02/24/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/24/2017

"I'm a man seeking a man." Bill    Good grief, what is in the water around here....

I'm upset with Bill, he stole Katherine right out of my arms today and apparently he did the exact same thing to Mary. Then he didn't allow Roxanne to come in after lunch. He owes me big time...

Poor Toni thought I was insulting his floor laying skills but I was trying to tell him that he can't say "Huge" the way Steve impersonates Trump.

For those of you who will wonder where the heck I am on Monday morning because you forgot that I am on vacation.  I will be in the Caribbean sea on board the Adventure of the Seas, probably eating all day long in the beautiful sunshine, heading towards Bonaire to hopefully see the flamingos. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/23/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/23/2017

Somebody around here keeps asking me every morning if I did something exciting last night. Normally he only asks after the weekend and he usually only asks if I went hiking. I obviously need to start making up some elaborate stories or maybe he just wants to hear about my sex life.

Typhinee told me I had to look at one of the names on the leads list today, Toni loves this name, Dick Butter.

I found out that I lied to Roger the other day and I asked for his forgiveness but I don't think he's forgiven me yet. In fact he told me that I spew out lies on a constant basis. He's just very emotional today and that might explain why he didn't know which bathroom he should use at Starbucks.

Steve has some pent-up anger. He tried firing Typhinee when she walked out the door tonight.

This snow thing needs to stop already...I'm getting on a plane tomorrow night and I don't want to have to pull a Phoebe and have to steal it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/22/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/22/2017

Roger thinks that our new business might make about three hundred dollars before we get caught and have thousands of dollars in attorney's fees.

Roger made it very clear yesterday that if you use the toilet paper on the commercial that claims that you can go an extra day without changing your underwear that he doesn't think that is kosher.

Toni seems to really be digging the guys in "Grey's Anatomy" and this first started off as Nikki's show.

 I'm pretty sure we have Steve talked into quitting. Maybe if I tell him that he needs to do my job next week.....

"You're like a hooker in a lot of ways." Roger to Steve

 *not to be construed as Gossip

02/21/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/21/2017

Donna apparently doesn't know Tim at all. Tim left his brownberry in Donna's car and she asked him if he really needed it.....

According to our Fed Ex guy Amazon Fresh is going in next door to us. That might explain all of the construction.

Serge screwed us again. He's not going to install tile for the next few months because he wants to flip houses.

"If I was Steve, I would quit my job." Bill

"I'm kind of known for stealing calculators." Roger  

Stop threatening snow before I leave.........

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/20/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/20/2017

Roger's going to love this because he loves taking pictures of his foot. The new trend on Instagram #Selfeet.

Bill is claiming that he's going to quit again. He needs to wait till at least next week.

I haven't received my wedding invitation from Kellen yet...What is the hold up?

David Cassidy claims he's battling dementia at 66 but it might just be an excuse to cover up his drunk ordeal while on stage the other night while slurring and forgetting words.

Whomever stole Mary's calculator from the island is going to have the wrath of Mary upon them because Office Depot doesn't make that large size anymore. 

Kellen was hitting on Matt's four year old daughter (for practice) and she replied that she knew she was pretty.

My sister is in Dubai this week, before she heads off to Italy and I think she's holding one of those 80 falcons from that plane ride that I said would have scared the crap out of Roger.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/17/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/17/2017

One week till I leave for vacation, then all of you can freely talk and whine about me. I know you all will pity me for being so white and thinking that I can take my body to a sunny destination.

"You're clearly the a$$hole." Bill to Roger

Toni got stood up today by everyone including his parents (that's rough).

I almost spelled Toni's name with a Y, what is my problem today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/16/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/16/2017

I'm pretty sure Tim didn't want to go to lunch with Toni today because he's wearing pink shoe laces.

Roger really should be in marketing, he's already come up with an awesome website name for our new company.

Bill had the nerve to drop by today without bringing Katherine. Which only means he has to bring her tomorrow.

