04/30/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/30/2019

Toni was upset because the doctor told him that his boy has not alarmingly short but short legs.

"I'm going to break her other mirror." Bill about the ding butt from next door who parks by our front door

"It's like they don't trust you." Bill about me

Bill has finally messed up his daughters birthday with my birthday. All of you people need to remember that I start off the birthdays in the month of June then everyone else here follows (ok several birthdays follow mine).

I asked Bill if the restaurant list that he sent to all of us was approved places for Mary to take all of the employees to get them drunk, he claims that he has another list for that.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/29/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/29/2019

Heather thinks that I hate my life right now because I'm doing low carb.

"Just because you're a bad person doesn't mean that you're not going to have some good advice." Howard about his chiropractor who got in trouble for touching.

"I had to take a shower a week early." Bill

I don't think Faith appreciated that I told her that her ruffled sleeves on her shirt didn't look like a pirate shirt.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/26/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/26/2019

Ashley misunderstood a conversation and thought that somebody at the hotel meeting asked Sarah if she was lactating, luckily that was not the case.

Jason's sales bell came in today and thanks to Bud I think it's worse than Bill's gong.

Sarah said that Tim and Michael told her that she couldn't have anything pink in the office. Needless to say we all will be gifting Sarah a whole bunch of pink items for her new office.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/25/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/25/2019

"How can my daughter be almost three? I was single six months ago just don't tell my wife that." Bill

Toni told Bill that he (Bill) has thick elbows. Could that be another Toni fetish?

Michael sure seems to be taking Sarah to some nice hotels lately...

"I don't want Typhinee all over me." Michael

"Apparently he's cheating on me but I'm ok with it." Steve about Toni being on the phone setting up a date for intercourse.

Katherine has now discovered where Typh keeps the chocolate in her office.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/24/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/24/2019

"I wasn't even with Roger that day." Bill when I told him to ignore a phone call from the FBI

Jason thinks Typhinee spells her name funny because it's her stripper name.

I guess Steve made the comment that he's pretty sure that he and Toni are having sex.

I just found out today that we're going to have another Tiffany pretty soon.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/23/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/23/2019

"I'm still pulling hairs off of myself from you." Michael to me

According to Faith she thinks that Heather needs to be petted today.

Toni asked me if I watch "Dancing with the Stars" but then tried telling me that he doesn't.

Sarah got bifocals just so that she would fit in with the guys in her new office. 

Sarah said she was off to meet Michael at a hotel. He seems to be hooking up with plenty of women (myself included) now that his wife is out of town.

Toni didn't seem to be concerned when he looked at his phone and his wife's location was at the pot shop down the street. Toni probably figured that Nikki was picking some up for her mother.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/22/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/22/2019

Jason was telling Mary and I that something was a generational thing and I had to admit to Jason that I thought the same way that Mary did and I am only two years older than him. Apparently those two years make quite a difference....

"We are so judgmental." Bill

I swear I pulled one of my hairs off of Michael's clothes this morning and I had several witnesses so of course that's why I had to put it in The Chatter.

Ashley would like new business cards that say Captain on them She is going to start on getting her Sport Pilot license on Sunday.

"Nothing better than asking everyone if they've seen Michael's sharp pointy tool." Bill

Sarah found out today that the commercial side is really rude.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/19/2019

Steve would like it known that he's not a moron like his helpers, even though he double paid for parking this morning.

Toni came back to the office and kicked Ashley out, he wasn't willing to share his desk anymore.

Jason gladly admitted that he's a narcissist after only one beer at the office.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/18/2019

Good news ladies and Toni, Michael is single for the next ten days while his wife is in Florida.

Tim would like us to shoot him now because his boat still has leaks.

Ashley looked like she had been sleeping in her office but she claims that she had been doing bids...

We're pretty sure that Ashley has an ant farm in her office but then Bill admitted to putting them there.

"You have red hair and you drive a pumpkin." Tim about why Heather is a serial killer

Can somebody please tell the new guy that my name is not Rachael. You have no idea how many people have called me Rachael over the years.

