09/30/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/30/2016

I had a dream about Roger last night. Ryan and I were following him in our car to a restaurant and he was going down one ways streets the wrong way and turning into right turn only lanes from the opposite direction, the man cannot drive. I'm not sure why Dot wasn't yelling at him. When we got to the restaurant, Ryan and Roger decided to share their entree and eat it off the same plate, it was very gay. I told Roger about my dream and he thought I could use some more time in therapy.

Bill beat me to the office this morning, bad night with the Mrs. apparently.

Mary just creeps in anytime she sees an opportunity to take baby Katherine away from me.

Toni came in complaining that his bum was hurting this morning. That's what happens when this is your license plate and apparently the gin and tonics don't help either, I think he uses that as his forget me now drink.

Steve thinks Toni was talking out of his a$$ today and I reminded him that was just another reason it was sore.

Bill for some reason thinks he remembers when I was sweet and innocent.

Toni told Bill that he's full of crap.

"Yesterday was your birthday but today you can go f*c@ yourself." Steve to Roger about doing him a favor

Roger thought Tim's church retreat excuse with his mother was probably some sort of orgy.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/29/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/29/2016 

Happy Birthday Roger!

I told my husband this morning that I thought I had a new boyfriend and that he works for the company repairing our forklift. I found out today that he's married, his name is Lance and he also won't shut the heck up.

Dot, make sure that Roger brings home his paper dolls so that you can play with them too. He needs to learn how to share.

Bill asked me for someone's password today and I told him that Tim's were the only ones I knew so the rest of you are safe.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/28/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/28/2016

I don't think Roger's going to be able to bring his birthday card home. His wife won't understand why we hate him so much.

Bill gave his two week notice again today and today it was all Roger's fault.

Roger is now bragging about living on the Seattle waterfront and having a spectacular view.

 "I love Hailey." Bill to Toni

Tim is gone till Monday. He claims he's going to a church retreat with his mother and he's going to Long Beach. I apparently need to call his mother and talk some sense into her.

Now this is genius "Sex Robots are Being Made to Replace Men By 2025".  All of you guys better start using your best behavior or else.....

SEX ROBOTS ARE BEING MADE TO REPLACE MEN BY 2025

SEX ROBOTS ARE BEING MADE TO REPLACE MEN BY 2025

SEX ROBOTS ARE BEING MADE TO REPLACE MEN BY 2025

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/27/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/27/2016

Toni needs to read laws before he goes and plans his next career move, that's all I have to say.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Europe#Croatia

Typhinee got yelled at today by someone on the phone who thought they had an appointment today but turns out they dialed the wrong number.

"Toni's searching for cartoon porn." Bill

Roger comes back to work tomorrow and he's going to be cranky from moving. The Hooters girls have been calling here and asking about when he returns because they want to see him for some reason. I think it's  probably to serve him a restraining order since his address has changed.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/26/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/26/2016

Tim was caught holding out on me again. His daughters wedding date got moved up to Spring. Tim also got to help move his daughters fiance into his daughters home which must have been a spectacular weekend for him.

Bill decided that maybe it wasn't a good thing to be nice and ask questions that you don't want to hear the answers to.

Bill couldn't work today because his daughter was texting cute pictures of herself to him all day long.

Roxanne on the other hand got told off by her daughter in the pool and Bill has video of it. 

"Please give me a real answer." Toni to Bill

As for my weekend adventures in the Mountains. We saw three bears, four marmots and plenty of fall color on a beautiful sunny day. Tim should be proud of me, I didn't try to take any of the bears home with me this time and I didn't try to pet any of them either. The marmots weren't as fortunate, I had to offer something to the bears to let us live.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/23/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/23/2016

Bill is super stoked for the new "MacGyver" tonight.

Roger tried typing "Call me at"  and his phone decided to write "call me attractive".  His phone obviously knows how vein he is along with Carly Simon.

Bill informed Typhinee that she had a stranger walk into her office and it was Sarah.

Tim tried telling Bill that he didn't love his ideas.

Steve thinks that all of the guys around here "are little whores".

Speaking of whores, Mary says she has a date tonight. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/22/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/22/2016

If anyone needs Tim's passwords I am apparently his password keeper. 

This is going to be hard to believe, Joe left his phone somewhere. 

Roger thinks he needs the next few days off to stalk Brad Pitt.

Tim and Michael were taking bets today as to whether or not I would outlive them.

Tim's daughter sent him a picture of a cute dog and apparently was going to make him guess the conversation.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/21/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/21/2016

"I'm not sleeping with Matt." Roger

"Roger, you're a big fat liar." Tim

"Did I wake up in the middle of the night and call you again?" Roger to Tim

 "I one time ate part of a Jimmy John's wrapper that tasted better than those chips." Bill about Toni's chips

Roger got jealous today. I told him that I was going to hire Andrew as my life consultant because he knew everything. Roger said that he wanted to apply also.

