10/31/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2019

I need to apologize for getting one of Bill's jokes wrong yesterday, I almost got fired for it. It was supposed to be "Wow, what an a$$!!!!!" So please use this phrase as often as you feel like to him.

"Tell me about your daughters nipples (to Steve)." Bill

"Look dad I can bite them." Steve about what his youngest said to him the other night about her nipples

Sarah figured out that Typh and Ashley are out sick today because they are out trolling for little boys in costumes, I wonder how Ashley convinced Typh to do that.

I'm pretty sure that I won the Halloween contest around here since Bud took off early for a meet and greet at a Luke Combs concert in freaking Boise. Riley was not thrilled to dress up as Bud today though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/30/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2019

Tim says he can't be Tigger for Halloween because Toni was for ten minutes. In Toni's defense Toni says he didn't have sex with it so he's not sure what the big deal is.

According to Tim, Michael took Roger's place. I'm going to disagree because Roger never hit on me.

"The best part is I proved my wife wrong." Bill about his eye vision

Poor Toni still thinks that it was his face that scared me the other day in the break room.

"Steve might have a good butt too." Bill   Bill thinks he has a nice butt because people say look at that a$$ when he leaves the room.

Toni says no to the dong bomb which is apparently one of the possibilities for Sunday's Ukrainian conspiracy theory bomb for downtown Seattle.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/29/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/29/2019

"Tim blasted my f*cking balls..." Toni

Toni tried on Tim's Tigger outfit that he needs to wear on Thursday for Halloween and Toni said he felt like a little kid in a grown up costume because there was so much room.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/28/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/28/2019

Tim and Michael were talking about mounting red heads this morning then they tried telling me it was a duck thing....likely story.

All thanks to Howard, Bill realized he lost his company credit card over a week ago and left it at a restaurant.

Apparently Riley did not appreciate me going to lunch today without her, she whined at my door while I was gone.

According to Toni woodpeckers are a protected species but he thinks he may have killed two of them.

Ashley says that she's quitting if she can't have her space heater.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/25/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/25/2019

"These people see a lot more dick than you." Bill to Toni

"I'm not sure what kind of f*cking kangaroo clown car they are driving but it's working." Toni

"I can clear a room, can't I." Bill

"If you can't beat someone just drag them down." Bill because he would like his wife to start drinking and smoking so that he can look younger than her

Faith finally heard Toni talk about his BCM soap.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2019

According to Tim, Bud had most of the women crying today. He received a very prestigious award today for Sarah's friend on FB telling her that Bud's painting was the most realistic. I guess we don't need anyone else to judge our paintings after all.

"We need to help Ashley find dates, she's going out with Michael tonight." Bill

Ashley is apparently sending out porn again from her work email, this might be why the guys are loving her this week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2019

I asked Michael for a recap of his morning and I got proposed to in front of Sarah. Michael and I are now registered at Amazon and Crate & Barrel.

Bill and Roxanne are now addicted to smutty television shows.

Sarah's sister in law is coming at the end of the week and apparently doesn't like the mattresses that Sarah has for her guests so she's having some new ones shipped to her home.

"I have to hide it from Bud or he'll take it." me to Faith about my Bath & Body Works order

Patrick with Dal thought we needed to put Toni out of his misery today. I tried telling him that Toni was on the mend but he didn't believe me.

Tim is requesting a new warehouse guy who can't remember as well as Bud does. Tim's pissed that he has to pay full price for something.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/22/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/22/2019

Paint and Sip night went well last night until I realized that the wine wasn't included but it was still a lot of fun.

Typh's mad at all of us for abandoning her last night and creepy Bill wanted to know how much a Typhinee was going for on the black market.

Ashley got a strange message from somebody that Sarah knows on FB at midnight last night. "I knew Sarah growing up.... We should end this now but I don't know how." We're confused does this woman think that she's having an affair with Ashley, does she want to end Sarah's life or does she just want a job?

We still need to pick judges for our event last night to decide on the best painting. Just to be sure that I win I think Michael needs to be one of the judges so that I can tell him all about my thigh high boots (that I apparently have) that I'll wear with my Halloween costume.

Bill just wants his $812 dollars back.

Toni got his child to flip him off already.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/21/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/21/2019

Why is everyone so reluctant to go to Ashley's event tonight? I'm assuming that they don't want to be an accessory to Ashley's underage dating schemes. Or is it because it's going to be harder to sleep through this event than Sarah's? Whatever the reason is Sarah definitely thinks that her event was number one already.

