06/09/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/09/2015

"I'm almost out of my tiny balls." Bill    I think Bill meant to say his tiny balls are almost gone. I'm pretty sure that's why he was rushing to get married.

"Married life is awesome, I'm a month into this and I don't know why people say it's so hard."  Bill   He's already misquoting facts, first of all he hasn't made it a month and second all he did yesterday was tell us what an issue Toni's lactose thing has become in his marriage and he wasn't happy about it and I think he was asking Roger where he goes for his group therapy sessions that apparently Ryan goes to with him.

The guy from Jimmy John's now addresses Bill as "Roxanne". Roxanne apparently has more balls than Bill does and the Jimmy John's guy somehow knows this.

Cody's dad thinks I have a dirty mouth. Have you heard the people that I work with and Roxanne (she's a whole nother case).

Just in case Steven Segall wants to become a woman like Jenner, he's going to need a lot of work done.

It was another crazy Roger customer day. It was already established with the customer that the person coming to do the estimate couldn't wear cologne or perfume, Roger was fine in that department today but when he got to the door of this house the lady said she smelled fabric softener (which was detergent) and wouldn't let him in and they said something about meet us at the back door of the house. So they basically wanted Roger to peek in through their sliding door like a dog would and give them an estimate. They told him that they got their allergy conditions from flying too many commercial flights, that was the wife and the husband got his from the ozone exposure from his computer. The other strange thing is that if the kids bring home anyone or anything with scent then they fine their kids $25.00.

Tim stole Toni's glasses today and then wanted to know why they worked funny at a job walk thru.

According to Toni, Nikki's sunburn looks like she spilled spaghetti on her leg. Now he has me intrigued. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/08/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/08/2015

Happy Birthday to Tim and all of his under the sea friends!

Bill would like to correct everyone now, Toni is not a gluten free guy he's lactose intolerant!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Even I wouldn't gamble with that line." Roger

Bill thinks that seeing a license plate from Nova Scotia was the weirdest thing ever because it's so far away (3,700 miles). None of us were impressed.

It seems to be Apex tradition for everyone to have sex on Toni's desk, Steve and Jen had to do it there too this weekend. Toni wants to know why everyone has to send him pictures though.

Randy didn't like a house that Mary liked and since Bill and I both thought it was cute, Randy told Mary that she could move into that house with us. I smell fresh divorce papers printing.


"I feel like I'm about to jump off the cliff and I'm looking forward to the ride." Bill to Tim and Ferguson

The best line I heard today was Ferguson saying there's no money in the job so let me pay you out of my pocket and nobody wanted to jump on that.

I think Roger finally convinced Toni that he has Aids.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/05/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/05/2015

Oh no, Tim seems to be color blind, he thought I was wearing husky colors today and my dress is almost royal blue. Cody said it's the dress debate all over again.

Roger says he might be back depending on how he feels about life. Usually that's a pretty tricky subject for him, he has so many mood swings.

Creepy Marty gave Cody some of our mail today and started the conversation with something like "Thou Art" so Cody went all Shakespeare on the dude and I think he got creeped out, imagine that.

Don't trust anyone with a license plate that says "Invest in Children". Florida cops snared 101 men who were seeking to have sex with underage children and the odd thing is 22 of these people already worked around children: Universal Employees, Disney Employees, SeaWorld Employees and a counselor with a license plate that said Invest in Children.

Toni informed us that you don't want to use the words "truffle butter" or "eating watermelon" anymore around people who know words from Urban Dictionary or know rap songs. I did know about truffle butter before Toni said anything only because Mary has a potty mouth and says it almost daily. Toni mentioned one of the people at their table last night totally didn't understand and she responded back with "I love truffle butter."

Happy Birthday to Tim tomorrow, who will have his birthday celebrated on Monday because it can not conflict with my birthday week. It's already an inconvenience that it's in the same month.

