02/11/2019

The Daily Chatter

02/11/2019

"I haven't heard back from Ashley this morning she's probably stuck in a ditch, I'll post an indeed ad to replace her." Bill

I really need to send out a memo to the ladies in the office and Toni, that they shouldn't drool over the Australian UPS guy, its not very professional. I think even Ashley 2.0 had a crush on him too.

Everyone seems to be very jealous of Bill's new personalized stamp.

I walked into Steve's office the other day and realized he had the Seinfeld mug that I gave to Roger forever ago. I'm assuming that either Steve stole it from Roger or Roger left it behind because it would have been too painful for him to be constantly reminded of us.

All I have to say is that Dot better hurry back from Australia, Roger has already threatened to eat his dog and he mentioned that he's been watching Bass Pro fishing on television.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/08/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/08/2019

It's apparent to me that Tim really doesn't like Bud, Travis or Gabe. He made them do a truckload delivery last night after they had already worked more than a full day.

Toni was showing me pictures today of how to elegantly set up a sadomasochist room. He always leaves me bewildered as to why he thinks I should like this sort of stuff.

Michael thought (wished) that I started calling him Babe.

"I'm a great creeper." Faith as I asked her to spy on someone outside.

Michael's going skiing next week for the first time in fifteen years. I really hope that he doesn't pull a Tim and get injured. There's nothing worse than having to help a whiny grown man who has his wife in tow just so that he can go to the bathroom.

Ashley was being overly nice to all of us today and she brought in food to share. I think it was a ploy so that we would all quit asking her who her daddy is.

Toni was telling me that all of his friends like to give him their old t-shirts from high school (because they still fit him).

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/07/2019

Tim thinks that he could pass work place sensitivity training. He obviously has forgotten that he likes to say "screw the pooch" and calls everyone "honey".

Bryan from now on will be known as the real slim shady. Bill, you will need to change his work email to reflect this.

"What does Bill do in here? He has a shard of glass, a paper clip, a razor blade and nail clippers on his desk." Typhinee

Ashley's tired of being the center of all things awkward. She's sick and tired of everyone asking her who her daddy is just because John realized that he was old enough to be her daddy and Steve overheard only the end of the conversation and has harassed her ever since.

Autocorrect switched my text on my phone from somebody's name to Daycare so now my husband is going to be confused as to where to pick me up tonight.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/06/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/06/2019

"So does this mean that we've slept together if you gave me crabs?" Tim to Michael

"I'm not sure why we only have John Wayne up on special occasions." Bill

The guys finally figured out the reason that Ashley never comes out of her office, she has a phone sex line. A contractor told her today that he loved her at the end of their conversation.

"Stop touching my nipples." Toni to Steve

Leave it to Bill to tell Steve and me that we were getting our "Friends" episodes confused.

Typhinee accused me of doing male genital floor art which of course is something that Toni would do. I on the other hand was just cleaning up somebody's mess or so I claim.

"Ass tack to stairs." Sarah's estimate that she proof read luckily

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/05/2019

I just found out yesterday that Toni is also going on vacation with Michael and me. Are the rest of you coming as well?

Bryan definitely thinks that I'm a pervert and I'm not totally sure why, I only told him I was going to check the security footage in the men's restroom to see if someone was in there.

Sarah claims that she couldn't get out of her driveway to come into work today. What she apparently meant to say was that she was out with Michael (interestingly enough everyone else made it into work today but those two).

I finally gave Bill a somewhat manly birthday theme (although I still think Justin Bieber was his favorite) but I'll probably get in trouble for turning his Zen garden into The Sands of Iwo Jima for his John Wayne theme, if you didn't know the zen garden in Bill's office is a do not touch zone. I'm pretty sure he even mentions it in our employee handbook. I"m still curious as to what kind of punishment Luke got for flooding Bill's other zen garden.

I think the John Wayne Fan Club people are going to hunt me down and hang me for turning John Wayne into John Travolta which is all Roxanne's fault.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/04/2019

Bill decided to take a snow day for his Birthday and I hope he understands that those of us who actually showed up today can't be trusted to save him any food, especially me since I have a eating disorder because of Michael.

The shocking news that we learned today is that Cronin is closing their doors after 100 plus years in business.

I'm pretty sure our cleaning people think I'm nuts, every time they vacuum behind my door I probably scare them with my Kellen on a stick.

Toni's definitely scoring points with the men in the warehouse. He made them get up super early to meet him at his airport job then all Toni wanted to do was cuddle because he was cold because he wore the wrong socks.

Michael tried telling us that the climate around Mercer Island was much more tolerable today than what we had in the valley. He missed out because we had fireball snow cones and a snow man contest (Ashley might still be stuck in the middle of the snowman because it froze pretty hard and I couldn't get her out and I left because I couldn't stand hearing her scream).

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/01/2019

The Daily Chatter*

02/01/2019

Mary asked Toni where Larry was when Toni was on speakerphone with someone last night. Of course Toni replied and said Larry was in his lap. Now another male thinks that Toni has lots of weird male action going on at the office.

All I have to say is I don't want Typhinee sitting at my desk (like she was at Bud's desk) because she had some weird tongue thing going on yesterday and Toni witnessed it.

Bill decided not to tell me a story about an athlete because I'm a woman and he figured I wouldn't have a clue who this guy was anyways. I'm sure that he is correct but he's still a male chauvinist pig. 

I can tell that Steve's kids are going to be overachievers, his third child wants to go to college at Universal Studios and Steve doesn't see anything wrong with that.

Bill asked what the noise was out in our showroom today and it was a little kid. He told me that it's not cute unless it's your own.

I think Heather was making fun of my laugh today and right to my face which is horrible. Heather's a terrible person though, she starves her children and she even gloats about it on FB.

Roger said he's going to start telling customers that his 13 year absence from his current employer was due to a federal prison sentence for running meth labs so I'm assuming that he'll be back any day now begging for his old job.

This is what Bill sends for Dick pics. (It's Dick Van Dyke for all of you who have no idea who this is.)

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip