12/29/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/29/2017

I think Toni hates me today, I made him work and he got nothing done for himself.

"He's not one of the reps at the top of my list who should lick my balls." Toni

Ashley coped pretty well today considering that the Cougar's lost pretty bad last night.

Have a happy new year's everyone.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/28/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/28/2017

Tonight is the Cougars Holiday Bowl. No matter what the game score is tonight  please don't disturb Ashley tomorrow because she will be hung over.

Toni tried explaining to Ashley why he doesn't wear yoga pants and apparently Ashley turned the conversation on him and now Toni really doesn't know if she's a dude or a lady.

Apparently if you buy your makeup at Claire's it may have Asbestos in it. I'm pretty sure I saw Michael toting around his rainbow glitter heart shaped makeup set the other day and that is apparently one of the products that they pulled from their shelves.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/27/2017

Ashley has never been to Canada, I think there's something wrong with her.

Leave it to a suspicious looking fruitcake to shut down Seattle's busiest ferry dock because it looked like a bomb.  Aren't all fruitcakes suspicious looking?

Poor Toni has been around a workplace full of women all week and now he's going crazy and hearing imaginary door chimes.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/26/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/26/2017

Bill and Roxanne had baby William on Christmas Day and of course Mary's already held him.

Bill picked out a urologist by the name of Dr. Dong...

It sounds like Jenny is relieved that Christmas is over and that Steve bought her an apple watch instead of the affair that she thought he had all because of the way he wouldn't answer her questions about some missing money.

I think my husband is mad at me, he didn't get his giant popcorn maker that won't fit in our house for Christmas.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/22/2017

Ashley thought that Mary had been hitting her little bottle of fireball because she heard Mary call one of her customers a bitch to her face.

Riley is the smartest dog ever that's all I have to say.

Ashley got to see the Beverly Goldberg in Mary today. Mary was saying how upset and hurt she was because none of her kids would be with her on Christmas day and how she gets punished for staying married to her husband.

Merry Christmas everyone!

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/21/2017

Typhinee called me a loser first thing this morning.

My husband rarely posts on FB and yesterday I saw him comment on a post of some of our relatives in Paris and he was telling them places to go. I did a double take and then I decided this has got to be another Ryan with the same last name and then I looked and realized it was my husband. Then my next thought was someone took over his FB account or otherwise he's been holding out on me that he's a Paris travel expert. Turns out someone at his work took over his phone.

Apparently if you need a free ride in the middle of the night from Mt Baker, Toni is the best friend to have on speed dial for that.

Crazy after doing coke Sarah has no idea who anyone is on the phone. Michael was apparently with Sarah because he called after she did and he was just as confused as she was.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/20/2017

Bill let someone else rake his garden today....

Apparently nobody told Tim that we hired someone new. He came to the front desk this morning and asked "who the he$$ are you?"

We're pretty sure that Tim thinks that Ashley was hammered and doing coke in front of Sarah's son at the Christmas Party and that Sarah was fine with it. What he doesn't realize is that Ashley was teaching Sarah's son how to do coke and of course Sarah was fine with it at the time but now she's mad at her because she realized

Michael thinks that the men around here are going to become more in touch with their feelings now that there are so many women running around here. It's already happened for Roger, he cries every time he sees me.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

12/19/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/19/2017

Steve says Bill is the Fun Nazi.

Steve's an a$$hole according to Typhinee. He stuck a beeping device in her office that drove her to believe that the batteries on someone's spying device was getting low.

I think we're going to have to get rid of Ashley. She said the mother on "The Goldbergs" drives her nuts and she can't watch the show. When she told me this I was just heartbroken because little does she know that Mary could actually be the real Beverly Goldberg but just not Jewish.

I feel old I was watching "9JKL" last night the show with Elliott Gould and the mother from "Friends" was also on that episode and she had white hair and I didn't recognize her but I recognized her voice.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/18/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/18/2017

"We would be worthless bastards if we didn't have wives." Tim about himself and Michael

Kellen told us that he likes movies about drugs not because he likes drugs but because drug dealers are great entrepreneurs.

All I have to say is that if Toni thinks that you're gayer than he is then you must be.

