06/30/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/30/2017

"You look like a guy who bought a truck and doesn't give a F*#$." Bill to Toni and yes Toni bought another old green truck

Apparently Bill will do a lot of freaky things if he's ever offered $20 million. He thinks that he can buy as much therapy as he wants for that amount of money.

Roger thought that it was none of Dot's business as to her wanting to know the sex of Bill and Roxanne's baby.

Apparently if you want psychedelic drugs Toni's the one to call. One of his friends called him first to ask him this very question the other day.

Bill told Steve that the sales people had a meeting about him becoming an unbearable a$$hole and Steve understood because apparently his step-mother thinks the same thing about him.

Kellen really needs to come up with a pseudonym when posting online reviews, today he gave himself a five star review. 

Toni and Steve were attacked at lunch by some four year old kid who they claim was a sumo wrestler. Toni said that the kids arms were bigger than his.

Note to self, don't ever tell Tim that he entered something into the computer system incorrectly, especially before a holiday weekend. I thought the man was going to go postal.

Steve claims that Toni likes it when he grabs his hips....This is why I can't go to lunch with the guys.

Apparently you don't want to drive behind Tim near a bridge, he won't go over it until traffic clears. Wait till my husband hears that I'm not the only crazy person out there.

Typhinee was pretty sure that Joseph was let go because of the man bun. Bill's going to have to break the news to Kellen, he's going to be heartbroken. (Update~Toni took care of that).

I mentioned to Roger that Joseph doesn't work here anymore and he wanted to know if the Lord took him, I ended up just blaming the whole thing on Sarah.

Stay safe on the fourth and don't answer the phone if Tim calls and wants you to do something stupid with him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/29/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/29/2017

"He has a bunch of empty condom wrappers in his drawers, what's up with that?" Roger about Bill's desk as Roger claims he was only looking for a screwdriver
 
Mary has intentions of actually putting stuff on Bill's walls. I can't believe he has actually agreed to this, he doesn't like things besides his rusty straight edges on his walls.

Sarah needs to go to her property more often, she brought us back a bunch of yummy cherries.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/28/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/28/2017

"It looks like you gave up. It looks like you have a wife and four kids." Bill to Steve about his shoes

Women keep telling Toni that they like his shirt. It sounds like one woman liked his shirt so much that she wanted to take it off of him in the elevator.

Tim claims that he won't be around because his daughter is moving. What good is he going to be with his lame arm, he might as well just come to work. 

Roger told me yesterday that he loves any kind of whore. In fact he thought it was fascinating when I told him that Bill knew all of the habits of crack whores.

Tim's going to be working for free if he uses the forklift anymore, he broke some tile today.

Over the weekend I was at the Fife Museum and I picked up a year book that I thought one of my relatives might be in. Instead it was a year book pretty much dedicated to Randy G. I'm pretty sure he was on every page, I swear he participated in every sport, won everything imaginable (in fact if they offered a category for most prized Japanese student he would have won it). 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/27/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/27/2017

Michael made quite the entrance today. He had his hair up like Joseph but I think he wins for having it up higher and for having more hair.

Steve thinks that Bill can't handle another girl, he claims that he's already a wuss. Steve should talk, he was just telling us how he wants to find one of everything that his almost four year old requested for her birthday. FYI, don't ask her what she wants for her birthday because she needs to find a millionaire.

On Sunday Ryan and I hiked Kelly Butte which was an old fire look out with some incredible views. Thankfully everyone must have been at the Pride Parade because we had a pretty peaceful day.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/26/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/26/2017

Joe thinks that Steve's job sucks.

Joe was in the office for one day and he broke his phone.

FYI Tim does not consider a Waldorf salad as any type of meal.

I swear Joseph's ponytail thing is sticking up even further than it did last week.

Tim told me that I could have the 3rd of July off which is fantastic because I was going to take it off anyways.

Toni was trying to make me guess an old actress and all he could really tell me was that she was small and then he tells me that she's dead so she's probably even smaller now. I guessed Audrey Hepburn and I was correct.

Toni has a five year bet with Bill that is almost due. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/23/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/23/2017

Bill's pretty sure that Amazon is going to regret upping the price on their cloud storage. He thinks they are going to walk through the door anytime now to apologize and get his business back.

Tim just wasted more money on his motorcycle.

Tim apparently doesn't want a third wife, I'm sorry ladies for the disappointing news.

I was glad to see that Joseph took the dumb clip out of his hair. 

Bill thinks someone is trying to poison him with a fruit basket.

Kellen apparently stopped at a yard sale today and bought a couch that he doesn't want. He's been asking everyone if they need a couch and apparently he's asked Typhinee three times now. It's too bad that Sarah wasn't here or he probably would have asked her five times. 

Luke and his wife had their sweet baby girl today. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/22/2017

Joseph really took a liking to Riley today, I'm pretty sure he thinks that she's tonight's dinner.