Mary stayed home today because she was "sick" but according to FB she was at the Casino just dancing on the tables. I'm really not sure if she won money of if guys just gave her money....

I swear we had another monsoon rain storm last night. I remember waking up and thinking how can Ryan sleep through this but then the next minute I was right back to sleep.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/15/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/15/2017

Roger and I are going to go into business with each other. I can't tell anyone about it though because it's illegal but we're going to have an awesome website.

It's a good day, Bill found his keys that he thought he had lost forever.

Steve's three year old daughter already thinks that his shows are disgusting.

Toni seems to like to change his clothes in Bill's office.

 Bill tried telling Toni that none of us are perfect, I made him leave my name out of that. I can't live with imperfection.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/14/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/14/2017

Leave it to Tim to blab to Kellen about The Chatter.....

What I didn't realize is that Kellen's girlfriend lives in Pennsylvania....Nobody bothered to tell me the details again.

I hope Mary's ready to plan another wedding because I'm expecting my invitation for Kellen's wedding next week.

Toni informed me that Kellen has never been on a plane.

Typhinee wanted to know why Riley was at the office today. Does Riley really need to explain herself....

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/13/2017

 The Daily Chatter

02/13/2017

"I met a girl over the weekend...she's beautiful." Then Kellen proceeds to show me a picture of a woman with plenty of cleavage. (Toni thinks she might be an iceberg.) Then the poor guy got excited because I mentioned that tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I really hope that he sends her a life size teddy bear.

Steve is a dead man, Mary thinks she caught what he has.

It sounds like Dot has been in a druken stuper more than Roger lately, this was the first day that she could manage to go back to work.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/10/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/10/2017

Katherine got to hang with the ladies at work today. Thanks to Typhinee for cleaning poo and to Mary for trying to hypnotize her to sleep, I got all of the easy and fun time with her.

Katherine ripped Typhinee's shift key off her keyboard.

Roger was clearly drunk because he shared a secret with me today. 

Tim went to the wrong building and almost went in again this morning. He even wondered when Mary bought the bench outside the door.  I'm going to give the occupants of the other building a sign to call us if they see Tim again.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

02/09/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/09/2017

We got to view the video that Mary stars in for our website and the guys told her that Meryl Streep only had one or two more years of experience than she does. What the guys probably don't know is that Mary can sing and dance just as well or better than Meryl Streep. I think she needs to redo the video while showing us some of her real talent.

Toni really didn't show up for work today. He got on that plane even though his vacation request was denied. Apparently he really wants his berry flavored wines.

Roger finally made it back to work today and man did he make an entrance. First thing he wanted was someone to valet park his car and hold an umbrella over him while he entered the building during the monsoon. He then instructed us to hire a coat check girl (with very specific demands as to her looks) and she would also be required to serve him his wine spritzer and caviar. The last thing I remember as he was leaving was he was going to buy some expensive golf cart to use at the office because a segway just wasn't going to do.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/08/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/08/2017

Toni leaves for Tennessee tomorrow even though Bill rejected and shredded his time off request.

Apparently you don't ever let Putin try on your Superbowl ring because he won't give it back. The owner of the Patriots did that years ago and Putin claims it was a gift.

One of our suppliers didn't know Kellen's name but knew that he liked Sushi.

Roger apparently thinks that he's too good for us now that he has family with a home in Palm Springs because we sure didn't see him today. I'm pretty sure he was at home sipping on wine and eating caviar. He's going to have a real shock when Jimmy John's tells him they don't have Wagyu beef.

Bill's threatening to bring in Katherine on Friday. I am going to put that girl to work.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/07/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/07/2017

I had a dream that Toni pretended to be handicap while all of us were on a trip in NYC. He made us push him around in a wheelchair but then he seemed fine when he had to get out of it and decided to fold it up and carry it. Apparently Toni just needs a little more attention than the rest of us.

Roger and Dot had to stay an extra night in Palm Springs because their flight was cancelled. I don't think they're ever coming home.

