02/28/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/28/2018

I'm pretty sure Typhinee and Sarah are getting huge raises now that Bill found out that they're Trekkies.

"Usually you're the a$$hole, what's going on?" Bill to Steve about Steve showing some compassion for our installers

Roger said the Roomba tried to sexually assault him this morning and he doesn't know who to tell or what to do. I would suggest that Roger needs to look for a robot vacuum sexual assault support group. I think he enjoys telling people how many groups he belongs to.

Speaking of Robots, Bill came up with an idea to replace Tim with a robot with a mustache that says "F*ck Off and It's a Sh*t Show".

Tim thinks I have an uneven butt which maybe true but I'm not going to admit to it.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

02/27/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/27/2018

I found out yesterday that Typhinee and Sarah are trekkies. Sarah calls it her comfort tv.

Roger spread horrible rumors about Tim yesterday and Tim had to come in and clean up Roger's mess this morning.

Michael barely made an appearance today, I'm thinking that he's out trying to recreate Studio 54 since that really seemed to be his happy place. I'm also betting that's why he asked for all of Toni's friends numbers...

*not to be construed as Gossip 

02/26/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/26/2018

Howard told Bill that he had to change his voicemail because he sounded like death warmed over. True he sounded exhausted and like he was trying to whisper because of a sleeping baby. Now Bill's going to do a personalized voicemail for Howard.

Bill kept getting dirty looks from me today because he kept stealing Riley from me by just rattling food wrappers and I'm pretty sure he has bacon in his pockets.

Mary took her dog back, it's a horrible feeling to be Riley-less.

Typhinee stole the show today with her weight loss technique.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/23/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/23/2018

Toni's about to have a wild night at a bachelor party. He keeps complaining that his darn birthing hips are too wide for his overalls so you know that those are going to be the first things to go tonight.

Riley got spoiled rotten today, a customer gave her a doggie biscuit.

It sounds like Typh will be in a little next week to show off her new body and all of us women will hate her.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/22/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/22/2018

Tim was telling Toni that he needed to butter some a$$ses this morning. I have a feeling that Tim is the Don Draper of the carpet world.

Ashley #1 is tired of everyone mistaking her for Ashley #2 on the phone. From now on she would like to be referred to as the girl with no name since she doesn't like Tim's nickname.

Kellen was talking about visiting his girlfriend last night and he was explaining the icy hill up to Typhinee's house.....

Amazing, Roger can tolerate me again because I promised that he could be a stole away in my luggage in a week from tomorrow night.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/21/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/21/2018

Tim told me that if he had to do my job that he would slit his throat. Trust me they keep all of the sharp objects out of my office with that metal detector installed in my doorway.

Bill told Marty to enter through the back door tomorrow morning. Hmmm?

My husband is clearly having a hard week, he thinks Riley is going to be his therapy dog for the rest of the week while Mary is Arizona, soaking up the sunshine.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/20/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/20/2018

Bill said he was at the bar until 1 am this morning, those are words I never thought I would hear come out of his mouth.

Roger typed in the word lumber on google and the fourth selection was Lumber Sexual, which pretty much describes Toni to a t except he has short (not scruffy) hair right now.
"A 'lumbersexual' or 'urban lumberjack' is a man who has adopted style traits typical of a traditional lumberjack, namely a beard, plaid shirt, and/or scruffy hair, substituting otherwise clean-cut and fashionable style choices."

"I will win." Tim about his change order

CBS is now going to do a remake on "Magnum PI".

Roger is so predictable to Bill with his Kruger (Seinfeld) statements. Bill's been expecting Roger to say something for over a day now and he finally got the comment from him.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/19/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/19/2018

Bill either forgot about Valentines Day or just didn't do enough for his wife because she texted today and wanted a phone number for a good divorce lawyer.

I think Shira over inflated Roger's ego this morning, she told everyone that her favorite man was here (referring to him for some reason).

Toni had to go home because he thought some good looking stud crawled through his bedroom window and was waiting for him in bed because his alarm was tripped. Turns out that was a huge disappointment but he did get to talk to a security guard who asked Nikki about Scientology because her name is Nicole just like Nicole Kidman.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/16/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/16/2018

Happy Birthday Sarah!

On the same note Sarah asked us to forget her birthday next year.

I found out today that Roger has feelings and that he's also very prudish.

Ashley's being a team player today. She said she likes coin and that she'll have relations with some guy who we want work from.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/15/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/15/2018

I told Typhinee that Sarah's birthday wish was for her to come back to work on her birthday but Typhinee decided to be selfish and doesn't want to share her pain or her pain pills with us.

I love that Tim thinks that I moved all of his desktop items just to screw with him. Tim should know that I hate computer issues and that I don't want to fix his so I'm not going to delete all of his files just for the heck of it.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/14/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/14/2018

Apparently none of us are appropriate enough to be able to sign birthday cards at the office. I think Bill's going to ban birthday cards and become the Card Nazi.

Michael tried telling Ashley and me that Studio 54 was all his doing and that he was a really big deal with all of the transvestites.

Why does everyone pick on Toni?

