06/28/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/28/2019

I told Ashley this morning that I know why she hates me, I made her use the disgusting men's bathroom yesterday while I used the women's.

I'm pretty sure Bill left during the middle of the day to do a drug run.

Toni disappointed all of us again by coming into work today.

Bill wants to make sure everyone knows that his rude gesture today was him copying Toni and not Toni copying him.

The new girl had to listen to a customer rave about how wonderful Faith is for five minutes today while she made her reminder phone calls.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/27/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/27/2019

Faith called Sarah a shameless hussy.

Steve found a gay cowboy to cut his hair.

Who put up Jason's door sign? It has not been April approved yet....

Toni went home early to push his baby out.

Roxanne must of had a dream about me last night because she thanked me with cash for last night's lesbian action.

I'm really upset with my co-workers they didn't tell me that Bud had a yoga ball injury and they've already made fun of him without me.

According to Steve's youngest daughter his new hair cut is disgusting.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/26/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/26/2019

Toni actually showed up for work today, it's probably because Steve kept making fun of him to all of his customers.

Bill said he doesn't care how many lesbians watch his son or have a sleep over just as long as he doesn't have to watch him.

Steve thought that I made him the women's bathroom sign for his office, I was happy to take credit for it but it was Ashley and I'm so proud of her.

A stroller was delivered today and I'm pretty sure Bill believes that it really is for my cat so that I can push her around in it after I dress her up.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/25/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/25/2019

Toni stayed home because he may or may not be having a baby today....

Typh apparently wore a dress and heels yesterday to a funeral but none of us actually witnessed this so I'm not really sure if it's true.

Typh gave me a diary that she found in the bottom of Steve's desk. I apologized to Steve for not knowing that he was transitioning to become a woman and then obviously this also explains why he likes to rub Toni's nipples.

Speaking of rubbing nipples, Bill was a little hurt that Steve didn't touch him at all when he was helping him set up his desk.

Bryan found the clamp that Sarah used to use on her boy toy in her old van. Ashley informed him that he might get hepatitis from touching that thing.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/24/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/24/2019

"You wouldn't believe the turn radius on my stroller." Toni

Apparently in Roxanne's dream the ransom for Bill was only $2,900. I'm not sure if I would actually tell my husband that, I think I would have to lie.

Toni thinks that my annoying decorative shoe metal chain sounds like Larry's collar so he's been looking for his dog every time that I walk by.

I thought (and several other people thought) Steve did something horrible this morning and Bill told me that Steve wasn't that stupid.....I just hope that I don't have to point out that comment to Bill anytime soon about Steve.

Poor Toni, we were all disappointed to see him today (no baby yet) which is horrible because he even baked us cookies.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/21/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/21/2019

Sarah has a new nickname, Tim Jr.

Typh told Bill that she doesn't want to switch out her light switch because she feels like a princess every time that she walks into her office and her light turns on automatically.

"Bill, don't ask logical questions right now." Toni

Captain Sweet Bottoms is Steve's nickname for Toni.

Steve's daughter mentioned that the first time that she met Toni she thought he was gay.

Faith wants to hire a new tile subcontractor because in her words "he's so cute".

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/20/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/20/2019

Sarah made me so happy this morning she wore her Dunder Mifflin sweatshirt to work.

Riley was so excited to get out of here probably because Steve and Toni kept calling her fat.

Bill made a rare appearance on a Thursday but he was here for less than thirty minutes (so does it really count?).

Don't ever piss Ashley off, she'll call you relentlessly and make you agree to do things that you've never done before (sounds pretty kinky to me).

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/19/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/19/2019

"You better come back with a celebrity penis story." Bill to Steve about going on vacation

Jason thought that Mary forgot her dog at the office, he didn't realize that I was taking her home with me.

Bill and I were talking this morning and we need Tim to come back.

Faith thought she heard Heather panting at me today. Luckily for me it was just Riley.

Sarah's starting to sound like Tim now with saying "don't have kids".

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/18/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/18/2019

Toni thinks that his baby boy is coming out tomorrow but it has to wait because otherwise I won't get Riley tomorrow.

There will be a memorial for Peggy, Sarah's prized chicken on Friday after Toni plucks the chicken of her feathers.

All of us ladies and Bill were invited to see "Downton Abbey" when it comes out in theaters this September.

"That's what happens when you're in a three way, someone is always going to get jerked." John to Faith....

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/17/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/17/2019

"Marriage is a battle not a romance." Bill

"I was happy because my wife was miserable yesterday with a cold that I gave her." Bill content that his cold was worse than his wife's (from a week ago).

Heather was apparently hung over until 3pm on Saturday because that's what time she came to get her car. The rumor is that she went out with Bryan to the bar the night before.

"I am not a socially inappropriate person like you are." Bill to Toni

I spent over two hours on the phone today with someone from Quickbooks trying to fix my file and while we were sharing my computer screen I realized I have some awesome pictures on my desktop and of course they are all named. This woman probably thinks I send Ron Jeremy ransom notes and racist remarks about Asian drivers which of course I do.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/14/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/14/2019

Bill thinks that Ashley is going on a date with her cousin.

Bill was also informed today that Ashley is a girl. Was this a memo that was sent out? If so I didn't get it.