Tim admitted to being a pain in the butt today.

Michael almost refused me the talking points recap this morning because I was too late to the game.

I learned today that I don't want to take Michael's chair while he's in the building if I don't have mace on me.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/18/2019

Well Michael couldn't take my Friday morning crap so he kicked me out of his office.

It sounds like Ashley may need to bring a change of clothes with her when she goes to the Maris Farms Haunted Woods this weekend.

Sarah decided that the fake bug idea sounds like a way better idea than handing out trinkets like logo condoms to new customers.

"I'm the new Kellen, I never thought I would say that." Bill

Sarah warned Ashley about hitting on her son and then proceeded to tell her to think of her face on a sex offender registry list.

Now that we made the INC 5000 list a Forbes company wants Bill to write a book, no that didn't go to his head. Bill already has plans of selling us his book at the Christmas party and of course if you don't buy it you'll probably be fired.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/17/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2019

Sarah's a rockstar and even Tim is admitting it (he didn't like the idea at first) but she (and Michael) got out their first commercial constant contact newsletter.

I'm never ever believing Michael again....

Thanks to Faith one of Bud's cockroaches made it to a meeting with Tim today in Bellevue, she put it in his brownberrie and it fell on the floor. It was a great conversation starter considering Tim had never met these female clients before.

Even Toni's phone spells his name with an i.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/16/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/16/2019

"I can't wait until we're not raising them anymore." Steve complaining about his daughter issues

Michael would like his own office because he's tired of seeing an office full of women in his. Most men would be honored by this privileged but does Michael want us to think that he's a Saint.

Bill was complaining about his first world problems and that his house smells like fresh paint. I told him that I was jealous because I need to paint ours.

Michael accused me of not doing something and I accused him of being a moron because I did.

Roxanne volunteered me to dog sit for someone that I don't even know, thanks Roxanne! I'm sure that my husband will personally thank-you too on Monday night.

Tim absolutely hates us, he came into work today sick as a dog.

"Don't let my wife know that I know how to do things." Bill

Poor Ashley was called out by Veronica for her resting bitch face today, Toni told her to go on a job walk that happened yesterday and Sarah is taking up Roger's tricks and calling Ashley out on being antisemitic and racist so the poor girl couldn't catch a break today.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

10/15/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/15/2019

According to Faith, she and I slept together at the "Downton Abbey" movie night, you guys really missed out, Bill tried telling you that but none of you listened especially Tim.

Bud almost chewed me out today because he thought that I was buying Bath & Body Works scents for other people in the office other than for him.

Michael claims that he never makes any mistakes but he would like some more white out.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/14/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/14/2019

Tim claims that he's not going to open day duck hunting anymore if he can't take his boat and if he has to hike in. He would like us to remind him of this next year when he forgets.

"I'm weirded out by four button coats." Toni

Now Luke has joined the BCM club, this is becoming insane.

Tim tried giving Faith the cockroach that was probably scaring him every time he grabbed for a piece of candy and again he tried blaming me.

"I was at a wedding with a murderous row of hot (male) doctors." Toni

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/11/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/11/2019

Toni came in today on his day off just to get a good dose of Bud's BCM since it needs to last him all weekend.

Why is it that everyone blamed me for Bud's prank today?

We were all expecting Toni to scream like a little girl this morning, Bud put a fake cockroach on his chair and Toni didn't see it until much later and as far as I know he didn't make any weird noises.

Toni sent Bill a text with an address and nothing else and Bill sent him a note that he said he was on his way.

Toni couldn't believe that the bride to be didn't know what kind of car her father drove. Bill responded with "that's the most Toni thing you have ever said to me".

There are still four tickets left for Ashley's sip and paint event on the 21st.

Michael still needs to pick a venue for his event. He better have something by Monday or Sarah probably won't let him sit in the same office.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/10/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/10/2019

Sarah is now asking to smell Toni's hands after hearing that he likes BCM (black cherry Merlot) so much.

Faith apparently wants some sympathy just like her daughter because she screwed up her knee last night while her daughter has a broken foot.

Tim seems to have an issue with Sarah's gay unicorn tape dispenser. In Sarah's defense Staples was all out of bright pink tape dispensers so the unicorn was the next obvious choice.

