12/31/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/31/2018

I'm starting to think that Michael holds onto grudges longer than Roger.

Do people think that I'm an alcoholic and that's why nobody has given me booze this year? Ashley got a keg of fireball from Michael today.

I know most of you probably got an extra friend request from (the imposter) me yesterday on FB and if I asked you for money and told you the sob story that I'm an alcoholic and that my husband beats me, it's all true and I'll take whatever money you want to throw at me.

Everyone have a safe and wonderful New Years.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/28/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/28/2018

Stephanie is in labor today, very exciting but we will never see Mary again after this baby is born. 

Typhinee insulted me and called me out as to why I don't have any exciting stories.

We're not going to know how to act next week when we get Faith and Roger back from vacation.

Don't ask Toni what a pimiento is because he thinks it has something to do with the birthing process when in actuality it is a pepper.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/27/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/27/2018

Yoda definitely is a mysterious being, I was taking down Bill's Yoda lights and they started working again. The Yoda made Bill's printer print some weird hieroglyphics also.

Toni is responsible for getting everyone in the office high today.

Facebook is very intrusive, it emailed me this morning and pretty much called me an idiot and said that I had to add Sarah as a FB friend or is was going to post all of our private conversations about our boring lives.

Sarah thinks that Roger's in Egypt and not in Australia because of what her phone told her. I think maybe I have to be nice to him,what if he's some sort of Egyptian prince and he's too embarrassed to tell us or flash his money in front of us.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/26/2018

I couldn't believe that Mary came in today, I figured that she would be over at Stephanie's trying to push that baby out of her. It's possible that Stephanie already has a restraining order against her mother.

Typhinee wasn't very impressed with her Christmas gift, she got a pink purse which isn't her favorite color but it is Kellen's so maybe she can trade him for something.

Monday at the office was very quiet, turned out to be just Kellen and me so I raided everyone's desks and Sarah won for the best candy, Toni won for the most dick drawings and Michael won for the most blackmail pictures, sheesh (I have a feeling that he's going to extort some money or maybe somebody's new office pretty soon).

Man I feel old, a headline just said that Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You was released 24 years ago, that's almost a Toni or an Ashley lifetime ago.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/21/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/21/2018

I guess things went well on Michael and Ashley's date last night. Michael asked Ashley this morning if she returned her room key.

Today's going to be a good day, I've been upgraded from grim reaper to witch by Michael.

"The only thing worse than Tim shenanigan's are when he and I do them together." Bill

Seriously, Bud and Steve get Tequila as a gift from an installer and that same installer gives the office people a mug, what gives. The rest of us need booze too especially since we have to put up with Steve.

I think my co-workers are about to send me to counseling for my Kellen obsession.

I think Mary heard about Michael and Ashley because she said she was sick to her stomach.

Michael said that we need Kellen back.

I think all of the women in the office left Matt scratching his head about Steve today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/20/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/20/2018

Michael and Ashley have their date in Bellevue tonight. Tim and Toni were telling Ashley this morning that if she really wants to be wowed Michael should take her to the gym....Does Michael have a six pack or something? What exactly am I missing out on?

Tim is out until the beginning of the year unless someone has cash for him then I'm pretty sure he would show up.

Roger's going to be in trouble if he doesn't bring Sarah back a kangaroo.

Kellen called Steve today and Toni claims that he didn't call him an a$$hole but wished him a Merry Christmas.

I think all of the men around here think that I'm a prima donna. Marty was trying to be nice and called me the queen (instead of biatch) last week and now Michael thinks that I only ride expensive brooms.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/19/2018

I thought my husband screwed up and ordered two Instapots, the boxes were identical,  luckily one of them was Mary's.

Typhinee yelled at me for not telling her that our waitress yelled at Ryan at the Christmas party all because of Heather.

Tim is pretty much taking all next year off, he sent me his list of dates and he's going to miss my birthday and his own birthday and pretty much everyone else's birthday.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/18/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/18/2018

Tim's very disoriented today he left his phone at home.

I'm pretty sure Typhinee almost beat me up this morning for making fun of her in the chatter yesterday. Also if a skanky blonde woman comes in looking for her just give her Typhinee's phone number.

Steve and I are pretty sure that we have to be trust fund babies too so I think we're going to quit.

Mary said she was going to the mall to earn a little extra cash, ho ho ho'ing today.

Bill's bummed that there aren't going to be any "Laverne and Shirley" reunions because Penny Marshall died.

Port Orchard had a tornado today that blew roofs off of several homes. On average Washington has 2.5 tornadoes per year where as Rhode Island only has 0.2 of them per year. If you really want some excitement move to Texas where they average 146.7 a year.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/17/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/17/2018

Typh and I were fighting over Kellen this morning. I told him that she couldn't have him because he was still a work in progress.

Sarah and I decided that we lead boring lives compared to everyone else at the Christmas party especially since we left at 7:30 PM and we didn't know anyone at the bar who we almost beat up (and then hugged).

Tim mentioned that he talked to Kellen an hour before seeing our paper version of him at the Christmas Party.

If I would have known that Michael wasn't going to our Christmas party we most definitely would have had a cardboard cut out of him too.