What I actually need is a combined Lady's Maid/Lady's Companion because I would like this person to: yell at stupid people for me, decide my wardrobe, read and sing to me while I sleep, shave my legs, ramble off funny sayings from "Friends", "Seinfeld", "The Office" and "Arrested Development" and make me laugh. I guess that position has been filled, my husband for some reason will do all of those for me for free.

"Kids are the worst." Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/20/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/20/2016

"Basically they're my bitches." Steve about his daughters and all of the work that they do for him.

Toni could apparently see the disappointment in his fathers face over the phone when he told him something really stupid recently. Thanks for the hilarious story Toni, we all got a great laugh this morning over your learning curve.

Roger was at the office at the butt crack of dawn this morning and his excuse was that his wife kicked him out. Interestingly because Brad and Angelina just filed for divorce. Is Dot with Brad Pitt now? She sure gets around.

Toni got his mother to admit to him that she and her husband are terrible parents.

I yelled at Toni for stereotyping today. I told him that Roger and I would never do that.

I told Bill this morning that I thought Kevin James' new comedy "Kevin Can Wait" had some pretty funny lines in it but then I read a review that it was "terrible and unimaginative." Well at any rate I liked the terribleness.

Tim told me that he was going to dig up some dirt on Roger but then he never got back to me. Tim, quit saving all the good stuff for yourself. Otherwise I'm going to have to tell everyone about your Saturday night side job and which end of Broadway Street to find you at.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/19/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/19/2016

"Steve takes a cut of every bet that's placed on him." Bill

Liesl from "The Sound of Music" died over the weekend. Mary's going to be in mourning.

It is truly unbelievable, Tim came back a day early to see all of us beautiful people.

Michael has a battle wound with stitches from the weekend and he blames it all on a chair....I want to know who was biting him?

Roger took a stroll down memory lane today as to why he didn't like a certain rep. I think maybe I'll start a notebook with everyone's name in it and Roger can tell us everyone to hate.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/16/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/16/2016

Roger blames me for missing his left turn today. What else does Roger blame me for? I know that he also blames me for having to move out for some reason. It's not my fault that his landlord found a letter written by someone with my same name in her mailbox explaining Roger's mothers horrible mistake to all of humanity.

I called Tim an angel today (to Bill) because he usually does all of his PO's in RFMS correctly. Don't fail me now Tim because I will cut you if you make a mistake.

I thought Bill was full of crap when he told me that the Bangor Naval Base uses dolphins to protect their waters. I pretty much thought his next line would be that they have sharks with laser beams. "Dolphins disable enemy divers by tracking them down and spearing them with needle full of compressed gas. The injected gas expands inside the enemy's body, creating an embolism. This is very fatal. They are also used for detecting and disabling marine mines, and can plant explosives on enemy vessels."

Bill couldn't figure out why his wife was sending him dick pics today...

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/15/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/15/2016

Toni was telling me today that Nikki hates change more than Tim. I found that very hard to believe.

Another thing that Tim didn't tell me until today is his son and daughter in-law are pregnant again and due in March.

Steve is worse than a girl with gossip.

Apparently Toni's friends aren't the only ones who send dick pics.

Roxanne saw a website this morning for www.nopooponyou.rocks. I'm pretty sure we need something catchy like that too. We obviously need to advertise a high pile soft carpet so that we can get www.kinkysexonaluxuriousfloor.org

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/14/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/14/2016

According to Roxanne lesbians don't have boobs. I'm curious how she knows this but I guess she did write a book all about it.

I missed all of the good gossip while I was on vacation. Tim's youngest daughter is getting married (to what Tim calls a pedophile) and that's why Kellen has to move out.

Steve apparently mocked Toni yesterday for Toni asking him if he was going to be his daughters camp counselor and Steve made a comment that he wasn't going to be sleeping with twelve young girls.  Toni thinks it's still horrible that he's going to be sleeping with twelve young boys though.

Roger and I found out that we have something in common today besides our matching tattoos.

 Michael got me good today, he was able to keep a straight face while telling me that Toni asked a customer where she bought her (pink) shirt.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/13/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/13/2016

Toni's dad has obviously been talking to Mary. He told his daughter, "I hope you fall and get pregnant" on one of her acrobatic posts with her husband.

We discovered yesterday that Mary really likes to justify her slanderous talk about horrible looking brides.

Bill's dad visited the office today and Bill's arm didn't go numb like he told us it would.

I'm pretty sure Roger is pulling a Ferris Bueller.