Toni was late this morning and all of the ladies in the office had their fingers crossed for a baby boy today but no such luck.

Faith got high on her helium birthday balloon today. Luckily she wasn't driving one of the company vehicles and driving through a bikini barista but I think it should be another thing to add to our company driving policies list....

Bill called Toni at the last minute and told him not to come to see his new home. Did Bill decide at the last minute that he doesn't want Toni knowing where his new home is?

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/13/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/13/2019

"It's been eight hours since Steve has touched my nipples." Toni

"I like to be petted." Heather

Steve's daughter Macy has the "Friends" secret hand motion flip off down.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/12/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/12/2019

I told Sarah to be careful around Steve today considering he has a bad habit of playing with Toni's nipples.

Ashley just got a new nickname Captain Flinchey, Steve and Bill think that she's pretty jumpy lately.

I was the last person that Bill invited to his new home inspection on Friday, now I know exactly how I rate.

Steve blamed me for warning all of the women to cover their chests today while he's around because that's exactly what Ashley did when he tried to show her something today.

*not to be construed as gossip

06/11/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/11/2019

I was really hoping that Bud would be back today, Typh demanded Ashley and me to do stuff for her all day yesterday.

Bill claims that Toni's chicken experience was an education.

"It's like when I told my co-worker to watch "The Sixth Sense"." Bill to me about me watching "The Fifth Element" instead.

Toni claims that he and Steve got sick yesterday from what they ate for lunch but the rest of us think it's probably from something else....

I missed Bryan coming in on his motorcycle this morning and apparently he is way sexier on that thing than I am according to some people.

Toni had the same complaint today that he has everyday, Steve played with his nipples way too much today.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/10/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/10/2019

Michael finally came back to work today and everybody made him tell his horrible stories fifteen times and even worse he couldn't hear himself because his ears were still clogged from his cold from last week.

Ashley refuses to date a chicken farmer.

Toni and Nikki went and stayed on Bainbridge Island over the weekend and they thought everyone was way too friendly. Toni compared his experience to "The Truman Show".

A guy came in and told Bill that he looked younger than the last time he saw him. We're pretty sure that Bill had never met this guy before.

Sarah and Michael seem to recall a conversation before Tim left that he would be dieting on his trip and he would look like a half Tim when he came back. Needless to say they both saw the picture of Tim eating a huge plate of nachos and pointed out his diet.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/07/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/07/2019

Happy Birthday Faith!

According to Bryan, Sarah has no class.

Heather told Bryan that he looks like a pedophile now that he shaved his beard. I hope this doesn't affect his sales.

Faith and Toni have way more in common than I think, I've noticed already that Faith is very quick to name her cars.

Bill said that Mary violated rules today and used a "that's what she said" and I told him that I did that too this morning but luckily I did it when nobody was around.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/06/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/06/2019

Happy Birthday Tim!

Typh demanded to know what I was doing in her warehouse this morning. I can't wait for Bud to get back to work because he would never talk to me like that.

It sounds like Michael has had a week from hell and he's going to have to come back to work and be abused by us in order to recover.

"Two birds stoned at once." Toni   I mentioned to him he really needs Tim to come back so he can remember sayings.

Faith thinks its starting to look like a funeral home around here with all of the flowers we have the office.

The Whatever Board of the Day

To explain today's board, I found out that Celebrity is naming one of their new ships Apex.

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/05/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/05/2019

Typhinee accused me of playing favorites when she thought that I didn't order her office supplies.

Toni was upset that Tim called Sarah yesterday morning and not him. Tim did make up for it and the guys got to talk about whales and male genitalia so Toni was happy (not about the whale part).

Sarah's chicken Peggy is sick so needless to say #pray4peggy has been been going around the office.

I got after Steve today, he let Mary park over the line today.

Matt thinks he's going to build an office for himself in between Typh's and Jason's and he would like the door sign to say Chief of Engineering.

Bill must be doing better today because I didn't hear about any cough syrup drunk texting.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/04/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/04/2019

According to Ashley some of us still use sayings that an eight year old would say except for Typhinee because she's bad a$$.

If anyone has any fetishes, Toni is awkwardly curious and would like to know.

Quickbooks decided to delete a few employees when I upgraded our version so Steve, Josh and Faith will no longer be working here because I don't want to redo their employee information.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip

06/03/2019

The Daily Chatter*

06/03/2019

Toni thinks this office is a petri dish of disease with everyone who seems to be sick today. Toni has threatened not to come in tomorrow because he doesn't want to become one of them.

Bill was telling me this morning that he thinks a woman hit on him thirteen years ago and he just now recently realized it. Then on top of it he made me try and remember the woman's name and I think I actually did.

Leave it to Steve and Toni to tell the most disgusting stories while I was eating lunch today.

Toni had friends over this last weekend and gave them a rat show with his chickens. I was surprised at how many people had an issue with them killing rats.

Of course Toni has a college story about drinking hand sanitizer, he warned Ashley not to do that.

Heather's pretty sure that Bill and I have something going on because of the flowers that he got me for my birthday, she's definitely jealous.

The Whatever Board of the Day

*not to be construed as Gossip