those tall chicks.

Jessica definitely has to be hungover today, she was at the Newport Wine and Seafood show all weekend and we all know how she loves her wine. 

 Here's something that should excite Bill, you can now Block people on LinkedIn, it's getting a reputation for becoming a very antisocial website, which he should love. 

Toni was a little freaked out this morning, Bill beat him into work. 

Tim's about to start Softball again so he better not get Grumpy.  

Roger loves homes that he almost barfs in. 

Another legend is gone; you can't call on Egon from "Ghostbusters anymore if you have ghost issues or if your city is invaded by the Marshmallow man. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/21/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/21/2014

 
"Bill may not yell but he has other ways of making you feel like an inch tall." Matt

Matt and Joe are going to end up BFF's from the sound of things.

"You just got in and now you want to go and eat." Mary to Bill

Jessica and Tim suck today they both took the day off but Bill got back at Jessica and went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch.

As Steve put it, Matt moved out only to move in with Joe.

Toni had to remind me that he applied for a nude modeling job while in college.

Poor poor Roger everyone picks on him for no good reason.

"I'll probably never get over it." Mary to Toni

"This is getting awkward now." Bill to Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/20/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/20/2014

Matt's new roommate went on a date with Frown Face. Matt thinks Joe is stalking him.

The Seahawks bus was parked in a parking lot diagonal to our building today.

Toni likes to start his morning off being sexually harassed.

"This is the worst thing I've ever seen." Toni about Jar Jar Binks on his screensaver

Toni's icork honey got a new car and a new cane.

I'm very upset that Roxanne hasn't updated her FB with good juicy gossip. All Bill told me was that they are going to a concert tonight to see Pentatonix.

It's been so quiet without Roger here today, I think Bill banned him from coming into the office the rest of the week.

USA better beat Canada on Friday otherwise it looks like we get to keep him....

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/19/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/19/2014

"I don't do change very well." Tim

"I don't know what you guys are laughing at but it's probably not good." Mr. U'nnells

Toni's the man today, even though his mom scolded him last night for a dirty joke that she wasn't supposed to see.

Bill asked what the name of the kid who Mary sexually harassed in the bathroom was, good times.

Tim sucks, he's going to be gone the rest of the week.

Roger was talking about how he likes Dave's Killer Breads but he hasn't tried Dave's Killer Bread Sin Dawg yet which makes him very uncool.

"My dick's length in rubber base." Toni    I hope he wasn't talking about a roll of base.

Tim sure can be a sneaky little devil.

Toni was asking everyone Olympic's questions today so I thought these awkward pictures of Olympic Skaters was fitting.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/18/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/18/2014

I think I heard Bill call Jessica a b*tch because she brought in doughnuts today.

Cody told us yesterday that he thought going to Texas was like being on the East Coast.

I almost got Roger to tell me his master password today so that I could unlock the key to all of his fortunes.

Tim wants a pissogenic sheet vinyl.  If Nike can make shoes that tie themselves then we should be able to make vinyl that absorbs pee instantly without leaving stains.

I think Mary's onto something. She told Toni that he should propose while he and Nikki are on vacation. He could propose in a number of places: while zip lining, while waiting in the non wi-fi airport, on the beach, while discovering that he really does like Coconut Rum, while on their bioluminescent canoe tour, while pushing her off a cliff because she's hangry (hungry and angry) or while snorkeling...the possibilities are endless but Toni doesn't want to do that.

"It's even stumped the carpet king." Tim

"You are just trouble." Tim to Mary

Henry is acting quite odd today, I'm not sure that he's going to make it. I think Roger did something to him. I hope he realizes that if Henry dies there will be a full investigation. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/17/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/17/2014

Ryan and I were at the Lobstershop for Brunch yesterday morning and my Creep App Alert went off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Stacy our former rep, luckily he was too enamored with the food that he didn't see me.

Jessica still has the "Downton Abbey" bug but has made it to Season 3.

Jason got to rock Jessica's pink safety vest.

