04/30/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/30/2014

I can see it now, I'm never going to be able to watch Riley again since I called her a dirty girl to her momma. In my defense she liked walking in the mud puddles and I did bathe her.

I told Typhinee today that I'm glad nobody records Roger's conversations. For the record nobody can record Toni's conversations with contractors either.  He told somebody that he was just browsing a certain dating site today when they called him.

MSN had a headline that Miley had a health setback and has to cancel concert. I'll let Roger fill in the blanks as to what kind of horrible sexual diseases she has besides Cyrus Virus."Marked by twerking, sticking out your tongue, licking hammers, and obsessing over wrecking balls."

 How cute, Bill wanted Toni's advice on something today.

FYI, Toni's going to play Volleyball on the beach with some dudes tomorrow night and he's pretty stoked about it. He really wanted Cody to go with him, is there something he knows about Cody that he isn't sharing?

Bill admitted that he's turning into GB.  I think Bill takes way more women out to lunch at a time than Gary ever did.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

04/29/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/29/2014

Roger say's he's back to liven things up around here.

Mary was drunk texting me this morning so in return I'm going to keep her dog for another day.

Riley tried stealing Roger's Jimmy John's sandwich today from his brief case.

"One good sneeze and that sucker is gone." Bill to Toni

Toni wants Bill to get a pet but I think Roxanne is way more than Bill can handle and pretty expensive from what I hear.

"I'm glad to see that Hawaii didn't change you." Bill to Roger

Roger says he's all for polygamy but his wife won't let him. 

Steve said something tasted like Riley pee. What did Steve put in his mouth?

Roger called himself a Dick today. I'm glad he thinks highly of himself.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/28/2014

The Daily Chatter*

4/28/2014

Toni informed me that John Denver is still alive and owns his own winery in Richland.  Toni tried singing him one of his songs but the guy just ignored him.

Crazy, Thursday is supposed to be 81 degrees here. 

Bill thinks I'm allergic to his awesomeness.

Bill thought that telling Roger that he missed out on a stack full of Jimmy John's sub samples today  would make him jealous. I think I would rather be on this beach than have free Jimmy John's samples.

Bill thinks that Kanye called for Mary today. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to start any rumors.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/25/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/25/2014

"...then he butt f*cked me." Toni about Cody

We were making fun of Roger's humor this morning. That's what happens when he goes on vacation to Maui.

"Did the pick up line work?" Bill to Toni    "Yes" Toni       "April, Toni just successfully picked up a dude." Bill

Joe apparently forgot our rule around here, you don't engage or acknowledge conversation with Crystal because she won't stop.

Toni says that Riley is racist.

Riley was giving us her butt in the air pose today.  I think that was her way of flipping us off.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/24/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/24/2014

"What's on the front of his shorts?" Toni about the picture in the Chatter yesterday. Apparently he missed the penis the first time around.

Ryan was telling me about the sad life of some dude who walked into Walmart only wearing his black shoes. 

Here's that terribly pathetic guys horrible interview.

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2014/04/mans_naked_late-night_walmart_stroll_blamed_on_meth-ecstasy_mix-up_video.html

"I use to be one of the cool kids..but then I packed on a little weight..." Steve about not getting invited to go to lunch with Toni and Bill

"They are going to f*cking sh*t purple nickels." Tim

"Don't worry Tim, I saved your job." Steve

Tim was super excited some stupid sucker gave him cash today. 

It looks like Mary and Randy have beautiful weather in Tennessee. 

I think it's vacation wars around here because Dot posted this of their lanai to make us jealous. That does it, I'm going on vacation next week when everyone gets back to work.

 

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/23/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/23/2014

Everyone is leaving to go somewhere and this time Mary's going to Tennessee to see her baby. It looks like her weather is supposed to be warmer than Roger and Dot's Maui weather.

This was a little hard to stomach seeing this in my email inbox first thing this morning.

"Do you think I have a chance with him." Toni about Russell Wilson filing for divorce

I had a dream last night about Roxanne's lesbian lover and that she was a Seattle judge.

I want everyone to know that I am very, very, very disappointed with Matt and this time it's not because of his hair.

Toni and I fought all day over who would get to take care of Riley this week, I'm exhausted but I think I won, I gave him two black eyes.

I think Jessica is the devil, she offered me chocolate and then jalapeno crunchies today. Of course I had to take them, I'm only human. 

Chris told Cody that Cody's dog is no longer his dog anymore and that it's Chris'. It doesn't even sound like Chris is trying to play fair.

I've been doing a lot of fighting today; Typhinee and I were fighting over Matt this afternoon. I won again only because I gave Typhinee a bottle of Fireball and she forgot about how much she wanted Matt.

I sparked the "oh sh*t button" in Toni's head today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

04/22/2014

The Daily Chatter*

04/22/2014

We lost Mrs. Henry Fishwater today. This death isn't going to look good on our OSHA report. 

I've been to too many funeral lately but Toni did a nice job with Henry's Mad Libs Eulogy today. For those of you who missed it:

"We've come here today in the memory of Henry, he was my fish. He was a boring man, a slow man, and above all he was my man.
Henry lived a good life. He grew up in a loving family in Apex, where in high school he loved to play the bubbles and dream about becoming a bigger fish. Those who know him know that his miniature size kept him from achieving that dream, but it didn't stop him from building a useless and irrelevant career in human resources. 
But work wasn't the defining element of Henry's life. That was reserved for family. Looking around this office this is evident. I see his 0 children and 0 grandchildren here today, each of whom made him very indifferent. I see his wife of 0 years, Toni whom Henry loved since the day he met him delivering Tim's fish food to his father's What is Happening Business. I've heard stories of the vacations they used to take to lunch, the long nights spent making flirtinis and playing tummy sticks together. I've heard stories of the sacrifices Henry made, how he would go without food for years at a time so his children could afford prostitutes and cocaine. For Henry family was everything. 
I think that makes it easier to say goodbye, knowing how much he didn't think and how much he was a f*cking fish in this lifetime. Henry led a good life, and may Vance bless him. Amen"

Apparently Tim must be going downhill quickly because his son wants him and Donna to move in with him. Is he planning on putting Tim in a nursing home when he gets sick of living with him?

I'm really not liking Roger right now, he's off to Maui where their supposed to have a high of 76 degrees for the next few days.

Ryan and I saw a couple of child whores over the weekend but then realized that they were part of a dance team. Nevertheless they reminded me of the girls from "Toddlers and Tiara's" and this of course is still one of my favorite videos.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=toddlers+and+tiaras+tom+hanks&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=0D9062AD89016B61D9780D9062AD89016B61D978


Next year at the BBQ we're going to make everyone keep a forehead tally of how many drinks they had. We were taking bets on how many beers Steve had and just decided too many by the loudness of his singing voice.

Just for the record Toni doesn't want anyone to sleep with his girlfriend.

"I don't know how big your chunk is." "It get's woody at the bottom." Mary to Randy

What is up with people not liking cilantro? Roxanne and Randy to be exact....Cilantro is one of my favorite things (besides cinnamon and horseradish) to add to everything. 

*not to be construed as Gossip