Toni informed me that Riley isn't coming in tomorrow because Nikki is going to spend the day with her, this is BS.

Mary and Randy left for Modesto, CA today where it's only supposed to be 107 degrees today.

Toni's Macbook had a mind of it's own last night. The battery got hot and started rising out of the computer. Toni claims the Macbook is now sitting outside as a lawn ornament.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/21/2017

You can apparently say Hello to Toni eight times like you can't hear him before he hangs up the phone.

Camelot, Royalty and PacifiCrest closed their doors yesterday.

Bill and Toni's fact of the day, Bill's pretty sure that you can drink horse semen but at one time it was illegal to drink absinthe.

"They don't give a sh*t about your rules." Bill to Tim  Tim wants a doctor that he doesn't have to go to that will prescribe him medication.

Roger apparently didn't put his social security number on his retirement paperwork which is making me think that he really doesn't have one. I always thought it was odd that his number is 123-45-6789 but then I was jealous because his number was always easy to remember.

I'm pretty sure that someday soon Toni and his friends will be banned from stepping foot into Cream Dream, especially when they show up in shirts that they made themselves.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/20/2017

"I need to grow a giant bush." Mr. U'nnells

Bill said that Roxanne was super excited to go on a job interview today because they were meeting at a nice restaurant. I hope she ordered one of everything just to stick it to them.

Leave it to Toni and Steve to check the temperature of their male body parts with a laser thermometer.

Bill said he didn't want to look bad in front of Joseph but he didn't care about looking bad in front of me.

Apparently Sarah needs a compass in order to get around while driving. 

Roger showed us his new Ken doll today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/19/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/19/2017

Our little boy toy at the office has obviously found Matt's hair accessory collection. Just so the rest of you don't feel left out I will bring in some of my hair clips tomorrow for the men and Toni to try.

Toni was on a small plane yesterday coming home from Sun Valley, Idaho and they basically reduced the weight on the plane to nothing. They made 40% of the people get off after they unloaded some random baggage and then they made one couple move 10 rows back to even out the weight. I think Toni and Nikki were allowed to stay because they're little people.

Roger was quizzing Bill and me on Ben Franklin facts this morning. All I remember from "The Office" was that the Ben Franklin from the Scholastic Speakers of Philadelphia was a horny old goat.

Toni told us he got to hang out with Billionaires in Sun Valley but he wouldn't tell us who. 

Bill keeps telling us that he has bronchitis but I'm pretty sure it's just a smokers cough.

I told Tim that it was time for him to get rid of his old chair mat today and he was so sentimentally attached that he didn't understand why until I showed him the new mat.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/16/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/16/2017

Roger, you can't come back until we see your Rocky picture and also don't come back unless you have Dot with you. Please also feel free to wear nicer clothes than Rocky, something pink preferably so that Toni will approve.

Toni hates his life today so that's why Roger needs to find something pink or salmon colored for his picture.

Chris L. called the office today and thought that Joseph sounded like Bill. Chris thought that maybe this was one of Bill's many illegitimate children.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/15/2017

Toni and Steve had some cuddle time today, they both were gone most of the day in this miserable rain.

Kellen wanted me to drive his car to Enterprise so that he could pick up a van today. I was pretty sure it would turn into the "Friends" episode where Joey wanted everyone to buy him a new refrigerator just because.

I'm thinking Toni and Steve also did some "special favors" for our fire marshal today because he doesn't need to come back. Thank-you Toni and Steve for whatever you did.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/14/2017

Steve said he was happy to see Bill today but wasn't going to kiss him. 

Speaking of kissing, one of Toni's friends mentioned that Toni was an incredible kisser on FB....

Steve made another mess with food again. Bill and I think that Jenny must have to follow Steve around with a vacuum cleaner most of the time that he's at home, I bet she's relieved when he goes to work every morning.

What is up with all of you people getting sick...Obviously I wasn't invited to some party that you all went to with spin the bottle because now Sarah's saying that she's sick too.

The Soupman from "Seinfeld" is seeking bankruptcy protection after the CFO was indicted on federal tax invasion charges. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/13/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/13/2017

Toni brought a full can of gas to work with him today. I'm pretty sure he's ready to burn this place down.

Roger is off to Philly tomorrow, he doesn't seem to think that he can let his wife go anywhere by herself. He said something about her not being able to handle all of the good looking men and the gallons of alcohol without him. More than likely we'll hear a report that Dot escaped from Roger when Roger starts arguing with some old man about how the Liberty Bell broke.

Everyone around here is now thinking that maybe Joseph and Bill swapped some spit because Bill's been out for two days now and Joseph had to tell me about his sick weekend in bed.

Joseph thinks that Tim and Toni fund their own jobs.....Did he see Tim taking cash for something? Has he not heard Toni complain about how broke he is now that he bought a house?

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/12/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/12/2017

Michael told me that he likes to pick up his crack in the international district of Seattle.

