07/29/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/29/2016

Roger's explanation of why he prefers cinnamon buns to virgins. "You don't have to train a cinnamon roll. You don't have to call a cinnamon roll the next day. You never have to buy flowers for a cinnamon roll. Need I go on???"

"You know you're a pushy little sh*t." Bill to Steve

Toni's sister texted him and asked him if he wanted to go camping next weekend with her husband and their parents. Toni naturally said yes so I guess the wedding will have to be postponed another year.

Matt's going to be in Portland so he won't be able to wedding crash.

Apparently Tim would like to spend two days with Matt and be completely irresponsible.

Toni's getting his marriage license tonight. I wonder who it will name as his to be spouse? I'm pretty sure Matt and Steve both put the moves on him today.

Mary's taking all of next week off and she won't say why. I'm pretty sure she's either going to get an overly exuberant boob job or she's going to have a face implant to look like Kenny Rogers. Just so that she'll be the talk of the town at Nikki and Toni's wedding.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/28/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/28/2016

Roger would rather have cinnamon buns than virgins. I knew that man was weird.

Toni almost didn't make it back across the street last night after going to the barber.

Toni mentioned that he had to visit his photographer tonight. I think that was his fancy word for therapist trying to turn him straight before the wedding in almost a week.

Tim is off frolicking in Oregon today with some bs excuse and it's not even August yet. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/27/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/27/2016

Tim is basically going to take the month of August off.

"You wish you were me, even I wish I was me." Tim to Bill

Baby G. laughed for the first time last night for Bill. Now Bill's feeling pretty darn special.

Thank-you to Andrew for the birthday and the cake even though he decided not to come into the office today.

Tim realized recently that he can't retire because he always needs more toys.

Mary found a dress for herself that she thinks will outdo her daughter on her wedding day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/26/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/26/2016

Toni got sh*tted on this morning (hopefully by a bird and not what Steve's neighbors throw).

Bill didn't believe Toni this morning all because I drank a little too much today and I was the only witness.

Michael was a real bum sore today about my Alaska cruise at the end of August.

Tim paid Michael a compliment today even though he really shouldn't have.

Everyone wants to know what the image is on my email for the Daily Chatter. The answer is I don't know but it adds itself whenever I don't have pictures in the Chatter.

Roger found out today how much Typhinee defends him every single day.

Typhinee's daughter got a job today so we will be throwing Typhinee a retirement party next week.

Mary's cooking for all of us tonight so make sure to drop by.  She doesn't want anybody to bring a thing since she threw this surprise on all of us at the last minute.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/25/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/25/2016

Mary was the culprit who found Typhinee's birthday card on her desk on Friday. 

Toni claims he saw a goat at the bar this weekend. It was Nikki's bachelorette weekend so he was probably wasted.

"I don't have nice things to say about anyone to be perfectly honest." Toni

Tim forgot his wallet at home today and he made Bill take him to lunch and pay for him.  I'm going to start doing that.

Tim wants a new iphone but he doesn't want to pay for one, all he really wants to do is argue with the sales person.

Leave it to Tim to tell horrible depressing stories. That's usually Roger's job.

"Now I'm going to shoot myself." Toni

 I saw some of Roger's relatives on Saturday at the Woodland Park Zoo. They were stumped as to why Roger hasn't visited them lately.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/22/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/22/2016

According to Tim "creeping the internet" is any research that you do online.

Tim learned all about Google Maps today and the pictures of places that you can see. He couldn't figure out what the arrow was for on the road so I had to make fun of him and show him that he can virtually drive just about anywhere.

Tim almost blew his cover today, he mentioned that he only goes to the Yellowbeak Tavern to pick up (long pause)... takeout dinner.

Toni tried to tell me that it's not always about size but I disagreed with him. 

Toni's laser measure was going crazy next to him today, I asked him if it also had Gaydar. 

Tim bailed on our happy hour celebration tonight "because of traffic". 

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/21/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/21/2016

"What's this bullsh*t that you were spreading about me yesterday?" Roger to me  The funny thing is Roger thinks it's very possible that Garry Marshall was making a movie about him though.

 To whomever dropped the ball on forgetting about Typhinee's birthday card on their desk, she still wants it.

I invited Roger to the winery tomorrow night but I was only hoping that Dot would be able to make it. 

Marty called to tell Toni that his days are numbered, he has 15 days left. I asked Toni if Marty recommended a young girl to sleep with before he marries.

