10/31/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/31/2018

Another Halloween and the only one to dress up today was Toni. He looked just like the construction worker from The Village People. I think Michael's the reason why Tim doesn't dress up in a onesie anymore. 

Tim for some reason was very uncomfortable with Michael and Ashley talking about boobs in his office today. Normally guys love talking about that sort of thing, just ask anyone of our installers.

Bill asked Toni why his construction vest was so dirty and mentioned it's not like he does any work in the field. Does Bill not know why Toni likes to go to his job sites and roll around in dirty places? Hopefully these visuals will help him.

Sorry Roger this meme is probably offensive to your beliefs but oh well...

*not to be construed as Gossip 

10/30/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/30/2018

"Your people would say cinco but my people would say five." Roger to me, I was flattered that he thought I had a nice white girl tan but that wasn't the case at all.

Toni went to Bill and asked him what to get Nikki for her birthday. I don't think Toni will be going back because Bill told him to give her a baby.

It's not even Christmas and the daughter from the Jenner's surprised her mother with a new Ferrari. I think I need to get some richer and more generous friends.

Only Toni would tell me a story where he told some guys not to break into his car because they were out roaming the streets at 4 am.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/29/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/29/2018

Ashley made her appearance today at the office but Bill demanded that everyone give him attention instead of her. 

Bill told me that he finished "Downton Abbey" over the weekend. I told him that he has to watch "Poldark" in the near future because his wife will appreciate the eye candy. 

I think Ashley and Howard have a thing going on because Howard wanted to know how she was doing and people just aren't that nice. 

It's a good thing that Kellen left because as of right now I'm Sarah's favorite person at work, it's been quite a Monday for me. I feel like I should have prepared a speech. 

Toni dressed up as Tom Selleck in Magnum PI over the weekend because that's what he does. Then we started discussing the characters in the new series and I said I couldn't ever watch it because the new guy doesn't even have the Tom Selleck mustache. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/26/2018

Sarah taught Katherine how to play with guns today and to shoot things on her daddy's desk.

Poor Tim he's so helpless trying to find things. He whined to me that he needed his wife.

Steve and Michael are both gone until next week. I'm starting to think that Michael likes to tag along with everybody else on their outings.

Toni talked to Ashley and I'm pretty sure he just guilted her into thinking that Bill was going to kill himself because of his work load.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/25/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/25/2018

I stewed all night over the fact that Sarah told Shira that she was one of the most selfless people that she knew because I swear that she had just told me the same thing. Finally I realized no she told me that I was one of the most selfish people she knew but at least she kept it original, that's all I cared about.

The guys got way too happy just saying the word Doodle Bug in Bill's office after lunch. I'm starting to wonder if somebody gave all of them a liquid lunch.

I think Toni's trying hard to get Bud to owe him one, if you know what I mean...

Bill did an excellent job of trying to trick Roger into thinking that it was Wednesday again. The problem was that Roger almost did something drastic because he started to panic and we don't need two employees in the hospital. Bill's already miserable enough with Ashley in the hospital. Instead of sending her flowers he expects that we send him flowers and pork rinds because he's had a rough week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/24/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/24/2018

Hell may have just frozen over because Bill claims that he's coming into work tomorrow. I guess I'm going to need to cancel our Thursday festivities.

I finally accused Bud of being the last person to talk to Ashley 2.0 before she quit us. If Bud doesn't come into work tomorrow you'll definitely understand why.

Kellen texted Bud this morning and said he was offered a high paying job somewhere, I didn't get the details but I'm sure it has something to do with him becoming an outer space lawyer and training monkeys while playing laser tag. I'm sure that Sarah can fill us in on the details of his top secret mission later.

British police released a photo of a robbery suspect who has an uncanny resemblance to Ross.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/23/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/23/2018

Bill mentioned that the most frustrating thing about watching "Downton Abbey" for Roxanne is that she can't wear a tiara anytime she wants to unlike the characters in the show. Well I think she can if she wants to....

Mary's so called trouble friends were at Stephanie's baby shower the other day and they weren't drinking, snorting coke or doing anything scandalous the other day. They mentioned that Mary is the mischief maker and they constantly have to keep their eyes on her.

"You and Mary have different approaches to letting employees go." Toni to Bill   (Toni heard Shira and Mary laughing)

Toni was complaining about his bum again today....

I bribed Michael that if he gave me juicy gossip that his stuff would get pushed to the top of the list. He had the nerve to tell me that he doesn't like to spread rumors. Why is he acting so holy at the moment?

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/22/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/22/2018

I was telling Bill about Stephanie's baby shower that I went to yesterday and mentioning how Marty told Stephanie that he wouldn't accept any money for a little side job that he did for her. Bill's ticked because Marty takes money from him all the time and doesn't give him anything for free. I did explain to Stephanie that she owes him something now but I'm just not sure what Marty has in mind....

Roxanne is concerned that The Daily Chatter is going to suffer now that Kellen is gone from the company.

Ashley 1.0 said that her anesthesiologist called and asked her if she has a will. Now she doesn't want to go to her surgery tomorrow.

Toni says his bum hurts....

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/19/2018

Tim mentioned that he ordered stickers for his bus but he wouldn't tell me what they were of. It also sounds like he also needs to order some stripper poles for the thing and then he'll bring it in.

When I jokingly said next to your other ten boats in the garage Tim corrected me and said he only had seven of them.

Bud blames Ashley 1.0 for getting him sick. She denies that she's been sick otherwise they won't let her go ahead with her surgery next week so apparently Bud needs to blame somebody else.

Apparently Toni is flinging $20's around like they were a quarters. I guess we'll have to confront him someday that he didn't win that lottery.

I got a good laugh out of this one and it will only make sense if you know the guy. Cronin sent an email over telling everyone that they have a new branch manager and his name is Jason Jensen.

Steve mentioned yesterday that Toni's the most feminine person in the office. Which explains why he was shopping at Bryn Walker so early this morning. Speaking of which they have some really odd clothing that I don't understand but apparently Toni digs his new Aladdin suit.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/18/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/18/2018

I personally think that Ashley 2.0 didn't come in today because she was out goofing off with Tim somewhere.

I talked to Roger today way more than any person ought to.

I think my Thai hot food order from Grubhub today was faster than Jimmy John's on most days, it took them less than 20 minutes, I couldn't believe it.

I know that Sarah just brought in bags of Candy this week but everyone's been a little stressed today so I think we're going to need at least a pallet more.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/17/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/17/2018

Toni came into work today he obviously he didn't win his millions and hopefully he reconsiders leaving.

Bill wanted to quit "Downton Abbey" because Matthew died. I told him we've all been there, we've all debated whether or not to continue and I told him that it's worth it to keep going. If any of you disagree with me then keep your mouth shut.

Toni and Marty seem to be having a lovers spat today. It was probably because Steve and Toni were fondling each other earlier.

Roger found out today that the months of the year finally got changed around. He had a customer tell him that she met with him in September, we went through February and now we're into October. I'm glad that somebody finally informed him of the change.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/16/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/16/2018

Bill's been complaining that he needs more Zen in his life and Zen tea will work for the moment but I think he desperately misses his Zen Garden (hint hint Roxanne, Christmas is right around the corner).

NYC had its first shooting free weekend in twenty-five years, that's quite amazing.

According to Michael he only has a little thing for me when I clean the office and he's very specific about my clothing and what I have to be wearing. He's starting to sound like Marty....

Toni thinks he's going to win $25 million with his friends on the lottery and he's trying to decide on his quitting date here. I think it's been stressing him out all day, that's why he ended up with a horrible headache. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that his brother in law and sister in law are staying with him for the week.

Bill and Toni (luckily in Bill's office) "What can we grow three inches with?" I would hate to see all of the misleading products that they were shopping for. It was super embarrassing because they were calling sales reps to get technical information on the products.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/15/2018

Bill's a little upset, Typhinee called him Kellen today.

Sarah seems to be out of the woods and recovering from the flu which is great because she probably called 200 plus times last week telling us that she probably wasn't going to make it and what we needed to write in her obituary and what we needed to do in order to take care of her family and what Christmas gifts to get them and Kellen. The poor girl was a mess.

Toni and Tim wiped out the entire Washington state duck population over the weekend.

Toni thinks that he can steal a plane now that he has an airport badge. Apparently that is true at Seatac.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/12/2018

"What's the point in being married if you can't blame your spouse for everything." Bill

Bill thinks that we got a new water cooler cover. I had to remind him that it's the same one that he bought years ago (Roxanne he's losing it big time....).

The world's longest non-stop flight was completed today, Singapore to Newark which was 18 hours. Our trip from Los Angeles to Vienna was 12 hours and at one point I woke up on the flight and decided that planes shouldn't be in the air that long.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/11/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/11/2018

I came in today to a petition to boycott my day off yesterday posted on my door. For those of you who signed Bill's piece of crap paper you may not receive a check next week and I already informed Howard that we won't be selling his flooring or prep anymore. 

Larry looks bigger but he doesn't feel any heavier. I think his Afro is just getting bigger.

"It looked like I was getting a blow job from Prince." Toni about one of his pictures that he took

I think Typhinee thought that I was being rude because I stole Larry from Toni. This is a given if you bring a dog, cake or a child to work I think I have the right to take it or them.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/09/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/09/2018

Sarah refilled her candy dish and now she thinks she's inadvertently killing Toni with chocolate.

Toni has a class for Larry tonight. He mentioned that he thinks there are some weird people there. He said one lady mentioned that her other dogs name is Cockinator and for some reason Toni doesn't think that name is appropriate but drawing male genitalia while doodling is.

Ashley 1.0 lost it today, she asked me if I had seen her Magic Bullet that was on the counter. She later discovered that it's still on the counter.

I saw a headline that someone called the cops on some whales because they were going underneath their boat. Is that what Toni would do too?

I will be gone tomorrow at a funeral, don't tell Tim otherwise he won't come in.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/08/2018

Bill claims that his wife gave him cash and she also wouldn't tell him why because she claims that she would just be repeating herself by telling him again.