Now Mary's telling everyone about the private jet that she gets to take to Europe this year to see Germany, Switzerland and Portugal with.  She also happened to mention that Tina Turner would like her to stay at her place while in Switzerland but she hasn't made up her mind yet because she thinks she might get a better offer.

Roger, I know that you thought your Snoopy hair on the counter of your house was going to turn into some sort of shrine and I'm sorry that it didn't. Here's the next hot selling thing though. This Cheetos shaped like the late Harambe the gorilla just sold on Ebay for $100,000. Apparently you need to start finding things in Cheetos.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/06/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/06/2017

Roger and Dot seem to be missing the snow storm of 2017, they're all cozy in Palm Springs at a beautiful home but it's a little tepid their, it's only in the 60's. For those of us who live on a hill we had about a foot of snow.

Bill thinks he turned the Superbowl around because he bet on the Patriots against Steve and apparently whenever he bets on the Patriots against Steve the Patriots win.

It was nice of Tim, Toni and Bill (for the 10 minutes he was here) to join me at work today. Apparently Randy was too ashamed to let his wife go out of the house without a shower since their electricity was out.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/03/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/03/2017

Happy Birthday Bill! I tried telling Tim it was Tim day with all of the cake but he didn't believe me. He wasn't accepting that it was Tim day without an ice cream cake.

Mary could sense that there was a baby in the office today. Of course she came in and stole Katherine away from Typhinee and me.

Sarah walked into the middle of a Nathaniel conversation today and was quite confused.

I'm pretty sure Katherine has heard some very untrue rumors about me because all she wanted to do was slap me in the face. Roxanne kept insisting that she wanted my scarf but I know better.

Mary tried exporting some of her job to one of Tim's jobs, that sneaky b!#ch.

"What's with all of these half days? That's only twelve hours and there's twenty four in a day." Bill to Steve

I think it's time for those random drug tests, Toni was telling me how he gets snapchats from a Rooster.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/02/2017

The Daily Chatter*
02/02/2017

Apparently we're going to have six more weeks of winter since the groundhog saw it's shadow today. Luckily I'm down to three weeks before I see the Caribbean again.

F*#$%ng Roger and Dot get to go to Palm Springs this weekend just to watch the Superbowl at Dot's sisters new home.

Toni was telling me how impressed he was with Tim today.  Tim is freaking amazing, I know I give him crap all of the time but he's always very organized and he gets sh*t done.

I didn't recognize the tile setter Billy without one of his tight short little shirts on. Toni would have been smitten over him back in the day but Toni found a new boy toy and the good news for Toni was the guy just broke up with his partner....

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/01/2017

The Daily Chatter*

02/01/2017

Congratulations to Bill and Roxanne, baby #2 is on its way. I already asked if I could have their first one and I got a very unsatisfactory answer. Bill should have at least given me some hope.

Beyonce had to steal Bill and Roxanne's thunder today, she announced they're having twins. Rumor has it that Bill will run out on Roxanne if she has twins but he didn't say what he would do with triplets.

Steve went to the DMV this morning and some kid walked in and went straight to the front of the line and wanted to know if he could cash a check. Then when he found out that he couldn't he asked where he could.

"That sounds like being married to Dot." Roger to Bill 

"Sometimes it's comical when you can tell certain people don't like you..." Roxanne posted this to Facebook     My response: If she would just give me her baby, I would like her again, geesh is that so hard to understand.

Bill freaking pulled a GB today.

Steve told us that Toni's grumpy today. Bill's pretty sure Steve was able to tell because Toni was wearing red instead of pink today.

Tim came into all of our offices looking for a murse, tote or anything else feminine to carry items in. Now I know what to buy him for his birthday.

Roger claims that people have been wanting him to come out of the closet for awhile now but he's not ready. I don't think he's ready for all of the attention that our men will give him.

Tim is hoping that his masculine sexuality vibe is going to help with a pricing dispute that he has with a rep. He obviously just needs to take some tips from Don Draper.

*not to be construed as Gossip