09/14/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/14/2016

According to Roxanne lesbians don't have boobs. I'm curious how she knows this but I guess she did write a book all about it.

I missed all of the good gossip while I was on vacation. Tim's youngest daughter is getting married (to what Tim calls a pedophile) and that's why Kellen has to move out.

Steve apparently mocked Toni yesterday for Toni asking him if he was going to be his daughters camp counselor and Steve made a comment that he wasn't going to be sleeping with twelve young girls.  Toni thinks it's still horrible that he's going to be sleeping with twelve young boys though.

Roger and I found out that we have something in common today besides our matching tattoos.

 Michael got me good today, he was able to keep a straight face while telling me that Toni asked a customer where she bought her (pink) shirt.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/13/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/13/2016

Toni's dad has obviously been talking to Mary. He told his daughter, "I hope you fall and get pregnant" on one of her acrobatic posts with her husband.

We discovered yesterday that Mary really likes to justify her slanderous talk about horrible looking brides.

Bill's dad visited the office today and Bill's arm didn't go numb like he told us it would.

I'm pretty sure Roger is pulling a Ferris Bueller.

Apparently Steve wants us to pay him to go to camp with his daughter. If he gets to do that I get to go to gay camp with Toni which basically is hanging out at the mall everyday with some wild scavenger hunts to find the pinkest male shirts and the most uncomfortable men's shoes. Toni invited me last year but I was too busy to go.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/12/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/12/2016

Kellen wanted to talk to Bill this morning about the things he was finding in the dumpster this morning. Bill was afraid that Kellen was finding his dead hookers. Bill was pretty sure he pushed them all the way to the bottom.

Bill wants to know why Tim went to the dentist instead of using Damon for his root canal?

Ryan and I played a horrible trick on his son and daughter in law this weekend. They asked us out to dinner last night and I figured out ahead of time that they were going to announce that they were pregnant again. I told Ryan that we should mess with them and announce that we're pregnant first.  I told them that we had some exciting news and Ryan finished it off by telling Ben that he was going to have a baby brother. It scared the crap out of them so we probably wont ever get invited to anything ever again.

Apparently Bill also freaked out his in-laws but I think they just wanted to slap him. They just had a whole house re-carpeted and Bill questions them to as why they didn't just pay the measly $150 to have all of their furniture moved since they were tired and exhausted. Needless to say it would have cost plenty more.

Roger decided to play hooky today.

Toni's mother called him a bastard.  I love this woman more everyday.

Speaking of Roger, he needs to ask more questions when the answers are right in his face. 

I had mentioned to Bill on Friday that Ryan and I were going to hike at Leavenworth over the weekend and Bill started reminiscing on how great the forest was in Leavenworth when he was a kid. Bill's dumb cigarettes obviously burned this forest down. It was still a beautiful hike though.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/09/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/09/2016

Bill thinks that Joe and Matt need to move in together and have their own reality show.

I played a mean trick on Roger today but actually Bill executed it. I told him that I had gossip and then Bill made him wait till lunch to hear it.

Is it Disc Golf Wednesday or is Tim on vacation again?

Needless to say Michael enjoyed Tim being gone and actually stuck around today. 

I'm pretty sure Mary's going to the beach house with some new lover this weekend. She told me to bring her some wine. She's worse than GB.

The whiny voiced gal from the Seward Apartments needs to enunciate because I swore that she said Sewer Department.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/08/2016

Roger wanted to make sure that I would never forget him. It was odd behavior even for Roger but I guess his birthday is coming up.

Poor Tim is a sucker for pretty women apparently.

Our most interesting stop on the cruise was Skagway. It was the town that gold rush prospectors came to but it was only the gateway to the Klondike region of Canada's Yukon. In 1898 Skagway was the largest city in Alaska with a population of about 30,000, today about 1,000 people live their and one odd tidbit is the town doesn't have any doctors and it is illegal to give birth in the city. Our tour took us to the Canadian side of the Yukon which was very picturesque with large granite mountains with some great fall colors and high elevation snow already. We stopped at several lakes and even got to see some young mountain goats fairly close.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/07/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/07/2016

Toni was telling Bill and me about a male full frontal scene that he just watched and liked....


Matt, this one is for you.

Michael checked me for frostbite today.

I had a horrible dream about Bill on vacation. In my dream Bill told me that Roxanne was coming in with Katherine but that she didn't want to see him since he slept with the nanny. I'm very concerned right now because the nanny is Bill's mother. I'm pretty sure Roxanne should just leave him right now before my dreams get even weirder.

Thanks to Steve nobody else got sandwiches from Jimmy Johns today.

Michael brought in a bunch of grapes and plums. I'm pretty sure we're going to start making wine tomorrow.

According to Shaw's website they think that Astroturf belongs in the bedroom. How kinky would that be?

Toni trusted me to look through pictures on an old camera of his. He did it only because Bill dared him to. Luckily for me there weren't any dick pics.

*not to be construed as Gossip

09/06/2016

The Daily Chatter*

09/06/2016

Bill was telling me this morning that Typhinee preferred Roger's pickle to Tim's pickle last week.

Roger's ex-wife's partner is becoming a man. I wonder if she's going to look like Roger after her surgery?

Roxanne's parents dog does not like Toni. She hid behind me today because she didn't want to see him.

I think Tim wanted to take the dog to lunch with them today.

Tim thought I was high maintenance today because I was wearing purple.

Bill compared me with Tim and Michael today....needless to say he ended up with a black eye. 

For apparently not letting his dog ride in the van, Andrew had a surprising amount of chewed on toys and short hairs all over the van.

Despite Michael's grim outlook on an Alaska cruise we had a wonderful time.We had fairly nice weather except for in Ketchikan. Our days at sea were pleasant with mostly sunshine and we sat outside and even claimed an outdoor table at the back of the ship that everyone knew was ours. In Ketchikan we went hiking in the rainforest (maybe that's why it rained) and in Juneau we saw Mendenhall Glacier and hiked a short distance at Mt Roberts after the tram took us up the mountain.We went part of the way through Tracy Arm Fjord but then the ship had to turn back because of all of the icebergs. Here's some pictures from the first few days.

*not to be construed as Gossip