08/09/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/09/2016

Toni doesn't remember Vanilla Ice playing at his wedding, that's how wasted he was.

Roger wants to know how Kellen rescued him. He said he would be very impressed if he found out that Kellen dove for him on Saturday night. 

"This is the sh*ttiest vacation I've ever taken." Bill as he thought I told someone on the phone he was on vacation but in fact I said that Steve was on vacation. If I was lying as to where Bill was I probably would have used my, he's in a meeting looking at the WENUS.

Bill told us this morning that he made a mistake marrying the wrong woman and now I can't remember what his reasoning was...I guess Bill's going to have to sort that one out at home.

This dolphin snatched this woman's ipad right out of her hand at Seaworld. Needless to say I don't think the woman was impressed with her wet ipad afterwards.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2016

Happy Birthday Roxanne!

Congratulations to Toni & Nikki! They actually went through with the wedding.

"You owe me big time because I had to hear about my grandmothers stool." Bill to Typhinee

I mentioned to Dot that I rescued Toni's shorty shorts out of the garbage one day and saved them for his wedding gift. She thought that all of my pictures of him in his shorty shorts had been photoshopped.

From the looks of the photo booth pictures I think Toni's dad got lucky on Toni's wedding night. 

Something monumental happened yesterday, we sold the Jetta. 

Katherine worked her magic at Mary's desk today since Mary was no where to be found.

The next time that someone has a wedding Roger would like a timeline pretty please. He doesn't like surprises so it needs to be very detailed. Toni's wedding timeline would have been this:
4:00 Wedding Ceremony is supposed to start but everything is not quite ready yet
4:10 Ceremony starts and Randy is a mess
4:15 Ryan Grab sings and Kevin only records video for the last 10 seconds of his song, again
4:20 Bill and Roxanne finally show up because they thought the wedding started at 6pm
4:30 Ceremony finishes and everybody is off to find the liquor
4:35 Roger sees the bride and groom but they ignore Roger
4:40 Roger gets two glasses of wine
4:45 Roger gets to sample the hors d'oeuvres

4:50 Roger gets another two glasses of wine
5:00 Roger finds a table and (according to Bill) Oprah and her boyfriend join at the table
5:05 Roger gets two more glasses of wine
5:10 Randy cries during his speech again and unfortunately there was not a weird sister speech at this wedding. (Next time Bill and I would prefer if Sam's sister would just make all of the speeches).
5:15 Roger steals a book from the centerpiece
5:20 Our table tries to figure out the answers to our little gift boxes
5:25 Roger gets two more glasses of wine
5:30 Our table loads their plates full of food
5:33 We finish eating and demand desert
5:35 Roger hits on Toni's mother (I can't blame him, we've all done it and besides he had a lot to drink)
5:36 Roger gets a black eye from Toni
5:37 Roger talks about why he doesn't like live chickens
5:40 Doughnuts are served and our table calms down some

5:45 Toni and Nikki have their first dance and Stephanie sings. Stephanie steals the show.
6:00  Bill and Roxanne hear Toni in the bathroom "wrestling" with all of his closest guy friends.
6:05  Roxanne twists her ankle
6:10  Bill and Roxanne leave
6:15  Roger gets another two glasses of wine but Dot and April intervene and Roger starts using his flask
6:17  Roger finds a couch to pass out on
6:20  The Swiss Music Starts
6:22  Roger is revived back to life and makes his debut yodling
6:28 The Swiss Music ends and Roger stumbles outside and falls off the dock and into the water
6:29  Roger seems to be floating so nobody is too concerned and everyone goes back to the party
6:35 Mary tells Kellen to go get Roger because he's ruining the ambiance
6:45 Roger is placed in the back of the box truck
6:50  Dot seems to have found a new boy toy and they seem to be taking their time in the photo booth
8:00  The girls in the bathroom go running out because they hear Toni's favorite band NSYNC
9:00  Toni's new cousin decides the fish by the dock need a wine glass or two for a more accomodating home environment
10:00 Vanilla Ice just happens to walk by and sing Ice Ice Baby for the wedding
10:30 Roger wakes up to the smell of meatball sliders but can't get out of the back of the truck so he hyperventalates and passes out again
11:00 Kellen starts loading and decides there isn't room in the truck for Roger anymore so he gets Mary's sister to lift him out.
11:05 Roger is seen floating in the water again
11:59 Dot is seen leaving the party with her new friend
9:00 am Roger is seen drifting by CI Shenanigans
9:30 am Roger seems to be awake and ready for Sunday Brunch
11:00 am The FBI received tips by an anonomous caller and showed up to CI Shenanigans but Roger was no where to be found. He seems to have escaped them again.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

08/05/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/05/2016

Toni's getting married tomorrow!