Bill warned me to never show up single because his wife would gladly hook me up with someone.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/17/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/17/2019

We all want to know if Tim has any good news about his boat since he was supposed to take it out on the water again. Bill has a feeling that Tim's going to say shoot me now.

Toni hopes that his organs are valuable because before he meets with a financial adviser he would like to sell them.

"You're so pushy." Bill to me because I reminded him to do his freaking job

Toni says that PornHubs twitter account is worth following but then he also recommended "Angela's Ashes" to watch so I'm pretty sure he's not giving me good advice today. I'm really not sure what I did to him but I guess he and Michael did buy me flowers so I can't be too mad at him. 

"This is me being F*#$ing flexible." Bill as he's yelling this to me

"I'll bust his balls after you do." Toni to me  I'm so glad to hear that I'm the one who should do that around here.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/16/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/16/2019

I asked Bill if I could go home after he told me not to ever think of how many Saturdays you have left in your life. He told me that I should just go straight to therapy instead.

"My mind is already twisted on a good conversation." Bill

"Don't even get her started." Typhinee about me not liking something. I'm beginning to think I'm the most temperamental person around here.

"You should cancel your membership to that club." Bill to Toni

Heather's youngest son thinks she's mean because she won't clean poo off of a lego that he swallowed.

Apparently I can't be a sales person according to Bill because I'm not politically correct. Seriously what about Roger then?

Geez, Ashley called me out on my dilated pupils for the first time today. Bill's called me out for years about this issue.

At least I wasn't the one who got our IP address downgraded and blacklisted for sending porn, that apparently was Ashley.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/15/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/15/19

"April, I'm here to serve you." Typh  I think everyone should tell me that every day, I already make my husband tell me that.

"You're going to ask for an office in the warehouse, aren't you?" Bill to me after he asked an installer if he's knocked up anyone else recently.

"If I did, Steve would kiss me on the mouth. Which wouldn't make anything exciting." Bill to a customer

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/12/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/12/2019

Ashley said that she doesn't want to pay good money to see Michael do yoga. Apparently his Magic Mike show must have been enough for her.

I hear that Heather's a head butter, it's a good thing that she hasn't had to go up against Joe yet.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/11/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/11/2019

According to Tim one of his jobs has really turned into "a whores nest". I'm sure the guys would be more than happy to help him on this one.

"I'm not going to compromise my values for you." Steve to Toni (So Bud went with Toni instead)

Faith met a very eligible man on her walk today, she referred to him as the Jeffrey Dahmer type.

I just found out that Tim bought a freaking boat without a bathroom. Seriously he's not going to be gone long, his wife is going to turn that boat around when he thinks that they're heading to Alaska this summer.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/10/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/10/2019

Heather told me that my dress wasn't short enough, she apparently thought that I was supposed to seduce the audit woman today. Meanwhile I told Toni to unbutton his shirt the rest of the way since he already had half of it unbuttoned.

Apparently if I ask Michael for gossip and he has none he'll just compliment me on what I'm wearing, this seems to be a win win for me.

"What's with these guys, you would think they are in a love triangle." Tim about Steve, Bill & Toni

Heather wanted to know if I was going to jail after the audit.  I think she really wants to see me in an orange jumpsuit since orange is her favorite color.

Interesting how Bryan and Jason were both out yesterday and Bryan claimed he was sick but today he seems fine. I wonder where they went together yesterday?

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/09/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/09/2019

Toni wants Bill to hire someone to micromanage him. 

"I remember the time that we were in the shower...." This is how Toni started a conversation with Steve while in Bill's office today and then he started listing off body parts.

Typhinee can now officially write The Chatter, she made up a horrible story about somebody today.

Mary looked at her son in law today and said that we need sensitivity training. She must be so proud.

I'm already planning on breaking out the alcohol tomorrow after the audit lady leaves and it won't be Ashley's nasty bottle of fireball. It's possible that I'll have to break it out early if Toni's seduction tactics don't work on this woman.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/08/2019

Tim is having a major life issue right now, his boat leaks.

"I can't use words, just ask my husband." me to Bill

"Anytime a woman shows up in my doorway there's always a demand." Bill

Typhinee claims that she is a modern miracle.