Mary obviously thinks she's working an evening shift tonight, she came in at 4pm today. I'm beginning to think prostitution pays better than flooring.

The world's first ridable luggage, Modobag. I'm kind of scared, it's just one more thing to run me over at the airport.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/20/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/20/2016

Tim needs to find his second wife a new husband. I suggested sending her on a singles cruise and Bill told Tim to use his match making skills again.

Toni learned yesterday that Baby Mama's don't like to be called b*tches. That just wasn't common sense apparently.

"I read an article, it must be true." Bill

Toni thinks he could be a firefighter. Bill told him he needs his shorty shorts because fires are hot.

Bill has a sick mind, even more disgusting than mine. He mentioned to Toni that he could sleep with twins referring to Nikki and her twin brother.

I avoided Roger all day today, what a great day. Actually I think he avoided the office today because he's mourning the death of the director Garry Marshall.  I'm pretty sure Roger thought he was going to be the inspiration in Garry's next movie.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/19/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/19/2016

Roger's going to bite the bullet, I'm just not sure on what. I think he wants a perm so that he can be a chick magnet.

Toni thinks Ethan Hawke is a weaselly looking guy but apparently Steve Buscemi is not.

 Bill had the nerve to sleep through a huge baby ordeal last night. It was such a big deal that Roger's pretty sure Roxanne asked for a divorce last night.

Roger came in to ask me a question today but Michael answered it instead. Roger wanted to know how Michael knew it and I told Roger it was because Michael is awesome and now Michael would like me to engrave that in 24K gold and put it on his wall.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/18/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/18/2016

Roger doesn't want to get arrested again. That's going to be hard to do with all of the hotline tips that I call and give each day.

Bill decided that he'll keep his baby for the tax write off.

While Toni is on his honeymoon Tim is taking a vacation. Is it Tim's rule that whenever anyone is gone from the office he has to be gone too?

Bill wants the rest of the year off from work.

Bill made up a rumor and blamed it on Toni that Kellen took Friday off to get his hair cut in Spokane. Roger now wants to go to Spokane to get his hair cut.

Typhinee thinks that by taking tomorrow off that all of her problems will go away. Bill tried to tell her that we just pile problems on her desk and call her but she didn't want to listen to any of that.

Apparently Bill and Roxanne's baby is going to take over the world according to their niece who has way too much time on her hands.

Toni has 18 days to go. 

 I have to share a few of my hiking pictures from the weekend since we lucked out with beautiful weather and because I got a picture of a hummingbird using its tongue on a thistle.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/15/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/15/2016

"I slept in because I got so drunk last night." Toni to Bill

"Your parents really f*cked you up." Bill to Toni

"Roger's loose and my baby is in the showroom." Bill

It was pretty up in the air today as to if Bill and Roxanne were going to get their baby back from Beverly Goldberg.

How many freaking engagement parties can Toni and Nikki possibly have? Well they are having another one tonight.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/14/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/14/2016

Happy Birthday to Typhinee!

Bill told me that I should be playing Pokemon on all of the trails that I go on. I'm pretty sure Toni should play Pokemon when he's in Europe on his honeymoon. Wouldn't that be a great story to tell his kids and grandchildren.

Speaking of Pokemon, I saw some dorky looking kids in weird places last night and realized they had to be playing Pokemon or they really were incredibly dysfunctional. 

Roger claims that his mother used to call him bulldog because he looked like one.

Roger tried to watch porn in my office this morning but it got messy.

Matt only got one ticket on his California trip but it was for a good cause, he had to have a Margarita on the beach.

I love how Toni just forwards my email with my jibber jabber at the bottom of it to his customer.  I'm at least safe because I didn't refer to this guy in my email as at the guy who had medical issues and told Toni all about his genitalia.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/13/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/13/2016

If this is true then Joe will be my favorite installer. Someone told me that Joe told them that I was 25. He probably meant to say that I acted like I was 25.

"These guys are all full of bullsh*t and I can't get the real story." Tim probably about all of us

Bill made fun of Typhinee today for using a pencil sharpener. She has a thing against mechanical pencils.

"Babies are so f*cking stupid, they can't tell you what's wrong." Roger to Bill   I have a feeling that Roger won't be babysitting for Bill and Roxanne ever, even if he does have great reviews on urbansitter.com.

Bill just told me that Roxanne's old boss, who was fired from his job reapplied for the same job with the new owners of the hotel. If he happens to get the job by some crazy miracle then he'll quit because his love interest, Roxanne isn't there anymore.