Roger would appreciate it if people used the air freshener in the restrooms.

Tim's off this week so we are going to tp his home and possibly leave a few employees tied up in his trees.

Mary gets to stay in Tennessee for one more day. Apparently the plane needed a new tire and they couldn't find one so they cancelled the flight.

Roger's afraid that he's going to switch sides if he has a really good looking male customer.

My eyes were damaged yesterday by some fat chick who was wearing see-though exercise pants without underwear who decided to run down the hill in front of me. I will probably be emotionally scarred for the rest of my life.

Matt finally got his name on IMDB for playing a dead guy on "You Can't Win". Now he just needs a Bio. I would be more than happy to write that for him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/09/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/09/2017

"He's a very odd kid." Roger about Toni

I think Mary's been hitting on the young guys again. Joseph seems to have a cough and Mary seemed to be kind of sick before she left and you know her past and how she likes to peak in the bathroom at all of the young guys that we hire.

Toni has promised me that he will only remember me for the age that I was when he first met me. So in 150 years when I die, he claims that he will speak at my funeral and tell everyone that he is in shock that I died so young at the age of 33.

Speaking of people dying young, Glenne Headly who I only knew as the red head on "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" died at the age of 63. She at one time was married to John Malkovich.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

06/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/08/2017

Mary left for Tennessee today to make her sons new home more feminine. I have a feeling that she probably framed some very large family photos to put all over his walls and embroidered a pillow with her face on it because that's what Beverly Goldberg would do.

I left my request for a food order for tomorrows lunch with Typhine. 

Toni and I have bets going as to whether or not Mary gets pushed off the boat by Ryan's girlfriends mother in Tennessee. Needless to say I think there's going to be plenty to gossip about when Mary gets back.

Tim couldn't see me over my monitors today and he just assumed that I ran away.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/07/2017

"She watches it ("Scorpion") just to watch my reaction." Bill about Roxanne

Poor Typhinee was delirious today she honestly thought somebody would bring her in KFC to make up for what he did. I'm sorry but he complained about the biscuit being hard from a lunch that he stole.

I'm really not sure why Bill didn't believe everything that I wrote in "The Chatter" yesterday, I think Roger's been telling him things.

Note to self, if you ever see Jerry Seinfeld on the street don't ask to hug him. Roger that goes for you too.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/06/2017

Happy Birthday Tim!

Tim called Toni a lying b$%tch first thing this morning apparently that was his birthday gift to himself.

Tim and Toni should be relieved to hear that our AC Unit isn't working again. 

Apparently all of us white people look a like. Joseph thought I was joking when I said it was Tim's birthday, he thought Tim just had a birthday and I had to point out it was Michael.

Toni asked Bill if he could wear a male romper to work. Bill told him he could only wear it on male romper day. Luckily for us there isn't a day for that yet....

Next Toni's going to ask about lace shorts because they'll be a hot item too.

Toni was telling Bill that his fridge broke. Bill mentioned that if anyone goes to Toni's house that Toni's going to blame them for the fridge breaking and insist that they pay for it just like Joey did on "Friends".

Typhinee may need to take a leave of absence and get some good meds because she had a traumatic experience today. Somebody named Kellen ate her left overs that were in the fridge and just like Ross she found out that he didn't even eat it all.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/05/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/05/2017

Toni broke up a fight and carried off some little half pint, being Superman again, on Friday at one of the hotels that he does work in. 

"I'm starting to learn that marriage is a battlefield." Bill

"I have so much to learn from Roger." Bill


We got the AC Unit fixed today and Tim and Toni were the first ones to complain that they had icicles growing in their office. Needless to say they are both wearing winter jackets. I'm not sure how these two survive the outdoors.

Ryan and I went out on Saturday hiking but the weather didn't allow for us to see the mountains or most of the lake that we hiked to but we did get to see an owl.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/02/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/02/2017

Happy 1st Birthday to Katherine!

Toni came in yesterday right as I was searching under Bill's desk for a lousy sample so I'm pretty sure Toni thinks that I'm stealing stuff from Bill's office.

Spellcheck on Sarah's phone thinks that she should be Satan.

"Who the f*$% is calling me from here." Tim not wanting to be bothered on a Friday

I can't believe that somebody actually ate all of the goldfish that didn't taste like cheddar.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

06/01/2017

Happy Birthday to me!

Tim and I decided that Toni must have decorated my office because it was all pink. We were wrong it was Mary and Roger wants credit too because he helped move the ladder.

Roger did save the day though he brought in Claim Jumper Chocolate Cake.

Luckily Kellen's reminder for my birthday disappeared from his phone. He claims that he was going to fill my office with balloons and then the rest of you would have been jealous and wondering what I did to deserve that.

Steve is off to Florida today to visit family with his dad. I hope his dad is ready to baby a grown drunk man who can't stand to fly.

The last of the falls that we saw on our trip were Panther Fall minus the panthers that should have there.

*not to be construed as Gossip