Toni said that if he ever dies by getting run over by a Prius to tell everyone that he overdosed on heroin instead.

"If appliances could talk, they would just judge you." Bill

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/05/2019

Typhinee walked into the office and thought that the world stopped turning, she saw my car in the parking lot (because my husband went out of town for the weekend) and then she noticed that the Roomba stopped working in the middle of the entry.

I had to explain to Toni, Bill and Steve that I do actually have a drivers license and that the rumors that Roger spread about me having fifteen DUI's isn't quite true, it's twenty.

This is the best day of my life, Heather says that she's not talking to me today and I got to hang with Riley.

"Shes's the smart one and I'm the pretty one." Bill about Mary and himself

Heather broke her rule today to tell me that somebody's pants were falling off.

"What do you do to these people? Heather really thought it was you messing with her printer." Bill to me

I think Bryan was a little creeped out when I told him that I was going to sit in his lap if he didn't move while he was talking to Jason in front of the water cooler.

Toni called Bill to tell him that he needs to pull the camera footage from today of something amazing that he did in the warehouse because nobody was there to witness it.

Sarah's off to Ireland tomorrow, she better bring us back some good whiskey.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/04/2019

I think Travis is starting to give Ashley a complex, he told her that she actually dressed like a girl the other day and now she wants people to quit noticing anything about her.

I feel pretty special, I actually knew something that Typhinee didn't know today.

"Poor little guy, you just want to give him a doughnut or something." Faith about one of our sales people

Interesting, Heather and Jason took off at the same exact time today....

Toni offered to seduce the lady who comes in for our L&I audit next week. If that doesn't work then Michael will have to be backup.

Thank-you Roger for breaking Mary's old office chairs because they're mine now.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/03/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/03/2019

My morning started off crappy but Steve collecting stool samples to see who broke the office toilets this morning I guess was crappier than my morning.

Tim seemed awfully concerned this morning that we were hiring a pedophile. I reassured him that we haven't resorted to doing that yet.

Michael was thrilled that both Tim and I called him a schmuck at the same time. He thinks he's now climbing the ladder from being called an a$$hole.

I finally made Bill uncomfortable today. He tried referring an April HR incident to Toni and Mary this morning, then he threatened to leave after I embarrassed him again in front of an installer. I guess I better be careful or else Typhinee and I might be switching offices.

"What are you, a cop?" Toni to Mary

Mary was listing allergy drugs and Toni's response was that's for people with herpes.

Howard confirmed that Valley Floors closed their doors.

"I think he's (Jason) still mad that I took a leak in the kitchen sink this morning." Michael

It's only Wednesday and Typh says that Bud has to come back from vacation right now. Whatever you do don't piss her off, if you need something from her it may be a good idea to bring her flowers or feed her ahead of time.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/02/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/02/2019

Poor Ashley just can't do anything right. I guess Travis told her that she needed to get out of her office more and Bill told her no because he said that people are going to expect her to smile more and then she's just going to get pissy and complain to Bill and he doesn't seem to want anything to do with his any of his employees because ultimately that's why he bought the stamp. 

Heather was very concerned on Friday that Jason hired the pedophile so that will explain a little of the Whatever Board today.

Bill offered to hook Ashley up with someone on Friday but Ashley told him no that she wanted Tim to do it because he has a better track record.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/01/2019

The Daily Chatter*

04/01/2019

"What I have to say is rarely appropriate." Typh

Toni was looking for a bearded man in Bill's office today. I didn't realize that we could ask Bill for certain types of men to appear, this should be a fun game in the future. 

Steve had a Kellen encounter today.

Bryan called Typhinee the Urban Dictionary of the Floor Covering World so I guess I need to have her cards changed to reflect her new title.

Mary and Bill are the best bosses ever. Mary got half of the company drunk on Friday night and Bill paid for half of it.

According to Typh's daughter everything that we thought was funny on Friday night was dumb by her standards.

Apparently I need to bring blue tape with me the next time that I go to the bar so that Heather will remember my boundary issues and maybe I won't be sexually assaulted by her again.

The end of our day sucked, most of the office saw a dog get hit on 84th trying to cross the street.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip