06/29/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/29/2018

Bill obviously missed his calling in life, he really wanted to be a travel agent. He told me if I wanted to ever see China that I only had to go to Walmart, to see London I only needed to go to Lake Havusu in Arizona to see London Bridge and he rattled off a bunch of other places too.

Toni told us that Jeff Goldbloom was coming in today. Bill was excited because he wanted to thank him in person for saving the planet ("Independence Day" for those of you who are clueless).

Bill forgot that I went to Italy last year. Am I going to have to resend him all of those pictures again? Nevermind, he just thinks I photoshopped myself into those pictures.

Steve apparently has turned into Bill and scared the crap out of our installer who couldn't work this week because he had a heart attack because the installer brought in a doctors note.

Toni's off to San Diego for his Pride Weekend with two other men. Roger mentioned that there would be kneepads involved.

Sarah's husband actually showed up today. Bill was pretty sure that he was going to be a no show so he left work.

Here's a few more of my photoshopped pictures from San Diego where I claimed to be last week.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/28/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/28/2018

Steve told me that Kellen thinks that Toni looks like George Clooney, I might disagree but whatever.

Mary asked for Courtney on the phone this morning, you know she had a wild night.

Ashley 1.0 called me judgy today....

Sarah claims that her husband will be in tomorrow for all of you doubters (that she really has a husband). I have to say I've seen him before and he's real.

On our trip we drove up to La Jolla one night and had a wonderful dinner at the Lodge at Torrey Pines with all of our famous golf friends but along the way we stopped at a beach that was known for having seals. When we were leaving I looked out in the ocean and noticed some sort of dolphins or whales that were slowly going by (I know I just scared Toni with the word whale).

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/27/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/27/2018

Roxanne, you need to yell at your husband.  Bill left a huge price tag on the flowers that he bought for Ashley 2.0 this morning. I do appreciate that he brought in flowers but please still yell at him.

Michael couldn't remember who Rosali was but then he did finally remember the comment that Kellen made about her so it brought everything back to his memory.

Steve finally did it, he drove one of our installers into having a heart attack. Luckily it wasn't on the job site so thankfully I don't have to fill out L&I forms and write "Steve" under the cause or reason.

I have to share photos of course. This ended up being one of my favorite spots in San Diego, Sunset Cliffs they overlooked the ocean and it was a very beautiful and peaceful place to be. It was also a great place to get high from other peoples joints (there were plenty of surfers).

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/26/2018

Bill thinks that we need to buy Toni a smaller coffee scoop for the office, the little guy was pretty hyper this morning.

Bill keeps telling me that he's turning into Tim....

I didn't realize that Barry Gibb was the only living Bee Gee. He was just knighted by Prince Charles.

Kind of strange, several people I know were in San Diego days ahead of me and apparently Nikki was there at the same time as me and now Toni leaves Friday to go there.

Bill wanted to know where today went and then I reminded him that Howard visited and he knew instantly where his time went.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/20/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/20/2018

I'm pretty sure that Tim and Bill were arguing over $0.04 today.

Tim told me that I was all messed up today because I couldn't keep my days straight. Well technically today is my Friday, I'm not sure how Tim doesn't get messed up playing hookie all the time.

Toni apparently has no idea what fifteen minutes really is. He completely lied to Bill and me today.

We're off to San Diego in the morning, see you all on Tuesday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/19/2018

Roxanne really must hate all of us. Why would she let Bill come to work today when he was grumpy? Or if she doesn't hate us maybe I should ask is Roxanne duct taped to a chair in a closet because she tried to save all of us from Bill yet Bill wanted to come to work to try and depress the rest of us?

I heard Tim refer to Michael as his partner on the phone today. Totally makes sense now, why else would they want some hole in the wall to see each other in their new offices.

Toni's just as bad as his mother, he brought in treats from the new bakery cafe down the street.

Bill was so depressed today that he just played with his pencils.

On Saturday Ryan and I went for a hike at Snow Lake and this time it delivered on its name. Half of the trail was still covered with snow and a good portion of the lake was too. It was a beautiful day when we started and by the time we were heading for the car the mountain was totally covered with clouds and it even started to rain.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/18/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/18/2018

"I thought of you a lot this weekend." Toni to Bill

Apparently the thought of going up in a hot air balloon makes Toni's feet hurt. Tim was supposed to do that yesterday but wasn't able to because of the thunder clouds. He's going to try again in three weeks.

I found out over the weekend that I suck at the game Battle of the Sexes. It might be because I just don't pay attention to my husband to understand all of the important things in a mans life like what the handle of a sword is called.

Sarah now has a phobia of making people cry while she's talking to them. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/15/2018

I told Bill that we needed to ask for another prep sales rep because I don't like the current ones laugh.

Tim's idea of Safety Plans are to tell the contractor that we promise not to get hurt.

I think Michael and Tim are both leaving sometime next week to join Ashley 1.0 in Mexico, then I leave on Thursday to join them, should be a blast.

Our Friday herd of customers all came in again at the same time today.

I'm pretty sure Toni's going to get out of his Wild Strawberry Festival and go and visit his special friend Barry Manilow in the Las Vegas hospital. Barry came down with pneumonia and he desperately needs his Toni.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/14/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/14/2018

Tim has a rep crap list going today and Jay is at the top of his list.

Sarah seems to attract mice everywhere that she goes.