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/13/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/13/2018

Somehow I got blamed for Tim leaving his wallet at the office when he went to lunch today. We're going to need to install some sort of a wallet scanner at the door because with my husband when I double check that he has his wallet I touch his butt and apparently that's just not appropriate to do to my co-workers.

Toni thinks he's an office doll. I think he's confused because I'm pretty sure the guys just use him as their sex doll.

Bill asked me this morning who played in his sand but seriously if you're going to have a white substance on your desk then expect Sarah and Ashley to constantly be checking it out.

 *not to be construed as Gossip

02/12/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/12/2018

John Wayne is definitely cursing Mr. U'nnells today from his grave, he compared John Wayne's acting to Dwayne Johnson's "The Rock".

"It's like she's even not afraid of me." Bill about his wife and her playing in his sand

It was nice to have Tim back today even though he tried to make me work.

Sarah doesn't want to wait for her birthday, she wants us to celebrate it now.

Ashley's going to be jealous of Courtney's and my cardboard egg crate contraption to sit on because of all of the amazing things Courtney says that it will do for the backside. I only use it because it improves my posture but if it starts being a miracle worker I'll quit my job and market them.

*not to be construed as Gossip 

02/09/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/09/2018

A certain someone went home for an early nooner today. Actually she didn't tell me what she went home for so only Bill knows and the odd thing was Bill left shortly after....hmmm.

According to Toni, Typhinee lost a gallon and a half of paint (with the bucket) with her surgery. Toni seems to measure a lot of things by the gallon, for example Nikki's purses.

I think Toni wanted Mr. Woo to take him home today, he fell in love with his car.

I walked back into my office after rummaging through Tim's desk for hotdogs, I noticed on the floor the pen cap that had gone missing and I was super excited  (I had almost put out a lost flyer with a reward for it) and then I looked up and Bill startled me, he was sitting in my chair. I think Bill wanted to sit at my desk and breathe in all of my crazy scents today. Next time Michael's going to have to bring him flowers so that I don't have this problem anymore.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/08/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/08/2018

Steve told us that Cesar had a fight with his girlfriend and that's why he decided to shave everything on his face.

I told Roger that it took me ten years to like him enough to tolerate him and I think he was flattered.

Sarah was clearly on something today she nearly knocked down every display in our showroom. I can't be too hard on her though she had a rough day yesterday trying to figure out why she had to take a tram to someone's house and how scary it was going to be.

Typhinee's daughter texted Roger earlier and said that her surgery went fine which was great to hear.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/07/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/07/2018

Bill was upset that Michael didn't give him flowers like he did for all of the ladies today. What Michael really did was he gave us poisonous plants that smell incredible and he should have put a label on them with "Do Not Eat" and "May cause cancer if you abide by California rules".

Toni thinks that if we win the radio station contest that he'll quit his job. I then informed him that if we do win it's only $500 and on top of it we probably have to share it.

Apparently Sherwin Williams heard that Toni wanted to quit because they tried offering him a job today.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/06/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/06/2018

Steve thought he looked good today and Bill told him he looked as layered as a homeless guy.

Everyone wants Typhinee to call them when she's high after surgery so that they can record her.

Everyone's going to be jealous when Toni and I win cash from the new 94.1 radio station who called and signed us up for their contest. More than likely we'll just get crank phone calls from weird people wanting money.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/05/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/05/2018

Happy Birthday to Bill!

Bill told Toni that he will be a girl for the benefit of being able to celebrate his birthday all month long.

We all need to buy more hardwood from Jon now because I made a complete boo boo. He was talking to me and mentioned that his son was now in college. I clarified only one of them (because he had twin sons). Then he tells me that one of them died three years ago from cancer.

Toni thinks that Andy Gibb was a total babe and that booger sugar took him out.

The dad from "Frasier" died.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/02/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/02/2018

Courtney asked Marty for a favor yesterday. I forgot to mention to her how Marty expects to be repaid for those favors...

"Even though your a b*tch at times it will be nice to have you back (after surgery)" Kellen to Typhinee   I don't want to know what he says about me, probably the same thing that my husband says about me.

Roger better be back on Monday to tell us his crazy stories. On a previous Maui trip he claimed that Kenny G taught his daughter to swim....likely story.

*not to be construed as Gossip

02/01/2018

The Daily Chatter*

02/01/2018

Michael admitted yesterday that women totally confuse him. I couldn't tell if he meant that he's befuddled about women or if women confuse him for being George Clooney?

Steve offered to have one of our guys go and ice Bill's balls today. Bill turned him down thinking that it would just arouse Roxanne and he would ultimately end up in more pain.

Toni sat back in his chair at the PK meeting yesterday and of course it made a horrible noise and broke. Toni mentioned that Tim was doing the exact same thing and Bill got after Toni for breaking the chair. Apparently Bill was trying to tell Toni that he was as fat as a boardinghouse cat (Toni likes cat sayings for some reason or maybe he just likes meowing at people, either way it's queer).

Toni claims that he and Ashley almost got raped on a jobsite today. The only thing that Toni could tell me was that the jobsite was pitch black but I'm pretty sure nobody laid a finger on him and we all know that Ashley would just cuss anyone to death that came near here inappropriately.

*not to be construed as Gossip