Nikki put a Super Moist desktop picture on Toni's computer. She obviously wants coal for Christmas.

Poor Nathaniel is probably pretty blue today some K-Pop boy band leader died.

Another party down and I still haven't met Michael's wife.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/15/2017

Poor Roger thinks that Dot's office isn't inviting spouses to her Christmas Party. He just doesn't realize that he is the reason why spouses weren't invited.

Tim screwed me royally today and he's not even here today to yell at. The other day he tripped over the wire for the check scanner and it went flying onto the floor. Needless to say when I put a check into scan today it wouldn't go. Luckily Bill felt sorry for me and fixed it and saved my day.

Joe apparently also saved the day, Kellen put the red wine in the fridge and Joe pulled it out.

I think Bill thought that I was just being bitchy again until he stepped into that someone's cloud of perfume that I was complaining about.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/14/2017

Kellen came up with a new name for one of our subs today. He comes into my office and says something like Vladimir is looking for his work order and the guys name is Dimitri. I have a feeling that we're going to have to pay him extra to want to work with us now.

Why is Roger punishing me? He brought two screaming kids into the showroom with some weird parents.

FYI don't be surprised if Sarah starts to drink a little too much tomorrow night and wants all of the guys to console her because her husband is too busy to join her and her son thinks she's a nag and has been leaving notes for her on the computer.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/13/2017

I don't think my husband is going to forgive me when he finds out that I didn't share two half pound Reese's with him.

"I wouldn't be a good boss if I didn't make everything about myself." Bill

I told Toni that Kellen just ruined my Christmas. I had high hopes of meeting his girlfriend and asking a bunch of questions but apparently he doesn't think that our party will be good enough for her. He said he was concerned about what the invitations said about crazy talk with his co-workers.

Toni asked Kellen in a separate conversation if he was coming to the Christmas party and he mentioned he couldn't bring his girl because of the way that Steve and Bill talk. Toni was disappointed that he didn't say his (Toni's) name also. So technically Steve and Bill ruined my Christmas.

Mary made it very clear to Ashley today that if she had an office romance with anyone in the warehouse that she would want to know about it so that we all could judge her later.

Roger dropped a bomb on me today, he said that Dot wasn't going to make our party. Has she been talking to Kellen?

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/12/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/12/2017

Toni grossed me out first thing this morning. He told me that he found a spider in his beard after showering this morning (it came off his towel).

Any day now Mary and her friends should be receiving an invoice from the Sorrento Hotel for rearranging their furniture to their liking.

Steve tried telling his wife yesterday that he was noble and stepped in to defend a woman in a fight in downtown Seattle and that was the reason for the gash on his head. Turns out he somehow smacked himself with a board at the shop.

Tim doesn't understand why I have a bunch of leg lamp lights hanging from my desk for Christmas. Obviously he hasn't seen "A Christmas Story".

Toni flipped out and almost started crying because Bill offered to give him some old racing stickers today.

How sweet Ashley claims that she's going to miss Bill and me in her new office. I'm sure next week she'll forget that we even exist.

Steve complained today that he felt left out because nobody decorated his desk with Christmas stuff. Bill was kind enough to go back and tp his desk while he was gone so that he wouldn't feel left out.

Since Tim is the only one who looks amazing in a bunny outfit I really wish he would come to our Christmas Party wearing this one. Seeing Tim in this would surely make Roxanne go into labor.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/11/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/11/2017

Bill thinks that he's going to be inconvenienced again by when the baby decides it wants to come out. He said the last time he was in the middle of watching "Seinfeld". This time he's pretty sure it will be in the middle of our company Christmas Party.

I really expected Mary to be the one to call in sick today with a hangover but it was Sarah.

Ryan and I finally picked out our next vacation over the weekend and none of you are going to believe it, we're going on another Caribbean Cruise. This will make #11.

Toni needs to quit pushing Nikki down the stairs, that poor girl.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/08/2017

Why is it that Steve always has the best stories? He went to a tree farm last night and came back with a typical National Lampoons Christmas Vacation story.

Bill said that Mary called in today and insisted on having a stripper pole installed in her office in time for our holiday party. I can't wait to see her sweet skills.

Roger went to California last weekend without telling me. He told me he came back sick because he went to a strip club the night before he left for California and then he almost lost his bag. Some guy took his bag but was luckily still at the airport having a beer with a friend.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/07/2017

This is too funny not to share, Sarah's kid requested gas masks for Christmas. She thinks it has something to do with him seeing them in a video game and not him thinking that this is the end of the world.

I told Ashley not to pick up the phone if Mary calls this afternoon because she's out with her girlfriends today and tomorrow and more than likely she'll be inebriated. You know those ladies all have purses full of little bottles of booze.

Today was a big day, Kellen broke his silence and talked to me again. There weren't any witnesses so I'm pretty sure he'll deny it.

Roger claims that he's 100% normal and that we can make fun of him, done deal.

From the text that we received yesterday, I'm pretty sure Tim is staying in Moses Lake because he found another company to work for, Apex Cannabis.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/06/2017

I apologized to Ashley this morning for starting a rumor about her "being" with a certain someone out in the warehouse yesterday. She was missing from her desk what else was I supposed to think? I apparently shouldn't have said anything because now she's mad at me for not giving her enough credit.

Roger told Bill this morning that Mary's desk would never look like his. Bill just blamed everything on Ashley.

Now my office reminds Typhinee of high school because she smoked clove cigarettes.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm naïve and there really is something going on with Ashley and a certain someone because he gave her a handful of starburst candies and then Roger told them that they would make a cute couple.

Toni owes Ashley big time...She had to help his customer today.

"If anyone is having relations around here it's those two." Ashley about Toni and Steve

I felt like Jim Carey this morning in "Dumb and Dumber" when Michael told me that there's a chance his wife will be able to make our Christmas Party (I know not the same situation but I still had to laugh).

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/05/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/05/2017

Bill mentioned that Toni's been complaining about his car not being fuel efficient enough and that he wants to buy a more economical one (of course this is why he's thinking about getting an old Trans Am). Yesterday Toni shows up driving his pickup that Bill claims would be more environmentally friendly if it used sliced dolphins. Yes, Bill's a horrible person for even thinking of such a thing but he's right.

I threatened Roger today and in return he paid me a compliment, that poor screwed up delusional man.

I'm concerned Bill was repeating "Wassup" to himself alone in his office today.

One of our reps brought in flavored popcorn today and one of the flavors was truffle. I told Toni that it made me want to go back to Italy.

Steve mentioned that Kellen must have bought green board for Ashley's office because he was afraid that he (Steve) would use it as a bathroom.

Toni is  now calling Bill his jellybean.

The big question of the day is am I ever going to meet Michael's wife? He has another opportunity on the 15th with our Office Christmas Shindig.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/04/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/04/2017

Very disappointing, none of us were invited to Toni and Nikki's Friendsgiving on Saturday. Not saying I could have made it anyways because I was at Roxanne's lovely baby shower where Bill's mother was hitting on my husband.

I'm a little disappointed that Tim's not going to be able to make our Christmas Party this year because I really need someone to dress up as a reindeer.

Poor Randy fell off a ladder in our showroom with spackle in his hand this last weekend or at least that's his excuse as to why there's spackle everywhere. Steve for some reason thinks that Randy and his brother were having spackle wars and throwing it from across the room. My guess is they were playing fireball and they were in a rush to fill in all of the holes so they started covering the ball with spackle to save time.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

12/01/2017

My work email sent one of Michael's work emails to my junk mailbox and it had the message "the sender failed our fraud detection check and may not be who they appear to be". I've always been suspicious of Michael and this just proves he's not who he appears to be.

"We installed it in the bathroom." Bill  "Would that be Steve's office or the other one?" Howard (obviously he can't tell Steve's office apart from the warehouse bathroom)

Did Ashley insist on getting her own office because I talk to myself too much?

Mary left very grumpy today because Ashley and Typhinee were both wearing Cougar attire.

Ferguson stopped by with our rent-a-plant poinsettia for Christmas but he wanted me to tell Bill that he was going to bill us for it this year since we didn't return our plant last year.

I think I'm stuck in the middle of a grade school drama tv series. I just hope Kevin Spacey isn't one of my costars.

*not to be construed as Gossip