Marlon says that Roger's such a giver. All of us women had to disagree since Roger didn't get us anything for VD Day.

Tim wants me to start making a tally of who comes in our office (Mary and my) the most.

I realized today that Tim sneezes like ALF does.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/14/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/14/2014

All I can think of on Valentine's Day is "VD Rules" from one of Tom Green's lines on "Superstar".

It was very sweet of Riley to get me a Valentine Card, thank-you Mary for delivering it.

Tim knows how to do it right. He just asks all the women in the office to be his Valentine. 

Josh claims an owl hit the van windshield last night. What was he smoking? Owls don't exist except for in zoo's. 

Roger has a new spelling for his name: RODGER FALASEY, he says he really likes it.

Toni got to go to a fashion event last night and he totally fit in with the rest of guys there. 

Tim thinks his signature move is gone. 

"I love nuts."  Toni

"Every man wants to smell like the summer breeze." Mr. U'nnells

Cody says I started him on his hand soap obsession. I think his girlfriend thinks I turned him gay but in my defense he had a candle obsession before I did anything 

"She's not that good at being sneaky." Bill about Roxanne

Rick came over this morning to disturb our peaceful Valentine's Friday and to talk sh*t about Toni. 

"There's a guy who's secure in his marriage." Bill to Tim

Bill is in so much deep crap right now, he forgot his flowers and balloons at the office.

"I'm Guido in disguise." Tim

According to Typhinee, Thanksgiving and Valentine's are the same thing, "just another f*cking holiday."

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/13/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/13/2014

 
 I have a feeling that Bill saved all of the awesome pictures that Riley made of him and Roxanne and is going to give it to her tomorrow for Valentines Day.

Every time that I try to email something to my self from my Yahoo email it asks me if I want to include Roger in this email.What did he do to my email account?

Toni got in trouble from Bill for advancing himself straight to Yoda today on his work email picture but then Toni asked Bill to fire Jessica because her favorite character is Jar Jar Binks.

Toni's icork honey is limping along with crutches today and Mary thinks we should buy her some gummy bears. We should probably get her both kinds: sugarless and cinnamon.

"It's not my proudest moment." Toni

"I'm trying to be nice and suck up to you at the same time." Roger to Mary

Mary now thinks I'm a perve because I remembered something gross and disgusting that she explained to us.

"Two hundred to Three hundred thousand is the going rate for dreams these days." Mr. U'nnells

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/12/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/12/2014

I have a feeling that Roger's going to get the idea to call the police before the end of today and have me frisked down to search for drugs and tell them that I drove to work today because "he thinks he knows" that I don't have a license.

My husbands going to laugh at me when I tell him that Jessica and I have some of the same phobias for driving in downtown Seattle.

"He's a lying bastard." Toni about Tim

According to Bill, horny and affectionate are the same thing.

Mary is now on Henry suicide alert. She thought he jumped out of his bowl again and Toni was about to take apart the filter and then they found him under a shell at the bottom and he was just trying to take a nap.

This week has been hard on old people that only Roger will remember: Shirley Temple died at 85 and Sid Caesar at 91.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/11/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/11/2014

Tim apparently thinks that I talk his ear off about job costing until he goes away.

"How the f*ck am I going to do this?" Tim

Happy Anniversary to Jessica and Chris.

According to Typhinee, Roger saved the day.

According to Bill, Tim is already his (Bill's) Valentine. Toni was bummed because he thought Bill was going to ask him.

Tim wants to auction off the last cookie.

Marlon seems to really like pink. 

Bruce Jenner had his Adam's apple flattened, that just sounds painful and Mary thinks he's turning into a woman because of all of the crazy magazine's that she's been reading. I have to admit he does has some very feminine features and both of his ears are pierced.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/10/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/10/2014

Here's some more of Bill's excitement from Vegas.

Henry lived long enough to get his new home today.

Jessica now has the "Downton Abbey" bug. She just started the series and is hooked. Her husband wants to skip work and stay in bed until they finish the rest of the seasons.

I think Roger has something against little kids.