Bill finally taught his daughter to swear over the weekend. We all knew that day was coming with two potty mouths for parents.

It's always Steve's fault according to Bill and Ashley 1.0.

I'm finally to the end of our trip. We went to Milan during Milan fashion week and it was so freaking hot that we couldn't wear our pimping fur coats so that was a huge disappointment :). One of the funniest things that happened to us was when we returned our rental car in Milan before staying in the city. We dropped it off at some weird little office that two guys were working at. After they checked us in they asked us where we were staying and they both argued over who should give us the directions. Basically they both ended up giving us their recommendations but I definitely wasn't expecting this kind of personal attention in a big city.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/05/2018

Sarah has exciting news, she booked a spring trip to Ireland to see her family and she promised to take all of us.

I accused Ashley 1.0 of calling her mommy to get her out of an awkward situation. 

We took a day trip from Lake Como into Bellizona, Switzerland one day to visit three castles because it was supposed to rain. Knowing that it was supposed to rain, I dressed in layers but it ended up being so freaking hot that the little bit of rain that fell on me felt good on my skin. There were a few times on this trip where we felt like we were in the Caribbean because it was so hot and muggy and this was definitely one of those days and I'm not complaining I love the heat compared to the dreary rain that we're having now.

10/04/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/04/2018

Remember the last time that Sarah tried being sober for a month and how we banned her from the office. Well get ready for that again because it's sober October for her, I think it was mandated by her parole officer.

Lake Como was beautiful, we stayed in the town of Menaggio which translates to where all of the super old British people stay. One night we ate at our hotels dining room and I was by far the youngest person in the room and Ryan we think came in second place. When we arrived at the hotel they mentioned to us how they upgraded our room which had a bedroom loft and a balcony. After we saw the hotel crowds age we realized that we were the safest bet for having to walk up a set of stairs so we joked that our age is how we got the room. Our hotel was right next to the ferry dock which was super convenient for us. One night we took the ferry to Bellagio for dinner and shopping. Across from our town was the city of Varenna which we also spent some time in touring a villa and an old castle. The night before we left for Milan we noticed that they were setting up a movie set in the middle of a town square, we never did figure out what movie or show it was for.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/03/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/03/2018

Happy Birthday Dot!

Toni is off to Nashville tomorrow.

Everyone knows that Tim has a big mouth, in fact I'm pretty sure it's on our doormat. Toni had to tell Bill and me a story proving again why you can't tell Tim any secrets. 

The drive from the mountains to Lake Garda was beautiful, the hillsides of monstrous rock formations were incredible. The only unfortunate thing was that all of the Italians were visiting Lake Garda the Sunday that we arrived, earlier in the day there had been a triathlon so the city that we stayed in was packed. We ended up taking a ferry boat to a 13th century castle on a peninsula and walked to some nearby Roman Ruins.

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/02/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/02/2018

Toni had his drivers license updated with his new address and he thought they screwed up his drivers license #. Apparently in July they started giving out new drivers license numbers.

The cold weather is definitely here, Ashley 1.0 had her door closed trying to keep the heat in and I was dreaming of wearing fur capes and insulated boots.

According to Ashley 1.0, Michael needs to go back to driving like Bill from Iowa who he pretended to be while on vacation.

From Salzburg we rode the train to Bolzano, Italy and then rented a car to go to the mountains. We lucked out on our room somehow they ended up giving us a room with a balcony that had spectacular views of the Dolomite mountains. I discovered one of the greatest things in life at this hotel, on their morning buffet they had freshly made cream filled croissants (which were delicious) warmed in a portable croissant case which made the croissants absolutely perfect. I'll be putting the croissant case on my Christmas wish list just in case anyone wants to buy me one. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

10/01/2018

The Daily Chatter*

10/01/2018

Bill and Roxanne had baby food stolen from their front porch over the weekend and of course they have a Ring camera installed and have footage of the young girl stealing the box. Obviously this young thing is on the same road of life as Sarah.....

Bill ended up with a cold and Mary, Typhinee and Ashley 1.0 were teasing him that he actually sounds like a man now. Bill thought they should have done the right thing and talked about him behind his back.

I can't believe that Dot trusted Roger to keep their dog alive while she was gone. Roger couldn't even manage to remember to come into the office today for his birthday cake.

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on Roger because Ashley 1.0 managed to lock her dog in a hotel bathroom within five minutes of arriving.

We rented a car and drove from Salzburg to Hallstatt on a rainy day. Luckily for us we knew we would be protected from the rain once we were inside some ice caves. We took our gondola ride up the mountain in the fog and got off and they gave us directions where to go for the ice cave tour. The website failed to mention that you won't need your warm clothes once inside the ice caves because they make you walk 15 minutes straight up a freaking steep hill. My husband never did put on his jacket (but he does think he's a Viking), this was about an hour tour with 550 steps to climb. In one area of the ice caves they actually do some sort of piano concerts in August. I'm still perplexed as to how they get the piano in and out of the cave.

 *not to be construed as Gossip