Tim didn't appreciate his Golden Girls paper dolls that I made for him for his birthday. He gave them back to me today, that ungrateful prick.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/13/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/13/2018

"I should have at least brought my tooth to look more professional." Ferguson to Bill

Toni was informed that he's going to the Wild Strawberry Festival this weekend because Nikki told him so.

It's starting to sound like the office is going to be pretty empty next week.

Toni and Bill need to watch their back because they kept cutting in front of me today....

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/12/2018

Bill has hand sanitizer that smells like pot that he got from Howard but it's labeled as Flexco...

Tim said he was off to some Ducks Anonymous event, I'm glad he finally realizes that he has a problem.

I still don't understand how Steve ended up with some of the sweetest little girls on the planet. I swear they melt my heart every time they're in here.

I have to apologize, I reported false information yesterday. It wasn't police tape at Bubba's around the man choking his chicken but it was caution tape. Ryan mentioned they have a hole in their parking lot and I'm assuming the caution tape will always be there because I can't imagine that will ever get fixed.

Ashley 1.0 leaves for Mexico on Thursday so please don't ask what all of the fru fru drinks on her desk are tomorrow,  she's just sorting out what's going to be her favorite on this trip.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/11/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/11/2018

I came into work yesterday and I thought that it was Toni's car was in the parking lot and I said something to Ryan about Toni being here. Then we noticed the passenger was a woman and it wasn't Nikki, Ryan told me not to judge...Whatever, I can judge whomever I want (he should know that by now) but I don't think the guy in the car was Toni after all unless Toni got kicked out of the house and had to sleep in his car with his mistress.

Michael told me that I made a sexy cleaning woman this morning, I think he's really into the purple gloves. It was very considerate of him to flirt with me on my 5th Wedding Anniversary.

Toni went to Gator's yesterday and everyone inside got to see a guy jacking off in the bushes. When I left work that guy had made it over to Bubba's and they had police tape up. I'm not really sure what the police tape was about though.

Roger was down here on Saturday and mentioned the crazy party he had the night before (Dot had been out of town). I'm pretty sure he had been up all night otherwise he definitely wouldn't have been here.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/08/2018

In Roger's words if someone is concerned about VOC's in their flooring, they're an old hippie. Then he referred me to  his website to buy one of his books on the subject because I am apparently too young to understand any of this and why his name is really Wildflower Revelation. Roger (Wildflower) has several great titles:  Buds, Love & Keeping It Mellow Yellow, Rainbows and Reefer & My Unbecoming Life as Yoko Ono. It looks like I have a whole summers worth of Roger reading ahead of me and that doesn't include the books that he's written about all of us.

Apparently it takes three women in the warehouse to find one outgoing job but it only takes one bossy woman (Typhinee) to tell a man what all he's taking whether he likes it or not.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/07/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/07/2018

Tim's pretty sure he's gay now because he loved the musical "Hairspray" last night and he's taking tomorrow off to sort out his feelings....

Roger's vacation was cancelled, he is now 0/2.

Bill is "vacationing" in Salt Lake City this week so he'll be grumpy and dehydrated when he gets back.

For those of you who know what the iconic English Triffle scene from"Friends" is (pretty much everyone except Tim, Toni and Michael). Matt LeBlanc recently shared how he ended up eating (David Schwimmer's) regurgitated triffle during the scene and didn't know it.
https://www.mamamia.com.au/matt-leblanc-friends-blooper-joey-trifle/

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/06/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/06/2018

Happy Birthday Tim!

For Tim's birthday he's going to see the musical "Hairspray". I've already told him that he's hung with Toni too long that he's one of the girls now.

Typhinee told Sarah that Ashley 2.0 said a bad word and Sarah didn't believe her. I think Typhinee's a bad influence and it's because she had to put up with Roger for so many years.

Tim liked his tall, dark and delicious so I'm still going to need a stripper to make up for my birthday flop.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/05/2018

Mary finally told me the story about my birthday card and that Michael basically whited out Toni's signature and wrote his name and then everyone else crossed off everyone's name and wrote in theirs. Toni wrote "Thanks for calling me gay for the last five years." The other half of the story is everyone thought that Michael was a genius for what he did but technically he never read what Toni wrote before whiting out Toni's name.

Thanks nobody for telling me that I had a chocolate Hitler stache going on today.

I tried talking Sarah into stealing children (because her son is growing up way too fast) so that we would all be famous when they made a movie about her. I also promised to tell the police that it was Kellen and not her.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/04/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/04/2018

I'm really not sure what kind of party Bill and Roxanne threw for their two year old daughter because the only thing my husband could remember when he got home was some very large woman's breasts and apparently she was making erotic balloon animals for the kids. In my husbands defense he doesn't normally talk about other women's breasts so I have to blame Bill and Roxanne.

I ordered Tim a tall, dark and delicious something for Tim's birthday. If it turns out to be a male stripper I'll take it since I didn't get one for my birthday.

It's a good thing that Roger didn't see Toni's package today. The outside had a label that said it contained Roasted Monkey Nuts.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/01/2018

The Daily Chatter*

06/01/2018

Happy Birthday to me! Very disappointed though, no strippers like I was promised and Michael sure didn't pitch in. Is this why Tim stayed home today?

I told Bill that Katherine ruined my birthday because my husband will be too busy to bother to do anything nice for me tonight because he's making food for Katherine's birthday tomorrow. Bill pretty much told me to blame Roxanne so I'll blame everybody.

I think Bill was offended that I thought that Ashley 1.0 hung my streamers because they are only like five feet in the air (he hung them).

*not to be construed as Gossip