Note to self don't buy Toni the brown sugar vanilla hand soap because it smells like b*tch to him, since his ex-girlfriend used to wear the scent.

I realized the other day that I'm just as bad as Bud. I told my grand kids to wash their hands and I had a pumpkin scent of foaming hand soap in the bathroom and they ended up loving washing and smelling their hands with me.

Sarah is now requesting partitions for her office, sounds like there's some kinky stuff going on with sandwiches in there.

I'm starting to think that Faith has a background in everything, I just heard about the marketing background that I didn't know about before. I'm pretty sure that woman could run the world.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/09/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/09/2019

Downton Abbey night was a huge success because we coerced Ashley into going and sleeping in the big comfy heated seats through most of the movie.

Tim bought a website domain name yesterday. I told him if he would just give me access I will have a website up for him within a day.

"That's the wrong f*@king bathroom you transsexual b*tch." Steve to me

Tim thought up bowling night so that's going to have to be his work event. Toni is definitely going to have to do the movie "Ford vs Ferrari" for his event, I told Ryan that was the only movie from the previews last night that I am excited to see.

Steve's right, Bill is an a$$, he threatened to take away my new computer if I didn't use it.

Crap now Bud has absolutely ruined Toni too, he's going to insist on black cherry Merlot hand soap.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/08/2019

It's "Downton Abbey" movie night! I'm assuming that's why Jesus made us a fifteen course meal today for breakfast. I'm not sure why the newspaper wasn't ironed for me this morning though.

Michael's a little mad that Steve laid Travis off before he could get his chicken wing batter recipe.

It's only been a day and Toni is referring to Lou's caretakers at his daycare as very detailed characters.

I'm assuming that Bud is out today because he's mad at me for making him run out of his Bath and Body Works wallflower scents.

All thanks to Michael I woke up in the middle of the night and started thinking of  Employee questions to write down for his trivia night, needless to say I have forgotten most of them by now.

Bill wanted to put on the memo of his check reimbursement to Sarah "for a fun night" I told him it should be "a fun night with a whole bunch of chicks".

Tim wants to pull Bill and Ryan's man card for going to "Downton Abbey" tonight. Bill said that he's not taking sh*t from a man who wears a bunny suit. Speaking of which it's almost time for Tim to wear his onesie again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/07/2019

Ashley is doing her own Paint & Sip event to show Sarah and Bud up.

Lou started daycare today and Toni was almost in tears all day long.

Leave it to Michael to be Mr. Tactful, good grief. Sarah and I almost died from awkwardness this morning.

Michael has been inspired to do his own event, he wants to do an Apex Trivia night.

Tim thought we were making up the whole "Downton Abbey" movie night thing until he realized it's actually a movie. What does he think that I just make crap up all day long?

It was just announced to us today that we are going to be on the show "World's Greatest" which I believe airs on ION TV.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/04/2019

It's getting exciting people we finally bought our tickets for "Downton Abbey" today so as long as Ashley doesn't embarrass all of us at dinner the night will be lovely.

Bill admitted to his wife the other night that he was thinking about her sister and another woman. If he wants to stay married he needs to learn how to be a little more discreet about these sort of things.

Apparently Bud thinks that he's going to teach me something about football, he was obviously having a very off day if he was thinking this. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/03/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/03/2019

Happy Birthday Dot! You're an amazing woman to have to put up with Roger.

Faith seems to have my Halloween costume picked out for me and I didn't even ask her to do so.

Toni heard a car load of ladies screaming about a lovely woman that he really wants to meet.

Toni's definitely going to be looking for that woman now, he just realized that his custom order carpet that installs tomorrow came to us totally blank so hopefully his customer really wants white carpet.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/02/2019

The Daily Chatter*

10/02/2019

"Read the f*cking bucket." was not the response that Tim wanted to hear from Steve on the phone in front of his customers yesterday.

Michael obviously doesn't listen to me, he just found out on Sunday that Pat is Mary's brother.

Steve was complaining about his office being cold this morning, the horrible thing is that his old office is toasty warm today.

Tim thinks that Bud's a great swindler after seeing what he scored for prizes at the Wing Cook-Off so now he wants him selling for the commercial division.

Toni found out today that Steve's not willing to try Ethiopian food because he thinks they only eat bugs.

*not to be construed as Gossip