Speaking of Toni, my husband wants to kiss him. I think that's weird.

Typhinee hasn't seen "The Goldbergs". Bill wants to know if she even owns a t.v.

"Matt screwed me." Bill

Our Thompson Tile rep told me today that he waited too long to buy a flight to Sacremento for his cousins wedding so he drove down. Bill and I came to the same conclusion, the man is stupid, how exactly does that happen, it's Sacremento. Is there another Sacremento that I don't know about? Just to prove my point I found tons of flights where I could leave tomorrow for Sacremento. I thought the guy was weird before but now I can't even look at him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/04/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/04/2016

 This is pretty much the beginning of Tim's August off.

I'm pretty sure there is a conspiracy plan to get rid of me. I found it odd that everyone gets new business cards except for me. Roger treats me like crap every single day and steals my stuff. Everybody just throws things on my desk like I'm not even sitting their. Toni is the only one who did something nice for me (but technically he probably did it for himself since it was wedding related) and I guess Typhinee, she told me to hide under my desk and call 911 if any creeps came in.

Bill's going to have stories tomorrow. Somehow Roxanne decided that it was a good idea to go to work for one day and leave Bill in charge of Katherine. I'm not sure what she was thinking.

There was an East Coast Mob Bust today and luckily for Roger he wasn't visiting any of his good friends: Tony the Wig, Mustache Pat or Big Vinny today.


Toni's upset that Steve's not going to be at his wedding for the clean up. Apparently they had a great time at Bill and Roxanne's wedding.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/03/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/03/2016

Today is apparently going to be all about Bill and his new uncomfortable shoes.

On this day in 1978, Gay Bob, the worlds first gay doll was introduced. I'm pretty sure I need to find one of these asap for a wedding gift for this weekend.

On the back of the box it tells how to enjoy Gay Bob.
"Play With Me, I'm great Fun"
"Take me to parties, I know the latest dance moves."
"Take me to the office, your boss will want to play with me." -I'm confused as to which boss will want to play with him?
"Take me to a coming out of the closet party."
"Use me for therapy, I'm very understanding."


According to Bill, pewter and gray are not the same because they are two different words. Toni wanted to know this morning.

Roger is now a detective and his alias is Batman.

Tim wants to switch friends with Roger all because he heard about a cabin in Alaska.

Mary's going to be thrilled to hear this especially after the horrible day that she's had. "I'm excited to have a kid." Toni after seeing Tim's grand baby


Roger thinks it's rude not to make fun of me every time that I see him.

This adorable bear family decided to go for a dip at Lake Tahoe right next to swimmers. (Video below)

 

 https://www.facebook.com/KCRA3/videos/10154402580821514/

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/02/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/02/2016

Bill is Ross, he's had the same doctor forever and now his daughter is going to see him. I wonder if Bill still gets a lollipop?

Bill is in serious trouble. Howard saw the sample board of outdoor carpet that Bill tore apart and mentioned the sample board was worth more than the order that Bill placed with him.

Mary was in again today and so far no boob job or Kenny Rogers face. She really is waiting till the last minute to do her shocking alteration.

Roger told me that he was out hiding from the law today.

Toni wants to know why everyone comes up to him and asks if he's going to back out. He said even Serge texted him. Maybe it's because of things like this....

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/01/2016

The Daily Chatter*

08/01/2016

Toni's getting married on Saturday....I can't believe he hasn't called it off yet. Ryan and I did watch a movie about a guy who was about to marry a woman and on his wedding day he called it off because he was gay...let's see what happens.

I'm trying to forgive Bill for giving out two wrong PO #'s today but I'm not quite there yet.

Mary and a bunch of other people should be happy to hear that our Attorney General in WA is suing Comcast for engaging in a pattern of deceptive practices.

Roger told me today that everyday is a good day. I'm just relieved that he's not suicidal today. Can you imagine the kinds of forms that I would have to fill out all because of him?

"I want to know when I woke up and said I want to be a f*cking carpet salesman." Tim

*not to be construed as Gossip