There's something wrong with Roxanne, she won big money on pull tabs and then just handed the money over to Bill.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/14/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/14/2018

I think there's something wrong in the universe, Typhinee is wearing sexy heels today.

Toni's pretty sure that Steve screwed him and that he's pregnant, he went in for an ultrasound today.

I never thought that I would say that I was dressing or accessorizing Kellen but today it happened. I think Roger's going to be jealous that I didn't do the same thing for him.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/13/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/13/2018

Michael is now giving tours of Typhinee's new office. He has an official sign up sheet posted on her door beam.

Official report of interviewee's
Contestant #1 had acid washed jeans so Typhinee dismissed him immediately. He also weighed less than Toni and that probably contributed to why he had two DUI's.
End of Official report (the other ten guys didn't show up)
Who told these guys that the ladies in the office were going to judge them and that Toni would be in charge of tasting them?

Mary can now move walls magically, just ask her customer.

Steve, Toni and I may have the black lung. We drank the moldy water from the water cooler.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/12/2018

Bill's convinced that my husband was a drug smuggler in Florida since he had his private pilot license. This should make for an interesting conversation at the Christmas Party.

Roxanne, please ignore your husband and wear whatever you want to our Christmas Party because you know that you'll probably go home with a different man anyways.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/11/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/11/2018

Steve is my favorite person today, he offered me Tequila.

Don't ever ask Bill if he has a mandolin, you'll only get smart a$$ answers. Roxanne made that mistake this morning.

I made Tim throw up this morning, I guess I have that affect on men nowadays.

Roger and Dot leave tomorrow for Australia. I hope they have a nice time even though Roger will be afraid of everything that moves there.

I mentioned Heather to Toni today and he asked me who that was, he said that he's been calling her Michelle.

Ladies, Steve gave me exciting news, Thursday will be a man free for all in here. He has several guys coming in to interview for the warehouse helper position. I will need to make up some score cards with important information like on a scale of 1-5 will this guy be an improvement to our Installer Calendar that we so desperately want to have. Actually I think this pre-made wine score card will work pretty well.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/10/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/10/2018

I can tell already that Sarah's going to go over her two drink limit this Friday night. In her defense she was in the back seat while her baby boy was driving this weekend.

Typhinee thinks that I'm going on vacation because she can see blank spots on my desk. Unfortunately, I'm not going on vacation this week but Roger is.

If anyone wants a disgusting gift to get someone this year, Tim saw this Pimple Popping Toy on Shark tank and it's now available on Amazon.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/07/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/07/2018

I asked Roxanne about her affair today and she wasn't sure which one I was talking about.

Sarah became Katherine's best friend today when she gave her the whole bowl of candy.

Michael's not the only one around here to make Katherine cry at first sight, Typhinee did the same thing to her today.

Roxanne thinks we're dumb a$$es because she came in and plugged in the Yoda lights and they worked. As Bill says Yoda is a mysterious being because the lights don't work again (and they had been plugged in originally in my defense).

Our road trip to Eatonville in Tim's stripper mobile has been cancelled, Shira didn't buy the bar.

*not to be construed as Gossip

12/06/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/06/2018

Mary's off to her Slutty Girls Christmas Weekend. Is this why Tim left early too and mentioned he wouldn't be back until Monday?

I wrote Toni's name on some receipts and he asked me if I put an i on his name. How else was he expecting me to spell his name?

We went home last night and found snow half way up our hill in only four yards, it was very strange.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/05/2018

Sarah was absolutely right men can't do a thing right without women. Bill couldn't manage to put the coffee pot back in the maker when he made coffee this morning and it overflowed and spilled coffee everywhere. You can thank him every time that you walk into the break room and it smells like coffee.

Tim says that he wants Christmas lights, he feels left out. He can't have lights until he watches "A Christmas Story" and understands the lights on my desk. Besides since he shares an office with Michael we would have to do Grumpy Cat or The Grinch lights.

Toni just realized that he's going to be screwed when he has a baby because Tim is leaving during that time too. I informed Toni that he should have waited until 2020 to have a baby because then his paternity leave would have been covered by the WA state's paid family and medical leave insurance, that everyone gets to start paying for on January 1st.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/04/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/04/2018

We informed Heather today about Ashley and Sarah's coke habit and told her that she has that to look forward to at the Christmas dinner.

Roxanne, I'm going to need you to come and fix Bill's Christmas Yoda lights, I've already fixed them once today and Bill thinks that you could probably fix them better than I did.

Bill's pretty sure that he's going to name Toni's kid, this is going to be an awkward conversation at the Christmas party, at least for Toni.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

12/03/2018

The Daily Chatter*

12/03/2018

Toni found out today that he's having a baby boy.

They took down the chain in the back and are now going to put in a speed bump. I definitely feel like Bill won his battle with the landlord, if I knew the truth, they probably took the chain down because people kept driving through it, cutting it or set fire to sacrifices in front of it.

Toni came into work on Saturday and Bud was right he looked like a redneck Waldo. The poor guy had on mismatched socks, shorts, a racing shirt, a flannel shirt and a waldo hat. I told him not to get raped when he left.

"You're just an a$$ because you have teenage daughters." Bill to Steve

*not to be construed as Gossip