08/31/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/31/2018

Michael and I are down to one week before our European Adventures.

Michael thinks that Tim is living life dangerously by parking in the first parking spot out front.

Ryan and I just finished the PBS Masterpiece series "Home Fires" and it had this horrible cliff hanger at the end of Season 2 and I just found out that they cancelled the series so I'll never find out who lived and whether or not the lesbian who married a man ended up happy.

Tim doesn't seem to prompt the same stark terror effect in Katherine that Michael does.

Happy Labor Day Weekend everyone!

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/30/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/30/2018

Apparently Roger introduced Toni to John and said something about Toni being the boss's kid. Now Toni has a complex and thinks that Bill is his mother, Tim is his father and that I'm his sister. What reality series has he been watching?

Toni made an appointment to see the same barber that he had last time. He said the guy wears a woman's mumu dress and breathes heavily on the back of his ears and neck and then asks him if he likes it and apparently he really does like it.

I find it scary at times when I come up with the same answer or thought pattern as Roger.

Toni and Steve are both gone tomorrow...

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/29/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/29/2018

Larry came in today to be  our midweek therapy.

Keep Tim away from my home, one of his phrases today was something about there being many ways to skin a cat.

Tim's obviously not busy enough because he's in the mood to set people up again....He needs to remember that he'll have to pay for the wedding if things go well again.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/28/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/28/2018

Roger reminded me that George Clooney owns a summer home on Lake Como. If he still owns it I will be stalking him while Michael is stalking me and apparently Ryan will just be laying by the pool somewhere.

Speaking of Italy and where I will be, I just saw that Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston are doing a new comedy for Netflix "Murder Mystery in Lake Como". All I have to say is they better not interrupt our trip because I saw that they were also in Milan (another city that we're going to). I don't mind seeing them but if I'm held up from going into a restaurant (like I was in New York over Mark Wahlberg) then I'll get miffed.

Bill made Mary out to be ditzier than Paris Hilton and all of the Kardashian's combined.

Apparently I steal Amazon boxes and take them home and decide if I want to keep the items or not. All I have to say is Mary's a very lucky woman because I already had plenty of dryer sheets.

Michael was brought in today for Alien research. Some contractor tricked him into thinking that he was measuring flooring for a job site. He should be honored that Paul Allen's company took an interest in him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/27/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/27/2018

Bill actually got his Tesla yesterday and Tim already tried breaking it this morning. He really wanted to pull the tab that had the firemans hat on it under the front trunk.

Roger told me on Sunday that Lake Como was f*@^ing beautiful now I can't wait to see it.

"For the first time ever I used my title." Tim

Ashley 1.0 is going through some sort of rebellion stage right now, she got her nose pierced over the weekend.

Bill still thinks that I'm taking a cruise in two weeks and on top of it he thinks I took a Mediterranean cruise last year when I went to Italy (Rome, Florence & Venice). I'm to the point where I'm just going to have to say yes and make up stories because I think he's going senile.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/24/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/24/2018

Michael and I are out of here in two weeks! I'm pretty sure he's going to follow me around and photobomb all of my pictures.

Michael decided he didn't want to wait two weeks for his next vacations so he's out of town right now.

Bill had to pay his $8.75 or whatever it was to the state just to report the sale of his car. He's upset because he didn't figure that into the sale price....Mary, he's going to find a way to get $8.75 out of your pocket.

Bill wants to know how Kellen told Sarah his engagement news. Bill thinks it was something like "You know I'm officially off the market now because I'm engaged" I still think it was something like "I gave her the ring that I wanted to give to you because she was available but if you want to be available I'll change my mind and give it to you."

I have this feeling that Bill will come in Monday either complaining that his Tesla doesn't have as  nice of features as his Lexus did or he'll say that he couldn't get it because they gave his away to somebody way more important like Amanda Knox or the Seattle Aquarium Otter with Asthma (because of the wildfire smoke).

"He's super gay but not as much as me." Toni about a guy

Serge's wife is pregnant and due in October, I don't think I knew that previously or I'm completely losing it which is very possible.