Toni's been watching too many horror flicks because the sound of children whispering just about sent him into a frenzy this afternoon. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/04/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/04/2015

"You sounded like you were talking to a wife." Tim to Bill   How many wives does Tim know Bill has?

Bill admitted to having a dirty mind but he was incorrect Sarah (radio host) does have a fake pet beaver.

Bill thought he pulled a Mary today and Mary informed him that he pulled a Roger. Bill came back and said Roger would have complained about the Jews while doing this task though.

Poor Toni, he has a date with Darcy at her office on Monday. He knows all she wants to do is rip his clothes off and then whisper sweet nothings about him lowering the job price in his ear.

Bill would like us to feel sorry for him because he fell in Niagra trying to get out of the hot tub while grabbing his wife's a$$ and now his knees hurt.

On Monday, Toni's bum day, some mentally challenged kid yelled out his car window at Toni and called him a douchebag.

 "You ought to buy my house, turn it into a wedding venue and have Randy officiate." Tim trying to sell off his house.

Toni says he services some guy in Bellevue all by himself now and doesn't need Tim's help.....

Toni mentioned that creepy Marty sure likes to hang out and model next to his new car now, trying to seduce anyone who walks by. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/03/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/03/2015

Roxanne actually hung Toni's gifts.

Toni pinned up some of his sexy photos in Steve's truck yesterday and Steve refuses to take them down. Maybe Jenny can replace them with picture of herself.

Bill claims that he's the nicest guy ever.

Toni put his foot down today on Dickie's BBQ and I'm so proud of him and Ryan will be proud too:)

This man is a fashion journalist and he showed up to a fashion award show in this, obviously he doesn't have taste because even Toni wouldn't even touch this outfit with a 90 foot pole (that's what she said). The guy is English, this might explain a little of it.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

06/02/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/02/2015

I reminded Tim that his birthday week is next week and I'm pretty sure he told me to F Off.

It's a good thing Toni's car wasn't here this morning because the Honey Bucket guy was here again.

Roger wants to know if Bruce Jenner is doing this huge transformation just to hit from the red tees in golf.

Tim yelled at Bill for sitting in his office and just filing his freaking nails.

Don't make Steve sit down he's in pain from the needle that the doctor shoved in him yesterday.

Mary met Danny Bonaduce today and she mentioned he was on her freebie list. How long is her list?

 I had a dream last night that all of us joined Bill and Roxanne on their honeymoon and all I remember is that Matt, Steve and I wouldn't get out of our white fluffy robes to go anywhere.

Typhinee and I witnessed Bill getting his a$$ chewed up, spitted out in disgusting chunks and handed to him on a waterproof carpet platter and it wasn't even his wife. I'm pretty sure he gets to repaint the showroom walls.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/01/2015

The Daily Chatter*

06/01/2015

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Bill wasn't very happy that we changed the locks on him while he was out on vacation, it had to be done. He just doesn't know about all of the other stuff we did yet..... 

Cody informed me that it's Jess's birthday too but since she is 11 years younger than me I hate her.

Rumor has it that Roger instructed Dot's sisters dog to bite Steve in the hand.

For those of you who want to go to the NW Chocolate Festival this year mark your calendars for October 4th. I'll let you know when I see discount tickets available.

Roger thinks the rain gods are mad at me because I made it another year. Which is very surprising to Roger considering the 27 DUI's I got just last week.

Roxanne made Bill eat at an Italian restaurant in Niagra because she thought I recommended it, blame it all on me. Mama Mia's (the place they ate at) is not the same as Mama Stortini's and although I enjoy most of Mama Stortini's food, I wouldn't recommend their food like I would with Maggiano's in Belleuve.

Roger f*cked Bill for half of the rest of his life by telling him that age is better in the even years. 

Bill is trying to imagine Steve's fence work and is having a very hard time with it.

Bruce Jenner now wants to be called Caitlyn.

Lets see if Roxanne lets Bill hang Toni's wedding presents....

How long did Bill say he could keep his mouth shut for?  I think I heard something wrong.

*not to be construed as Gossip