Apparently Steve wants us to pay him to go to camp with his daughter. If he gets to do that I get to go to gay camp with Toni which basically is hanging out at the mall everyday with some wild scavenger hunts to find the pinkest male shirts and the most uncomfortable men's shoes. Toni invited me last year but I was too busy to go.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/12/2016

Kellen wanted to talk to Bill this morning about the things he was finding in the dumpster this morning. Bill was afraid that Kellen was finding his dead hookers. Bill was pretty sure he pushed them all the way to the bottom.

Bill wants to know why Tim went to the dentist instead of using Damon for his root canal?

Ryan and I played a horrible trick on his son and daughter in law this weekend. They asked us out to dinner last night and I figured out ahead of time that they were going to announce that they were pregnant again. I told Ryan that we should mess with them and announce that we're pregnant first.  I told them that we had some exciting news and Ryan finished it off by telling Ben that he was going to have a baby brother. It scared the crap out of them so we probably wont ever get invited to anything ever again.

Apparently Bill also freaked out his in-laws but I think they just wanted to slap him. They just had a whole house re-carpeted and Bill questions them to as why they didn't just pay the measly $150 to have all of their furniture moved since they were tired and exhausted. Needless to say it would have cost plenty more.

Roger decided to play hooky today.

Toni's mother called him a bastard.  I love this woman more everyday.

Speaking of Roger, he needs to ask more questions when the answers are right in his face. 

I had mentioned to Bill on Friday that Ryan and I were going to hike at Leavenworth over the weekend and Bill started reminiscing on how great the forest was in Leavenworth when he was a kid. Bill's dumb cigarettes obviously burned this forest down. It was still a beautiful hike though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/09/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/09/2016

Bill thinks that Joe and Matt need to move in together and have their own reality show.

I played a mean trick on Roger today but actually Bill executed it. I told him that I had gossip and then Bill made him wait till lunch to hear it.

Is it Disc Golf Wednesday or is Tim on vacation again?

Needless to say Michael enjoyed Tim being gone and actually stuck around today. 

I'm pretty sure Mary's going to the beach house with some new lover this weekend. She told me to bring her some wine. She's worse than GB.

The whiny voiced gal from the Seward Apartments needs to enunciate because I swore that she said Sewer Department.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/08/2016

Roger wanted to make sure that I would never forget him. It was odd behavior even for Roger but I guess his birthday is coming up.

Poor Tim is a sucker for pretty women apparently.

Our most interesting stop on the cruise was Skagway. It was the town that gold rush prospectors came to but it was only the gateway to the Klondike region of Canada's Yukon. In 1898 Skagway was the largest city in Alaska with a population of about 30,000, today about 1,000 people live their and one odd tidbit is the town doesn't have any doctors and it is illegal to give birth in the city. Our tour took us to the Canadian side of the Yukon which was very picturesque with large granite mountains with some great fall colors and high elevation snow already. We stopped at several lakes and even got to see some young mountain goats fairly close.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/07/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/07/2016

Toni was telling Bill and me about a male full frontal scene that he just watched and liked....


Matt, this one is for you.

Michael checked me for frostbite today.

I had a horrible dream about Bill on vacation. In my dream Bill told me that Roxanne was coming in with Katherine but that she didn't want to see him since he slept with the nanny. I'm very concerned right now because the nanny is Bill's mother. I'm pretty sure Roxanne should just leave him right now before my dreams get even weirder.

Thanks to Steve nobody else got sandwiches from Jimmy Johns today.

Michael brought in a bunch of grapes and plums. I'm pretty sure we're going to start making wine tomorrow.

According to Shaw's website they think that Astroturf belongs in the bedroom. How kinky would that be?

Toni trusted me to look through pictures on an old camera of his. He did it only because Bill dared him to. Luckily for me there weren't any dick pics.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/06/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/06/2016

Bill was telling me this morning that Typhinee preferred Roger's pickle to Tim's pickle last week.

Roger's ex-wife's partner is becoming a man. I wonder if she's going to look like Roger after her surgery?

Roxanne's parents dog does not like Toni. She hid behind me today because she didn't want to see him.

I think Tim wanted to take the dog to lunch with them today.

Tim thought I was high maintenance today because I was wearing purple.

Bill compared me with Tim and Michael today....needless to say he ended up with a black eye. 

For apparently not letting his dog ride in the van, Andrew had a surprising amount of chewed on toys and short hairs all over the van.

Despite Michael's grim outlook on an Alaska cruise we had a wonderful time.We had fairly nice weather except for in Ketchikan. Our days at sea were pleasant with mostly sunshine and we sat outside and even claimed an outdoor table at the back of the ship that everyone knew was ours. In Ketchikan we went hiking in the rainforest (maybe that's why it rained) and in Juneau we saw Mendenhall Glacier and hiked a short distance at Mt Roberts after the tram took us up the mountain.We went part of the way through Tracy Arm Fjord but then the ship had to turn back because of all of the icebergs. Here's some pictures from the first few days.

*not to be construed as Gossip