Roger thinks I'm going to Austria to discover my Adolf family roots. This definitely tells you what Roger thinks about me....

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/23/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/23/2018

According to Toni he thinks he has brain cancer at least twice a week.

Everyone was confused as to why Bill's car was here on a Thursday. Technically it's not Bill's car anymore because Mary now owns it. Steve mentioned he could tell it was hers only from her parking job he's definitely our parking police.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/22/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/22/2018

Ashley 1.0 claims that she's more of a man than Toni is. She was insulted that Toni got to drive Bill's classic car and she didn't.

I already have an issue with Kellen's move to Bonney Lake. I had to follow him on C Street this morning so I will be informing him that he can't take my way to work anymore. Typhinee has also suffered the consequences of his move at the gas station with him creepy up behind her but I'm pretty sure she helped him find the place to live so I can't feel too bad for her.

It sounds like Toni had a wild night, four of his chickens escaped but he found them and returned them to their prison.

It's really not fair for Michael to quiz me first thing in the morning before I start drinking.

Toni called and asked Tim for advice yesterday and he got a "F%^# No, are you stupid?" remark.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/21/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/21/2018

Bill apparently gets his Tesla on Sunday.

Steve seems to have an issue with Roxanne which Steve blames on Tim.

I really thought that Bill and Steve were going to let me break in my brass knuckles this morning but it seemed to be a false alarm.

Typhinee is missing a notepad. For those of you who don't understand it's not a Mac Notebook but it's a bunch of pieces of paper that you write on with a pen (with ink not a stylus.) I bet the new guy stole it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/20/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/20/2018

Toni tried getting attention out in the warehouse again. I think he really wanted Bud to catch him, he pretended to fall over.

Toni's excited that we have a new male sales person, John. He already asked me what the guys sign was....

I just read a headline about a Fur-ternity leave allowing employees with new pets to work from home. If my husbands company did that I have a feeling that we would somehow end up with a new dog every week or however long they allow for fur-ternity. 

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/17/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/17/2018

Michael and I announced that we only had three weeks until Europe and Tim decided to make the conversation all about himself. We had to hear about him leaving tonight for New York and him peeing in a cup for his Captains license.

Apparently I didn't want to talk to anyone this afternoon because my phone switched to Do Not Disturb without me know. I'll blame Larry for that.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/16/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/16/2018

We had a pleasant surprise at the office today, Roger forced Dot to come in with their grandson. Rowan really liked the fork lift and he seems to be able to handle the pallet jack, I have a feeling that he's going to steal Kellen's job.

Sarah has hope again. She's pretty sure she's going to break up the happy couple.

I sure have some weird dreams. I had a dream last night that I drove by some zoo expansion and they were featuring a Middle Eastern Prince on display in a cage and he slept most of the day just like the animals.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/15/2018

Apparently Sarah already knew about the engagement. She said she had a very awkward conversation with Kelle about it a few weeks ago.

I thought for sure I saw Sarah moving onto someone new today but it turns out it was only Michael enticing the ladies in the parking lot to get into his sweet new ride. Interestingly enough they were both game for a photo shoot with the truck and Larry (the dog).

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/14/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/14/2018

Rumor has it that Toni's bringing Larry into work tomorrow.

Kellen offered to trade Bill some collectible DeLorean (basically a car for a Ken doll) he bought a few months ago for a dining room table. Seriously if he doesn't have a table already where does Sarah dance for him?

Tim came back to the office late and stayed late. He and Donna must be fighting...

Oh my gosh I really don't get invited to anything around here. First Kelle's transitioning party and now his engagement party. This absolutely explains why Sarah hasn't been around here much lately. He said he's been engaged for about two weeks now.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/13/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/13/2018

Typhinee said she only cried once while on campus with her daughter.

Roger mentioned that one of his customers made Ashley 2.0 promise that he wasn't going to show up to estimate her home drunk.

I swear it was only last week that I was seeing headlines that Yosemite Valley would be closed indefinitely and now they're going to reopen. Three weeks is apparently the definition of indefinitely.