Typhinee and all of her dang admirers.....

This reminded Roxanne of Toni for some reason....

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/12/2016

There is something wrong with my husband and Roger has first hand knowledge of this situation. We bought some Buffalo Wing flavored cheese curds at Costco last night and I got into the bag last night and told my husband that they were spicy hot and then he tried some and said they weren't that hot (I can usually handle heat better than Ryan can). Then Roger saw me eating some of these this morning at my desk and I gave him one to try and his head nearly exploded.

Bill for some reason was going on and on about how Steve was a fine looking man, funny and witty. Apparently Bill's feeling things for Steve now that he's shaved.

Roger felt like Tim was trying to arrest him for a crime that he didn't commit today...stealing his samples.

Toni is assuming another man is gay based on the fact that he's a hair dresser. If Toni only had gaydar he would know for sure.

"My desk is a disaster, I'm thinking about quitting." Bill to me

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/11/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/11/2016

Typhinee has beautiful green eyes according to some dude at a bar on Saturday night. Just for the record they are blue.

Tim is on Steve's sh*t list. Bill was pretty sure that Tim was on everyone's sh*t list.

Mary told Toni that I needed his man muscle. Of course then Toni hesitated to want to come into my office. I'm pretty sure he labeled me a Cougar.

Steve probably lost 5 lbs over the weekend when he shaved off his beard. He no longer looks like a "Duck Dynasty" reject.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/08/2016

I know some of you are going to laugh at this but I told Kellen that I was good with secrets. FYI, the secret he told me shouldn't be a secret, he did something nice for somebody so I'm not sure why he thinks it should be a secret.

Tim thinks I sent him a drug website. I'm really not sure why because drugs are really more Mary and Roger's thing.

Very interesting, Michael decided to come in today because he knew that Tim would be out of town.

I'm pretty sure Toni hired some hardwood guy to be his boy toy.

Steve is shaving the beard off for his 10 year anniversary. 

"We have some pretty good looking guys around here but you just can't tell." Bill

Bill hung up on Crystal today because she wanted to be transferred to Toni and Bill didn't have Toni's extension.

Toni was complaining that I think he's gay but Bill made a good point, Toni was the one who was trying to sell us on rainbow LVT yesterday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/07/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/07/2016

Toni recommended a restaurant this time that Roger recommended. Who will pay me back if I don't like it, Roger or Toni? It's very confusing and nobody has recommended a movie yet for this crappy weathered upcoming weekend.

Roger didn't want me telling Dot about his prostitutes. If it makes her feel any better I'm pretty sure Roger got a good deal on them, he was in the MLK neighborhood. Besides it's world chocolate day, he couldn't resist.

Tim's taking tomorrow off because he's driving to Oregon to get fitted for a custom pair of waders. This man and his excuses....

Tim left his phone at the office today and then didn't know what to do when he got caught in a freaking standstill on Kent Des Moines road. Apparently a semi hit a kid who wandered/weaved into the highway because of his skateboard. 

This is why you don't rent your $20 Million dollar Hampton's mansion to people like Matt over the 4th of July on Airbnb. Apparently it could have been a scene from "The Wolf of Wall Street".

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/06/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/06/2016

I had a dream that I was trying to give some chips to Matt and his ex-girlfriend kept trying to take them from me. I almost had to kick her butt she was making me so mad.

How drunk was Marty at 2 am this morning? He ran into our warehouse door.

Baby G. made it into the office today. I was kind of surprised that Roxanne wanted to come in after hearing that Toni got peed on.

Reps only want to see Tim when they come in. Apparently the rest of us aren't good enough.

*not to be construed as Gossip

07/05/2016

The Daily Chatter*

07/05/2016

Tim would like to work from home like Bill but he wants to do it 5 days a week.

Tim thinks that Roger and I watch too many movies. How absurd is that?

If you ever have a hot flash and need to cool down, the freezer section at Cash and Carry will make you feel like you're in the Antarctic, just ask Tim.

I apparently am suffering from Alzheimer's according to Mary because I can't quite remember a certain "Friends" episode.

Toni got peed on at his bachelor party. I think Toni needs some new friends who don't get sh*t faced.

Tim actually knows where Port Alberni and Tofino are. Tofino is the place where all of the crazy Canuck's surf at any temperature.

Roger has a dirty mind.

Speaking of dirty minds, Bill told one of our reps that some Japanese girls peed on Toni at his Bachelor Party and that rep wanted to know all about it. 

*not to be construed as Gossip