"It's impressive to have 5 or 6 kids when you're gay." Roger

Marlon asked Toni if he was related to Jon with Cascade. He thought maybe he was one of Jon's sons.

Toni wants crabs.

Tim was pretty excited to see that we have a Russell Wilson employed here but then I told him it was only Matt's time card and he was bummed for the rest of the day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/07/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/07/2014

Toni was pumped about seeing the figure skaters in the Olympic's.

Typhinee had to buy a beta too. Henry had someone to stare at today.

Bill brought in a bag of Chicken and Waffles flavored Chips. Tim described the flavor as a waffle with grease all over it. He obviously forgot to mention that the waffle had syrup.

"I'm just happy to be invited." Roger

"I'm a little bit of a tramp...I hope I'm not pregnant." Mary

"You just want to pet him." Jessica

"Tim has been really mean to me this week." Bill    (Duh..you didn't take him to Surfaces with you last week.)

"I wouldn't fight Mary." Toni

An actor who once played McGruff the crime fighting dog has been sentenced to almost 20 years for being on the wrong side of the law.

Apparently I have to get the real Vegas stories from Roxanne.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/06/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/06/2014

Jason is on the fence now about his car beating Bill's in a race. He's finally sort of coming to his senses.

I'm pretty sure that Jimmy John's uses crack infused mayonnaise on their sandwiches. I had one of their un-whiches today and it was just as delicious as their regular sandwiches.

Mark your calendar's, today Mary actually got cold and turned up the heat.

The Daily Chatter seems to be going to everyone's junk folder since our email switch. Who told GoDaddy to send it there?

Roger used Tim's name in vain today.

Roger wants to talk to his doctor about catching Anorexia for six weeks. Roger, I think these bears are a better solution and you can join in on all the fun with your very own review.

Toni's way too excited about his new iphone app.

I told Ryan that it's time to go back to Puerto Rico because it's way too cold here.

According to "The Onion" "Frantic Biden Searching Dog Shelter for Bo Look-Alike."

 Henry jumped out of his bowl today and tried to commit suicide.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/05/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/05/2014

Toni's mom has started calling him Padre since he became a marriage officiant. 

Jason thinks his car can beat Bill's in a race and Bill was nice enough to let him think so.

According to Jessica, Mary is Sassy Pants today.

"We're not stupid." Roger to Mary about himself and Tim

"I swear to God there's no print button." Mary   No worries Roger found the print button.

Josh is very upset with his girlfriend for driving his truck yesterday and getting caught with no license and then having to pay to get his truck out of the impound. If you want the whole back story I'm sure it will be on a rerun of Jerry Springer.

Mary told Jessica that she was "getting a little grabby and handsy over there". I'm sorry I don't have pictures.

"They are either going out there to get high, drunk or to smooch." Mary about Tim and Jessica

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/04/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/04/2014

I have a feeling that I may get voted off the party planning committee.

Apparently the Super Bowl was too exciting for Phillip Seymour Hoffman who died on Sunday.

Jason got a new car and Matt wants to take bets on how long he'll have it before it gets repo'd.

Ryan and I watched "The Internship" last night and really enjoyed it. So I had to say "Suck it Bill" afterwards because he told me he wouldn't watch it because he thought it was dumb.

"You better run and hide like a b*tch." Tim to Bill

"I'm always thinking of other people." Bill

Ryan and I finished season 4 of "Downton Abbey" and now we don't know what to do...

"Bill is always a good time." Howard

Bill told us he f*cked us and he did and everyone would have yelled at him today over their email conundrum except for the fact that we were celebrating his birthday today.

I found this and thought it did a great job of explaining the game.  

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/03/2014

The Daily Chatter*

02/03/2014

Happy Birthday Bill and Stephanie!


Thank-you Bill and Mary for the day off. I'm really glad that we didn't have to see how hung over the installers were today.

The Superbowl was awesome and all I can say is #Jackisback.

Ryan received this text doing the first quarter, which I loved.

*not to be construed as Gossip