I thought for sure that Kellen would be offended by my birthday poster that I put up for him, he usually gets embarrassed and rips everything down but apparently I was too nice to him. I can't have that rumor getting around....

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/10/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/10/2018

Sarah thinks her son is on something because he cleaned his room.

Michael apparently needs to keep his door closed while Katherine's at the office because he scared her today and she screamed and told us all about it.

Sarah's pretty sure that Typhinee is going to do something morbid to her on Monday with what she's done to RFMS this week.

Kellen told me he lucked out because I forgot his birthday (which is tomorrow). I told him I didn't forget....

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/09/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/09/2018

We finally got to meet Larry today and he's a doll.

Steve's my hero today he picked up the dead rotting crow from our parking lot and I'm pretty sure he put it in Bill's office.

Steve mispelled Kellen's name today or maybe he/she asked Steve to call him Kelle from now on. I think either I missed or wasn't invited to his gender transformation party.

Steve just informed me that I wasn't invited to Kelle's party but I hope you all had a lovely time.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/08/2018

Happy Birthday to Roxanne!

I got here this morning and everyone was here before me. Obviously they were discussing how they could poison me to make it seem like I died of natural causes but I would assume this would take place after Michael stalks me in Europe. I might be a tad overly suspicious considering Ryan and I just watched the series "A Place to Call Home" which is basically "Downton Abbey" on steroids with all of their drama and crazy family secrets.

Avoid Ashley 1.0 tomorrow morning she'll be grumpy from going to the Pearl Jam concert and staying out late.

Tim is abandoning us for the rest of the week, he thinks his family reunion in Westport is more important than work and us.....

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/07/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/07/2018

"I think I could sell a drowning man water." Toni

If you need any yard or house work done just fill out a form for Tim, he loves to do all night projects and apparently it keeps him out of trouble.

Ashley told me that she couldn't afford to get drunk at Watershed, the drink prices were outrageous.

Toni almost got stuck in our dumpster. I think his plan was to do this on purpose so that he could have a big strong man pull him out but when he called for help Kellen came and he told him it was a false alarm and to never mind.

Toni and Sarah can now enjoy their chickens inside their homes with a chicken diaper. I'm curious to find out which one of them buys it first or knowing Toni he probably already has them.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/06/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/06/2018

I just found out that Michael is copying me and going to Europe at the same exact time as me in September. He claims he's going to Greece but I just don't know about him, I really think he might follow us to Austria and Italy....

Toni needs to take a breather and catch up on Seinfeld cast. He didn't know who Jason Alexander was and Bill and I almost made him leave the room.

Apparently Tim thinks I'm smarter than Siri, I'm not going to tell him the truth on that.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/03/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/03/2018

"Steve and Bill are in the bathroom together." Toni

Bill thought it smelled like wet dog in his office and I told him that Howard was just here.

An installer billed us on an invoice for "grouded" (grouted) and Bill doesn't think it's a typo.

Bill asked Typhinee where she was going for vacation next week and I think he was a little surprised when she said Bellingham. She's going for her daughters College orientation.

I don't think I ever knew that the show "Facts of Life" was a spin-off of "Diff'rent Strokes". Apparently DiCaprio and some other stars want to bring it back. The same article mentioned that someone is trying to bring back "ALF" too.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/02/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/02/2018

Toni gave me some sound advice today "drugs are bad".

Ashley 2.0 claims that she's seen rats in front of our building. Typhinee and I tried telling her that those were bunnies.

Someone called in looking for Pat today and then said the last name so really they were looking for Bill but obviously they didn't know his gender so they decided to call him Pat instead.

I was telling Ryan last night that Toni and Roger's new puppies look like each other because their both tiny black little fur balls. I'll be curious to see if they still look like each other in a few months.

*not to be construed as Gossip

08/01/2018

The Daily Chatter*

08/01/2018

Michael is in jeopardy of losing his man card, he ordered soft pink tile.

The kid that Mary walked in on in the bathroom (years ago) wants a job with us again. Bill mentioned that the kid probably heard that we have two bathrooms now.

If Michael is correct and Tim is a polygamist, then he'll never be able to afford to retire.

*not to be construed as Gossip